


We Seemed Like a Good Idea

by catmig



Category: Glee
Genre: Angst, Drama & Romance, F/F, Friends With Benefits, Friendship, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-17
Updated: 2021-02-18
Packaged: 2021-03-06 01:28:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 105,785
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25961353
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/catmig/pseuds/catmig
Summary: When we remember, by definition, we are putting things back together. It seemed harmless, but she was never more wrong. Brittany remembers and reflects back on the tumultuous two year relationship that her and her best friend, turned friends with benefits, were a part of that led to heartbreak, confusion, pain, and living a chaotic life in Chicago by herself.
Relationships: Santana Lopez/Brittany S. Pierce
Comments: 12
Kudos: 18





	1. Battlefield

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [We Seemed Like a Good Idea](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/668746) by Me!. 



> Author's Note: So I had a shitty situation happen to me over the last two years that involved an intense friendship that turned into more than friends and that led to disaster. I have really wrestled with a lot of it and I thought that writing about some of those events and maybe hashing it out through the Brittana-universe might be helpful. So we'll see. Hopefully more people will wanna go on this little journey with me. Most of this is AU, but I'll be including a lot of Glee characters, just not using them as they are on the show. But we'll see where this fic takes me.  
> Author’s Note 2: So I’m reposting this from FF.net to here. I also had posted this in a different fandom but it always was meant to be Brittana fic.  
> This is dedicated to Naya, and to the real Santana in my life this is based on.

_ It's easy to fall in love _

_ But it's so hard to break somebody's heart _

_ What seemed like a good idea has turned into a battlefield _

_ Once lust has turned to dust and all that's left's held breath _

_ Forgotten who we first met _

_ What seemed like a good idea has turned into a battlefield _

People always say that the past should just stay in the past. It's a hell of a lot easier to move on from something when the past stays far far away. Out of sight out of mind. Any other cliche about moving on you could think of. And wouldn't that be perfect? Wouldn't that be nice if that is how life worked? How convenient would that be: if every single action we made, every single word we spoke, did not come back to haunt us in our present lives. If every single sad break up song didn't make you so very aware of every little crack in your heart currently. Every "what if" doesn't eventually rear its ugly head. Every sound of laughter, touches, stolen glances, winks doesn't creep it's way back into your memory. It all has a way of sneaking right into the present. The past  _ should _ stay in the past. See, by definition, the word "remember" is the opposite of "dismember". When we dismember something, we tear it apart, piece by piece. But when we remember: we are putting things together, putting things back in place. So even though we want to bury our past lives deep in some closet in outer space, sometimes when we remember it's a way of putting things back together.

When your past, and the choices and decisions you made, is what brought you to where you are today…should you really keep it that far away and ignore it? Or should you look at it and remember it...putting everything back together to its rightful place?

/

Brittany could reach into her pocket and hit next on her iPod. That's what she should do. But her iPod is in her winter coat pocket and she has her heavy gloves on: it's too much effort. Sure, that's a good excuse to listen to yet another sad song and getting lost in her thoughts.

She's sitting on the L on her way back to her apartment after class. Brittany has lived in Chicago for six months and it feels like the most she's done is memorize the red line stops on her daily commute. Between graduate school classes, her internship, and her job at the dance studio that helps her pay her rent- her life is pretty much spent going from one job to another on public transit. Brittany likes her time on the L though. It's her chance to do her favorite activity (outside of dance): people watch. She also gets to re-energize and zone out, playing her iPod and drifting off in her head. On the train she doesn't think about grad school, her dance class lesson, or work to do for her internship at the agency.

Every now and then her iPod fails her and will go to one of the many sad songs on her playlists and her mind will drift somewhere very specific. Someone very specific. Instead of hitting next, Brittany leans her head against the window, looking at the city as it passes her by, and lets her mind stay on that someone for a while.

"This is Sheridan." The voice muffled through her headphones announces; Brittany jumps up from her seat and waits for the train doors to open. It's February in Chicago and absolutely freezing. Before she moved here she had only visited the city in the spring time and the summer. It was absolutely gorgeous then. Despite everyone's warnings about the brutal Chicago winters, she never really expected it to be  _ this _ cold. The doors open and immediately she is hit with the chill. She shoves her hands into her pockets and dips her head down to nuzzle her face into her scarf for extra warmth.

It's 6 p.m. and all Brittany can think of, as she takes hurried long strides from the train stop to her apartment, is how excited she is to change into sweatpants and watch Netflix before passing out. It's moments and thoughts like this that Brittany has to remind herself that she is actually 24 years old, and not 42 years old. It's a Friday night for God's sake. But her legs are tired and her brain feels like mush after a long class discussion on mental illness. She wants chips and sweats and a sad movie. Oh, and some tea. That sounds like heaven. A flash of a thought crosses her mind and she wonders what that someone she was thinking about on the train is doing this weekend.  _ Probably something fun. Probably out with friends, like a normal 24 year old. _

As she approaches her block, yet another sad song comes on her iPod. Brittany inhales sharply, from the cold, and the melancholy sound of the piano notes. She hurries up the steps and pulls out her keys, fumbling with them due to her gloves. She eventually gets inside the warm building and is very grateful that she lives on the ground floor. Once in her apartment she kicks off her boots and throws her keys on a nearby table.

All of the lights are off, and she quickly figures that none of her roommates are home. As she makes her way to her small bedroom down the long hallway, she begins to shed her many layers of scarves, hat, and extra sweaters. When she gets to the confines of her own room, she closes the door and collapses on the bed. The music is still playing through her headphones, and she lets the exhaustion wash over her body

/

" _ Please…Please just…I can't lose you in my life. You don't know what you mean to me," Brittany begged in the receiver of her cell phone. Tears running down her phone face, and her nose becoming runny. _

" _ You're not. You're not losing me. I'm your friend." The voice on the other end says quietly, calmly. _

" _ You know that's not what I mean," Brittany finds the strength to say. Her voice still restricted through sobs. _

_ / _

Brittany rolls over and unlocks her cell phone. She opens up the Facebook app and types up a familiar name in the search section. It's almost like her fingers are on autopilot as they type and click the familiar buttons. A face that Brittany knows all too well pops up in the profile picture. There's a new picture that has been uploaded that day, one face sticks out among the familiar group of friends, all happy. Brittany stares at the one face in the middle, trying to commit every feature and detail to memory.

/

_ Hands are entwined with hers, pulling her up the stairs. A huge smile is spread across Brittany's lips as she is frantically being pulled. Once at the top of the staircase she is turned around and pushed into the hallway wall, another pair of lips instantly connected to hers. Hands are on her waist pulling her further into the other body. Brittany wraps her arms around the other girl's neck, never breaking contact. _

" _ Mmm" Brittany manages to get out in between kisses. A tongue pushes against her lips and she immediately grants access. She is backed up down the hall and pushed into her bedroom, the other kisser not even bothering to close the door behind them. _

" _ Your friends are right downstairs," Brittany manages to get out as she is seated at the edge of her bed. A smile is still plastered on her face despite the nervousness of being caught running through her body. _

" _ So?" The other girl in the room is now in Brittany's lap, straddling her, and their lips are back on each other's, hands roaming each others bodies. As the kiss continues, Brittany wonders if she will ever stop smiling like this. _

_ / _

Deep breaths in. Deep breaths out.

Brittany closes out of Facebook on her phone and throws the device down on her bed. There is a familiar ache in her chest and stomach. She raises her hand from her side and that familiar shaky feeling is there. She looks closely at her hands to see if they are actually shaking. When she notices a small tremor she closes them into fists several times to make them stop.

/

" _ So…" Brittany draws out, as her eyes go between the drink in front of her and to the girl across from her at the table. Brittany is nervously wringing her napkin to preoccupy her shaky hands, and possibly dry them from the inevitable sweat that is seeping from them. "What's new?" Her voice comes out more nervous than she intended. _

" _ Nothing really," The response from the other girl is short, disinterested. There's an ache in Brittany's stomach, and when she releases her intense grip on her napkin, she can feel them shaking slightly in her lap. Silence hits the table, and Brittany goes back to staring at the drink in front of her wracking her brain to think of a question, a sentence, anything. Anything to prevent her from losing her grip on this. But she can't. So, instead, she grips as tightly as she can to her napkin again. _

_ / _

Brittany's stomach rumbles and she knows she should make herself something to eat. But she's tired and cooking a whole meal for herself seems silly. Instead she rolls over again and closes her heavy eyes.

/

_ Brittany's stomach hurts from laughing so much. The girl across from her is talking a mile a minute, telling a story about her childhood. The girl's eyes light up and her hands are flying animatedly through the air as she speaks. Brittany isn't even sure what the point of the story is, but both girls are so caught up in their laughter that it doesn't matter. All she was is to spend forever hearing every single story from the girl in front of her, and hearing the sounds of their laughter mixed together. _

_ / _

Brittany reaches for her phone again and opens up her texts. The last message she received was from one of her roommates a few days ago, asking about the broken dishwasher. She opens her recent calls and sees that the only person she has called in a month has been her mom. Pathetic.

/

" _ The funniest thing happened at the school today," Brittany rattles on to the voice on the other end of the phone. She waits for a response before she continues. A few beats pass before she finally gets a distracted response. _

" _ What?" The voice is disinterested. Brittany sighs, frustrated, expecting more excitement. _

" _ Well, if you don't want to hear it…" Brittany trails off, annoyed. _

" _ Brittany." The name is stated so forcefully that it makes Brittany's chest hurt. "Obviously I care. Am I not on the phone with you? Did I not call you today after you told me you wanted to talk? So, yes I care." The sentences are said out of annoyance, and frustration. Brittany can feel her own anger rise. _

" _ Well, you just sound-" She can't get her sentence out, before she is cut off. _

" _ How do I sound? I'm listening. Just tell the story already," there is a loud sigh on the other end of the phone. And Brittany wonders how this is what has become of their conversations, and she can't even remember the story she wanted to tell anymore. _

" _ Forget it," she says dejectedly. _

" _ Fine," the other voice responds, distracted again. "Look, I gotta go. I'll talk to you later." _

" _ Oh, okay…love you." Brittany lets out hopefully, almost pleadingly. _

" _ Bye." _

_ Brittany sees the call is disconnected and she squeezes her phone in her hand before throwing it across the room angrily. _

_ / _

Brittany finally sits up in her bed and decides to change into her sweatpants, something that she has been craving for hours. She pulls her large purple NYU sweatshirt over her head, and her old dance camp sweatpants, feeling extra warm and comfy. She walks out of her bedroom and right into the kitchen; conveniently located right outside of her bedroom. She still doesn't feel like actually cooking something, so she grabs a bag of chips and some salsa, which she pours into a bowl and goes down the hallway toward the living room. She pulls a blanket over her lap, opens up her iPad and thinks about what she wants to watch on Netflix. She cuddles into a pillow next to her, pulling the blankets up as far as they can go to warm herself up.

/

" _ Your feet are cold," Brittany giggles, and the arms around her waist pull her further into them. _

" _ So are yours," the girl's voice from behind Brittany whispers into her ear and nuzzles into her neck. Their legs are intertwined under the blankets. The girl's arms tighten around Brittany and she feels small kisses on her neck. One of the hands wrapped around her waist creeps up slowly up her shirt, sending a shiver down Brittany's spine. The girl's hand rubs small circles on Brittany's skin, just above her hip bone. "Good thing we can warm each other up, right?" The voice husks into Brittany's ear. Brittany squeezes one of the arms around her waist and leans back impossibly closer to the girl behind her. _

_ Brittany sighs, and closes her eyes, feeling that in that moment this is what people mean when they say they are in love. This is that feeling she had been missing out on for all these years. She thought it was some impossible, unreachable goal. But really, it was so easy to fall in love. Especially, with the girl who was holding her so tightly and protectively. _

_ / _

Brittany rolls over on her side, not really paying attention to the Breaking Bad episode she decided to watch. She thought that she would watch a romantic comedy, but right now she wants to watch people kill each other, and do meth. That's what kind of mood she ended up in. Before she knew it the exhaustion of the day finally was taking over and she was drifting off to sleep; a bag of chips on the ground next to her, an iPad in her lap, and hugging a pillow to her as tightly as she could.

/

_ The car ride into the city was quiet. Other than a hug outside of the airport, after Brittany had loaded the other girl's car (which seemed pretty forced to Brittany) there hadn't been much talking in the car. The other girl was driving, and focusing on the roads, not looking in Brittany's direction at all. Meanwhile, Brittany was looking out the window. It was raining and completely grey outside. In the distance she could see bits and pieces of the New York skyline from the turnpike, through the clouds and rain. She felt like she was going to be sick. A few times on the drive she wanted to ask the girl driving to pull over so she could throw up. Instead, she just took deep breaths and looked out the window. 'At least she picked you up from the airport.' Brittany thought to herself, wistfully. _

_ The other girl switched the radio stations and quietly sung along. Brittany glanced back over at her. Everything in her body hurt, just looking at her. She wondered if the other girl was hurting. The other girl seemed so happy, so confident. Brittany quickly realized that the other girl was definitely not hurting as much as she was. She went to go back to looking out her window when her thoughts were interrupted, "So excited to be home for the summer?" _

" _ Yeah," Brittany said quietly, trying to pick her words carefully. "It'll be nice to see some people before I move to Chicago." _

" _ Cool," the other girl said, while nodding. Brittany wasn't sure what she wanted the other girl to say. But she wanted something more than cool. She wanted more than a forced hug at the airport. She wanted anything more than awkward silence in the car. But she wouldn't say that. Instead she let the realization hit her, like a ton of bricks: that this is what they had become. This is what it would be like between the two of them now. _

" _ Yeah, cool," Brittany couldn't help herself from scoffing ever so slightly. She knew the other girl had noticed, but didn't care anymore. She leaned her head against the glass, as the rain trickled down the outside. She closed her eyes and felt a tight compressed pain in her chest. She wanted to open the window and throw up. Sweat was dripping from her hands, and she thought that she was going to start sobbing right on the spot, because it was hard for her to swallow due to the tightening in her chest and throat. _

_ She took a deep breath in and wondered if this is what a break up felt like. Sure, there never was nothing official to break up from, but it definitely felt like something inside of her was breaking, shattering, to bits and pieces. She looked over at the other girl again, eyes on the road, smiling with her dimples at the upbeat song on the radio. Her chest tightened, and she knew, this was what getting her heart broken felt like. Right in this moment. This is what losing everything you ever cared about feels like. _

_ / _

_ Buzz. Buzz. Buzz. _

Brittany sat up at the sound of the buzzing. She looked around her, confused for a second about her surroundings, and the light streaming in through the windows. She fell asleep on the couch and it was now sometime during the next day. She looked around for her phone and realized that she left it in her bedroom at some point.

_ Buzz. Buzz. Buzz. _

The sound was coming from the intercom. Usually it was her roommate's boyfriend that would be outside asking to be let in, or it was one of the neighbors who forgot the key. One time somebody buzzed for Brittany, but it was a Thai food delivery man, so she wasn't sure that entirely counted. Brittany rubbed her eyes, still trying to adjust to the light.

_ Buzz. Buzz. Buzz. _

Usually her roommate's boyfriend would have just called a cell phone by that point, or the neighbors would try a different buzzer. She wasn't even sure if her roommates were even back at this point. They would have at least woken her up when they came home at whatever time they got back.  _ Maybe they'll just go away. _ But her thoughts were interrupted by yet another buzzing at the intercom. "Jesus Christ," Brittany muttered as she jumped up off the couch and went to go hit the intercom button forcefully. She went to go walk back to collect her blankets and go back to sleep in her bedroom and there was a quiet, gentle knocking at the door. Brittany turned around, surprised, but assuming one of her roommates had just forgotten their keys. She walked back toward the door, pulled the hood up on her sweatshirt to cover her bedhead, and unlocked the deadbolt, swinging the door open. Brittany's breathing stopped, and she could feel her heartbeat in every single one of her pulse points. She stared at the sight in front of her: a girl with a tan skinned Latina, hair up in a ponytail, heavy winter jacket on, and clutching a small duffle bag.

/

" _ Okay Britt, she should be here any minute," her friend said excitedly, as they sat in the New York Starbucks. "I think you two will really get along." Brittany just nodded, looking around the coffee shop, people watching the local New Yorkers. She was a little nervous, as she was meeting her future roommate today. It felt like a blind date, since her friend was orchestrating the whole thing, and the thought of that made Brittany laugh a little to herself. Brittany and her friend needed another roommate for their loft, and her friend found someone through her school. Brittany trusted her friend, so she knew she shouldn't be nervous, but she still was. People watching had always calmed her down, so she just looked around at the people reading, talking on their cell phones, and a pair of old friends at a table catching up with each other. "Oh, Britt!" Her friend exclaimed, snapping her from her people watching. "She just walked in!" Brittany turned her head from her friend and saw a short Latina girl, with long hair, wearing a v-neck and jeans stroll into the Starbucks. Brittany stood up and wiped her sweaty palms on her jeans hurriedly. The Latina girl approached the table once she spotted Brittany's friend and the two hugged briefly. Their mutual friend then stepped aside, and Brittany held out her friend. _

" _ Hey, I'm Brittany," she said politely, holding out her hand. _

" _ Hey," the Latina took her hand and smiled warmly at her. Her dimples showing as she smiled. "I'm Santana." _

_ / _

Brittany continued to stare at the girl in front of her. A familiar feeling of nausea seeped into her stomach, and she briefly thought she was going to throw up right on the spot. The other girl held her gaze though, and the two just stared at each other. Brittany inhaled sharply, realizing she had forgotten to breathe after she opened the door. The two continued to stare at each other, and Brittany was unsure of how long they had been standing at her doorway. Finally, just above a whisper, she was able to get out one word.

"Santana?"


	2. The Scientist

_Oh take me back to the start…_

2 and a half years earlier…

August 2011

Brittany and her high school best friend, Rachel, were walking together, arm in arm, down the crowded New York City streets on a gorgeous summer day. Brittany and Rachel had moved in together into a loft in Brooklyn starting their senior year. However, once their third roommate, Kurt, got an increase in his income and decided to move out; the two girls were left to their own defenses trying to find someone to take over. Brittany, Rachel, and Kurt all went to the same high school and were all close friends. When they all decided to go to college in New York they were thrilled that they could hang out all the time. Of course it wasn't always that easy. Kurt and Rachel both went to NYADA, but had different groups of friends and interests so they didn't always see each other all the time. Meanwhile, Brittany went to school at NYU where she was studying Sociology, but always finding time to dance on the side. Brittany met an entirely different cast of characters at school, and loved every minute of it, becoming quite the social butterfly. Despite their differing schedules, and different friend groups, the trio always made time for each other. Brittany would always invite Kurt and Rachel to NYU parties and vice versa. They made friends with each other's school friends, and supported each other through four years of crazy college life.

After three years of dorm life and weird roommate experiences, the three decided to all move in together. Brooklyn wasn't exactly ideal for any of them, given the distance from their schools, but it was a trendy neighborhood and cheap. They all were already really close, and were worried that living together might ruin their friendship. The opposite was true. They ended up getting even closer than they started. When they all graduated from their respective programs there was a fear of what the future would bring. Rachel was going to be definitely staying in the city to pursue her Broadway dreams, Kurt wanted to stay as well, but wasn't sure what field he would be getting into, and Brittany was the wild card. She loved New York, but still wanted to see the rest of the world. She also wasn't sure what exactly she wanted to do with her life. She majored in Sociology and loved her classes so much, but she wasn't sure what she could exactly do with her degree. When graduation rolled around, she decided she would take a year off, working at dance studios and restaurants to make ends meet, and then decide what she actually wanted to do with her life. Towards the end of the summer Kurt decided that, although he loved his lady friends to death, he wanted to find his own place and get some privacy for a change. This decision may or may not have something to do with the fiftieth conversation on menstrual cycles that he had to sit through. Even though he is gay, he did think that even he had his limits on female conversation topics.

That has led the girls to this: finding a new roommate. It took a lot of time and energy from both Brittany and Rachel to check with all of their respective friends from college and co-workers on if anyone was looking for a place. Finally, Rachel received an email from a girl in one of her classes at NYADA that she had gotten to know a little bit over the last few years. Rachel spoke highly of her talent, which says something coming from Rachel, so Brittany agreed to meet her and see if she would be cool with having her replace Kurt. Brittany was pretty desperate to find someone at this point, so she didn't fully care. She always managed to get along with anyone she met anyway, but she also knew that she, Kurt, and Rachel had had a great dynamic and that this new situation would be completely different. She also knew some of Kurt and Rachel's classmates, and while she thought they all were nice enough, and enjoyed the company of several of them, they were a different breed of weird. However, the way that Rachel went on about this girl that they were meeting was different. She didn't seem like a stereotypical NYADA student, and, once again, Brittany and Rachel were getting pretty desperate at this point. As long as she wasn't the Craigslist killer, Brittany would be happy.

"So which Starbucks are we meeting at?" Brittany asked as Rachel led them down another street, still arm and arm.

"The one on Columbus," Rachel said as she looked both ways before crossing the street. They were jaywalking, but both girls quickly discovered that that was what real New Yorkers did.

"There's like 5 on Columbus," Brittany said rolling her eyes. Rachel just sighed and pulled her down Columbus. They passed three different Starbucks' as they walked down the street and Brittany was amusing herself as they passed each one asking "Is this the one?" "What about this one?" Rachel just rolled her eyes each time, but did manage to chuckle whenever they passed a Starbucks, finding the stereotype of a Starbucks on every corner in Manhattan quite true.

Finally, they arrived at their destination and they found a table in the corner of the coffee shop. "Why did we have to come all the way to Manhattan anyway?" Brittany asked as she sat at the table, and Rachel took a seat across from.

"You certainly are whiney today," Rachel commented as she pulled out her phone from her purse. Brittany went to defend herself, but Rachel continued. "We're early. She said she'd be here at 1:30; we have a few minutes to kill. Do you want something to drink?"

"Are you buying?" Brittany asked raising her eyebrows.

"Yeah, what do you want?" Rachel said, standing up and grabbing her wallet from her purse.

"My usual," Brittany said smiling. Rachel laughed a little bit as she started to walk away. "And I'm not whiney!" Brittany called after her.

"Now you're not!" Rachel called over her shoulder, as she headed to the register. Brittany laughed, and pulled her phone out of her pocket looking through her different Facebook and Twitter feeds idly. A few minutes later her venti iced latte was placed in front of her, and she instantly smiled and took it into her hands happily.

"Thanks Rachel, you're the best," she said taking a sip and sighing in content.

"I know," Rachel laughed, and took her seat again. A comfortable silence fell over the pair. That was the thing with being friends with someone as long as they had. They didn't need to always be making small chat. Rachel was quite the talker, and Brittany was really sociable, but when they were together they didn't always feel the need to talk nonstop. "Kurt just texted me," Rachel looked up from her phone and showed it to Brittany.

 **Kurt:** Are my fav ladies still up for going to that new beer garden this weekend?

"Yes!" Brittany exclaimed when she read it. Rachel took her phone back and texted the reply. "I miss Kurt," Brittany said with a pout.

"We just had him over for dinner two nights ago," Rachel laughed.

"I know, but it's not the same," Brittany sighed, and Rachel nodded in agreement. "New-Kurt better be cool with us talking about him all the time and still having him all the time."

"Maybe you shouldn't call her 'New-Kurt'. That might help the situation a little bit," Rachel said with a smile and taking a sip of her drink.

"She's got big, flamboyant shoes to fill," Brittany responded. "Just saying." Rachel chuckled a little bit, and went back to her phone. Brittany put her phone down and looked out the window, at all the people walking on the street. There were all kinds of people out today since it was such a beautiful summer day.

"Okay Britt, she should be here any minute," Rachel said excitedly. "I think you two will really get along." Brittany just nodded, looking around the coffee shop, people watching the local New Yorkers. She was a little nervous, for some reason. It felt like a blind date, a weird, Rachel-orchestrated third wheel date. People watching had always calmed Brittany down, so she just looked around at the people reading, talking on their cell phones, and a pair of old friends at a table catching up with each other. "Oh, Britt!" Rachel exclaimed, snapping her from her people watching, and Rachel turning to face the door. "She just walked in!" Brittany turned her head from her friend and saw a short Latina girl, with long hair, wearing a v-neck and jeans stroll into the Starbucks. Brittany stood up and wiped her sweaty palms on her jeans hurriedly. The Latina girl approached the table once she spotted Rachel and the two hugged briefly, saying a quick hi to each other. Rachel then stepped aside, and Brittany held out her hand to the other girl.

"Hey, I'm Brittany," she said politely, holding out her hand.

"Hey," the Latina took her hand and smiled warmly at her. Her dimples showing as she smiled. "I'm Santana."

"Super nice to meet you!" Brittany said with a smile back. _Super nice? Who says that? Great first impression._ Rachel rolled her eyes a little bit, used to Brittany's tendencies to say weird things at weird times. Santana just laughed and smiled at Brittany.

"Super nice to meet you too," She laughed. "Rachel has told me a lot about you." Brittany immediately shot Rachel a look, and she just shrugged in return. The three then took their seats. Brittany, now a lot less nervous, took a moment to take in Santana. She was really pretty. Her skin had the dark complexion, but she also had a little bit of a summer glow. She was just wearing jeans and a v-neck, but she pulled it off effortlessly. She had warmth in her brown eyes that almost made them twinkle a little bit when she smiled. She also had dimples. Brittany always loved people with dimples; she thought it was the cutest thing in the world. Finally, Brittany realized she had probably been staring, and had no idea what Santana and Rachel were talking about so she tried to focus and see what they were talking about. "Yeah that class was killer for me too," Santana said nodding to Rachel. _Oh phew, just NYADA._ "So what do you do Brittany?" Santana asked turning her attention to Brittany.

"Uhmm," Brittany hesitated, not sure why the question caught her off guard. "Well, right now I'm just teaching some dance classes at a studio in Brooklyn."

"Rachel told me you danced! I'm jealous, I could probably use your help," she laughed.

"She's being modest," Rachel interjected. "You move a lot better than me, I'm sure." Brittany just laughed along.

"Well, if you ever need to, you can always come by my studio," Brittany went on. "I help Rachel out all the time." Rachel rolled her eyes in response.

"Not all the time," Rachel said quietly. Santana just laughed at the pair.

"Maybe I'll take you up on that," Santana said. "What kind of dance do you teach?"

"Little bit of everything," Brittany said, taking a sip of her latte. "Hip-hop, contemporary. Whatever they need me to do."

"Is that what you want to do?" Santana asked, genuinely interested. "Like, career wise?" Rachel raised her eyes at Brittany; knowing that she gets asked this question all the time and sometimes she just ignores the question all together, as she doesn't like to think too much about her future.

"Nah," Brittany shook her head. "Professional dancing is pretty killer on the body. Don't get me wrong I love dancing," Brittany added the last part quickly. "I just want something a little different for myself. Not sure what yet." Brittany shrugged. Santana nodded understanding.

"That's really cool though. No rush to figure your life out just yet," Santana smiled warmly at her. Brittany smiled back, a little shyly and could feel herself brighten up. She usually stressed out easily when thinking about her future, especially after she graduated. Usually, people wanted a definite answer with what exactly she was doing with her life. It was nice to meet someone who was understanding about it and not adding any additional pressure.

"So what do you do?" Brittany asked. Santana laughed a little bit and ran a hand through her hair.

"Still figuring that out as well," she said. "Currently just waitressing," she shrugged a little bit, and Rachel nodded sympathetically. "Hopefully going to get some performing gigs soon. We'll see. No rush to do much of anything."

"So you're a singer?" Brittany asked, and Rachel nodded.

"She's super good." Santana immediately blushed and fidgeted with her hands that were folded on the table.

"I don't suck," Santana laughed, but didn't add anything else.

"I'm sure you're great," Brittany added cheerily. "Rachel's praise doesn't come often," she laughed. Rachel just scoffed across the table.

"I just am honest with my criticism," she stated. "Anyway…" Rachel dragged out as she tried to change the subject. "Brittany and I are basically just looking for someone to take over the lease for our old roommate, Kurt." Brittany nodded along with Rachel, and Santana followed along. "We're pretty desperate, and I know you said you really needed a place as soon as possible, right?"

"Yeah," Santana nodded. "The current lease on my place is up this weekend, and I don't really want to have to move all of my stuff into my friend's place, while I'm couch surfing, to only have to move again." Brittany and Rachel nodded.

"Understandable," Brittany said while nodding a taking a long sip of her latte. She was never very good at logistical stuff, so she knew to just let Rachel take the lead on all of that.

"Well, I wanted Britt to meet you first, before I gave you a yes or anything," Rachel said. "But if you want to check the place out sometime tomorrow, before this weekend. That way you can see if you even like it."

"You'll love it," Brittany interjected, and Santana turned a smiled at her. "Not to brag, but our place is pretty awesome." Santana just smiled at her before Rachel got her attention again.

"It is," Rachel agreed. "But you should still take a look before you make a decision." Santana nodded in agreement.

"Yeah, that would be smart," She said with a small laugh. "I'm free tomorrow night after my shift, if that works for you guys?" Santana looked between Brittany and Rachel.

"I'll be at the theater," Rachel sighed. She was in an off-off Broadway production and they had a performance that night. Rachel wasn't exactly thrilled about the show, but she would take anything at this point. "But Britt, you're not working tomorrow, right?" Brittany's head shot up from her drink, and she swallowed quickly, shaking her head, coughing a little bit as she choked a bit on her latte. Santana laughed a little bit at the choke.

"No, I'm free," Brittany finally got out. "You can come by whenever." Brittany smiled at her and was a little bit excited. Santana was really easy to talk to, and she felt so relaxed around her, she couldn't help but feel relieved that she already was getting along with her future roommate. Well, possible future roommate.

"Great!" Santana said happily. "I'll stop by tomorrow then!"

The three sat there together for a little while longer, all making some small talk, and getting to know each other a little bit more. Rachel and Santana talked about some of their classmates that they both knew, finding out what everyone was up to since graduation. Brittany usually got easily bored with NYADA gossip, but Santana had funny little comments about a lot of the people, and it kept her really amused with the conversation. "Donkey Face, what a douche that guy was," she said at one point, causing both Rachel and Brittany to burst out laughing at the description. Eventually, they all decided to head out. Rachel gave Santana a big hug.

"I hope you like the place when you see it tomorrow," Rachel said excitedly. "I think you'd fit right in with me and Britt," she said glancing over to Brittany, who nodded along. Santana then opened her arms to Brittany for a hug, and Brittany gladly accepted giving her a small hug, immediately taking in just how nice Santana smelled. She never really noticed other people's scent before, but Santana smelled great. Suddenly realizing that was a little creepy she pulled back from the hug, and Santana smiled at her.

"Well, I'll see you tomorrow Britt," she said pulling her purse over her shoulder. Brittany smiled at the fact that Santana started using her nickname already. She couldn't help but think that it sounded so natural coming from Santana's mouth.

"Definitely," Brittany responded. "I can't wait!" The trio pushed their chairs in and all headed outside. Santana started heading in the opposite direction of Brittany and Rachel and she waved to them as she turned around the corner.

"Soooo…" Rachel said, linking her arms with Brittany as they started to walk back to the subway. "How did you like 'New-Kurt'?" Brittany laughed at the name she used earlier. "Will she be able to fill his flamboyant shoes?"

"Never," Brittany stated and Rachel looked up a little confused. Brittany finally went on after a dramatic pause, "No one could pull off his style." Rachel laughed, and then Brittany continued. "I think she'd make a good New-Kurt."

/

The next night Brittany was lying on her couch watching an episode of Gilmore Girls, when her phone started ringing. She picked up her phone and smiled when she saw the name on the screen: **Santana**.

"Hello?" she answered.

"Hey Brittany it's Santana."

"Hey there," Brittany answered happily.

"I think I'm outside your place."

"Oh, great!" Brittany jumped up from the couch and hit pause on the remote. "I'll buzz you in. We're on the 5th floor." She then went over to the intercom and hit the buzzer to let Santana in.

"Great, thanks. I'll see you in a bit!" Santana then hung up. Brittany turned around to look at the state of her apartment. Rachel made sure she cleaned everything up to make sure it was presentable before she left for the theater. Seeing everything looked tidy, she then ran a finger through her blonde hair to fix it up a bit. She then walked to her door and opened it up peering around the corner and waiting for the elevator to show up. She heard the ding a minute later and she stepped out of her apartment and leaned against the wall. Santana stepped out of the elevator and Brittany's breath hitched immediately. She had on a short black pencil skirt, and a black short sleeved blouse. Her legs were extremely toned, and the heels she was wearing accentuated the whole outfit. _Woah_. "Hey!" Santana exclaimed as she spotted Brittany and started walking towards her. Brittany cleared her throat and stood up straight.

"Hey!" Brittany smiled and gave Santana a quick hug, thankful that the Latina appeared to be a hugger as well. "Did you have a hot date or something?" Brittany asked, raising her eyebrows, giving Santana the once over when she pulled away. Santana laughed and ducked her head, a little embarrassed.

"I wish," she sighed, tucking some hair behind her ear. "No, just got off of work. Fancy restaurant." Brittany nodded her head and then invited her inside to the apartment, holding the door open for her.

"Fancy waitresses first, madam," she said jokingly as she held the door. Santana laughed and stepped inside the apartment.

"Oh my God!" Santana immediately exclaimed.

"Yeah, it's pretty nice."

"Is that Gilmore Girls?!" Santana responded. Brittany laughed; impressed that Santana could pick that out right away, and didn't even say anything about the large loft.

"It is, that is my exciting Thursday night date," Brittany said with a small laugh. Santana was beaming.

"That is like, my favorite show, you don't even understand." Santana was totally geeking out, and Brittany loved it. "I don't even need to see the rest of the place, I'm done," she laughed. Then turned to finally look at the large loft. Other than the kitchen, everything was huge. Rachel, Kurt, and Brittany lucked out and got a huge a two story loft. The second story was just two bedrooms, Brittany's and Kurt's now empty bedroom, and a tiny full bathroom. Downstairs was the living room, which was huge, a small kitchen, Rachel's bedroom, and another bathroom. Rachel had enough clothing and all around crap, that Brittany and Kurt didn't put up a fight at all and let her take the bigger downstairs bedroom. Brittany started to show Santana around, while Santana just took every little detail in.

"Obviously, we have a huge DVD collection," Brittany said motioning to the cabinet next to the TV. "Including, all seasons of Gilmore Girls," she added quickly and Santana excitedly smiled back at her. She then briefly showed her Rachel's space, and then headed upstairs to show her Kurt's room. "So this would be your room, and the bathroom is right down the hall." The hallway was small, just enough to get between the bathroom, and the two bedrooms, but it was still nice to have a little privacy upstairs. Brittany and Kurt used to enjoy their times on the second floor. The two headed into Kurt's old room, and Brittany felt a little sad, seeing it so empty. Santana walked in and looked around, while Brittany just leaned against the door frame. Santana walked to the window and noticed that it just looked out onto a brick wall. "Yeah," Brittany added noticing Santana's slight disappointment. "Not much of a view. But downstairs has a lot of windows with a nice street view. And my window has the fire escape." Santana turned around and nodded, smiling.

"Can I see your room?" Santana asked innocently, quirking an eyebrow. Brittany stood up straight, internally trying to figure out if she left any gross underwear lying out on the floor.

"Yeah, of course," she stammered out eventually, heading out down the hallway to her room, Santana closely behind. "It's a little messy."

"Judge free zone," Santana held her hands up defensively. Brittany opened up her door, and let out a sigh of relief, thankful it was a lot cleaner than she thought it was. She stepped inside and Santana looked around. "It's very you," Santana said quietly looking at the pictures on the wall, with different inspiring quotes, and pictures of her friends and family. Brittany put her hands inside her jean pockets and leaned against the wall, not knowing whether to say anything response so she just shrugged her shoulders. Santana then faced Brittany with a smile on her face. "This place is seriously amazing. I don't know why Rachel thought I should see it before I decided." Brittany laughed and nodded, knowing very well how lucky they were to nab a great apartment.

"You never know," she drawled out. "Me and Rach could be total psychos," she said with a shrug of her shoulders.

"Oh, I'm sure," Santana nodded seriously. "You hide the bodies in the floor boards?" Brittany quickly played along.

"No, we grind them up Sweeney Todd style," Brittany deadpanned.

"Obviously, Rachel Berry lives here," Santana just nodded, still not breaking and laughing. "I shouldn't have even asked." The pair locked eyes and finally laughed. Brittany nodded towards the door and the pair left her bedroom and started to head downstairs.

"Do you want anything to eat or drink?" Brittany asked heading to the kitchen to grab herself a glass of water. Santana shook her head and leaned against the kitchen counter.

"I get too much free food at work," she responded as Brittany grabbed a glass from the cupboard and got some water from the tap. "So...not trying to be forward or anything," Brittany got nervous and swallowed her water, waiting for Santana to finish her sentence. The Latina was looking down at her hands, nervously. "But…" Santana still wasn't making eye contact. "Can I move in?" She blurted out quickly. Brittany had been holding her breath, and she quickly laughed.

"Jesus, I thought you were going to bring up murdering me or something," she said holding her hand over her heart, dramatically. "I thought that was obvious," she responded. "Yes, you can move in!" She said happily. Santana looked up from her hands and beamed and ran right into Brittany, pulling her into a tight hug.

"Thank you!" She said, still hugging Brittany. "I promise I'm not a murderer," she giggled, causing Brittany to laugh as well.

"Thank God for that," Brittany said still laughing. When they finally broke the hug, Santana smoothed out her skirt and blouse and then smiled at Brittany, so excited.

"I should probably let you get back to your Gilmore Girls date night," Santana laughed, nodding her head toward the TV in the living room. Brittany blushed a little, hoping her night didn't seem too pathetic.

"Well…I could always use a little company to commentate on the episode if you'd like," Brittany asked a little shyly, surprised by her boldness. Santana looked up, surprised, but with a huge smile on her face.

"Really?"

"Yeah, if you're not busy I have like two episodes left in season four," Brittany shrugged. Santana suddenly got really excited.

"Oh my God! I have to stay to watch Luke and Lorelai make out!" She said excitedly and started heading over to the couch. Brittany laughed, grabbed her glass of water. _This is really going to work out._

/

An episode and a half later of Gilmore Girls, Brittany and Santana were sitting on the couch, side by side with a blanket thrown over their laps. The two talked through each episode, both having seen each episode several times. Every now and then would make ridiculous comments about the outfits the characters were wearing, that would make Brittany break out into a fit of giggles. Santana then went on a solid twenty minute rant about how Rory Gilmore is the worst, which led to a heated debate between the two, but ended in them both laughing at each other. Brittany noticed that Santana was leaning into her side a little bit more, and Brittany glanced to the side to see that she was staring at the screen intently, as it was a serious scene. Brittany smiled a little bit at how serious Santana looked, and then sighed out, leaning further into the couch. She was really happy Santana was so comfortable around her already.

When the episode ended, Brittany grabbed the remote from the coffee table and turned the DVD player off. She then turned and smiled at Santana. "Man," Santana sighed out. "That episode never gets old." Brittany nodded, and Santana let out a yawn and stretched her arms over her head. "I should probably get going," she said while sliding out of the blanket and standing up, smoothing out her skirt once again.

"Yeah you gotta get packing," Brittany noted with a smirk on her face. Santana looked down and smirked back. Brittany stretched out her legs and stood up, walking with Santana to the door. Brittany had this funny, warm feeling in her stomach. Tonight had just been really great, and she couldn't wait for Santana to move in. "So I'll see you this weekend?" Santana smiled and nodded.

"Yeah, if it's cool with you and Rachel I'd like to move in Saturday?"

"Of course," Brittany responded happily. "Rachel and I were going to be meeting Kurt that night for drinks. We could turn it into a celebratory event!" She was suddenly really excited at the idea. Santana smiled at her and nodded her head.

"That'd be awesome," she stated. She then opened the door, before turning around and engulfing Brittany in another hug. "I'm really happy I get to be your new roommate," she whispered, while hugging her. Brittany felt a whole lot of warm fuzzies and squeezed Santana tighter.

"Me too."

Santana pulled back from the hug, "I'll text you and Rachel with details about this weekend."

"Sounds good. Have a good night!" Santana nodded and wished Brittany the same, smiling back at her, and then headed out to the hallway.

Brittany shut the door and smiled to herself looking around at the apartment, knowing immediately that she and Santana would become really good friends, and that this new living situation would work out for everyone involved.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song by Coldplay


	3. Ways to Go

_(Oh I got a little bit longer) I got a ways to go_

After everything was decided and finalized that Santana would move in with Rachel and Brittany, the week went by at a rapid speed. Santana stopped by to sign the lease and drop off her deposit and the first month's rent, and before anyone could believe it, it was Saturday morning and Santana was moving. It was a chaotic string of events, considering the apartment was on the 5th floor and there was only one elevator for the whole building. Santana had rented a U-Haul truck to move from her current place, and Brittany had wasted a solid twenty minutes when she first pulled out making jokes about Santana being a truck driver, and asking if she had a walkie talkie, and what _really_ goes down at truck stops. Rachel kept rolling her eyes, stifling laughs, while Santana played right along. They then got right to work, creating an assembly line of sorts with Brittany unloading the truck passing to Rachel, Rachel bringing whatever she could fit on a dolly to the elevator then Santana unloading everything into the apartment. Despite protests from Santana that she could do it on her own, Rachel and Brittany insisted on helping out their new roommate. Unfortunately, about halfway through the moving process, Rachel had to leave for another rehearsal. "That seems conveniently timed, Rach," Brittany sighed, take a long drink from her water bottle and wiping her sweaty brow. Rachel helped Brittany down from the back of the U-Haul.

"I told you I would have to leave!" Rachel got defensive, and took the water bottle from Brittany's hands, taking a long sip herself, wiping some sweat off her face as well. "I have to shower, I feel ridiculously gross."

"Yeah, it's 500 degrees in that truck," Brittany leans against the truck and lets out a heavy sigh. Rachel peers into the truck.

"Well, at least there's not a whole lot left?" She offers, with a hint of optimism. Brittany raises her eyebrows at her.

"All the heaviest shit is in the back." She replies tiredly, and then goes to stretch her arms across her chest. Rachel gives her a shoulder a little squeeze before turning to head into the apartment. Brittany then turns to face the truck again, puts her water bottle down and climbs back in. After a few minutes she has managed to put everything toward the back of the truck to be able to reach things from the street, to load onto the dolly. She then piled the dolly up and pushed it into the apartment and waited for the elevator. When it came down Rachel was inside, completely dressed up, with makeup on, and totally put together. "Jeez, that was quick," Brittany laughs as she switches places with Rachel in the elevator with all of Santana's stuff.

"I have my routine down," Rachel states matter of factly with a smile. "I'll see you tonight at the bar?"

"Yep, I already told Kurt that Santana's joining in and he changed the reservation."

"Great," Rachel then looks at Brittany sympathetically. "Sorry I have to leave, again."

"No you're not," Brittany laughs.

"True."

"Good luck at rehearsal!" She waves off Rachel as the doors to the elevator close. When she gets to the 5th floor she rolls the dolly toward her apartment and Santana swings the door open.

"Hey Britt!" She exclaims quickly helping Brittany. "I just was coming down to help you out." She helps Brittany take the items off of the dolly. "I figure I'll go down to the truck and help you out since Rachel left. The trucks gotta be almost empty, right?" She asks hopefully.

"Yeah, it should only be a few more trips. Did you get everything in your room so far?"

"Yeah," Santana nods, glancing up to her bedroom. "I still have to set everything up, but it's all in there." Brittany nods and gives her an assuring smile.

"Alrighties, let's get this done," Brittany stuck her fist out and Santana immediately bumped it.

"Let's do this."

About twenty minutes later the truck was officially empty and everything that Santana had was dumped in their apartment. They left the truck parked outside, and Santana would drive it back the next day since she had it for the whole weekend. The whole process wasn't as painful as they thought it would be after Rachel left, but the second they dropped the last load off both collapsed onto the couch. "Everything feels like jello," Brittany said exhaustedly. Santana just groaned in response, and Brittany felt her body melting into the couch next to her.

"I'm never forgiving Quinn for this," Santana finally said after a few seconds of the two sitting there in silence, letting exhaustion wash over them.

"Who's Quinn?" Brittany asked turning her head slightly to look at Santana who was rubbing her temple slightly.

"A friend from," she said. "She moved here from my hometown for college too." Santana then glanced over at Brittany. "I asked her to help, but she said she was busy," Santana had a hint of annoyance in her tone.

"Maybe she actually was busy?" Brittany offered and Santana just laughed.

"Oh, once you meet Quinn, you'll see why I don't believe that. She probably didn't want to break a nail." Brittany just nodded and was going to make a witty response when Santana's phone in her pocket started ringing. She pulled it out and Brittany could see _Mom_ flashing on the screen. "Better answer this." Santana stood up quickly and started walking toward the kitchen. "Hello? Yeah I got everything in…No, not yet." Brittany just lay out on the kitchen, trying not to eavesdrop too much. "No, Mom. No it's fine…" Brittany wasn't looking at Santana from the couch, but she could tell she was frustrated on the phone. "Yes, I will….I don't know…Okay…" Santana let out very loud exasperated sigh, and Brittany looked over the back of the couch at Santana and raised her eyebrows. Santana just shook her and rolled her eyes. She held the phone away from her face. "I swear, she calls and doesn't even need me to talk to have a conversation."

Brittany laughed, "Can she hear you?"

"Who knows? She's going on some rant about sheets," Santana sighed. She then put the phone back to her face. "Okay Mom, that's cool. I should get going though…No, you don't need to put Dad on. I'll call later…Okay…Bye…Yes, I will…Bye…No. I'll call later…Yeah. Bye." She quickly hung up and stuffed the phone in her pocket, while Brittany was laughing out loud at her. "What?"

"Does it normally take you 10 minutes to say bye to your parents?" she asked, still laughing slightly.

"You have no idea," Santana sighed frustrated again. "They are part of the reason that I live here, and not in Ohio."

"I forgot you're from Ohio too. Cincy, right?" Santana just nods, clearly on the same page as Brittany when it comes to the distaste for her home state. It's not that she hates it, she just always promised herself that she would never end up living in the state of Ohio forever. It was prime motivation for her to leave when she got into NYU. She looks at Santana thoughtfully, wondering if, maybe, she was running away and hiding out in the city as well; with some irrational fear that she would end up in Ohio for the rest of her life, working at a grocery store, never leaving.

"You alright there?" Santana asks, and snaps Brittany out of her thoughts.

"Yeah, spaced out," Brittany shot Santana a wide grin, as another thought came to her. "Why don't we take a break from all the heavy lifting and go for a walk?" Santana smiled at her, but looked a little skeptical.

"You mean replace exercise with more exercise?" She asked sarcastically. Brittany playfully shoved her shoulder.

"No..." Brittany drawled out, and then shot Santana an innocent, shy look. "There's a small park a block or so away, I want to show it to you. It's my de-stress place." Brittany looks at her hands, not making eye contact out of nervousness. "Then we can get a bite to eat on the way back," she continues.

"That sounds great, Britt," Santana replied with a large smile on her face.

/

On the way to the park the pair joked around a fair amount, playfully shoving each other, laughing at random things they saw around their neighborhood, and telling short little stories; still getting to know each other a little better. Brittany looked over at Santana on several occasions, taking in her appearance up close for the first time since their first encounter. As they walk the few blocks to the park she notices for the first time that she is a few inches taller than Santana. Something about the way Santana carries herself, and her confidence made her seem taller, but she uses the height to her advantage as she continues to playfully shove the other girl's shoulder; trying to make Santana walk into things or other pedestrians on the street.

After a short walk, they arrive at the park and Brittany immediately feels herself relax and takes a deep breath in, feeling happy. She can feel Santana staring at her but she doesn't care. This is her happy place. She loves city life, but there is something about grass, and trees, and bodies of water…it's all so perfect. She grabs Santana's arm and drags the girl to a small clearing of grass that looks over the pond, has a little bit of shade, but also some sunshine and sits down immediately. At first Santana just stares down at Brittany as she lays in the grass, stretching out. Brittany's eyes are closed, but she knows Santana hasn't sat down yet and she peeks her eyes open, squinting, because the sun is right in her vision, "What too much of a princess to lie in the grass?"

"What?" Santana scoffs, and immediately sits down next to Brittany. "I just wasn't sure what we were doing." Brittany puts a hand to her forehead to shade the sun out of her eyes and rolls her head to look at Santana, giving her a confused look. "Like if there was some type of park activity we were going to do," Santana continues trying to explain herself. "Like something we're supposed to do." Brittany continues to not answer, letting the Latina bury herself deeper in the awkward hole she is digging for herself. She just raises an eyebrow at Santana, a smile creeping to her face, until she can't take Santana's ramblings anymore.

"A park activity?" Brittany asks, clearly amused. Santana just rolls her eyes.

"You know what I mean."

"Do you know how a park works?" Brittany laughs. "You know there aren't rules…unless you were wanting to get naked or something, that's probably not allowed." Santana picks up a clump of grass she was playing with and throws it at Brittany's face.

"Smart ass," Santana sighs out, going back to picking at the grass. "I don't do parks. I don't know." Brittany decides to keep up with her smart ass ways though.

"How does one 'do parks', San?" Brittany asks, sitting up on her elbows, trying really hard to suppress a smile. She finally sees a smile sneak onto Santana's face.

"Shut up," Santana laughs. "Forget I said anything. Clearly I know nothing about parks."

"Clearly," Brittany laughs back. "I just thought we could lay out in the sun for a little bit. Enjoy the quiet." Just as she says quiet a large truck drives down the street honking at some cab several times.

"You were saying?" Santana says smugly, with a grin on her face. Brittany grabs a clump of grass and throws it at Santana.

"Smart ass."

They both lie in the grass for a little while in silence. Brittany just looks over at the pond, watching birds fly around, and a few ducks swimming around. She's not sure what Santana is looking at, but when she glances over at the Latina she sees her chest rise and fall slightly, and she wonders if Santana fell asleep. Just as she's about to close her own eyes Santana's head to turns to face her and brown eyes are staring right back into her blue ones. "Your eyes are super blue," Santana whispers with a smile on her face. For her life, people have always complimented Brittany about her eyes. She should be used to it, but it still makes her blush.

"Your eyes are super brown," she whispers back to Santana, who also blushes slightly. Brittany takes this time to poke Santana's cheek, and the Latina scrunches up her face, but smiles back at her. "So you sing?" She asks, curious to hear about Santana's time at NYADA and what kind of performer she is. After living with Kurt and Rachel, she feels like she knows all about that whole world. Santana looks back up at the sky and sighs a little bit. Immediately Brittany gets self-conscious, wondering if this is some topic she shouldn't be approaching with Santana. "I mean, I know Rachel said you did. I just wanted to know what type of music or whatever…" she trails off. Santana rolls her head back to Brittany and offers a smile of assurance.

"Oh, I know. Just get asked that a lot. It's like when people ask what your favorite movie is, you know?" Santana says, while she rolls over on her side to fully face Brittany. "There are too many good ones to pick from." Brittany looks over and smiles at her as she continues. "I like a little bit of everything," she looks down, and begins to absentmindedly pick grass, while Brittany twirls a dandelion between her fingers as she listens on. "I love to listen to hip hop, but I also love some indie bands, and old school boy bands."

"Obviously," Brittany adds.

"Obvi," Santana laughs. "And anything Beyonce has her hand in."

"Once again…"

"Obviously," Santana finishes for her right away, and they both grin at each other. "As for singing, it really depends. I love jazz, and some old school classics. Little Etta James, Tina Turner, Whitney. My voice works well for a lot of Amy Winehouse's stuff. Just depends," she shrugs at the end of her sentence. Brittany tries to imagine Santana singing an Amy Winehouse song, with her raspy voice, and she can hear it immediately.

"That's really cool," Brittany states. "I never was much of a singer."

"Psh," Santana scoffs. "Everyone can sing. You might not win a Grammy, but I'm sure you sing just fine." Brittany laughs at that a little bit. "Hell, I did some plays in high school, and you'd be surprised who ended up getting parts. People you'd never suspect to be able to sing." Brittany rolls over to face the brunette at that comment.

"You did plays?" She asks with a big smile on her face. "Well, hello there, Rachel Berry." Santana immediately shoves Brittany's arm causing the blonde to fall back on her back.

"Shut up, it was just two plays."

"That's two more than I ever did," Brittany fires back jokingly.

"Whatever, I kicked ass," Santana bragged and Brittany just giggled and sat back up, crossing her legs and stretching her arms over her head. Santana sits up with her, right away. "What about you and dancing?" Brittany rolled her eyes and looked over at Santana, who was quirking an eyebrow at her. "Hey, I answered my question," Santana stated, raising her hands defensively.

"Yeah, yeah…I know," Brittany went along, plucking another dandelion from the ground. "I don't know I dance to all kinds of music. Mostly hip hop, but I've done ballet and contemporary. I love all kinds of music though," she goes on, because talking about music really excites her more than she ever really lets on. "I just think music is so powerful, you know?" She looks up and makes eye contact with Santana who nods at her thoughtfully. "It can change and shift someone's entire mood. Like if I'm upset, I listen to sad music, and it'll keep me in that mood, but also give me all this strength. And if I listen to a song, that just clicks with how I'm feeling, it changes everything. I think that's so cool." Brittany realizes she's rambling and looks back at the dandelion in her hands and fiddles with it nervously.

"I totally get what you mean," Santana states quietly. Brittany glances up and Santana is looking off in the pond, something clearly on her mind, but she doesn't push the subject, she just watches the Latina and feels a warmth about this moment. She doesn't usually open up to people this easily, but everything has just come so natural, and it just feels right, and it makes her happy and glad that she knows this person in front of her now. "So what does dancing do for you?" Santana asks, looking back at Brittany, snapping her out of her daze about her newfound friend.

"Hmm…" Brittany has to think over her answer, because she doesn't really get asked that a whole lot. Dancing has just been second nature to her since she was a kid. There's never really been a reason to it. She thinks about how she feels when she dances, and her answer comes immediately. "It's just freeing," she states it as if Santana can read her mind exactly, but the Latina just looks at her, a bit confused. "I get in this trance whenever I dance, I'm just in my own world. Some people write, or paint, or sing songs to express their emotions; I dance." With that, clarity is washed over Santana's face: she gets it.

"But you don't want to do that as a career?"

"Nope," Brittany says quickly, and definitively. "It's fun, and it's who I am. But it's not really fulfilling," she pauses for a second, trying to think how to explain herself. "When I dance, it's personal. It's for me. But I want to do something with my life that helps other people, does that make sense?"

"Definitely!" Santana says, almost as if she's proud of Brittany, and Brittany can't help but grin at her, like she just planned out her whole life.

"Of course," Brittany sighs, the grin fading away. "I still haven't figured out how to do that yet. My major in undergrad was pretty random."

"What'd you major in?" Santana turns so that they are facing each other, cross legged.

"Sociology," Brittany says with a wide smile. Her major was random, and she couldn't exactly become a sociologist, but she loved her classes and classmates in her major. It made college so much more fun. In high school Brittany was never the star student. She wasn't stupid, but she wasn't the smartest in comparison to her friends, like Kurt and Rachel. But when she was in her sociology classes, she felt smart. Maybe it was because it was the first time she was actually interested in the subject matter.

"Hmm," Santana nodded. "I don't think I've ever taken a sociology class." Brittany immediately gasped, and jumped up a little out of excitement.

"Oh my God, they are the best," Brittany knew geeking out wasn't her best quality, but she couldn't help herself. "I took a whole class on cults my sophomore year," Santana's eyes widen and she looked interested. "It was seriously the coolest class I've ever taken. It made me really paranoid of everything though," Brittany laughed. "Then I took a whole class on sex," Santana quirked her eyebrow up at that. "Yeah, that was hilarious. We talked about some inappropriate shit, but it was great. I got to use the phrase 'orgasmic' in a paper, and look at porn videos," Santana laughed out loud, and Brittany started to giggle; remembering out loud to Santana about the time Rachel walked in on her watching porn and having to explain that it was for a paper.  
They both were rolling over laughing, tears in their eyes, as Brittany described Rachel's horrified reaction. When they got their breathing back to normal, Brittany continued. "I also took classes on racism and poverty…I loved every minute of it. It really opened my eyes to a lot of injustices out there. In one class we learned all about Native American reservations and that just fascinated me so much. It's so crazy the injustices those people face, but how powerful their culture is…" Brittany found herself getting heated quickly, as she remembered all of her readings about Native American life, and how badly they've been treated.  
She locked eyes with Santana and found a look of admiration on her face. "What?" Brittany quickly blushed, and became self-conscious, realizing she's been talking for way too long.

"Nothing," Santana quickly says. "I just think it's so awesome how passionate you are," causing Brittany to immediately blush. "You're just a genuinely nice person," Santana finishes.

"You're nice too," Brittany says with a sincere voice, leaning forward ever so slightly and putting her hand on Santana's, not even thinking twice about the action. Santana just smiles.

"To you I am," Santana removes her hand from underneath Brittany's and pats the top of it gently before going back to picking grass. "I'm pretty judgmental when it comes to other people."

"Everyone judges, it's human nature."

"Not everyone is a bitch though," Santana states without looking back up at Brittany. Brittany wants to protest and defend Santana, but she gets it. Some people are a bit more judgmental than others, and that can come across as bitchy. But there's no way that Santana could be a bitch, she hasn't seen a mean bone in the girl's body since meeting her.

"I guess," is all she can come up with to say in response, but she's not saying that she agrees or thinks Santana is a bitch, and judging by the ever so small smile that she sees on Santana's face: she knows Santana understands what she meant.

The two sit together closely, looking at the birds and ducks in the pond, neither saying anything just enjoying the peace and quiet. Then a loud growling noise comes from someone's stomach. "Was that yours or mine?" Santana asks a hint of embarrassment in her voice.

"I don't know, but I'm starving."

"Food time?" Santana jumps up from her spot, reaching a hand out to pull Brittany up, which she gladly accepts.

"Food time!"

/

The two walked out of the park, arms bumping into each other and giggling again. "So where we going?" Santana asks. Brittany thinks for a minute about what she's in the mood for and what would be a good place to introduce Santana too.

"Depends," Brittany drawls out. "You're not a vegetarian are you?" Brittany stops in her tracks, secretly hoping she doesn't have another meat hater on her hands.

"Oh God no," Santana responds with a look of horror on her face. Brittany breathes out a sigh of relief.

"Thank Jesus. Rachel kills me with that nonsense," she grabs Santana's arm and takes her down a street, knowing exactly where they're going to eat.

Walking a few minutes down the street and rounding one corner, they arrive at their destination, without Brittany telling Santana where they were going. They walk into a hole in the wall place that Brittany found a few months ago on her own. It was a small diner where they cook the most delicious burgers that Brittany has ever tasted right in front of you as you sit at the counter. Just by stepping into the diner Brittany's mouth waters. She pulls Santana to the counter and they slide onto stools next to each other. Brittany watches as Santana looks around at her surroundings skeptically.

"This will be the greatest burger you'll ever eat," Brittany quickly says to reassure Santana.

"Oh really, now?" Santana quirks an eyebrow. Brittany nods her head when the cook at the grill looks over at them and gives a head nod.

"2 cheeseburgers with onions and fries," Brittany spits out quickly. The cook nods and goes back to the grill. Brittany looks over at Santana and beams at her, so excited to share her little secret burger joint with her new friend. Her stomach begins to rumble again when she hears the sizzle from the grill a few feet away. "So did you have a lot of classes with Rachel at NYADA?" she asks to distract her from her hunger.

"Just a few."

"How was that?" There's a little laugh in her voice, because she knows exactly how it would be. She had enough classes with Rachel in high school to know just how annoying she can be. Judging by the groan Santana makes in response, she knows Santana agrees with her.

"The worst," Santana says with another groan. "She spoke more than the professors." Brittany nods knowingly and laughs to herself at memories of Rachel in high school and the amount of eye rolls she would receive from classmates of theirs. "How did you guys become friends anyway? You seem so different," Santana states.

"We are," Brittany laughs quietly. "Her and Kurt always had my back in high school. We all met in music class early on, and Kurt and I clicked instantly. I had a weird crush on him for a little while," she says, blushing a bit because now that fact is super embarrassing and Santana widens her eyes a little bit at this confession. "But, then he ended up being gay…so there went that." Santana laughs a little bit at that. "But he's still my best friend, I love him. And Rachel sorta came along with knowing Kurt. We all were the odd balls of our high school, and a little on the weird side, so hanging with them was like a judge free zone. We've all always being there for each other, no matter what." Brittany states; smiling at the fact that she has such strong friendships with Kurt and Rachel.

"I would have pegged you for miss popularity in high school," Santana says, nudging her a little bit with her elbow.

"Hell no," Brittany scoffs. "I've always been super quirky, so has Rachel. And Kurt is just a cute little unicorn," her face lights up thinking of her best friend. Santana looks at her at the mention mythical creatures, which she quickly notices, "It's a long story," she adds quickly.

"Sounds like you guys had a lot of fun."

"Oh for sure. But they both were also there for me when I had some family stuff going on in high school," Brittany adds, her tone turning more serious. "So it was nice to have them to rely on and help." Brittany isn't sure why she added that. She usually doesn't bring up her family issues to anyone. Most people look at her relationship with her family and assume that they are all extremely close, and perfect. After all, it's almost a thing of the past…almost. Santana looks over at her as she gets lost in her thoughts, but she doesn't question Brittany. Brittany is grateful that she isn't being pushed by the brunette to elaborate further.

"That's good that you had them, then. And it's even cooler that you're all still so close," Santana says looking up as their respective cheeseburgers and fries are placed in front of them. A huge grin spreads across both of their faces. "This looks delicious."

"Wait 'til you taste it…"

/

Brittany has completely devoured her burger in a matter of minutes and has moved on to her fries, but is completely stuffed. She smiles over at Santana every time she takes a bit from her burger and the Latina moans. "Enjoying yourself?" Brittany asks through a giggle.

"I's so 'ood" Santana mumbles, her mouth full of burger.

They finish eating quietly, both enjoying their meals. The cook comes by and drops a greasy bill in front of them. Brittany grabs it and smiles when she sees it's under $10 (another reason why she loves this place). Santana reaches in her own pocket to pull out money to pay, but Brittany quickly slaps her hand away.

"My treat! To celebrate you moving."

"But-"

"Buy me a drink tonight, and we'll call it even."

Santana doesn't bother protesting further and just slides off the stool, stretching her arms and legs. "God, I feel like I just ate my body weight." Brittany laughs and nods in agreement. "I'm gonna need a nap when we get back," Santana states as they head out of the diner, back to the apartment. Brittany nods again, instinctively yawning at the mention of a nap, suddenly realizing just how tired she is.

"Hey Britt?" Santana asks quietly after they have been walking for a little bit. Brittany looks down at her, acknowledging she is listening.

"Yeah?"

"Do you miss Kurt?" Santana asks shyly.

Brittany is confused by where Santana is coming from. She remembers their earlier conversation, where she went on for a while about how close she and Kurt are. She looks at Santana and wonders if Santana is worried or nervous, or even jealous. She decides to play dumb a little to figure out what Santana means.

"A little, but we're seeing him tonight!" She replies cheerily. Santana nods, but stays quiet for a little bit.

"You think-" Santana starts to say, but pauses. She then takes a deep breath before starting again. "Do you think he won't like me?" Brittany narrows her eyes in confusion. "Cause I like replaced him…or something?" Brittany immediately laughs, thinking Santana is being ridiculous, but not wanting to be mean about it.

"I think…"Brittany starts slowly, while Santana eyes her nervously. "You two will get along just fine." She finally finishes. "He'll love you cause you're sassy like him." Brittany smiles at her and Santana immediately relaxed.

They finally made it back to the apartment, both wiped out and exhausted, making their way to the couch, flopping down on top of it. They both looked over at each other and the same time said, through giggles, "Gilmore Girls time?"

/

At some point within the first few minutes of the episode Santana and Brittany ended up laying down on opposite ends of the couch, with Brittany's feet by Santana's head and vice versa. Within another few minutes Brittany was pulling the blanket that was draped over the back of the couch and placed it over both of their legs. Within another few minutes she was fast asleep, eyes heavy.

\

Brittany felt a slight, soft nudge on her leg and her name being whispered. She peeled her eyes open slowly, seeing Santana sitting up rubbing her leg slowly. The mixture of seeing Santana's hand and feeling the light squeezes through the blanket, she felt a flutter in her chest as her heartbeat quickened. "We fell asleep," Santana whispers groggily. Brittany is still distracted so she just nods. She's not sure why she's distracted, but something about the small strokes of Santana's hand that makes her feel something warm in her chest and stomach. "It's getting a little late and I figured we should start getting ready." Santana removes her hand and Brittany immediately misses it, but tries not to show anything. Santana stretches her arms over her head, her t-shirt rising a little bit in the process. Brittany quickly diverts her eyes, not even knowing why she looked anyway.

"Sounds good," Brittany finally says, her voice scratchy from sleep and sits up. Santana swings her legs off the couch and reaches her hand down to help Brittany up, which Brittany gladly accepts.

"You can shower first," Santana says as they head upstairs. "I still gotta set up my room a little." Brittany just nods, yawning again.

It's not until they get to the top of the stairs and go to part ways that she notices they haven't stopped holding hands since Santana helped her up off the couch. She can't help the huge smile that spreads across her face as she turns away from Santana and heads into the bathroom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song by Grouplove


	4. Closer

_Here comes the breath before we get a little bit closer  
Here comes the rush before we touch, come a little closer  
_ _The night sky is changing overhead._

**August 2011**

Brittany got out of her shower and was in her room getting ready while blasting Beyoncé's "Love on Top". She was quietly singing along in her skinny jeans and bra, looking for a top to wear. She finally decided on a simple black V-neck. She looked down at her chest to make sure her cleavage was under control. She then moved on to find earrings and other jewelry to go with her outfit. Brittany doesn't go out very often, so when she does it's pretty exciting.  
"Jeez, you really are a dancer," she heard a voice from behind her. She jumped up a little, but smiled when she saw Santana standing, leaning against her door frame.

"Was I dancing?" Brittany scrunched her face, confused.

"You were swaying a little bit," Santana chuckled. Brittany finally took in Santana's appearance. The Latina was wearing a casual, short, black dress and heels. Her black hair was down and flowed over her chest. She had very little make up on. Brittany realized that Santana was one of those people that had to put little effort into making herself look presentable. Meanwhile, for Brittany, at least in her mind, it took an entire army to get her to that level. When the song switched to an Usher song, Brittany remembered her staring had prevented her from staring.

"Oh, weird," she quickly responded, turning to her mirror to apply some lip-gloss. "I didn't even realize." She finished up and turned back around to Santana. "That's a really awesome dress," Brittany said, but in her head it went more like  
you look really beautiful.

"Thanks," Santana responded with a smile. "You look great." The flutters in Brittany's chest returned, and she was hoping she wasn't blushing. Brittany met her at the door and they began to walk downstairs, as Brittany grabbed her purse from the couch, swinging it over her shoulder. "So do you know much about the place we're going to?"

"Nope," Brittany shook her head. "Kurt is pretty notorious for finding new trendy places. This place will probably be full of hipsters." They grabbed their stuff, Santana taking a light jacket despite how warm it was out, and heading out the door.

/

After talking the entire way there and making little jokes and comments throughout the short subway ride they arrived at Brooklyn Tap House. The restaurant was fairly large and trendy on the inside. There was also a big outdoors area with multiple bars, and an area cleared out for dancing if people wanted. Brittany had received a text from Kurt that he would be in the back, outside, at a table, waiting for them. They made their way through the small crowd; Santana absently grabbed the inside of Brittany's arm to make sure she didn't get lost. Brittany looked down at the grip that Santana had on her arm and smirked a little bit.

Brittany spotted Kurt standing at a tall table across the dance floor and near the bar. Brittany immediately beamed, and waved at him, as she hurried over; Santana attached at her arm all the while. "Kurty!" Brittany squealed once they reached the table and she managed to break away from Santana, enveloping Kurt into a big hug. Kurt rolled his eyes a little bit at the nickname, but couldn't help himself from hugging back tightly. "I miss you," Brittany sighed a little bit, still hugging him. She then remembered her new, now left out, roommate and let go of Kurt and stood next to Santana with a proud smile on her face.

"I miss you too," Kurt frowned a little bit. "But look! Here we are still hanging out, as per usual," he quickly added to make Brittany feel better, and she smiled at his thoughtfulness.

"I know, I know," she sighed out. Brittany quickly smiled and resumed her mission to introduce Santana to Kurt. "Anyways," she dragged out. "Kurt I want you to meet the new and improved you," she added, causing both Kurt and Santana to roll their eyes at her. "Santana Lopez!" She flipped her hands over to present Santana formally. Santana laughed a little at the dramatics and extended her hand to Kurt.

"It's so nice to meet you," she said politely, shaking his hand. Kurt grinned at her and pulled her into a hug.

"Oh, please," he said after he let Santana go. "You're putting up with Britt and Rachel for me. We are officially friends." Santana laughed as Brittany scrunched up her face defensively.

"Hey, what's that supposed to mean?" She asked, crossing her arms over her chest.

"Oh, you know," Kurt waved the comment off, while sliding two stools over to the table and returning to his stool at the table. Santana shrugged her jacket off and took a seat, while Brittany looked around at her surroundings, taking in the atmosphere a little bit. She loved bars that were outside. You could see the city landscape, enjoy fresh air, but also feel like you were just hanging out a bar. She sighed out contentedly, while leaning against the table, looking at a couple grinding on the dance floor to a Robyn song. She was right in her assumption that the bar would be full of hipsters, there was more flannel and beards then she could count.

"Britt?" She heard a voice next to her and realized she hadn't even sat down yet, as Santana was eyeing her and the stool questioningly. "Did you want to order some food?" Santana asked pointing to the menus that had mysteriously appeared on the table, while she was zoning out.

"Of course!" Brittany quickly sat down next to Santana, feeling a little embarrassed, but Santana just smiled at her.

"We have to make sure we order a salad for Rachel," Kurt sighed, as he opened his menu and browsed the options. Both Santana and Brittany nodded, agreeing.

"With bacon," they both dead panned at the same time. Their heads shot up to each other and they both broke out into a fit of laughter.

"Well," Kurt laughed. "I see you have already found common ground in teasing Rachel." Santana and Brittany were still laughing, but went back to looking at their respective menus.

"Poor Rachel doesn't even know yet," Brittany stated shaking her head, still smiling.

"She is an easy target," Santana shrugged, causing both Brittany and Kurt to nod their heads.

After a few moments of looking at their menus, they all were ready to order. Brittany and Santana went for burgers, Kurt decided on a small pasta dish, and a baconless salad for Rachel.

/

While they were waiting for their food and Rachel to arrive, the three chatted. Since Kurt and Santana both graduated from NYADA they discussed different courses they had, annoying professors, and compared notes on whether or not they had any mutual friends. They found they had more in common than they thought, and they started to ask if they had heard from certain people since graduation to see what they were up to.

Although Brittany could not add too much to the conversation, she was still happy to see the two talk and get to know each other. Kurt was one of her closest friends, and she really wanted Santana and him to get along. They had ordered a pitcher of beer to start off and she was just finishing glass number one as a loud squeal interrupted her peaceful thoughts. "I'm here!" A very loud Rachel Berry exclaimed from behind her, practically running into the table. Both Kurt and Santana looked up, looking just as surprised as Brittany.

"Relax, Rachel. You haven't missed anything," Kurt rolled his eyes and took a large drink of his beer.

"Did you order? Did you get me a salad like I had asked? No chicken or bacon bits right? I never understand why restaurants insist that all salads need to have some type of meat product in it. Santana, as you know I'm a vegetarian-"

"We know!" Brittany, Kurt, and, surprisingly, Santana cut her off simultaneously.

"We got you a salad," Brittany said pouring herself another beer from the pitcher, and pouring Rachel a glass as well. "Should be here any minute."

"Oh, I don't know if I want beer," Rachel said, scrunching her face at the glass Brittany slid in front of her.

"It's a beer garden," Brittany and Santana said at the same time, locking eyes with each other after and laughing again.

"Fine," Rachel sighed, and took a sip of her beer begrudgingly. Meanwhile, Santana refilled her beer and brought her glass up in the air.

"A toast," Santana said, causing the other three to raise their glasses as well. "To new friends!" Rachel and Kurt both smiled, and as the four glasses met in the middle Santana locked eyes with Brittany and winked at her.

Brittany couldn't help but notice she had stopped breathing when she released her breath to take a very large drink from her glass.

/

An hour later the group was now on pitcher number three, and Brittany had lost count of how many beers she had drank exactly. She was definitely feeling a bit tipsy though, but was very thankful that she was always a happy, giddy drunk. It seemed her three friends were all on the same page as her, as they were all giggling like idiots over some story Kurt was telling about a horrible blind date he went on last year with a guy who was balding and wore a toupee.

They had finished eating a little while ago, and were just enjoying the outdoor atmosphere and telling different embarrassing stories. "What about you Santana?" Kurt had asked, letting out a deep breath, and wiping some tears away from laughter. Brittany looked at Santana, but wasn't sure what she was answering because she had spaced out before Kurt had asked the question.

"Horrible dates?" Santana asked, taking another sip of her beer, and Kurt and Rachel nodded excitedly, waiting for another story. Brittany hadn't even asked Santana if she had a boyfriend yet, and so she suddenly became really interested in whatever Santana was going to say. "I haven't been on a date in years," Santana laughed a little bit, but avoided looking up from her glass. Brittany could tell that this topic made Santana a little uncomfortable. "I don't date much," Santana shrugged, and got quiet. Brittany looked at her curiously, wondering if the Latina had some type of bad experience in the past, but Santana clearly didn't want to elaborate as she looked over to the dance floor.

"Britt! Tell the story about that psycho you dated from NYU," Rachel exclaimed, hitting Brittany in the arm. Santana looked over at Brittany with a big expectant smile on her face.

"James, aka Momma's Boy, aka Douche Bag, aka LAX Bro?" Brittany asked, causing both Rachel and Kurt to laugh out loud.

"Oooh, now you have my interest!" Santana exclaimed putting her elbows on the table and her chin in her hands as she looked at Brittany. Brittany took another sip of her beer and went into an elaborate tale of her college boyfriend who got a little too controlling for her liking, and the breakup went terribly.

"-and then he sent me this like ten page email about how it was my fault we never had sex, because I was the one who didn't initiate anything," Brittany said after going through their whole relationship and breakup. "Meanwhile, if I may remind you, he was the one that took three months before even asking me out, and then another 2 weeks after we dated before he even kissed me! Like, what the fuck!" Brittany could tell she was getting heated, and decided to just leave the story there, as she thought it would be better to leave it at a funny part then have her get all angry and upset about her ex. Both Kurt and Rachel shook their heads, as they had lived the relationship with Brittany, and both were happy when it finally ended, as it was very unhealthy.

"That sounds terrible Britt," Santana laughed a little, and rubbed her arm sympathetically. "I'm sorry." Brittany just smiled at her and shrugged.

"Oh well," Brittany said, finishing off what was left of her beer, and went to pour another glass, finishing off the pitcher. She drank her beer quicker than she had intended, and she was definitely feeling the effects of the alcohol at this point and Kurt had ordered yet another pitcher.

"We should dance!" Rachel exclaimed extremely loudly, clearly buzzed as well. Normally, Brittany would roll her eyes and refuse, because she didn't always like to dance in bars. However, she was clearly drunk, because she shot up from the table and grabbed Santana, pulling her to the dance floor with Kurt and Rachel.

/

They had been on the dance floor for a few songs, dancing in a group circle, and being silly for the most part. Kurt and Rachel got out of breath after jumping up and down to a Miley Cyrus song, and decided to head back to the table. It was just Santana and Brittany now, and because the alcohol was coursing through her veins, Brittany had lost all inhibitions and started dancing closer to Santana. Brittany wasn't sure what song was playing, but just let the steady beat of the song move her hips. Santana had clearly had dance classes before, because she was a great dancer. Part of the reason Brittany hated dancing at bars when she was sober, was because not a lot of people could keep up with her, and it would get a little sloppy. Brittany was by no means a perfectionist, but it was always frustrating when she would want to dance, and people kept stepping on her feet clumsily. However, Santana was not having any problems keeping up with the song, and with Brittany.

Brittany knew she was drunk, by the fact that she did not really care about her surroundings, and she had very few issues with the fact that she was so close to Santana. For the life of her, though, she could not remember how many beers Santana had drank. She looked up at Santana and her eyes were closed as she was losing herself in the beat of the song, her face getting a little sweaty from how crowded the dance floor had gotten, and how humid it was outside. Brittany couldn't tell if Santana was drunk too, but she quickly forgot all of her thoughts when Santana had put her arm around Brittany's neck and pulled her closer. "You're so good at this," Santana whispered loudly over the music into Brittany's ear. _Yup, definitely drunk,_ Brittany thought, with a little smile to herself.

"You too," Brittany whispered back. Not knowing what else to do with her hands, Brittany put them on Santana's waist, causing Santana to lean even further into Brittany. Despite being drunk, Brittany senses were on overload as all she could do was breathe in Santana's scent and feel Santana's fingers caressing her shoulder slightly.

Brittany had danced with other girls before, but usually it was in a silly way, or to get guys' attentions during college. There was something that felt very different about this, but Brittany didn't have the capacity to question it at the time. Instead she pulled Santana even closer to her by her hips. Brittany then began to grind a little bit into Santana's legs, as Santana wrapped both of arms around Brittany's neck, eyes still closed, moving to the beat of the music. Brittany slid down a little bit, then made her way back up, moving her arms up and down Santana's back.

"Your ex was an idiot," Santana breathed into Brittany's ear. "You're awesome." Santana was leaning a bit more on Brittany at this point, but her breathing into Brittany's ear was causing the blonde to shiver a little bit, despite the heat.

"So was yours," Brittany responded.

"I didn't tell you about mine," Santana giggled a little bit, the two still holding each other closely.

"Well, I'm sure he was the worst," Brittany said. The song switched to another fast pace song, and Santana started moving her hips into Brittany's again, rubbing her shoulders a little bit. Santana pulled her head back a little bit, looking into Brittany's eyes.

"There is no ex," Santana said. Brittany was still moving to the beat, but looked at Santana with a confused expression. Brittany wasn't sure what her face was doing, but it caused Santana to giggle a little bit. "I told you…" she said leaning back to Brittany's face and moved right to her ear. "I didn't really date." Brittany pulled her head back and looked at Santana.

"Ever?" Brittany exclaimed a little more shocked than she had intended. Santana just shrugged and went back to dancing. She turned in Brittany's arms, her back now facing the blonde, grinding her butt into Brittany's front a little bit.

Santana turned her head slightly to face Brittany, "Ever," she stated, and went back to grinding her butt into Brittany. The blonde instinctively wrapped her arm around Santana's front, not wanting to move too far away. When the Latina stood up a little bit straighter, Brittany pulled her impossibly closer, leaning over Santana's shoulder.

"But you're hot," Brittany unintentionally whispered out loud before she could stop herself. Brittany's eyes widened and she pulled back a little bit, her face flushing even more than it had been. Santana grabbed Brittany's arms that were around her stomach and held them there, not letting her move away. She looked over her shoulder at the embarrassed blonde and smirked at her.

"Why thank you, roomie," she giggled and turned back around in Brittany's arms. She put her arms around Brittany's neck and the two stared at each other for a few seconds. Brittany's heart was racing, but she wasn't sure why, and she wasn't sure why she made that comment, and she definitely wasn't sure what this feeling in the pit of her stomach was, or why she danced with Santana so closely. Santana just smiled at her, with an unreadable expression on her face. "Another beer?" Santana asked pulling away from Brittany and nodding her head back over to the table, already heading in that direction. Brittany quickly nodded yes and followed Santana, unsure of what had just happened.

/

The next morning Brittany woke up to the sound of birds chirping outside of her window, the morning sun heating up her small bedroom quickly. Her eyes were still closed, and she was lying on her side facing her window. She didn't want to open her eyes, because she already knew the room would spin, and the nauseous feeling in her stomach would not be okay with that at this point. Instead she just kept her eyes tightly closed, hoping the feeling of the room spinning would go away with more sleep.

As she tried to nuzzle further back into her pillow she felt two things that she didn't notice when she first woke up.

Breath hitting the back of her neck.

An arm wrapped around her waist tightly.

Brittany's eyes shot open and she stared at the window in a panic. _What happened last night?_ She quickly recounted all she could remember from the night before. Everything after the dance floor with Santana was a blur. They finished another two pitchers. She remembers Kurt ordering shots of jaeger. She did a tequila shot with Santana. Rachel hooked up with some tall guy. There was a cab ride home that involved singing along to Beyoncé. _I didn't hook up with anyone…then who is in my bed._

Brittany quietly lifted up the covers to look at the arm around her waist. She saw a skinny, delicate, tan hand, and suddenly her heart was beating even faster, if possible. She knew exactly whose arm that belonged to. She gently rolled over, keeping the Latina's arm on her waist and when she rolled over she saw her new roommate, peacefully asleep, cuddled close to her.

She kept Santana's arm around her waist, and smiled at the fact that Santana was sharing her pillow. She tried to remember what happened after the cab, and when they got back to their apartment, but she couldn't remember for the life of her, and before she could overthink it the room started to spin again and her stomach turned from nausea. She got comfortable on the little amount of space of her pillow that Santana had left and closed her eyes, quickly falling back asleep. Forgetting the 5000 questions that have been racing through her mind, and decided to ignore them, and just enjoy a friendly cuddle.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song: Closer by Tegan and Sara


	5. Hey Mama

_What you doing for the rest of your life?  
Cause you don't want, don't wanna go_...

**August 2011**

When Brittany woke up the second time that morning her bed was a lot less warm, and a lot less full. Her eyes were still closed when she absentmindedly moved her hands around to feel that she was in fact alone. She started to retrace the last night in her head, and remembering that when she woke up earlier Santana was in her bed with her. _Did I dream that? What time is it?_

She slowly sat up, feeling her headache and nausea creep back up on her from earlier. It's not that Brittany can't hold her liquor. She proved herself to be quite the champ back in college. However, her hangovers have been known to leave her unable to move for hours at a time. She put her head in her hands feeling her hands shake slightly and her pulse can be felt in her temple. She becomes very aware of how beer can still be smelt on her, and how her bladder feels as if it is going to explode. She looks across her bedroom door; feeling as if her bathroom is miles away. She slowly gets up and makes her way across her room, grabbing a towel and moving toward the bathroom.

The apartment is silent, and she still hasn't checked to see what time it actually is yet. She guesses it is either still really early, or it is now relatively late and her roommates are all out for the day. She doesn't really care and turns the shower on full blast and full heat, hoping the water would make her feel a bit refreshed.

After a far too long shower, Brittany is back in her bedroom, turning her cell phone on only to discover that it died over night. She plugs it into the charger, and after waiting a few moments she turns it on. Since she doesn't have an alarm clock, and her phone is her primary watch, she waits while her phone boots up and looks out her small apartment window. The sun is streaming in, and it's a beautiful summer day. Something isn't sitting right with Brittany though.

It's not just the fact that she is hungover. It's the confusion of last night and earlier this morning. It's the fact that, despite her shower, she can still feel Santana's arms around her waist. It's the fact that she can still feel the way her heart beat inside of her chest like a stampede last night when they were dancing together. It's the fact that no matter how many boys grinded up on her last night, nothing felt as good as throwing her arms around Santana and dancing with her.

 **12:42** her phone shows. _Could be worse_ she thinks to herself. As she puts her phone down on her bed and goes to get changed, her phone begins to immediately buzz and chime with new text messages. She lifts it up and sees she has 5 new text messages starting with last night.

**Rachel (2:17AM): eher afe you?**

**Kurt (2:18 AM): I'm taking drunkypants mcdrunkster Rachel home with me before she pukes on the guy shes with! Think we lost you on the dance floor! Get home safe!**

**Rachel (6:23 AM): Good morning dear! I'm going to go for a light workout this morning and then will be doing some vocal lessons in my bedroom all afternoon. What a lovely day! So warm and sunny outside!**

Brittany couldn't help but roll her eyes at Rachel's upbeat, lack of a hangover demeanor. _Some people have all the luck._

**Mom (9:13 AM): Call me.**

Brittany looked at the phone in her hand and breathed in deep, feeling her head pound slightly harder. She then hit the back button on her phone and her heartbeat both quickened, and calmed down simultaneously.

**Santana (10:20 AM): hey britt! sorry i peaced out on you. I had to get into work by 11 :(. Also…sorry for falling asleep in your bed? I get kinda cuddly when I drink. Sorry! Anyways, hope youre not too hungover, my head is killing me :( . okay, well just thought I'd text you to let you know where I was and apologize for being the worst when it comes to stealing peoples beds!**

Brittany can't help the smile that creeps onto her face as she reads Santana's thoughtful message. It also made her feel less guilty for feeling like shit today to know that her other roommate was not doing so hot either.

**Brittany (12:47 AM): no worries! Totally cool with the cuddles haha. And I feel like shit too! Have fun at work!**

Brittany smiled as she sent her message and stared at her phone. She scrawled back through her messages and landed back on the one from her mother. Her mom was hours away, part of the perks of being out in New York. When she got messages like this, she could take as long as she wanted to respond back. She could wait days if she really wanted to; even though she never would.  
Brittany has always had a very complicated relationship with her mother and family. At this point in her life, she could not be farther from them. It's not that she hated them. In many ways they were the reason she was in New York, dancing, performing, and being the all-around person that she has become. However, her family also brings her the most stress. In a lot of ways she has been running away from her family situation ever since college. Her biggest fear is not making it in New York or anywhere, and being forced to move back to Ohio with her family. She misses them, and loves them. But the stress that they bring, and the drama that she gets sucked into whenever she goes home, is enough to make her try and stay away for as long as she possibly can.

But as she sits on her bed, with her wet hair dripping down her back, and the two words her mother sent her _Call me_ she can't help but press the call button, bringing the phone to her ear.  
"Hello," is the short response she gets from her mom. Just from one word, she can tell what kind of mood her mom is in.

"Hey. You texted me?" Brittany asks, almost timidly to make sure she does not sound annoyed, frustrated, or anything else that would set her mother off.

"I did?"

"Yeah Mom," Brittany sighs, shutting her eyes and rubbing her temple with her free hand. "You texted me a few hours ago asking me to call you. What did you want?" She can't help herself from getting a little bit more annoyed and frustrated.

"Oh," her mom begins, taking another long, dramatic pause. "I guess I did."

"Yeah Mom, you did," Brittany lets out a very loud, frustrated sigh. "What is it that you wanted?" She wants to add that she doesn't have time for this, that she doesn't care what's going on (as long as no one is dead), and she wants to hang up. She doesn't do any of this; she just patiently waits for her mother to answer her question, taking her time.

"Well I just thought you should know the latest move your father just pulled," her mother responds, clearly angry. Angry at Brittany's dad. Angry at Brittany. It never really matters. Her mom has an interesting way of taking all frustrations, no matter what the cause may be, out on her children. Brittany goes to say _No, I don't want to know,_ but her mother keeps going, "He spent over $2000 on a new transmission for a car. A car that should have been sold years ago. We can't afford to take a vacation as a family, but he can put two grand into a piece of shit car!" Her mother is screaming now. Judging from the way that she is not addressing her, Brittany knows that her father is more than likely in the room with her mother. Brittany closes her eyes, knowing that anything she says to her mother right now will not help the situation. Brittany doesn't want to help the situation, though. She used to want to. But now she just wants to hang up, she just wants to not have to hear it anymore.

"Okay, Mom," Brittany says calmly, and evenly. Before her mom can get out another string of complaints against her father, Brittany hangs up. She quickly turns her phone off, and throws the phone on her bed.

Despite the fact that she just showered, Brittany has a strong urge to go outside and blow off some steam. She has so much anger in her blood right now, that if she were to just sit in her apartment all day in bed, she would just get more upset. Brittany looks out the window and sees how nice it is outside, and immediately makes up her mind as she gets up to grab her running shorts and sneakers.

/

She is not sure how long she has been running. Her iPod is blaring in her ears, and she has lost herself in song after song, not paying attention to where she is going, or anything else that edges its way to her mind. Eventually her legs begin to grow tired, and the heat becomes a little too much for her, as she struggles to keep up with her own pace that she has been running. She sees a bench a little ways off the path and decides to stop running and make her way over to the bench for a short break. Her whole body is drenched in sweat and her legs feel like jello the second she sits down. She is not sure what time she left her apartment, and her iPod is telling her it is almost 2pm. She left her phone at home, not wanting to deal with anything or anybody.

It is the short fleeting reminder that she does not have her phone with her that Brittany thinks back to her conversation with her mother. She is not nearly as mad about the situation, as all of her energy went into her run. However, she can't help but think about it, and think about all of the past times that a similar conversation happened. She also can't help but be very thankful that she lives in New York and not Ohio; where she can hang up and not deal with any consequences.

It's not always like this with her mom. In fact, she and her mom are extremely close, and they talk all of the time. Her mom just has…moods. Moods where if she is in the wrong one, her entire demeanor shifts and somehow Brittany ends up the target.

Brittany leans back on the bench and sees friends sitting in the grass talking to one another, and couples lying in the grass, heads in laps, fingers stroking different body parts. She can't help but smile briefly at the sights around her. However, a slight twinge of jealousy makes its way into her brain. She is suddenly very aware that she is the only person around that is by herself and cannot help but feel very lonely. The loneliness causes her to go back to a different conversation she had with mom after she graduated in which her mother asked why she just doesn't move back to Ohio, "Will you even have any friends left in New York?" her mother argued. Brittany fought back stating that she will have Kurt and Rachel. "But they'll be busy doing something. Won't you get lonely? At least here you have your whole family?" Brittany rolled her eyes at her mother and kept insisting that she likes alone time, and she has other friends besides Rachel and Kurt…doesn't she?

Now here she is, alone. Feeling lonely. All of her NYU friends off doing their own thing. Rachel and Kurt busy doing their own things.

She hates that her mother was right.

Then, just as she is about to drift into a spiral of guilt for always getting easily annoyed with her mother, since she was actually right, she remembers the latest addition to her life.

Santana. A new friend.

But just as her thoughts begin to get happy and thankful for her new friend she remembers how Santana is a waitress, has her own group of friends, and hasn't even really known Brittany long at all. For all Brittany knows, Santana is just being nice for the first few weeks, and then will never talk to Brittany again once she gets a busier workload or a different job.

Brittany feels defeated. She feels exhausted. She feels guilty for hanging up on her mother, who was probably just having a bad day with her father. She feels jealous of all of the couples and groups of friends around her. She pushes herself off the bench, slowly, and bends down to stretch out her legs and back a bit. With one last defeated glance around her, Brittany heads back to her apartment, at a much slower pace than she had before.

\

When Brittany gets back to the apartment she is exhausted, drained, and soaked in sweat from the humidity and workout. She can faintly hear Rachel doing strange vocal warm-ups in her bedroom, and Santana is still at work. She goes up the steps and immediately gets in the shower of her and Santana's bathroom to get the sweat off of her, and relax her body a little bit.

For the second time in one day she is in her bedroom, toweling herself off, turning her phone back on, and hearing her phone chime alerting her to new text messages and emails. She takes a deep breath, awaiting all of her new alerts being from her mom or another member of her small family: yelling at her for hanging up earlier. However, instead she has five messages, all from Santana.

**Santana (12:50 PM): Ugh, I hate crazy ass customers.**

**Santana (1:10 PM): If I puke in someones food…would I get fired?**

**Santana (1:13 PM): why aren't you responding to entertain me? Im sooooo bored.**

**Santana (1:27 PM): sorry, im the worst. Im just cranky and tired and bored and feel like poop.**

**Santana (3:45 PM): thank jesus, im leaving now!**

The last text was sent 20 minutes ago, meaning that Santana would be home any minute. Brittany has a huge smile plastered on her face as she sees all of the texts from Santana. She can't help but feel annoyed with herself for not bringing her phone with her on her run and for turning it off. She immediately hits reply to type out a message.

**Brittany (4:05 PM): ahhhh sorry my phone was off! Hahaha, I'm sorry work sucked, let's hang out when you get back!**

Brittany's grin won't leave her as she quickly throws a pair of jean shorts, or when she throws a t-shirt on, or when she runs downstairs and throws in an episode of Gilmore Girls while she waits for Santana to get home. For some reason the flood of text messages from the Latina, have left Brittany in a rejuvenated mood, and she is suddenly excited for the evening. She feels silly, and happy, and any previous frustrations are inexistent as of right now.

Just as Carole King's "Gilmore Girls" theme song comes on, she hears the apartment door unlock and in walks a Santana, looking exhausted, and a bit disheveled from her commute home. Brittany shoots up from the couch immediately, "You're home!"

"Jesus!" Santana grabs her chest, drops her bag, and leans against the door. "I didn't see you there," Santana says after taking a deep breath in. "You scared the shit out of me." Brittany blushes, briefly, before jumping up over to Santana and picking up her bag for her.

"Sorry," Brittany says with a small giggle and puts the Latina's purse on the kitchen counter for her. "I'm just excited your home!" Santana quirks her eyebrow slightly at Brittany and grins back at her.

"Someone is hyper…" Santana notes as she kicks her shoes off and walks over to the couch, with the current episode the girls have left off on. Brittany is at her side, practically bouncing with energy and excitement. Santana plops herself down and looks at the TV, Brittany just looking at her with a big smile on her face. "What'd you do all day anyways?" Santana asks, trying not to sound as tired as she is. The second she asks, she notices a slight shift in Brittany. The blonde tenses ever so slightly, and her smile fades the tiniest bit. She doesn't answer right away, just glances to watch the scene on the television.

"Nothing really," Brittany shrugs and then looks back at Santana. "Went for a long run, cleared my head." Brittany goes back to the television, but Santana keeps her eyes on the blonde, noticing the slight shift in her mood.

"You okay?" Santana asks quietly. Brittany snaps her head from the TV and grins at Santana.

"Of course!" Brittany's cheery, hyper mood, back in full force. "Just bored all day and excited I have someone to play with now!" The blonde giggles and it forces a small chuckle out of Santana.

"Sounds good Britt," Santana laughs, then places her hand on Brittany's thigh gently to push her off the couch. "I'm going to go shower, and then make some dinner. Want some?"

"You're gonna cook after a day of waitressing?" Brittany scrunches her face at her roommate.

"I like cooking, it's relaxing for me."

"Oh," Brittany nods, not fully understanding, because cooking does nothing but stress the blonde out. "Well if you're offering a free meal, I won't say no." Santana smiles and nods and heads up the steps. Just as she gets to the top of the stairs, Brittany watching her all the way up with a smile, Rachel's door flies open.

"I'm off!" Rachel exclaims, barely acknowledging Brittany's presence and running out of the apartment. Brittany thinks about how she was stressed about not having many friends and feeling lonely, and suddenly feels very silly for those kinds of thoughts.

/

A little while later Santana comes back downstairs looking much more refreshed, and lot less exhausted. She goes straight to the kitchen and begins pulling out skillets, and various vegetables from the refrigerator. She gets a knife and cutting board out and goes straight to work. Brittany jumps up onto the counter to the side of Santana, trying to be out of her way, but also not wanting to be away from her either. "Do you need help?" she asks. Santana looks around to see if there's anything, but she's not the best at giving directions.

"I think I'm good right now," she says before quickly adding, "I'll let you know though." Brittany just nods then gets a great idea. She runs upstairs to her bedroom, and sprints back downstairs. Santana looks up from her chopping and sees that Brittany has an iPod in her hand. "Music?" Brittany nods excitedly and plugs her iPod into the iHome in the kitchen.

"We are going to play my favorite game," Brittany announces as she takes her seat on the counter next to the iHome. Santana, still chopping away, quirks an eyebrow at Brittany, but doesn't need to ask, because Brittany is already explaining. "I have over 10,000 songs on my iPod."

"Holy shit," Santana says, pausing briefly looking over at Brittany, shocked. Brittany just nods with a toothy grin and a proud look in her eyes.

"I know, it's a big accomplishment in my life," Brittany states proudly. "Anyways, we are going to play the music game."

"What's that?"

"I'm going to play a song, and you have to guess what it is." Santana simple furrows her eyebrows, and glances at Brittany, looking very skeptical. "It's a lot more fun than it sounds. I promise."

"Whatever you say, B," Santana says with a chuckle, and Brittany can't help the flutter in her chest at the nickname, and how relaxed and comfortable Santana feels around her.

/

_You are….My fi-_

"I Want It That Way by Backstreet Boys!" Santana exclaims as she is mixing up some seasoning over the skillet.

"Ugh, that was an easy one," Brittany sighs going back to the iPod. She finds the next song, and not even five seconds into it…

"Colors of the Wind from Pocahontas."

"Jesus," Brittany sighs, letting the rest of the song play. "You are ridiculously good at this."

"You do remember I studied music in college, right Britt?" Santana laughs a little bit, and Brittany just shrugs, while she gets two plates from the cabinets. "You were right, that game was a lot more fun than I thought it would be. And you stumped me on some of those throwback jams."

"What can I say," Brittany dusts the fake dirt off of her shoulder. "I love me some early 90's slow jams." Santana laughs out loud as she turns the burners off. "Is it ready?" Santana nods, and takes Brittany's plate as she serves up the veggies and gets a tortilla for her.

"Just some fajitas," Santana shrugs, handing Brittany her plate who is quickly licking her lips.

"Looks and smells delicious!" Brittany says happily taking a seat at the counter, but waits to eat until Santana joins her. "Thanks for making this."

"I usually make too much anyway. It's nice having someone to cook for…well, with. Cook with," Santana stutters, and Brittany looks at her curiously not knowing why Santana got flustered all of a sudden.

"Well, me and my tummy appreciate it," she says, and Santana just smiles back at her as the two dig in.

While they eat, Brittany asks several questions about Santana's day, and the Latina tells her stories about her ridiculous customers that she had to serve. She also explains how she had to run to the bathroom at one point, early in her shift, because she thought she was going to puke all over the kitchen. Brittany is hysterically laughing the entire time, and it just eggs her on to keep asking more questions about Santana's job and life in general.

She learns that Santana has always done waitressing as a part time job, and has been working at this restaurant for two years. It pays decently, and she gets good tips from the regulars. It's just a small place on the Lower East Side and does a big brunch business on weekends, which is what she was working at today. She explains that the food is pretty decent, and she always gets to get some free lunches to take home. She tells Brittany about some of her favorite regulars; one being an old man who always flirts with her and shows her pictures of his grandkids.

The entire time that Santana is speaking Brittany cannot help but want to know more and more about the brunette in front of her. She feels as if she needs to catch up on all of the last times that she should have been friends with the Latina all in this one meal. Brittany starts asking her question after question, in an attempt to learn all that she can.

"First crush?"

"I was in 5th grade and it was a boy that was actually a total jerk to me named Matt. He said it I had squirrel hair."

Despite feeling bad for Santana, Brittany couldn't help but find that a little bit hilarious. She then told Santana about her weird obsession with John Travolta's Danny Zuko from Grease to make her feel better.

"First kiss?"

"Freshmen year of high school actually. This dumb boy named Glen just walked up to me at a party and kissed me. It was really anti-climactic, and kind of gross. He smelled like Doritos." Once again, Brittany felt bad, but also had to laugh at the story.

"Mine was actually in 3rd grade…" Brittany added, feeling a bit promiscuous, despite her non-slutty nature, and it was a peck on the lips at nine years old.

"Whoa, check you out. Moving pretty quickly," Santana laughs out while taking a sip of her water, causing Brittany to immediately blush. "Elementary school slut."

"Pimping ain't easy," Brittany shrugs, causing Santana to burst out laughing, almost spilling her drink.

The two spend the next hour or so at their kitchen table, telling stories and asking each other questions. Brittany learns Santana is from a big family, lots of cousins, and she is very close to all of them. She is also very close to both of her parents, even though they annoy her. Brittany doesn't share too much about her own family, but just keeps asking Santana more and more questions about her family. She's Hispanic, and very proud of her roots. Her parents are first generation, and they all worked very hard to build their lives here in America. Brittany also learned that Santana speaks fluent Spanish, and had to restrain herself from asking her to say a string of sentences in Spanish, since Brittany has never really been good at learning different languages.

Santana then went on to start telling story after story about her childhood and holidays with her large family. Brittany's stomach began to hurt from laughing so much. The girl across from her is talking a mile a minute, telling a ridiculous story involving diapers, chocolate, and someone getting very confused when they ate something. Santana's eyes light up and her hands are flying animatedly through the air as she speaks. Brittany isn't even sure what the point of the story is, or how they got talking about poop mishaps, but both girls are so caught up in their laughter as the story comes to a close that nothing matters. All she wants is to spend forever hearing every single story from the girl in front of her, and hearing the magical sound of their laughter mixed together.

/

The next few weeks went very similar. The two girls spent their evenings eating dinner, playing music on Brittany's iPod, while asking each other all kinds of questions getting to know each other. Sometimes the questions were simple like "Favorite color?" Santana's was red, and Brittany's was blue. Other times they would get deeper or more philosophical. "Biggest regrets?" Santana claimed she didn't have any. Brittany said she regretted a lot of the choices and things that she did in high school, but didn't elaborate too much. Santana and Brittany come home every day after work and the two will sit and watch some Gilmore girls and talk about their days. Sometimes Rachel will join in before she rushes out for a performance or rehearsals.

Brittany's schedule is getting more and more filled with dance classes as the summer is coming to a close. As much as she loves seeing the little kids, and teaches them new moves every week, she is starting to get a little restless with her work. When she studied issues around poverty and social injustices in her undergraduate work, she always thought that she would get a job or do work that would be in that area, or would be helping other people. It's not that teaching people to dance doesn't help in a small way. But it's not the kind of rewarding work she ever pictured herself doing. Once she started to feel restless and antsy Brittany started to look for volunteer groups in the NYC area.  
When Brittany was younger her mom made her go to the Catholic mass with her every single Sunday. She went through all of the steps of first communion and confirmation, but she never really connected too much to religion and God. It was all a little too much for her to grasp at a young age, and while she was at NYU; religion was not really part of the culture there at all. However, she can't help but find herself on some church websites looking at different volunteer opportunities and seeing when and where their services are held. Brittany was lost; she needed something, someone, and anything to give her some type of direction.

/

During the last week in August it was finally Rachel's big performance at a big theater in Manhattan. After hearing her rehearse and do vocal training for weeks, both Brittany and Santana were thrilled the big weekend was finally here. However, Brittany was also really proud of Rachel, knowing how hard the young actress had worked to get to this point in her career. Even though it was a small step, it was still a step in the right direction.

For the briefest of moments, as Rachel was getting all of her things ready and leaving the apartment for the show, Brittany felt a pang of jealousy. Jealous of Rachel for being in a play. Jealous for her having a dream coming true. Jealous for her having a dream at all.

Despite her slight jealousy, she still helped Kurt plan an after party event for Rachel. They invited all of Rachel's NYADA friends, and other people that the three of them had gotten to know throughout their time in the city together. Santana was invited as well, of course. The two had been so busy with work, and planning the little get together, that they didn't really go out at all. They had their nightly dinners and question and answer sessions, but aside from their first weekend in the apartment together, they had not really drank around each other. Brittany and Kurt insisted that Santana invite whoever she wanted to; even though she might know some of the NYADA students, they did not want her feel left out. Santana was hesitant at first, telling the two that she didn't want to intrude on Rachel's big night, but Kurt and Brittany were anything but persistent. Finally, she caved and said she would ask if her friend Quinn was free that night.

Brittany was excited because, after many conversations with Santana, she knows how close she and Santana are. Quinn seems like a good friend to Santana, and someone that Brittany would like to get to know better, and hang out with. However, from the stories that Santana tells about her adventures and outings with Quinn, she sounds like a different person from the one that Brittany has gotten to know. Santana has told Brittany many stories about drunken crazy stunts, and causing stupid drama with people throughout their friendship. Santana seems a lot more intimidating when she tells stories that involve Quinn, and Quinn seems a lot more intimidating the more Brittany hears about her. Still, despite all of this, Brittany is excited to hang out with both of them at Rachel's big after party.

/

Rachel's performance was, of course, flawless. As was expected. Even Santana, who loved to tease Rachel, applauded loudly when the brunette took her bow. Both Kurt and Brittany enjoyed the play, but because they were heading the after party festivities, did not really want to sit out the pleasantries after the show. All of their friends that couldn't make it to the actual performance (or who didn't want to sit through yet another Rachel Berry star show) were all going to be meeting them at a bar in the Hell's Kitchen neighborhood of Manhattan. Kurt was insistent that they arrived at the bar immediately after the show so that none of their guests were waiting. Brittany could care less, as she just wanted to pound back a few drinks and dance after a stressful week. Santana's friend, Quinn, was unable to make the performance but would be meeting them at the bar, along with a few of Kurt's friends. Almost all of Rachel's NYADA groupies were at the actual show. Rachel had some things to go over with the cast and director, so would be meeting them there ("fashionably late" as she put it). So as the cast took one last final curtain call bow, Brittany, Santana and Kurt head out to get a cab to Hell's Kitchen.

Brittany and Santana were in their own world on the cab ride, while Kurt stared out the window getting impatient with their goofy antics. Brittany loved every minute of it. For years she was always the friend third wheel with him and Rachel, and now she had her own buddy to cling to and be obnoxious with all of their inside jokes. Brittany would poke her in the side (she quickly learned that was one of Santana's ticklish spots), and Santana would try and poke her back or grab at her hands. The two made commentary about Rachel's co-stars, guessing which ones were gay or straight (a game that Kurt joined in on immediately). The two giggled incessantly, probably driving their poor driver insane.

When the cab pulled up to the bar Kurt practically leapt from the vehicle, and Santana quickly followed, leaving Brittany to pay for it. Both Kurt and Santana said that they would repay her in copious amounts of alcohol, which was fine by Brittany.

The bar was relatively dead, as they had rented out the back room for their little gathering. They were definitely early, but the trio wasted no time in hitting up the bartender for a round of drinks on Kurt. They posted themselves at a table in the back room near the DJ, and Brittany and Kurt immediately began to rattle off a string of song requests for when the rest of the group would get there.

Within a half hour Rachel and Kurt's NYADA friends started to show up, and Santana actually knew a majority of them. They all started talking and congregating around the bar, catching up on life after graduation. Brittany was leaning against the bar, minding her own business, sipping her beer, and enjoying the current song on the speakers. She had her eyes on the doors to the back room, waiting for Rachel to arrive so she can give her a big hug, congratulate her, and buy her a shot. Just as she was starting to feel the tiniest of buzzes and down the rest of her drink, a tall, thin, blonde woman walks into the back of the room of the bar. Brittany doesn't recognize her as one of the regular NYADA people she associates with Kurt and Rachel, and she doesn't look like anyone she saw at Rachel's performance. The blonde is dressed fashionably, in a floral sundress and high heels, her makeup is perfectly done, and her shoulder length hair is styled with a slight curl. She looks around the bar like she is looking for someone and then spots someone near Brittany and waves. Brittany turns her head slightly to see who she is waving at and sees Santana next to her beaming and waving the blonde over. _Quinn._

/

Ever since Quinn arrived, Brittany hasn't gotten a word in with Santana. The two were squealing and immediately ordered shots once Quinn walked up to the Latina. Brittany remained at her spot, leaning against the door, waiting for Rachel. But her eyes were now trained on Santana and Quinn, trying to overhear their conversation, and waiting for the Latina to introduce the two blondes. Brittany isn't sure if she should walk up and interrupt them, which seems kind of rude, or to just wait it out, but she's not sure if Santana knows that she's waiting. So she just goes with what she has been doing and sips her beer, realizing it's almost over. As she turns her head to order from the good looking male bartender, she feels fingers at her back and a breath in her ear, "I'll buy." She immediately feels the blush on her face, and the warmth against her neck, recognizing the voice of Santana, and she nods, swallowing hard as Santana orders her another drink. "Come on, I want you to meet Quinn," Santana laces her fingers through Brittany's hand once they get their drinks, and tugs her over toward Quinn.

Suddenly Brittany is nervous, and very conscious of her sweaty palms. She's not sure if she's breathing properly due to Santana's grip on her hand and the way she breathed in her ear when she whispered. She is also extremely aware of how ridiculously pretty and perfect Quinn looks. Meanwhile, Brittany feels weird in her khaki capris, flip flops, and denim button up. The show wasn't really a dressy thing, but here Santana and Quinn are in their cute sundresses, that make them look anything but cute, and she feels like someone's kid sister that was invited to the party by accident. Despite the fact that she organized this and this was for her friend.

"Brittany, right?" the blonde girl in front of her is stretching out her hand, and smiling friendly. Brittany has her drink in her left hand and Santana's hand is still intertwined with her right. _What do I do with my hands?_ Even though she could easily let go of Santana, she finds herself feeling like she doesn't want to, but Santana makes up her mind for her and releases her grip. Brittany reaches out and gives Quinn's hand a shake, hoping her hand wasn't as sweaty as it seemed in her mind. "So nice to meet you!"

Quinn seems friendly, and nice, but Brittany's always a bit skeptical of certain people, well ridiculously pretty people to be exact. "You must be Quinn," Brittany smiles back at her. "So nice to meet you too. I've heard a lot about you." Quinn laughs at this, and from the corner of her eye she can see Santana blush a little bit.

"Oh, all horrible things, I'm sure." Quinn laughs, sipping her fruity looking drink. Brittany isn't too sure how to respond to this, because the stories didn't make Quinn sound all too appealing, so she just smiles and shrugs instead. "So Santana tells me you dance?" Brittany nods, swallowing her drink.

"Yeah, I teach dance right now."

"Oh you teach it? You must be a pro?" Quinn is still smiling and Santana is leaning against the bar eying up the crowd.

"No, no. Not a pro," Brittany states, never really sure how to take compliments. "Just still trying to find something else, a little more meaningful, to do with my time." Santana quirks her eyebrow at Brittany, probably because Brittany has never said anything these last few weeks that she has been looking around at other options. "It's something to keep me busy for now though," Brittany quickly adds, and Quinn nods, downing the rest of her drink.

"Santana, let's do some more shots," Quinn says, a little bit more demanding and pushy than Brittany would like, and Santana downs the rest of her drink and goes to follow Quinn. She turns her head over her shoulder and looks back at Brittany with slightly glassy eyes.

"Come on, come with," Santana says reaching her hand out for Brittany to take. Despite how badly Brittany wants to she smiles and shakes her head at Santana, something not sitting right with her about Quinn.

"I'll wait until Rachel gets here." Santana pouts a little bit, which causes Brittany to chuckle, but hurries over to Quinn who is ordering shots at the bar already. Brittany looks at them with a feeling of jealousy and almost annoyance. There's something about Santana that is different when she is around Quinn, and she's only been around her for a little bit. Brittany shrugs it off and tries not to let it put any kind of damper on her night so that she can still enjoy herself.

As if on cue, Rachel busts through the doors to the backroom in full dramatic fashion. "I'M HERE!" While Brittany wants to roll her eyes, she can't help but laugh at her friend, running over to her and engulfing her into a huge hug.

"Congrats girl!" She says as she releases Rachel from her grasp. Rachel is absolutely glowing in the after show high. "Your first several drinks are on me. Or Kurt." She says as she tugs Rachel over to the bar and orders Rachel and herself two shots of tequila. Rachel grimaces when she is handed the lime and the shot.

"Britt, you know this makes me sick…" Rachel whines, but Brittany urges her hand to her mouth and makes her drink it.

"You won't get sick from the tequila, you'll get sick from the martini I'm ordering you because it has seven different flavors in it," Brittany says as she turns to her bartender friend and gets the fruitiest ingredient packed martini available, much to Rachel's delight. Brittany hands Rachel her drink, and before Rachel can get a word out she is being grabbed by her NYADA friends, and a whole lot of squealing and cheers are going on.

Brittany looks around for Kurt and sees him talking with some girls about their dresses and jewelry, hating that Kurt can be too stereotypical for his own good sometimes. She glances around trying to find Santana or Quinn at the bar, but doesn't see them anywhere. She spots an empty seat at the end of the bar and decides to take up post there since all of her friends are busy.

Brittany doesn't usually mind being left by herself, but sometimes it makes her hyper aware of how alone she feels sometimes. Everyone else seems to have some type of track to their life and her mother's voice echoes in her mind bit by bit. She pulls out her phone and goes on Facebook, seeing some updates of some friends of hers from NYU; they're all traveling the country or world doing exotic things and having exciting experiences. She types in her brother's name, Rich, into the search bar and see that he last checked in at a local bar from their hometown in Ohio. She sighed loudly and just went back to her beer, finishing it quickly and sliding it in between her hands.

"Another one?" A male voice from across the counter asked, snapping her out of her thoughts. The bartender was leaning against the counter, nodding toward her empty glass. He was a big burly guy, who looked like he was more of a bouncer than a bartender, but he had really friendly eyes and dark hair.

"Oh no," Brittany said smiling. "It's kind of depressing to drink by yourself." The bartender smiled politely at her, but looked concerned.

"You're not part of this big group here?"

"I am," Brittany shrugged looking around here. "My best friend and roommate is the one we're celebrating actually. But...everyone else sort of went off with different friends." The bartender gave her an understanding smile and nod, and then looked to see if he had any more customers down at the other end of the bar, which he did.

"Well, I'm Tony, you can hang with me until they come and find you," He said while shaking her hand then went off to take care of his other customers. Brittany smiled at his kind words then looked around again for any sign of Santana and Quinn, and when she didn't spot them went back to focusing on Tony who came and brought her another beer while asking her name.

/

Over the next hour the music and the crowd seemed to get exponentially louder. Maybe that was just Brittany's imagination though since she had stopped heavily drinking since she took a seat at the bar. In order for Tony to hear her he would have to lean over the counter while she whisper-shouted into his ear. She was nursing the beer in front of her, and enjoying the small talk she was making with the large bartender. She spotted Rachel getting sloppier and sloppier, but could tell she was having a lot of fun with Kurt and her NYADA friends. Every now and then someone that she recognized would come up to her and chat about what she has been up to, and make some small talk before going off with their own friends.

Tony was in the middle of pouring some drinks and telling Brittany about some crazy customers he has served, and some of his favorite regulars. After just recently having this kind of conversation with Santana, she was learning a lot about people in the food/bar industry and she was fascinated by all of the different crazy stories she was hearing. "Well and then you have your typical drunk college girls," Tony continued telling her about the different types of people he sees. "They are the ones that know no self-control and are just boozing it up to get shit faced." Brittany nodded in understanding, knowing that she was that person during college a fair amount of time. "Kind of like those two over there," Tony said while nodding behind Brittany. She whipped her stool around and saw Quinn and Santana in hysterics in each other's arm, clearly wasted.

Brittany was frozen in her seat a bit, unsure of whether or not she should go check in on them or stay where she was. She was kind of disappointed though. She had imagined her night spent hanging out with Santana and getting to know Quinn, being included a little bit on their world. Instead, she was more or less ignored by the pair all night, and was pretty sure they had disappeared and left up until now. She looked at them until Santana locked her glassy, drunken eyes on Brittany and made eye contact. The second Brittany made eye contact she turned back around to face Tony, acting like she didn't just see Santana and Quinn. Unfortunately, she was too late for that route.

"Britt!" She heard screamed from behind her over the music and the chatter. She looked at Tony who raised his eyebrows at her and shook his head while going back to other customers. _Great, now he thinks I'm the drunken college boozehound._ Suddenly two tanned arms were being aggressively thrown around her neck, and she was practically pulled off her chair. "There you are!" A loud squealing Latina was yelling into her ear. She could smell the alcohol on her, and she was quite sweaty. As annoyed as Brittany was, she couldn't deny that it felt nice even just being in the presence of Santana.

"Yep," Brittany said, spinning slightly on the stool to face Santana. "Here I am." She smiled at Santana, noticing Quinn behind her, clearly obliterated.

"Where've you been?" Santana asked with a pout, her hands still on Brittany's shoulders.

"Here," Brittany gestured toward the bar and her seat. Santana leaned in and pulled Brittany into a hug.

"I missed you," Santana whispered into Brittany's ear. The blonde immediately felt the chill go down her neck, and her senses were on overload with Santana. The way she smelled like vodka, beer, and sweat, and the lotion that she uses. The way her hands were in a vice grip around her, holding her close, and the way her voice sounded in her ear. Brittany wanted to be mad. She wanted to feel lonely and annoyed. But instead everything was Santana. So she smiled and hugged her back, opening her eyes to find Quinn had been staring at them, but quickly snapped her attention toward the dance floor.

"I missed you too," Brittany says quietly, releasing her grip and pulling away from Santana. Santana's eyes were drooping and she was having a hard time standing up on her own. "How much did you drink?" Brittany asked the two of them, while rubbing Santana's back. The Latina was currently leaning all of her weight on Brittany, and Quinn was not really paying attention.

"Some shots, and then we went to the bar next door...more shots," Quinn stated flatly.

"You should have come with us," Santana mumbled against Brittany's shoulder. Brittany laughed a little about how drunk her friend was, but also was a little annoyed that they had left the bar to go somewhere else.

"I wasn't entertaining enough for you?" Brittany asked with a bit of annoyance showing in her tone. Santana's head shot up from Brittany's shoulder and she looked up, still clinging on to Brittany.

"No, no, no, no-" Santana shook her head. "Quinn just-" She looked back to Quinn for some support, but the other blonde just rolled her eyes.

"I was kidding, it's fine." _No it's not._ Santana smiled and hugged Brittany again. "Jeez, you really do get clingy when you've been drinking." Brittany felt Santana nod her head against her neck and continued to rub Santana's back. Brittany didn't know what to say to Quinn because other than sheer annoyance with how she's acted so far, the two blondes didn't really know each other.

"Hey Britt," Tony called from behind the counter. Brittany turned her head more to see him, since Santana made no signs of moving. "Your friend need a water?"

"Who the hell are you?" Santana slurred while sitting up a little bit more, away from Brittany. Tony just rolled his eyes and laughed, as Brittany tried to shoot him a sympathetic smile conveying _Just ignore her._

"He's my new bartender friend, San," she said it in a playful tone, but also gentle, rubbing her arms as she struggled to focus her eyes properly.

"Ooh, can he get us free drinks?" Quinn was now next to Brittany, leaning against the bar. Tony just rolled his eyes and went back to other customers. "Lame."

Quinn had pulled out her phone, clearly bored at the whole situation, and Brittany still sat on the stool, rubbing Santana's back. She was unsure how long she was sitting there, but when Santana let out a loud burp and gagging noise, she sat up immediately. She kept her hands on Santana's sides as she pulled away, looking at her in the face. Santana's eyes were closed and she was swallowing, but she looked like she was going to be sick any minute. "San…" Brittany whispered, giving her arms a light squeeze. "Are you going to puke?" Santana just shrugged. She turned her head back and saw that Tony had already placed a small cup of water there for her. She caught his eye as he was pouring a drink and shot him a grateful smile. "Come on San, drink some water," she said as she grabbed the cup and guided it to Santana's mouth. Santana drooled a little bit, not fully swallowing it, and spitting some back out. "Keep drinking," she said, rubbing Santana's sides.

Brittany looked behind Santana, to Quinn, for some guidance, but found the other blonde still on her phone texting away. "We should get her home," Brittany said to Quinn who snapped her head up from her phone and shrugged at Brittany.

"Yeah, whatever," she said. Brittany rolled her eyes and then brushed some hair that had fallen onto Santana's face.

"We're going to get you home San," She said as she propped Santana up so more.

"No," Santana mumbled, fighting to get her eyes open. "I'm good. I'm good. Really, see?" She slurred as she pulled back from Brittany's embrace and tried to stand on her own. She immediately became unstable and looked like she was about to throw up immediately. Brittany raised her eyebrows at Santana and tried not to laugh at her.

"Yeah, I'm sure you're fine, but it's getting late and I'm kind of tired," She said, hoping to make Santana feel a little better. "Don't you have work tomorrow?" Brittany asked, knowing she might have some leverage with that approach.

"Oh yeah…" Santana smiled at her dopily and fell back into Brittany's arms. "Let's go," she slurred.

Quinn was already heading toward the door, and Brittany looked around for Rachel and Kurt, but couldn't find them in the crowd. She figured she would just text them once they got in the cab. She gave Tony another sympathetic smile and he waved her goodbye. Santana had now become dead weight and was repeatedly burping. Brittany took a deep breath in preparing herself for what was sure to be a very annoying ride home.

/

"Quinn!" Brittany yelled reaching over and slapping Quinn's arm to wake her up. "We're at your place." Quinn's eyes opened and she reached for the door.

"It was nice meeting you Brittany," she said with so much fake cheer that Brittany could almost vomit.

"Pleasure was all mine," Brittany said under breath as Quinn opened the cab door and got out. _No need to pay me for half the cab ride, not like we went out of our way or anything._

Brittany didn't even bother to make sure that Quinn got into her apartment safely. She gave the cab driver her and Santana's address in Brooklyn, and enjoyed the silence. Santana had fallen asleep the second they got into the cab. Her head was on Brittany's shoulder, her dark hair covering her face. Brittany looked down at the Latina with a smile, feeling her breath on her shoulder as she quietly slept.

About twenty minutes later they were in front of their apartment. Brittany had to maneuver around Santana's body to get her credit card out of her bag to pay for the cab. The bill was a lot more than she was expecting, and she was mentally doing the math in her head, trying to figure out how low her bank account was after tonight. After paying, she opened the door and tried to wake Santana up. After some slight nudges in her side Santana woke up and started to slide slowly out of the cab. Brittany pulled Santana's arm over her shoulder and helped her walk to the door. They got into the elevator with little no problem. The second the elevator started moving up to the fifth floor Santana pulled her arm that was around Brittany arm to her mouth and staggered forward as she started to puke and cough up. "Oh no…" Brittany said as she rushed forward and rubbed Santana's back as she puked up the rest of what was in her system. "It's alright, get it out." The doors to the elevator opened and Brittany was thankful none of her neighbors were around. "Come on, let's get you cleaned up."

"I'm so sorry," Santana slurred, still covering her mouth.

"It's fine."

/

Another half hour later, Brittany had gotten Santana into bed with sweat pants and a large t-shirt on. Santana passed out immediately on contact, and Brittany was too drained to care about undressing her roommate. She threw Santana's puke stained clothes in her hamper so that she could wash it tomorrow morning without Santana's room smelling like puke. She put a trash bin on Santana's night stand with a bottle of water and some aspirin.

Once that was all done she sent out a text to Kurt and Rachel letting them know her and Santana were back in the apartment safely. She then added **Quinn is not my favorite person**.

After all of that she took on the task of cleaning out the elevator as best as she could despite her exhaustion. She brought some paper towels, wipes and plastic bags and cleaned it up as much as she could. It took her yet another twenty minutes to clean everything up. She dragged herself back into her apartment and up the stairs to her and Santana's rooms. She poked her head in to see if Santana had gotten sick again; which she hadn't. After all of that she threw herself into her own room, quickly stripping herself of all of her clothes and throwing on a pair of sleep shorts and a tee. She plugged her phone in and saw that it was 3:15 AM. She closed her eyes and immediately drifted off to sleep.

/

Brittany woke up to the sound of her and Santana's toilet flushing next door. She figured that Santana was awake, and she almost wanted to go check on her to see if she was feeling any better. But, on the other hand, she was also really annoyed at the Latina for how she and Quinn acted last night. It was annoyance mixed with disappointment, which was the worst kind of feeling. She rolled over, her body feeling achy from all of the heavy lifting last night. She checked her phone for the time and saw that it was only 8:20 am. She didn't have any new texts or calls from Rachel or Kurt, and figured that they were both passed out, hopefully safely. She remembered today was Sunday and how she wanted to start checking out some church services. She didn't feel hungover or even that tired.

She sat up a little bit and pulled up some information on her phone about local masses in the area and decided she would get changed and catch a 9:30 service. She quickly threw on a simple outfit and put her hair up in a ponytail. She glanced at her mirror and shrugged _Good enough._

She slipped out of her bedroom, seeing that Santana's door was closed and there was no movement coming from her bedroom. Figuring Santana was probably back in bed sleeping off her night before work, Brittany headed out.

/

Despite her ups and downs, and doubts with faith: there has always been something soothing about sitting in a church service. Since she grew up with it, she knows all of the motions very well. She knows when to sit and kneel, what to respond when the priest says a certain phrase, when she is supposed to bless herself with the sign of the cross, and when she is supposed to be in prayerful silence.

The church is a large old cathedral, but there are not many people in attendance. It was mostly a lot of old people (who were adorable in Brittany's opinion), and a few families. The priest was an old man, but his homily was really sweet and beautiful.

The main thing that Brittany has always liked about going to mass is the music. The singer was a small younger woman with a beautiful voice and a simple piano player. A few of the songs Brittany recognized, but she didn't sing along, she just sat and listened peacefully, becoming extremely calm and relaxed as she listened.

/

It was a beautiful Sunday late morning as she left the dark church. Her blue eyes stinging a little bit when she walked outside. All of the stress that she had last night was leaving her body slowly, and the church music that was stuck in her head was relaxing her. She pulled out her phone and had a few messages from Rachel, thanking her for helping organize the party and that she had a good time. She had a text from Kurt asking what Quinn did that pissed her off and what happened to Santana. She closed her texts, not really wanting to deal with any of that and just walked back toward her apartment in peace.

As she was approaching her apartment she remembered that Santana wouldn't be there, so she wouldn't have to have an awkward encounter with her. She wasn't sure how she was feeling anymore. She was disappointed Santana ignored her last night and barely introduced her to Quinn. She was disappointed that Santana and Quinn got too drunk to function and were sloppy. She was annoyed that she had to take care of Santana afterwards and that Quinn was very little help. She was mad that she still didn't have a text from Santana apologizing to her or thanking her for her help. She was feeling a lot of things all at once.

Brittany pulled out her phone again to see if Santana had texted her and she just missed it. There was no message, and out of boredom she hit dial to the one number she knew would answer.

"Hey mom," she said once her mom picked up. "Guess where I just came from?"

"Where?" Her mom sounded distracted on the other end, but she didn't seem angry, which was always a good sign.

"I went to church this morning!" Brittany told her mom, expecting some type of reaction. Maybe an "I'm proud of you" or "That's great, how was it?" She would tell her mom all about the service and the music and how pretty the church was.

Instead all her mom said was, "That's nice."

"Yeah it was…" Brittany took a seat on the stoop of her apartment, stretching her legs out in the sunlight. "It was a really pretty church."

"I'm sure it was," her mother said flatly. "Oh guess who I saw today?" Brittany sighed, having a feeling where this was heading.

"Who?"

"Jennifer Fuller from your 4th grade class, do you remember her?"

"Yeah, mom. She was in my class, I remember," If she remembered correctly Jennifer Fuller was a pretentious snob. Brittany decided to leave that bit to herself. "What about her?"

"Oh, well she has this great job in California, and is going to start her own catering company." Brittany wasn't sure what this had to do with her life at all.

"That's great, mom," she was getting frustrated and didn't want to talk about Jennifer Fuller, but just wanted to have a good conversation with her mom about her own life. "Why should I care?"

"Well," her mom began, clearly not pleased with Brittany's attitude. "I just thought you'd like to know. Especially since she is doing something with her life. Thought maybe you'd like to see it is possible after all," Brittany inhaled hoping to interrupt her mother, but that would not be possible. "I mean you're just teaching dance in New York, Brittany." The way her mother said her name was forceful, and Brittany immediately regretted starting a fight to begin with. "You can teach dance in New York. You're just wasting your time and money, and what for?"

There was silence for several seconds. Brittany was fuming, but the truth was that she didn't have an answer. She didn't know what she was wasting her time and money for.

"Whatever." Was the best she could do. "Just thought you'd like to know that I went to a mass." And she hung up.

/

Brittany unlocked the door to her apartment, feeling the exhaustion from the night before and the lack of sleep finally kick in. All she wanted to do was lock herself in her bedroom, close the blinds and pass out. She walked into the apartment and saw Rachel and Santana sitting on the couch watching TV. They both were in sweats, looking hungover. Rachel turned immediately and smiled at Brittany widely. "Hey there!" Brittany closed her eyes and inhaled, preparing herself to put on a happy face for both of them. "You're home!" Rachel continued to exclaim. "Where were you?"

Santana was looking at her now too and she had a curious expression on her face. Brittany didn't know how to answer. Not that Rachel or even Santana would judge, but she didn't really feel like explaining herself. "Just out," Brittany replied. She wasn't really able to act happy, and she wasn't really sure she wanted to. The second she saw that Santana didn't even make it into work this morning, she remembered all of the shit that the Latina had put her through the night before. Rachel just shrugged at Brittany and went back to the television. Meanwhile, Santana's eyes remained locked on Brittany.

Brittany headed up the steps to her bedroom, not even hearing the quiet padding of feet behind her as she reached her door. "Hey," Santana called out as she opened her bedroom door. Brittany turned around and saw a disheveled looking Santana looking worried. "You okay?"

Brittany put on her best fake smile and nodded. "Yup. I'm fine." Santana quirked an eyebrow at her.

"You sure?"

Brittany nodded again, leaning against her door frame, avoiding eye contact with Santana.

"Look," Santana sighed out, causing Brittany to look up at her. "I'm really sorry about last night."

"It's fine," Brittany said shrugging, and smiled fakely at Santana again.

"The word 'fine' is never a good thing."

"Well, it is to me," Brittany shot back quickly. Santana just nodded, shuffling on her feet awkwardly. "I'm kind of tired, I think I'm going to take a nap," Brittany added, while Santana nodded her head again. "Didn't get much sleep last night," Brittany had to throw that in there, and she immediately regretted it once she saw the look of guilt flash across Santana's face.

"Oh...yeah...sure." Santana started to turn to leave Brittany alone, but she turned back around after a few steps. Brittany was still leaning against the doorframe, watching Santana. "You sure you're okay? You seemed kind of upset when you came in," Santana asked, and she genuinely seemed concerned. Her voice sounded so small.

 _No I'm not okay_ Brittany wanted to scream. _Sometimes I hate my mom. I don't know what to do with my life. I'm lonely._

Instead, Brittany smiled at Santana. Santana in her sweat pants, her hair in a messy bun. Santana who was so hungover she didn't go to work, and probably felt like shit all morning.

"I'm fi-" Brittany began, but saw Santana raise an eyebrow at her. "I'm okay," She finished. "Really."

Santana smiled back at her after her correction and walked back over and through her arms around Brittany, pulling her into a tight hug. Brittany felt warm, she felt wanted for the first time all weekend, and every anger and disappointment washed from her in one hug.

"I'm really sorry for last night, Britt," Santana whispered into her ear and Brittany hugged her tighter, not wanting to let go. "I was a jerk," she continued. "And that's not how someone treats one of their best friends."

Brittany's heart fluttered at the mention of "best friends". She pulled away slowly and looked at Santana, her arms still around Brittany's neck. "Best friend, huh?" Brittany asked quirking her eyebrow. Santana smiled at her widely.

"Well, duh. Who else would clean up my puke?" Santana laughed out. "And I don't know…" Santana paused, looking down at her feet again. "I just feel like you really know me, and you care about me. You've been a really good friend so far. You really have taken time to get to know me. Then I go and make an ass out of myself last night. I just…" Santana breathed in deeply, look back up at Brittany. "I don't want to be a bad friend, cause you're one of my best friends. We haven't known each other that long, but I feel like I do," Santana exhaled, breaking eye contact with the blonde too look at the floor, before adding, "I owe you big. So whatever you want or need, I'll do it," Brittany just laughed and shook her head.

"How about," Brittany drawled out. "You just keep being my friend?"

Santana smiled up at her and pulled her back into a tight hug, whispering right into the blonde's ear, "Always."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song: Hey Mama by Mat Kearney


	6. Dazed & Confused

_on a tightrope_

_when you think i'm not_

_i'll be there for you_

_under water_

_with both hands tied_

_i'll be there for you_

_you always leave me dazed and dazed and dazed and confused_

**Fall, 2011**

The next month went by very similar to August. Brittany, Santana and Rachel were all busy with different projects for work and were constantly in and out of the apartment with very little down time. Santana was taking on extra shifts at the restaurant, and looking for bars to start bartending. Rachel's small show ended, with rave reviews and she was taking additional vocal lessons and as many auditions as she could. Meanwhile, Brittany took on an additional kid's dance class to teach.

It was the first fall in their lives that they were not going to school and were busy working instead. The idea was an adjustment for all of them. Not having set schedules and classes to take, and activities to be involved in made making choices harder, and being independent a necessity.

Being so busy with work and auditions made the transition a little bit easier. Brittany also found herself busy because she got more involved with the church that she went to. The second week she went she met an older lady named Cathy who started to talk to her after the service. Cathy was extremely friendly and gentle and she and Brittany really hit it off. She heard all of the old lady church gossip from Cathy, and Cathy looked after her like she was her family.

Every Sunday Brittany would sneak off to church and spend the afternoon with Cathy afterwards. Each week she came up with a different excuse, or just didn't say anything to her roommates. It's not that she was ashamed or embarrassed, she just liked having something that was just hers and that she didn't have to explain herself to anyone.

Brittany and Santana still had dinners together, sometimes Rachel joining in, and still played the "question game" as it was so accurately named. They hung out almost every night, and the night that they didn't Brittany was cranky the next day. Being around Santana relaxed her, and made her forget about everything else in the world. Every once in a while Kurt would come over to the girls' apartment and they'd watch a movie or crappy reality television. For the month of September, there was a nice, comfortable, routine. Before anyone knew, it was October, and the fall weather was in full swing in Brooklyn.

"It's finally pumpkin spiced latte weather!" Rachel exclaimed as her and Brittany entered the Starbucks a few blocks away from their apartment on a brisk Saturday afternoon. "It's my favorite time of the year."

The pair ordered their lattes and waited for their drinks at the end of the bar. "How are the auditions going?" Brittany asked while drumming her fingers on the counter.

"Alright," Rachel sighed. "Nothing too promising still. But at least I'm keeping busy and putting myself out there."

"Two grande pumpkin spiced lattes for two beautiful ladies," the overly friendly Starbucks barista winked as he handed them their drinks. Both Rachel and Brittany rolled their eyes, grabbed their drinks, and headed to a nearby table.

"I hate when they do that," Rachel whispered. Brittany took a sip of her latte, enjoying the pumpkin flavoring.

"Do what?"

"Do the whole 'beautiful ladies' thing," Rachel was annoyed as she took a sip of her latte. "Like, I don't need to be awkwardly hit on by a barista."

"Maybe he was just being friendly," Brittany shrugged, not really annoyed at the compliment from the barista.

"Britt," Rachel sighed, looking at her friend sympathetically. "This is what gets you into trouble when it comes to your love life."

"Love life?" Brittany asked, laughing. "What love life do I have that I'm not aware of? Because last time I checked I was and have been extremely single."

Rachel simply rolled her eyes before continuing. "No, what I mean is that you have a tendency to always think the best in everyone. Everyone, according to you, is just always being nice or extra friendly. That guy that hit on you consistently at the studio everyday last year, remember him?"

"Yes, I remember him," Brittany said, a little offended that she was being treated like a child, even though Rachel might have a point. "His name was Johnny, by the way."

"Well, poor Johnny. Who had more acne than a 12 year old boy going through puberty, who was sweet as could be," Rachel exaggerated, not giving Brittany a chance to interrupt. "Johnny, who you kept insisting was not expecting more than friendship from you over and over again."

Brittany simply stared at her coffee cup, knowing exactly where this was heading. "What happened with Johnny, Britt?" Rachel asked pointedly.

"He was actually hitting on me," Brittany mumbled, picking at her cup, avoiding eye contact with Rachel.

"Poor Johnny," Rachel shook her head. "He was so broken hearted he had to quit his job at the studio." Brittany looked up, and even though she knew Rachel was right she didn't like to be made to feel like the bad guy. "And he hasn't been your only casualty. Need I remind you of-"

"Okay, okay," Brittany quickly cut her off. "I get it. I need to know when people are being more than friendly."

"I'm not saying you're naive."

"You kind of are," Brittany mumbled.

"No," Rachel fired back. "I'm saying that you need to realize that nine times out of ten, members of the opposite sex want more than friendship when they are being that friendly." Brittany looked up at this, and sat thoughtfully before responding.

"You really don't think guys and girls can just be friends?"

"I think it depends," Rachel quickly responded, clearly having thought about this herself before. "But I really think there are always undertones of wanting something more out of that friendship. Especially if both are single." Brittany nodded, in understanding and in partial agreement.

"I guess, that makes sense," Brittany said after a pause.

" _When Harry Met Sally_ taught us this perfectly," Rachel responded.

"What about for gay couples?" Brittany asked out of curiosity, thinking of Kurt and of Rachel's fathers who were a gay couple that Brittany loved. They always were so open with her ever since she met them in high school.

Kurt and Rachel's fathers were the only real experience she had with the LGBTQ community since the gay population was not that high in her small Ohio town. She met a lot of people in college that were either out or proud or experimenting with their sexuality. Brittany loved to chat and get to know all of them, because she found everyone's story and coming to terms with their own sexuality so interesting.

"I think it's similar if both parties involved are from the same sexual orientation," Rachel stated after a moment of thinking over Brittany's question. "Like, my dad's knew each other in college and became friends, but they both always liked each other more than that. But they both have friends that are male that aren't gay and they're friends with other gay couples too." Brittany scrunched her brow as she processed everything that Rachel said, because the brunette said everything so quickly. "Does that make sense?" Rachel asked, sensing she might have lost Brittany.

"Yeah," Brittany said nodding her head. "It's the same as with two straight people, right?" Rachel smiled and nodded.

"At least that's what I gather from my dad's," Rachel took a sip of her latte. "But for two lesbians, or two women that are on different ends of the sexual orientation spectrum it could be different. I don't really have any experience with that."

"Why do you think it'd be different?"

"I think females can have some pretty intense female friendships," Rachel stated, putting her cup down. "The kind that men don't usually have."

Brittany was lost again, and didn't quite understand what Rachel was saying. "Are you hitting on me?" Brittany asked, trying to lighten the mood, but also get a little clarification.

"You wish," Rachel rolled her eyes. "No, I think that there are some female friendships that can become very intimate. Like you and Santana are super touchy feely right?"

Brittany's eyes shot up and widened at the mention of her and Santana, and she nodded, not sure where Rachel was headed with this.

"Yeah, so you both are straight, but I wonder how that would go if one of you wasn't and how that dynamic would be different. You know?" Rachel was waving her hands around as she was explaining to Brittany. "There are a lot of females who have relationships like that. But if you both were lesbians, or one of you was bi or confused, would you still be so touchy feely and cuddle all the time?" Brittany swallowed hard, not sure if this was a rhetorical question or if she should answer or not. When Rachel continued to talk about friends she knew at NYADA that were experimenting with other girls, she figured it was a rhetorical question and just dropped it.

As Rachel continued to hypothesize and tell different stories, Brittany was lost in her own thoughts. Was her relationship with Santana that touchy feely? Was that a bad thing? Is it bad that Brittany likes how intimate she and Santana are with each other?

 _Intimate makes it sound like a more than friend's relationship._ Brittany thought to herself. _We both just like hugs...and like to cuddle on the couch._ _That's fine. That's what friends do._

Rachel kept talking as Brittany got further and deeper into her own mind and thoughts.

/

Later that night Brittany was making scrambled eggs for dinner when the apartment door flew open and Santana stormed in, throwing her purse down and whipping the hood that was over her head off.

"Fuck it's cold out!" she yelled as she kicked her shoes off. Her hoodie was soaked and Brittany poked her head out of the kitchen to see what the commotion was about.

"Why are you all wet?" Brittany asked, looking at Santana whose hoodie and pants were soaked. Santana just pointed out their living room window where all Brittany saw was torrential downpour of rain.

"Whoa, when did that happen?"

"Like ten minutes ago," Santana sighed, clearly pissed. "Just the perfect fucking cherry on a terrible fucking day." Brittany raised her eyebrows and stared at Santana, a little shocked as she has never really heard the Latina this pissed off.

"I'm sorry," Brittany quietly said. "Do you want some eggs?"

For the first time since she walked in the door Santana made eye contact with Brittany and gave her a small smile. She nodded, "Eggs sound great." Brittany quickly beamed at Santana and turned on her heels back to the kitchen to finish scrambling the eggs. Santana pulled a beer from the fridge, and offered one to Brittany, but Brittany declined.

"Eggs and beer seems like a weird combo," Brittany stated, focusing on the skillet in front of her. Santana just shrugged and quickly began to drink her beer, leaning up against the counter watching Brittany.

"Where's Rachel?" Santana asked, taking another long swig of her beer.

"Out at another audition," Brittany said as she turned the burner off and grabbed two plates for both of them. She served some eggs on both plates evenly and handed one to Santana, who grabbed two forks. They both went to their kitchen counter, pulling up the stools and taking a seat. "So what else happened today that sucked?" Brittany asked after taking a quick bite.

Santana exhaled deeply, chewing slowly before she spoke. "Work was just annoying today," she said, sounding exhausted. Brittany just nodded thoughtfully, looking over her friend's tired face. "Two other waitresses called out, so I basically worked the lunch shift by myself. Then on my one break I had all day Quinn called, and that was a disaster."

Brittany's attention went straight to her own plate at the mention of Santana's friend Quinn. After Rachel's opening night party she hadn't really encountered Quinn again. However, she had a strong tendency to get quiet whenever Santana mentioned her. Brittany didn't dislike Quinn. Truth was, she just didn't know Quinn. There was something with the way that Santana spoke about Quinn, and the little interaction that she did have with the other blonde, that really rubbed Brittany the wrong way. Brittany was pretty awkward when it came to a lot of social interactions. She could be fairly introverted before she got to know people, and she didn't always make the best first impressions. However, she did have a knack of judging peoples character. It was like a sixth sense, and something about Quinn set her radar off.

"Why was it a disaster?" Brittany asked, sounding slightly disinterested as she shoveled more eggs into her mouth.

"She just always is involved with different drama, and she somehow always tries to rope me into it," Santana sounded frustrated, but Brittany didn't know much about Quinn so she just nodded in response. "Plus, she never stops butting into my personal life."

"How so?" Brittany asked, becoming more interested now.

"She's always trying to set me up with random people to date, or trying to get me to go with her to find random hookups. She can be a little slutty sometimes in that department," Santana said flatly. Brittany quirked an eyebrow at this new information. "I mean, she's not a slut, but she just hooks up with random people a lot," Santana quickly added. Brittany just raised her eyebrows and nodded, not knowing what to say. "That probably makes her sound like a slut," Santana said defeated.

Brittany just laughed and shrugged. "I don't really know her, so I wouldn't really know."

The two sat eating their food quietly for a few more moments.

"You don't like Quinn, do you?" Santana finally asked.

Brittany paused, finishing chewing what she was eating before replying, "Like I said, I don't really know her."

"But from that after party...you didn't like her," It wasn't so much of a question as it was an observation. Once again though, Brittany shrugged.

"Maybe if we hung out again, I could actually get to know her," Brittany said, finishing off the rest of her eggs on her plate. "She's your best friend so I'm sure she's great." Brittany smiled softly at Santana, who quickly returned the gesture.

"As of lately, you are quickly becoming a much better replacement," Santana stated, smiling at Brittany, and taking both of their plates to the sink to clean them.

As Santana was washing their dishes a thought had occurred to Brittany. "Why does Quinn want you to hook up with someone so badly?"

Santana finished the dish she was cleaning and turned around with the dish cloth in her hand. She shrugged, looking at towel in her hand, "It's not like that, really. She's just kinda looking out for me. Like I said I've never really dated anyone before so, she just tries to help."

"You've hooked up with people before though right?" Brittany asked slowly, not wanting to overstep any lines. Santana just laughed and nodded.

"Yes, I have. I'm not that big of a loser," she said playfully as she put the dish cloth back in the sink.

"That wouldn't make you a loser!" Brittany said feeling bad she asked that way. "I just was curious. That's all."

Santana nodded and headed in toward the living room couch, where Brittany quickly joined her. Their apartment was a little colder than usual, due to the change of weather. Brittany pulled one of the spare blankets they had on the couch over both of their legs as they laid across from each other on opposite ends of the couch. Santana played with the end of the blanket quietly, something clearly on her mind before she cleared her throat, "Are you a virgin?"

Brittany laughed at Santana's sudden shyness when it came to this topic. "Nope," she said casually. "Lost it to my high school boyfriend." Brittany didn't really think too much of her first time. It was very stereotypical. She loved him, but they grew apart and went their separate ways her senior year of high school. His name was Dan, and he was overall a nice guy. Every now and then she thinks about him, and they still text to catch up around holidays and such.

Santana nodded, still playing with the end of the blanket, avoiding eye contact.

"What about you?" Brittany asked quietly.

"Yeah, I'm a virgin," Santana said it quietly and had the slightest hint of a blush hit her cheeks. Brittany could tell this was a point of embarrassment for the Latina. She wanted to word her response really carefully, but before she could Santana quickly started talking again. "I just never really had a boyfriend, and I didn't want it to be a random guy I didn't know or anything."

Brittany nodded kindly, and smiled at Santana. "That sounds like a really good thing, San," Brittany said softly. She reached over the blanket and put her hand over Santana's hands, which were still playing with the hem of the blanket. "Nothing to be weird or embarrassed about."

Santana was quiet for a little while; Brittany just kept rubbing circles with her thumb over the back of Santana's hand. "I just feel like the last virgin in the world," Santana said quietly, her head low. "Quinn always gives me shit about it."

Suddenly, the bad feeling in her stomach when it came to Quinn started making sense. "Does she tease you about it?" Brittany asked slowly, trying not to make any snap judgments.

"Not really tease," Santana let out a deep exhale. "That's just why she always is trying to set me up."

"Well you shouldn't do what other tell you to do. You do things at your own pace," Brittany said, continuing with the circles against Santana's soft skin.

"I know," Santana defended, pulling her hands away from Brittany. "She's just trying to help. You don't know her," Brittany could quickly tell that she hit a nerve and started racking her brain for a defense.

"I know," she started. "I just...I don't want you to feel pressured for any reason. Or embarrassed. There's no need to," she said the last part lowly, ducking her head to make eye contact with Santana. Santana finally looked up and smiled at Brittany.

"I know, thanks," Santana reached over and gave Brittany's hand a small squeeze. "Sensitive subject I guess." Brittany just smiled and squeezed back, nodding in understanding.

/

A half hour later Rachel came in from an audition in a cranky mood. Brittany decided that her roommates needed something to cheer them up, especially with the storm outside. Without really asking she forced them both on the couch while she put _Bridesmaids_ , her favorite comedy, into the DVD player. Santana grabbed Brittany and pulled her in between her and Rachel, so that they were all snuggling together on the couch, under the blankets, laughing until their stomachs hurt at scenes of the movie.

/

About halfway through the movie, Brittany had fallen asleep. Her head was against Santana's shoulder, and Rachel was cuddled against a pillow on the opposite end of the couch, with her feet in Brittany's lap. Santana must have moved her and Brittany were lying flat against the couch, with Brittany practically on top of Santana, and her head now on Santana's chest.

Brittany's eyes were were still shut, but she felt the gentle rubbing of Santana's hand against her lower back under the blanket. Brittany's shirt had risen up slightly and every so often, Santana's hand would graze her skin. Each time that happened Brittany's breath would hitch. She could feel her head rising and falling with each of Santana's steady breaths, and in the background she could hear Kristen Wiig and Melissa McCarthy's characters talking. Brittany had seen the movie several times and knew that it was almost ending. Despite feeling bad about falling asleep on Santana, the gentle rubbing on her back reminded her that Santana didn't really care, and Brittany didn't care.

/

"Britt," she heard being whispered and a small nudge at her lower back. "Britt, wake up," the hand on her lower back pressed into her again, and her eyes fluttered open. The television had a blue screen on, the movie having ended long ago. Her legs were stretched out and she couldn't feel Rachel against her anymore. Her head still pressed into Santana's chest.

"What time is it?" Brittany mumbled, moving to sit up a little bit, Santana moving her hands to rub Brittany's arm.

"A little after midnight. I didn't want to wake you, but I kind of have to pee," Santana laughed a little bit. "Rachel went to bed a little while ago." Brittany nodded, stretching her arms over her head, yawning again. Santana sat up with her and pulled Brittany's shirt down since it was riding it up as she stretched. "Let's go to bed sleepyhead."

She stood up and held her hand out her hand for Brittany to take. They walked to the staircase, Santana flipping the switch as they headed up the steps. "Come cuddle," Brittany mumbled as she headed towards her bedroom, tugging on Santana's hand.

"I still have to pee," Santana laughed.

"Go pee, and then come back." Brittany said shyly, still holding Santana's hand. Santana shot Brittany a curious look, and small smile, but shrugged and nodded.

"Okay," she nodded Brittany towards her door, as Santana let go and went to the bathroom.

Brittany immediately snuggled into her bed, listening to the rain against her small window. She wasn't sure why she asked Santana to stay. Maybe it was because she felt so comfortable sleeping against her before, maybe she just didn't want to be alone. She wasn't sure. But when she heard her door open, and Santana slid under the blankets, wrapping her arms around Brittany's waist, nuzzling into the back of her neck, Brittany was never happier that she had asked Santana. Everything in her felt warm.

She wasn't sure if this was what Rachel meant when she said that she and Santana had an intimate friendship. She wasn't sure if she was supposed to be worried or if this was wrong. All Brittany knew was that nothing felt so right, and the way that Santana's arm fit around her waist, pulling her further into the Latina against her hips, she knew she wasn't the only one felt that way.

/

_Buzz. Buzz._

The phone on Brittany's night dresser was vibrating, waking her up. Santana had rolled over a little bit in her sleep but was still snuggled close to Brittany. Brittany reached over to her phone and saw that it was her alarm set to wake her up for church. She peeped over her shoulder and caught sight of a peacefully asleep Santana and she had to restrain her grin. She contemplated skipping the service for moment, but realized Cathy would probably be disappointed if she wasn't there.

Brittany quietly rolled out of bed, careful not to disturb Santana, and headed to the bathroom. She brushed her teeth and made herself look somewhat presentable before heading back to her room to change. When she got to her room she saw Santana propped up on her elbows with a sleepy pout on her face.

"Why are you up so early?" Santana rasped out.

"Uhmm…" Brittany faltered; it was too early to come up with a good excuse. "I was just heading out to this thing I go to on Sundays." Santana looked at her curiously.

"Which is?"

Brittany stared at her feet and kicked at the floor a little bit before sighing deeply and looking up at a confused Latina. "Church."

Santana furrowed her brows and looked at Brittany, still confused. "Church?" she asked slowly. Brittany avoided eye contact and gave a small nod. "That's where you sneak off every Sunday?" Santana asked, already knowing the answer. Brittany just nodded again. "And why is this a bad thing?"

Brittany looked up, furrowing her brow, confused at Santana's question.

"Why have you been so secretive about it?" Santana rephrased her question.

"I don't know," Brittany shrugged. "I just thought you and Rachel might find it weird." Santana laughed and sat up fully on the bed, stretching out her arms.

"I grew up in church, Britt," Santana shrugged casually. "I definitely don't find it weird."

Brittany looked up at Santana, smiled and nodded, then realized she still had to get dressed. She made her way to her dresser, trying to find a decent outfit. "So, can I go with?" she heard Santana ask behind her, and it caught her off guard. "If that's cool with you." Santana quickly added.

Brittany grabbed a button up shirt and khakis from her drawer and turned around. "If you want to, you can," she said casually. "It's not all that exciting," she smiled.

Santana kicked out from under the covers and went to stand up, fully stretching her back. She looked back at Brittany and shrugged. "I want to see where you've been spending all of your Sundays." She smiled at Brittany then started to head out to her own bedroom to change, not before playfully slapping Brittany on the butt, which caused the blonde to turn a tomato shade of red.

/

Santana and Brittany were seated in Brittany's usual pew, and she kept looking around for Cathy, or any other person that she recognized. Santana looked around the large church, and admired the stained glass. Brittany kept fidgeting with her hands and looking around anxiously. "Are you always this nervous?" Santana asked quietly, looking over at her. Brittany just smiled and shook her head. "It's really peaceful here. I can see why you like it," Santana said, leaning a little to Brittany's side.

Brittany was just about to respond when she heard a loud voice from behind her. "Well look what the cat dragged in," Brittany and Santana both turned their heads. Brittany smiled and stood up once she saw Cathy was making their way toward them. Cathy reached them and pulled Brittany into a tight hug. "So you actually do have friends?" Cathy asked with a laugh, causing Brittany to blush as she slid into the pew next to Brittany. Cathy immediately reached over Brittany and grabbed Santana's hand shaking it strongly. "Nice to meet you, who are you?"

Brittany laughed. Cathy was a hilarious older woman, in her late sixties. She treated Brittany like one of her own kids and held nothing back. She was open and honest. Brittany could tell that Santana was a little taken aback by the older woman's forcefulness, but continued to smile politely. "I'm Brittany's roommate, Santana."

"Ooh, Santana, that's a fancy name." Cathy said, finally letting go of Santana's hand. Santana just laughed and thanked Cathy politely. "So roommate, huh?" Brittany rolled her eyes.

"Roommates and really good friends," Santana added quickly. Cathy looked at the pair with a kind smile and then leaned back into her seat as the service was starting.

/

"Man that priest just drags the hell on," Cathy said with a groan as mass was ending the three women were walking out.

"Are you even allowed to say that?" Brittany whispered, feeling guilty.

"When you make a 30 minute homily that makes no sense and is boring, yes I can," Cathy was pulling arms through the sleeves of her jacket. Santana just laughed at Cathy, clearly enjoying her company.

"The music was really pretty though," Santana added as they reached the doors. Both Cathy and Brittany nodded thoughtfully as they walked down the steps.

"Did you want to still grab coffee, Cathy?" Brittany turned to the older woman. Cathy just smiled at the pair and shook her head.

"Oh, no. I have all these errands to run," Brittany knew that was an excuse because a few weeks ago she received a whole lecture on how Sunday was the day of rest. "You two enjoy your Sunday," she said winking at Brittany. She turned to Santana and pulled her into a tight hug. "Pleasure meeting you, dear."

"You too, Cathy," Santana smiled as she broke the hug.

"See ya next week, kid," she patted Brittany on the shoulder and then headed in the opposite direction.

Santana turned to Brittany with a big goofy grin on her face. "Thank you," she said sincerely.

"What for?" Brittany asked.

"Showing me a part of your life," Santana looped her arm through Brittany's and they started to walk back towards their apartment. "I mean, I don't think I'll come with every Sunday. It's not fully my scene. But I liked it."

"I don't know if it's really my thing either," Brittany said quietly, thinking of how to word her thoughts properly. "But it's nice."

"Why did you start to go?"

"I was just looking for something," Brittany shrugged. "Something different, something I knew. I don't know. But then I met Cathy, and she's this little firecracker and we get coffee and talk. I don't know, it's just nice. I don't think she has much family and my family isn't here, and she gets lonely," Santana squeezed Brittany's forearm and smiled at her as she started to ramble.

"I just like talking to her; I think she likes it too."

"You're a good person, Britt."

Brittany just shrugged in response, not really knowing if that was true, but Santana said it so thoughtfully and honestly that anything could have seemed true.

They walked the rest of the day, their arms linked, in silence. Every so often pointing out different trees that had leaves changing colors from green to bright red and yellow.

/

It was a few weeks later, just a week before Halloween. Rachel was still auditioning; Brittany and Santana were both working a lot of hours. Santana still hadn't gotten a job as a bartender, but was still applying randomly. Things in the apartment were going well, and they all were trying to figure out what to do for Halloween. Rachel and Santana wanted to throw a party at their apartment, but Brittany was a little hesitant to this idea. However, her resistance was wearing thin and she was more than likely going to cave.

Brittany was in a cheerful mood as she was walking back from the studio to the apartment after her evening class. It was just a little after 9pm and she was exhausted from working back to back classes all day. She was about to text Santana that she was on her way home and wanted to watch _Gilmore Girls_. They were almost done with the whole series and were supposed to start _Friday Night Lights_ next, which Santana had already seen and would not shut up about. Just as she pulled her phone out of her backpack it started to vibrate, the screen flashing **Mom calling**.

For the past few weeks Brittany had been talking to her mother frequently and everything had been going well. She told her mom all about Cathy, about her new class at the studio she was teaching, and about her new friend Santana. Nothing was really going on back in Ohio, but between the two of them, things had been good. "Hello?" she answered with an upbeat tone as she brought the phone to her ear.

"Hello there," her mom drawled out on the other end slowly.

"What's up?" Brittany asked, continuing her walk. There was a long pause on the other end. "You there?" Brittany pulled her phone back to see if the call was still connected, and brought it back to her ear when she saw it was. "Mom?"

"Are you actually coming home for Thanksgiving this year or not?" Her mom was slurring, and the second Brittany heard her she knew her mom was most likely drunk.

Brittany had spent the last few Thanksgivings in New York with Rachel or Kurt, not really wanting to waste money on a flight back when she would just have to go back for Christmas. The trio had decided to do a friend Thanksgiving the past two years, but she hadn't really thought about this year.

When Brittany heard that her mom was drunk, she knew that this conversation would not go well. Her mom's drinking had been a reason behind her fluctuating moods ever since she was a little kid. She had grown up learning how to navigate these moods, and how to respond when her mother was under the influence. The fact that these conversations now occurred over the phone, usually, gave her the upper hand in this situation. She could hang up, or say whatever she wanted without much consequence. It was exhausting dealing with it, though.

"I don't know, Mom," Brittany sighed. "I haven't thought that far in advanced."

"Well Thanksgiving is in a week."

"It's a month away," Brittany stated flatly, rolling her eyes.

"So you're not coming," her mom was clearly getting agitated.

"I don't know, honestly. Probably not if you're going to be like this," Brittany said, trying to control her own temper, but also knowing which buttons set her mom off when she is drunk.

"Well then don't bother coming home for Christmas," her mom slurred out, raising her voice. "No point in coming if you won't even be here for Thanksgiving."

With that, the line went dead and her mother had hung up on her.

She didn't even get the chance to get the upper hand in the situation this time.

/

When Brittany got to her apartment her heart was beating rapidly in her chest. It was mostly due to stress after the phone call, but also because she had increased her pace so that she could get home quicker. Santana and Brittany were lounging in the living room chatting when she opened the door. Brittany knew she was about to start sobbing and just wanted to be alone and get her breathing under control.

"Hey girl," Santana said turning in the couch to look at Brittany.

"Britt! Come join, we just made popcorn!" Rachel exclaimed happily. "We're Halloween party planning."

All Brittany could manage was a shake of her head and a quiet, "No, thanks," as she dropped her bag and hurried up the stairs to her bedroom. She shut the door and leaned against the back of it, sliding down to the floor. She looked at her hands which were shaky and still holding her cell. She looked down to confirm that her mom didn't try to call her back. She took a deep breath as she heard someone climbing the steps outside of her door. Brittany stood up slowly and made her way to her bed, rubbing her face with her hands.

"Britt?" she heard Santana quietly outside the door after a gentle knock.

"Come in," Brittany tried to sound cheery, but she couldn't force her voice that much. The door slowly opened and Santana poked her head in.

"You alright?"

It was just a simple question that she could have answered with a _Yes, totally fine._ But the concern in Santana's voice, and the look on her face was too much. Suddenly she heard the coldness in her mom's voice and the stress of putting up with her moods for so long. Brittany broke, and the tears started to flow. "No," she was able to get out. "I'm not." Santana rushed into the room, closing the door behind her and quickly sitting next to Brittany.

Santana pulled Brittany close against her chest, rubbing her back and arms soothingly. "Shh, it's okay," she whispered into Brittany's hair. Brittany kept crying into Santana and clutching at her like she was her life raft. "I got you, it's okay." Santana whispered.

They sat there together for a while, it could have been 5 minutes, and it also could have been 45. The entire time Santana just kept rubbing Brittany's back and whispering comforting words. "Shh, you're okay."

Brittany pulled away slightly and looked up at Santana, her face tear stained. "I'm sorry," she said quietly. Santana reached out and wiped some tears away.

"Nothing to be sorry about all," Santana smiled at her gently. She didn't ask any questions, she didn't try to make light of the situation, she just pulled Brittany back into her embrace and lay down with her.

Brittany was already exhausted from her dance classes, but as the exhaustion from crying took over she nuzzled further into Santana. Just as Brittany felt her eyes weighing down, she felt a pair of soft lips on her forehead giving her softest kiss that lingered for what felt like an hour to Brittany.

With the gentle feel of Santana's lips on her skin, Brittany fell into a peaceful, deep, sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song: Dazed & Confused by IKO


	7. Monster

_We should run, somewhere we can be forever young._

_Slow dancing in the thunder._

_Getting caught in the rumble._

_Hang on tight we're going under._

_Cause this love is a monster._

**October, 2011**

Brittany woke up and rolled over onto her side, disappointed to find an empty bed. It was a few days after the incident where Brittany had cried in Santana's arms. That night Santana stayed with Brittany all night, rubbing her back and letting her sleep. The next day Santana had never asked anything about what happened, and did not push Brittany for information. She just let her do things and process at her own pace.

Brittany, for her part, was quieter and a little bit more reserved than usual. She was stressed about the situation involving her mom and family, work was tiring her, and the colder weather was making her more tired and lazy.

Ever since her breakdown, Santana has not left her side. She will bring her laptop into Brittany's room and some DVDs and the two will watch something until they both fall asleep, and Santana will cuddle with Brittany. Each morning Brittany wakes up to an empty bed, with Santana either already on her way to work or in the shower getting ready to leave. Nothing is ever discussed about why Santana is spending so much to time with Brittany, or why she is being so protective over her, but she Brittany doesn't really care. She likes how sweet and considerate Santana has been without being too pushy.

Going to bed with someone every single night is a feeling that Brittany has never really experienced before. She's had guys over, and has slept in beds with other people, but nothing has ever felt this normal before. In the few days that it has happened consistently, Brittany has gotten used to it.

She's gotten used to the way that Santana snuggles into her neck and the way her hands gently rub her sides. She's gotten used to the way the bed dips behind her and the soft feel of Santana's skin against hers.

As she smiled to herself, thinking about the rhythm that the two have fallen into over the last few days a slight panic began to creep into her chest. What does it mean that she enjoys sleeping in the same bed as her best friend? Why is she so disappointed each morning when Santana isn't there? Is this normal?

Normal.

_What even is normal?_

It's a question Brittany has been asking herself more and more lately. Is normal her and Santana's friendship, and she finally has that one best friend that changes her whole life like in movies and TV shows? Is normal what she and Rachel have? A quiet understanding and respect for each other, enjoying each other's company, but not needing to be around the other 24/7. If what's been going on with her and Santana isn't normal, does she even want to be normal? What is a normal friendship?

That word was consuming her every thought. Such a simple word, but it brought on a truck of complexities that had just emptied its contents into Brittany's head.

Normal.

What does that even mean?

Brittany reached her bed to the side that Santana slept in last night. The sheets were still warm from her, and the pillow still smelled like her conditioner. A smile spread across Brittany's face and she didn't even care if this wasn't normal. She didn't care what this meant. She had a really amazing friend that made her feel whole, complete, and warm.

Maybe this was the farthest thing from normal that Brittany could do, but she didn't really care at the moment.

/

Rachel and Santana had successfully convinced Brittany to let them throw a Halloween party at their apartment, and both of them were beyond excited. They also convinced Brittany that they should all dress up as a theme. Somewhere between Rachel offering they go as characters from _The Sound of Music,_ Santana offering they be _Charlie's Angels,_ and Brittany saying they just go as themselves they finally decided on characters from _Saved by the Bell_ (which Kurt would be Screech).

Brittany sort of hated Halloween. She wasn't sure where her hatred for the holiday came from. She used to love it as a kid, but somewhere in high school she started to find it all more and more pointless. Maybe it was when she noticed the older she got the less clothes her peers thought necessary to wear. Everything was turned slutty, and Brittany didn't really feel the need to join in on all that. Most Halloweens she spent watching movies and going to bed early, then enjoying going to the stores the next day to buy the leftover candy at discount price.

Rachel and Santana had to work really hard to try and convince Brittany that a party would be a great idea and that she would have a fun time. At first Brittany said that they could do whatever they wanted but that she would just hang out in her room all night. Rachel and Santana would have none of that though, and refused to let Brittany off the hook that easily.

Brittany was in her room teasing her hair to get her Jesse look down. Since Brittany was the tallest she got Jesse, Santana was going as Lisa, and Rachel was Kelly (of course). All the girls and Kurt went to a thrift store to get obnoxious outfits, for the perfect early 90s _Saved by the Bell_ look. Brittany was rocking all denim with bright pink keds; her hair was teased, with a floral head band holding some of it back. She could hear Santana in the room down the short hall singing along to something on her iTunes as she got ready as well.

Brittany hadn't officially heard Santana sing. Just short little moments when a song that she was excited about came on her iPod or when they would play the music game while cooking together. Just from the little bit she had heard she already knew that Santana's voice was one of her favorite things in the world. Growing up with Kurt and Rachel, she had heard a lot of good singers, both of them included. There was something about Santana's raspy touch that made it that much better.

Brittany finished her hair, looked at herself in the mirror, and smiled. She looked ridiculous. Brittany didn't mind dressing up, and did like the fact that her roommates and Kurt were joining in. She took a deep breath in before heading downstairs to help Rachel out with the set up.

She would have rather gone right to Santana's room, but decided to let her finish getting ready and leave her alone.

The entire apartment was decorated with Halloween stuff. There were plastic pumpkins everywhere that Brittany looked. Santana and Rachel went to a dollar store and bought them out of their Halloween decorations. There were skeleton cut outs, witches faces, and spider cobwebs all over the place. Brittany was secretly happy that it looked like Rachel had taken the lead and done most of the decorating herself.

"Rach?" Brittany called out when she got to the bottom of the staircase when she didn't see her roommate anywhere.

"Here!" Rachel called out, popping out from behind a chair against the wall. Rachel knelt back down and then went back to what she as doing. She heard Rachel mumbling unintelligibly before triumphantly saying "Got it!" With that a strobe light start lighting up near the window of the apartment and Rachel stood back up, dusting herself off. Brittany rolled her eyes and sighed at the strobe light.

"That shit is going to give people headaches, Rachel," Brittany stated grumpily. Rachel rolled her eyes back at Brittany.

"Only if you stare straight at it," Rachel said, turning to straighten out a pumpkin that was on the table she had knocked into when she stood up. "Don't be such a Halloween Grinch." Brittany just stared at her, realizing for the first time since walking downstairs that Rachel wasn't even dressed yet. For a minute Brittany felt a little guilty for not helping with the decorating earlier.

"What else needs to be done?" Brittany asked, looking around the apartment already knowing it was all done.

"We need to make the punch and set out the snacks," Rachel listed off. "Then we're done."

"Okay, I can handle that. You should go get ready," Brittany stated and Rachel looked down at herself, as if she just realized that she wasn't in her outfit yet.

"Oh perfect," Rachel clapped her hands together and hurried off to her bedroom. Just as Brittany was headed to the kitchen she heard Rachel's door open again. "Don't forget to use the green juice Santana and I bought to make the witches brew!" Rachel called out.

 _Witches brew. Great._ Brittany sighed out dramatically and went to work on the punch.

Brittany had a large bowl out for the punch that she had poured the green colored fruit punch into. She was beginning to cautiously pour vodka in as she looked at the large bowl _Screw it_ she thought, shrugging, and pouring out the entire bottle of vodka in. She then poured in more of the green fruit punch and then poured an entire bottle of rum.

"People are gonna be wasted from that," she heard Santana's raspy voice behind her and it startled her just a bit. Santana took a few steps toward Brittany and she finally got a look at Santana in her costume. With a hat on that had a large flower, a very ugly blazer with shoulder pads, and a black skirt; Santana was the spitting image of Lisa Turtle.

"That's the idea," Brittany shrugged before turning around. "Whoa, check you out!" Brittany exclaimed as she caught a glance at Santana, looking her up and down. Santana did a little curtsy and spun around. "You look awesome, San!"

"Why thank you. You're looking pretty 90s chic yourself," Santana giggled. Brittany blushed slightly and did a little spin herself to show off her outfit.

"I have to say," Brittany started, putting her hands on her hips and looking herself over. "With the exception of the hair, I don't hate this look. And I kind of love these shoes!" Santana laughed and started pulling out bowls for the chips and dip that they had bought earlier in the week.

"Yeah, you actually pull that off. A little too well if I do say so," Santana teased.

"I just can't believe blazers like yours were once in fashion," Brittany stated, patting Santana's shoulder pads.

"Yeah I know. It's gross," Santana laughed a little bit, the going pack to pouring chips into bowls. "You still grumpy about Halloween?"

"I'm not grumpy about Halloween," Brittany said defensively, getting a little tired of the commentary from Rachel and Santana. "It's just not my favorite holiday." Santana quirked an eyebrow at her.

"You're a little grumpy about it, Britt," Santana said softly. "But you're going to have a lot of fun tonight, I promise," Santana cheered with a smile on her face. "It'll be just a good old regular party, but with people in silly costumes."

"How many people are coming anyways?" Brittany asked, suddenly realizing she didn't even know how many people Santana and Rachel invited; only that she invited some of her friends from her dance studio. Santana looked up to the ceiling as she began to count in her head for a bit.

"Hmm probably anywhere between 30 and 40," Santana finally figured.

"Wait, what?!" Brittany exclaimed. "Do we even have room for that many people? Do we have enough food? Who are these people?" Brittany listed off, panicking.

"It's just a rough estimate!" Santana said quickly. "Don't worry, maybe no one will show and we can drink all of this booze by ourselves." Santana winked and grabbed two of the bowls to put out into the living room.

Brittany stared back at the "witches brew" in front of her, and breathed in deeply. _This is going to be a disaster. Santana and Rachel are going to get wasted and I'm going to end up taking care of them. The apartment is going to get trashed and I'm going to have to clean it all up._ "Hey," Santana's quiet voice interrupted her thoughts. "Stop worrying," Santana's hand rubbed small circles on Brittany's back, and Brittany couldn't help but lean into the touch slightly. "Just relax and enjoy yourself tonight. You deserve it." Brittany looked to her right where Santana stood and offered a small smile. "It's just going to be a normal party."

Normal. Brittany could handle normal.

/

About two hours later their apartment had turned into a full blown rave. Brittany decided the best way to make her relax and not stress was to start pounding down the "witches brew" and it worked like a charm. Somewhere around the third or fourth cup, she didn't really care who was in her apartment, how slutty half of the people were dressed, or who the hell even showed up.

She was chatting with random guests, some she recognized from Kurt and Rachel's friends, and plays she was dragged to. Others were her own friends that she was really excited decided to show up. Rachel was across the room trying to get some weird theater game going with some of her friends. Kurt, who looked ridiculous in his bright green button up as Screech, was shamelessly (and drunkenly) flirting with one of Santana's coworkers who showed up.

The amount of alcohol in her system was making it easier for Brittany to avoid scanning the room every few minutes to find out Santana's whereabouts, which she noticed she was beginning to make a habit out of doing. Instead, Brittany focused on the nice girl in front of her who she didn't bother to get a name from, and isn't sure why the girl is here, but she's nice enough. She bumped into the girl after finishing a conversation with one of her dance instructor friends and they started talking. She was dressed as a hippie, which even for Brittany's lack of enthusiasm about the holiday, is a little overdone of an outfit. "-And I mean that was the thing with my ex too, they just couldn't handle that," the hippie girl continued. Suddenly Brittany realized she hadn't been paying attention at all to what the girl was talking about. Brittany took a large drink from her cup, pouting when she saw it was basically empty.

"Yeah, that sucks," Brittany shrugged and the hippie girl looked confused. Brittany looked around and saw Santana in the kitchen by the punch. It was the first time she saw the Latina since people started arriving, and she quickly wanted to go get some more punch. "Well I'm gonna go get a refill." Brittany didn't even wait for a response and walked away towards Santana. "Hey stranger," she said as she approached Santana.

"Britt!" Santana exclaimed turning around and throwing her arms around Brittany's arms. Brittany could immediately tell that Santana was drunk, but not the sloppy kind that she had seen before, but in a happy stage. "Where have you been?"

"Around," Brittany shrugged, opting to be mysterious. Santana just smiled at her as Brittany refilled her cup, noticing the bowl of "witches brew" was almost gone. The two turned to look at their living room to get a good look at their apartment at a distance.

People were dancing in the middle of the room. In different corners there were groups of people clustered together talking. The food table had a large gathering of people grazing, picking at what was left of the snacks. There were some ridiculous costumes: a banana, someone in a gorilla suit, cheerleaders, Mario and Luigi, slutty fire fighters, actual firefighters, and someone who just wore a trash bag.

The two stood in a comfortable silence, their heads bobbing to the music slightly, and taking sips from their respective cups. "This is a fun party," Brittany said, turning her head to Santana with a smile. "Thanks for convincing me." Santana grinned back at her.

"You're we-"

"San!" Santana was interrupted by a very loud Quinn coming into the kitchen. "Great party!" she exclaimed throwing her arm over Santana's shoulder. "Hey Britt, love your hair."

Brittany hadn't really seen Quinn since the cab ride after the after party for Rachel's show. However, Santana spoke so much about her she felt like she knew a lot about the blonde, and felt like she should give her another chance after she was kind of short with last time.

"Thanks," Brittany smiled at Quinn, shrugging a bit. "Thanks for coming, too. Glad you're having fun." Brittany was trying her hardest to be polite, and Quinn did seem generally friendly. Just for some reason she didn't like how Santana acted when she was around Quinn, and she didn't like the stories that Santana told where Quinn made Santana feel bad about herself. But, at the same time, she couldn't bring herself to be outright rude to Santana's best friend, no matter how much alcohol was in her system.

Quinn smiled at Brittany then turned to tell Santana something, but just as she turned the song over the speakers changed.

_Tick tock ya don't stop. Tick tock ya don't stop._

Brittany's face broke out into a huge smile and she smacked Santana's arm to get her attention. "What's the name of this song? And artist. Go!" She exclaimed, immediately breaking into the 'name that tune' game her and Santana play: aka the music game. Santana immediately pulled away from Santana and smiled widely as she listened intently.

"Oh my God, I know this," Santana scrunched her face in concentration as she kept listening. Meanwhile, Quinn stood looking very confused nearby. The old R&B tune kept playing, and Santana still was thinking.

"You can't wait til the chorus, San," Brittany said sternly. "It will give it away." Santana put her cup down and was clearly frustrated.

"Ugh," Santana groaned. "It's on the tip of my tongue!" Santana whined. Then just as the opening of the chorus started…

_I wanna…_

"I wanna sex you up by Color Me Bad!" Santana shrieked, causing several people to turn to stare at the trio. Brittany gave her a high five, breaking into hysterics. When Santana connected their hands for the high five, she held onto Brittany's hand and pulled her into a hug: another sign that she was getting more and more drunk. Usually, this type of contact would spark something in Brittany, alerting all of her nerve endings and sending them into overdrive. Instead, the amount of "witches brew" she had consumed was causing her to forget everything.

"Let's go dance," Brittany said, tugging on Santana's hand out to the dance floor. Santana quickly followed without as much of a glance back to Quinn as the pair giggled to themselves, lost in their own world.

/

After dancing to some classic old school 90s hits with Santana; Rachel and Kurt quickly joined in for an all-out dance party with the majority of the guests getting really into it. At one point Brittany was squeezed between a guy in a monster mask and a zombie with Santana in front of her, and she felt like this was perfection. She was laughing so hard her stomach ached and she was sweating through her layers of denim and her floral headband, but nothing mattered except some L.L. Cool J tunes and her friends.

When the current song came to an end, Kurt went back to the guy that he was flirting with and Rachel got pulled away to help two people answer some Broadway trivia for some game they were playing. The next song wasn't as upbeat, but Brittany was still able to sway to the beat. Santana had sweat all over and had lost her blazer at some point, but was still rocking the hat with the large flower on top. Brittany looked past Santana and saw Quinn leaning against the wall looking lonely. She felt bad for the other blonde and nudged Santana's shoulder, breaking her from her dance trance. "You should go hang out with Quinn," Brittany said, leaning in so Santana could hear her over the music. Santana looked up confused then turned her head to see Quinn. Santana couldn't help but roll her eyes at Quinn, which Brittany quickly noticed.

Quinn and Santana's relationship really confused Brittany. She didn't really understand why they were friends. She supposed that if people saw her and Rachel together they might ask the same question so she just ignored all of her questions and just accepted that maybe it didn't really have a definite answer. From the way that Santana described it, Quinn had just always been there. That she understood. For as long as she could remember Kurt and Rachel had just been there. She couldn't judge Santana for that.

"She's just being dramatic," Santana sighed, ignoring Quinn. Brittany stopped moving and grabbed Santana's wrist to stop her movements.

"She's your friend, and she came to hang out with you," Brittany was firm, more so than she thought she could be given that she could barely see straight at this point.

"But I want to hang out with you," Santana whined, and pouted and Brittany couldn't stop herself from grinning at the brunette.

"You can hang out with me all the time," Brittany said, even though she was enjoying Santana's whining and clinging.

"Not the same," Santana pouted again, slurring ever so slightly. "This is my party; I can be with whoever I want." Brittany just stared at Santana and ignored her demands. "You're too nice of a person," Santana finally admitted defeat.

"Psh, not at all. She just looks so damn sad over there," Brittany shrugged her shoulders and looked back at Quinn, still leaning against the wall. "You should go fulfill your best friend duty."

"I am being a kick ass best friend to you," Santana winked, causing Brittany to blush slightly and smile back, but unable to respond. "Okay, but don't go too far. If she gets too whiney I'm going to use you as an excuse to save me." Brittany just nodded and before she could say anything Santana leaned in and placed a kiss on her cheek.

All of the heat in the room seemed to go directly to the small spot on her cheek that Santana's lips were pressed against. Brittany wasn't sure how long she stood there. One minute Santana's lips were against her cheek and the next Santana was over by Quinn, the two girls casually chatting. Did she close her eyes? Have people noticed she's just been standing there?

Her face was numb, but that happens when she drinks so that could mean anything. She put her hand to her cheek wondering if Santana's lip gloss would be on her cheek. Sure enough she could feel the tiniest remains of gloss there. When she finally remembered she should move off the dance floor she also realized she had to pee really badly.

She stumbled her way to the bathroom, opening up only to walk in on a girl dressed as a slutty army soldier and a guy dressed up like a sailor making out against the sink. "Oh shit," Brittany mumbled before stumbling back. The two barely stopped their actions as they giggled and left the bathroom hand in hand. Brittany looked at them, holding hands and laughing, going back to kissing against the wall. She stared for thirty seconds too long before she remembered she still needed to use the bathroom. She walked in and quickly went to the toilet, feeling like the Hoover Dam was about to burst the second she sat down.

Her thoughts were racing as she sat there. She finished going to the bathroom, but couldn't bring herself to stand up. She looked down at her hands and noticed they were shaking. She tried to remember the last time someone kissed her cheek. It might have been someone in her family. When her and her dad would say bye to each other her dad would awkwardly kiss her cheek. Her mom kissed her cheek on her graduation day from NYU. Was that the last time?

Friends kissed each other's cheeks, though. Brittany knew this. She sat there thinking of all of her trendy friends from NYU who used to kiss each other all the time. Friends' kissing each other on the cheek was totally a normal thing.

Normal.

It was normal.

But Brittany had never seen Santana kiss anyone else on the cheek. Not even Quinn in the few times she had seen them interact with each other. In fact, they didn't seem all that touchy feely with each other at all. Santana never hugged Rachel or any of her other friends. The only person Brittany could think of that Santana has hugged or touched all night was Brittany.

"Britt?" She heard a voice on the other side of the door, followed by a quiet knock. "I gotta pee, can I come in?" Brittany quickly recognized the voice on the other side of the door as Santana's.

"Yeah, almost done," Brittany quickly grabbed at some toilet paper and went to pull her pants up when the door opened and closed quickly. Brittany panicked and tugged her denim shirt down to cover herself a bit.

"Sorry," Santana said looking at the wall to avoid Brittany as she pulled her pants up. "I just really gotta go and didn't want to wait." Brittany noticed Santana was bouncing up and down on the balls of her feet, a sure sign that she had to pee. She also noticed that Santana had some serious hat hair, her flower hat long gone at this point.

"No problem," Brittany said with a smile and went to go wash her hands and leave. Brittany went to open the door but was quickly stopped.

"Don't go," Santana was pulling her pants down and sitting down on the toilet.

"You need company while you pee?" Brittany asked jokingly, leaning against the sink, avoiding looking at Santana.

"No, I just want you to stay," Santana said quietly. It was so quiet that Brittany had to look to her side to see Santana to make sure she was okay. Santana was fine, but was looking down at her hands in her lap. Brittany noticed she didn't hear any sound of water hitting water in the toilet.

"Are you pooping?" Brittany asked, in an attempt to change the subject but also was genuinely wondering.

"Gross," Santana said laughing. "No, I just got pee shy," Santana said as if this was the most obvious answer. Brittany nodded and quickly turned around to turn the sink on.

"There, that should help," Brittany said turning to Santana with a pride smile on her face. Sure enough, she immediately heard Santana peeing.

"My bathroom hero," Santana sighed while finishing up and pulling her pants up and flushing. She went over to the sink and Brittany moved to the door, not knowing where to awkwardly stand in the small bathroom. "You having fun?" Santana asked, looking up at Brittany through the mirror.

"Yeah, I am," Brittany said with a smile. "You?"

"Definitely," Santana smiled back, dried her hands and then held out her right hand, palm up, for Brittany to take. Brittany smiled back and gladly accepted her hand. The two walked out of the bathroom together. Brittany caught sight of the sailor and army girl she caught making out, still against the wall. Their hands were intertwined and he was whispering into her ear. Brittany and Santana kept walking past the couple, and Brittany glanced down at her and Santana's hands, stealing another glance at the couple.

Her stomach was filled with a pang of jealousy, but she wasn't sure who it was directed towards.

/

"You two are so cute," she was quickly snapped from her thoughts when she realized that Santana had led them to the kitchen where Kurt and Rachel were talking. Rachel was smiling at them, and Brittany just realized she was talking to them. Santana just smiled, jokingly slapped Brittany's butt.

"I'm gonna go find Quinn," she said as she turned and left the kitchen. Rachel and Kurt were still staring at Brittany.

"What?" she asked grabbing a beer from the cooler that someone had brought.

"You two can't even pee separately?" Kurt asked his tone drenched in suspicion. Brittany opened her mouth to speak, but Rachel quickly interceded.

"Girls pee together all the time, Kurt," Rachel stated and smiled at Brittany. "I think it's great how close you guys are. I definitely like her more than your weird NYU friends, and all of your dancer friends make me want to eat my life away in ice cream because of how beautiful they are."

"Preach," Kurt said waving his hand in the air.

"What happened to that guy, Kurt?" Brittany asked, changing subjects happily. Kurt let out a loud sigh.

"Talked to him for like two hours, only to find out he had a boyfriend," Kurt said sadly, causing both Rachel and Brittany to pout. Rachel rubbing his arm sympathetically.

"We really need to start finding single people. None of us are going to get anyone if we keep partying with people in relationships," Rachel sighed.

"I think we just need to start getting sluttier," Brittany joked causing Kurt to laugh.

"Yeah, Britt," Kurt laughed taking a sip of his drink. "You have never done one slutty thing in your life, good luck with that." Rachel started laughing the more hurt Brittany looked at Kurt.

"I have too!" Brittany defended.

"I'm gonna go with Kurt on this one, Britt," Rachel said stifling another laugh. "You never even had the stereotypical normal one night stands in colleges."

"One night stands aren't that normal," Brittany stated rolling her eyes. "And I had a boyfriend in college."

"For not even a year," Kurt quickly fired back. Brittany mulled this over, and drank her beer trying to come up with another defense, but was drawing a blank as she realized he did have a point. She hooked up with two or three guys at bars during colleges, but that was nothing in comparison to some of her other friends who hooked up with different people every weekend. Aside from her ex-boyfriend, James, her love life was not that exciting. Kurt got more action his freshmen year than she did her whole time at college. That realization alone was enough to make her start to chug her beer.

"We are three hot girls," Rachel said the group, Brittany and Kurt nodding proudly. "Let's start embracing our early 20s. We should be living fun, crazy, and exciting lives," Rachel stated definitively.

"So we have to start hooking up with random people?" Brittany asked, furrowing her brow in confusion.

"No," Rachel shook her head. "But we should just be putting ourselves out there ya know? Embrace our youth. Get a little crazy." Kurt nodded his head in agreement.

"Yeah, let's make a pact. We will start being more adventurous and not so serious all the time," they both turned to look at Brittany.

"What?" Brittany asked. "I'm not always serious." Both Rachel and Kurt raised their eyebrows a bit.

"No, not always," Kurt stated. "But you could stand to let loose every now and then."

"What exactly am I doing tonight?" Brittany raised her hands up gesturing to the party surrounding them.

"Me and Santana forcing you to help us host a party despite weeks of you saying refusing to participate," Rachel added with a smug smile. Brittany rolled her eyes.

"Fine, I'll start letting loose. You have to find me people to start slut-ing it up with then," Brittany joked.

The three brought their beers together, clinking them in cheers to formalize their new "pact".

"Here's to being young, hot, and fabulous," Rachel beamed as they all brought their drinks and downed the remains of their drinks. "Let's go dance." Rachel grabbed their hands and pulled them into the living room which had gotten less crowded since Brittany had been out there before with Santana.

The three danced with each other, making one another laugh as they did silly moves and jumped up and down. Brittany caught sight of Santana and Quinn. She locked eyes with the brunette who was smiling at her. She could tell that Santana wanted to leave Quinn and go to her, and the knowledge of that made Brittany's heart bloom a little bit with pride. Kurt tugged on her hand to get her attention as he attempted a move from the "Single Ladies" dance, causing Brittany to burst out into laughter.

_Let loose. Stop over thinking._

Just as she repeated the mantra in her brain, she felt a hand on the small of her back. She turned her head slightly to see Santana had joined them in on their dancing with Quinn right next to her.

_Let loose. Stop overthinking._

Brittany let her body to the beat, laughed with her friends, and enjoyed herself. All the same time pushing down the burning sensation on the small of her back that Santana's hand had left there, and ignoring the desire in her stomach for Santana to touch her, anywhere, again.

 _Let loose._ _This is normal._

/

Brittany woke up the next morning with a throb in her head. She reached over to her nightstand to find her phone seeing the time was 10:30 am. She missed church, but she knew that was going to happen. She swallowed, realizing how dry her mouth was. She had to shower and get ready to make it to her 12pm dance class she was supposed to teach. She brought her hands to her temple in an attempt to rub her headache away.

The last thing she remembered was getting really tired from all of her dancing and announcing that she was going to go to bed. Santana tried to follow her, but Quinn decided she needed to crash with them that night since it was so late. Santana hugged Brittany goodnight, and she went to her room, alone. Brittany was so exhausted she didn't even notice the feelings of hurt and disappointment that Santana didn't go to her room with her.

Brittany got showered and dressed quickly, trying her best to be quiet since a bunch of Rachel and Kurt's friends had slept on their floors. When she went downstairs she saw, as she expected, what looked like a war zone. Food and empty cups were all over the floor.

Instead of worrying about it, Brittany grabbed a water bottle from the fridge and left the apartment repeating her mantra of _let loose._

She headed to the subway and got a seat on the train. As she sat down she felt her phone vibrate in her pocket, quickly reaching to pull it out. Seeing a new text message from Santana, she couldn't stop herself from smiling.

**Santana (10:52AM): Quinn isn't a good snuggle buddy replacement :( have fun at your class!**

It was like she was in on an inside joke, and she quickly began to type out a reply, the smile plastered on her face.

**Brittany (10:53AM): I know my bed was all cold today haha. Have fun cleaning the apartment all day ;)**

Brittany went to go put her phone away when it vibrated again.

**Santana (10:54AM): fuck you.**

**Santana (10:54AM): just kidding! love you!**

Brittany smiled to herself, noticing that the guy next to her was side eyeing her. She wondered if she looked as silly as she was feeling.

**Brittany (10:55AM): fuck you too…aka love you too.**

Brittany put her phone away, waiting for it to vibrate again, but it didn't. She put her head phones in, figuring she either lost service, or Santana just had nothing else to say. She leaned her head back against the window as the subway moved along, noticing her headache was gone. At each stop more people began to fill the car, Brittany looked at the people that were now standing in front of her since all of the seats were taken.

She noticed a girl standing right in front of her, holding onto the bar so she wouldn't fall. The girl had headphones in, but that wasn't what caught Brittany's attention.

The girl was wearing a grey t-shirt with Marilyn Monroe's picture on it. Brittany was staring at the writing on the shirt for so long, that she was probably being mistaken for checking the girl's chest out. She also almost missed her stop. But something about it couldn't make her stop reading the shirt's words over and over again, repeating Rachel and Kurt's conversation in her head _You could stand to let loose…lighten up…We are young._

Brittany wasn't one to believe in signs all the time. But something about the word that had consumed her thoughts rearing its ugly head again while Kurt and Rachel's voices echoing in her mind telling her to live her life.

In bold, pink letters the shirt stated ever so simply:

**Being Normal is Boring.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song: Monster by Amanda Markley


	8. A Sky Full of Stars

_I don't care, go on and tear me apart_

_I don't care if you do_

_'Cause in a sky, 'cause in a sky full of stars_

_I think I saw you_

_You're such a heavenly view…_

**November, 2011**

"Well, I am definitely not cooking the turkey," Rachel crossed her arms and leaned back against the chair in the living room.

The three roommates were in the process of planning their Thanksgiving-Friendsgiving. All three had opted not to travel to Ohio for the holiday, much to Brittany's delight. While things with her family were still a little tense, she did manage to continue to talk to her mother, and get her to be a little bit less mad about the fact that she was staying in New York. Kurt decided to stay behind as well and join in on their apartment festivities and would be bringing along a "male companion" (as he put it) that he met from work named Jason.

"Well," Santana shot back, from her spot on the couch that she was sitting on next to Brittany. "We are having turkey, Rachel. I am not having some vegan bullshit on Thanksgiving. It's like a law that you eat meat on Thanksgiving." Brittany nodded seriously, in agreement.

Unlike Halloween, Brittany loved Thanksgiving. It was her favorite holiday. When she was little her mom would cook so much food, and they would eat the leftovers for weeks. It was also one of the few holidays that did not end in a huge argument between her mother and father and her mother downing a little bit too much alcohol in the process. For some reason, Thanksgiving was the one holiday where everyone seemed happy, and enjoyed each other's presence. Thinking about this made Brittany miss her family just a little bit, and almost regret not going home for the holiday.

However, she was beyond excited to spend some time with her friends. She had spent Thanksgiving with Kurt and Rachel and it had always been an experience. This year she was happy to have Santana along for the ride as well.

"I will take care of the meat," Kurt said listlessly, inspecting his fingernails. "I mean, honestly. We have this conversation every year and every year I do it."

"I just wanted to voice my opinion," Rachel stated defensively.

"What else is new," Santana mumbled at a volume that only Brittany could hear and she had to hold back a giggle.

"Okay, what else do we need?" Kurt asked.

Brittany immediately sat up straight as she began to list off all of her Thanksgiving demands. "We need sweet potatoes with marshmallows, regular mashed potatoes, corn, stuffing, cranberry sauce, gravy, apple pie, pumpkin pie, and ice cream to go with the pies."

All three stared at her.

"What?" Brittany asked, sitting back into the couch. "I like Thanksgiving food."

"I'll tell Jason to bring a dessert," Kurt went on. "Anyone else bringing any guests?"

"Quinn's family always goes out to California for Thanksgiving, so she's out," Santana shrugged.

"I think Jason will be it," Brittany stated moving on so she could pick what she was going to be in charge of. "I'll do the cranberry sauce and corn!"

All of them laughed at Brittany's excitement, and went about picking which foods they would bring.

/

"You sure it's okay I'm tagging along?" Santana asked as they were exiting the subway, heading to Brittany's dance studio where she worked.

Santana had the day off for once, and was taking a break from her rigorous bartending job search. Brittany had offered her awhile back the chance to come with her to one of her dance classes if she wanted to, and this was the first day that she was able to take Brittany up on the offer.

"I invited you, silly," Brittany joked nudging Santana in the side with her elbow.

"I know. I just don't want to get in the way," Santana said softly. The pair walked out of the subway station, feeling brisk air of the late fall cool weather. Brittany pulled tighter on her jacket and looked over at Santana who was wearing a light jacket, her hands immediately pushed inside of her pockets for extra warmth.

"You won't," Brittany said as she quickly took her scarf that she was wearing off and handed it to Santana. "Here, take this." Santana kept walking but just stared at the scarf without taking it. Brittany pushed it into Santana's hand. "I told you to wear another layer."

Santana blushed a little bit before taking the scarf and mumbling a quick, "Thanks," and slipping the scarf around her neck. She immediately put her arm through Brittany's bringing them together as they walked. "So what classes do you have today?"

"Uhmm…" Brittany paused as she slowed her pace, enjoying the feeling of Santana's arm through hers. "Well I have my adult modern," she listed off, regaining the use of her voice. "Which is the one you'll be participating in and then after that I have my little kid's class, where we just do basic moves. Nothing crazy."

"Great! And it's cool that I join in?" Santana asked.

"Yeah, you'll love it. It's like a bunch of twenty-something's just in the class for fun or to practice," Brittany said as they rounded the corner of the street the studio was on. "I tend to keep it pretty low key."

Santana nodded with a smile on her face as they stepped into the studio. It was a small place that Brittany had applied to to make some extra money during college. The owner was a sassy blonde woman named Holly that Brittany really admired. She did and said what she wanted and didn't care what anyone else thought or did. Holly was really upfront and honest with her employees and she taught Brittany some really good lessons about working hard. Holly, despite being a great mentor, was not really around that much lately due to a lot of travelling so Brittany and some of the other dance instructors pretty much were running the place on their own.

Since it was a small studio there weren't that many other instructors, and the dance classes were really personal. Brittany had taken the time to really get to know all of her students, and for her kids she knew all of their parents really well too.

Despite the fact that dancing was not her dream, and this was not the profession she saw for herself for the rest of her life, she did really enjoy it. There was an easiness and casualty with the routine that she had found working at Holly's studio. She liked her coworkers, a lot too.

"Hey Matt!" she greeted her coworker who was sitting at the desk in the front. Matt was one of the few straight guys that she worked with and interacted on a daily basis. He was really nice and friendly. He was cute to look at, especially when he danced, but aside from having good dance moves, he wasn't really Brittany's type. When he first started at the studio he barely and really kept to himself, but after a few months he started talking more and more to Brittany.

"Hey B," He smiled as he looked up from his papers.

"This is my friend Santana," she gestured to Santana next to her, their arms still linked. "She's going to be sitting in on my two classes today."

"Very cool," Matt stood up and extended his hand to Santana. "Nice to meet you, I'm Matt."

"Jeez," Santana began as she shook his hand. "Are all dancers just naturally attractive?"

Matt blushed furiously, and Brittany shot Santana a curious look. "No, just the girls," Matt laughed, giving Brittany a quick wink, which caused Brittany to blush.

"Always the charmer," Brittany laughed.

"Just for you, B."

Brittany waved him off then tugged on Santana's arm and leading her to the studio room she'd be working in. She threw her bag down in the corner and started taking her many layers off and putting them on top of her stuff, Santana quickly following suit. Brittany was left in sweats and a t-shirt, Santana with spandex and a tank top.

"He was cute," Santana stated, taking a seat on the ground as Brittany started to set up the stereo. Brittany just laughed and shrugged. "Not your type?"

Brittany placed her iPod in and tested the sound of the speaker before turning around, "Eh, not really. He's nice enough and a good guy. Doubt he'd be interested in me like that though."

Santana smiled at her, "Didn't seem that way to me," she sing-songed.

Brittany rolled her eyes and sat across from Santana beginning to stretch out her legs. "Psh, you're the one who was all weirdo with him. 'Are all dancers so attractive?'" she mimicked, causing Santana to laugh.

"I was just making conversation," Santana defended. "Plus, all of the girl dancers that I've seen in your pictures from work all look like models."

Brittany shrugged, never really being one to notice that kind of stuff, "They just all work out a lot." Santana gives her a skeptical stare as she begins to bend down between her stretched out legs to loosen up. "Did you want me to set you up with Matt or something?"

Santana's head shoots up and she looks confused. "Gross, no. I can't date someone who works out more than me. I'll feel fat all the time."

Brittany laughed out loud. "Okay, San. You're like the skinniest person ever, but sure. Don't want you to feel fat."

The two continued to stretch and tease each other when a thought came to Brittany's mind. "So what's your type then?"

"Like, to date?" Santana asked stopping her movement for a minute as Brittany nodded. "Sense of humor is big. They have to make me laugh. Kindness can't be an asshole," she stopped for a moment to think. "That's pretty much it. I'm not picky." Brittany nodded thoughtfully, and went back to stretching before being snapped from the quiet again. "What about you?" Santana asked quieter than she was speaking before.

"I don't know," Brittany shrugged. "The same I guess. A good personality."

"What was your last boyfriend like?" Santana asked she was still being quiet and almost shy.

"He was kind of a douche in all honesty," Brittany said leaning back on her hands. "He was really selfish, kind of full of himself, not that funny."

Santana nodded quietly before she added, "Then why'd you date him?"

Brittany paused, looking at her figure in the mirror before answering, "He was interested?" It came off as a question instead of an answer. Santana just looked at her waiting for her to continue. "James really liked me and he was nice enough, he wasn't terrible to look at, and he was this total gentleman to me. When he asked me out, I knew I wasn't really that interested or into him, and I knew it was a bad idea. But it had been awhile since someone was that interested, you know?" Santana nodded, but didn't respond. Brittany couldn't read the look in Santana's face. It just looked thoughtful, not judgmental or upset, just like she was really thinking it over. Just as Brittany was about to open her mouth to lighten the mood, or tell her how she really did love her high school boyfriend, Dan, and at the end of the day she cared about James deeply too, the door flew open and a few of her students started to show up.

"Yo Britt," one of her students yelled. "Slacking off already?" They joked.

"No, Mary," Brittany said as she stood up and held her hand out for Santana to take, who gladly accepted it. "I was relaxing because I knew your annoying ass would be showing up." Brittany never liked being anyone but herself with her students. Even though she was technically their teacher, a bunch of them were her age or older, so she didn't feel right being an authoritative figure with them. Instead she kept in casual, and she never received any complaints.

The few students that were there laughed and dropped their bags off in the corner, beginning to change their shoes and shed their layers. Within a few minutes her group of 15 or so students was all there. Santana was awkwardly standing by her, clearly not knowing where to go or what to do. Brittany decided she would help her out a little bit, and get class going, "Okay guys, so as you can see I brought someone along with me today," she gestured towards Santana who gave a small wave to the group. "She's gonna join in on our session today, but she's new to this so go easy on her," Brittany joked.

"She's probably better than you, Britt," one of her favorite students, Lexie, a tall African American woman who was her age, and had more sass than anyone she had ever met, yelled from the back. "She's Latina, already got hell of a lot more moves than your white ass." The class erupted in laughter and Brittany shook her head, all too used to Lexie's commentary.

"I think I like this class," Santana joked making her way to the back by Lexie stretching her hand out to high five Lexie.

"Traitor," Brittany mumbled. She moved over to the stereo, started playing her hip-hop playlist. "Alright jerks, let's show Santana who can actually move!"

/

The music blasted through the studio as the dancers in the class and Santana moved through a routine flawlessly. Brittany watched from the front clapping to the beat yelling out instructions for them to keep moving and finish strong. When the song finished and the dancers completed their final spin the room erupted in an applause and laughter, as Brittany's classes usually ended.

"Damn, Britt," Lexie said, out of breath and sweaty. "Your girl can move." She motioned next to Santana who was hunched over with her hands on her knees and shaking her head. Brittany laughed at the sight and walked to the back of the room where Santana and Lexie stood, high fiving some of her students as she went. Brittany grabbed one of her towels from the front and threw it at Santana.

"You alright there?" Brittany asked when she got to Santana, who was wiping her face.

"Jesus, that was a work out," Santana exhaled. "I feel so out of shape right now."

Brittany laughed and looked over at Lexie who was heading over to grab her bags and talk with some other students. "Good job today guys!" Brittany called after them.

"Thanks Britt, you always do the best sessions," one of her students replied, causing Brittany to blush a little bit and shrug.

"Don't get too full of yourself," Lexie shot back, and Brittany rolled her eyes.

"You were alright today, Lexie. You've definitely had worse classes," Brittany teased.

"Shut up," Lexie laughed. "Nice meeting you Santana. Good job today. You should come back again." Lexie waved at Santana, who weakly waved back as the rest of her students began to file out of the room, their bags slung around their shoulders.

"You need water?" Brittany asked as the room emptied and Santana nodded, still wiping the sweat off of her face. Brittany went to Santana's bag and grabbed her bottle that she brought and gave it to her. Santana started chugging the water. "You did pretty good," she commented as Santana continued to drink. While she drank Santana raised a questioning eyebrow at her. "This is one of my more advanced classes and you kept up with them really well. I mean, they're big pains in the asses, but you did good." Santana swallowed her water in one big gulp and rolled her eyes.

"That was a lot harder than I thought it'd be," she finally said after she caught her breath. "I loved it though, it was so much fun."

Brittany beamed, proud of herself, and also happy her friend enjoyed it. "Good, I'm glad you liked it."

Santana took another sip of water as Brittany grabbed her own bottle and started stretching again. She turned around and saw that Santana was looking at her curiously. "What?" Brittany asked, catching Santana staring.

"Nothing," Santana shrugged, throwing the towel over her shoulder. "You're just in your element here."

Brittany just shrugged her shoulders in response. "Dancing is easy for me, like I told you before. It just comes naturally." Santana nodded in understanding, but kept looking at Brittany with a thoughtful expression on her face. Just as she was about to open her mouth again Matt opened the door.

"Hey Britt, your next class is here," he said with a smile. Brittany looked over to Santana, silently asking if she was ready, who nodded with a smile on her face.

"Are the little kids just as sassy as your last group?" Santana asked once Matt went to get the kids.

"No," Brittany laughed. "They're even meaner," she winked. Within seconds a fury of little feet came rushing into her room chattering and clambering around Brittany.

"Ms. Brittany!" A few of the students shouted as they clamped their little arms around Brittany's waist. Santana stood in the corner, leaning against the stereo with a smile on her face. Brittany gently removed herself from the grasp of some of the little 6 year olds that were attached to her hip.

"Hey guys," Brittany said enthusiastically in a tone much different than she was using before. "I'd like you all to meet my really good friend, Santana," she pointed behind her to where Santana was leaning. Santana waved back, smiling at all the kids.

"She's really pretty," one of the girls said looking over at Santana. Brittany just nodded and saw that Santana was blushing.

"Not as pretty as all of you," Santana said walking over to the group. She bent down to be eye level with some of the group. "I really like all your outfits," she said sweetly looking at all of them. One of the girls blushed and buried her head in Brittany's leg.

"Alright guys, let's circle up," Brittany said, clapping her hands together to get their attention. All of the kids circled up, two little girls grabbed Santana's hands and tugged her into standing in the circle next to them. Santana looked over at Brittany with a smile, and silently asking if it was okay if she joins in. Brittany smiled at her enthusiastically and nodded. "I figured since we have a special visitor today, we'd have a little fun. What do you say?" All the kids started nodding their heads excitedly, Santana included. Brittany put her hand on her chin, faking a thoughtful look. "Hmm...What kind of game would be appropriate to play in a dance class…" She looked up to the ceiling, but was quickly interrupted from her thoughts by the cheering of the two little girls who were holding Santana's hands.

"FREEZE DANCE!" They shouted, and Santana started laughing.

"Freeze dance?" Brittany asked and the group started jumping up and down. "I don't know. That seems kind of weird to play in a dance class," she joked, causing some of the kids to pout and look disappointed. "What do you think Santana?"

"Hmm…" Santana thought for a second, as the two girls yanked on her arms.

"Please, please, please," they started to beg, causing both Santana and Brittany to laugh.

"Okay, okay," Brittany started, causing them all to calm down. "We will play freeze dance." The kids started to jump up and down and cheer.

"Can Santana play too?" One of the girls asked sweetly.

"Yes she can," Brittany smiled then went to the stereo to start the music. "Okay, you ready?" All of the kids and Santana nodded their heads. "Alright, let's go!"

/

After what felt like forty rounds of freeze dance Brittany, Santana, and all of the kids were exhausted. Thankfully, all of their parents had just started to arrive and picking them up. Some of the mothers came up to Brittany asking about things like the recital coming up in a few months, what other classes their kids should be involved in, and what exactly they did. While Brittany did love her job, she hated the fact that her younger students were all from upper class families in the city. Most of the kids all went to private schools, and were already involved in about fifty activities. For the most part, none of her students acted full of themselves or snobby in her class, but a lot of that had to do with the fact that they were still young and didn't know any better.

Brittany knew all too well about these kinds of kids and their families. These were what the popular, wealthy families were like back in Brittany's hometown that she grew up with her whole life. Due to the fact that her family was not like that at all, she always had distaste for people like that, and was weary of anyone who came from a lot of wealth or things handed to them. The way that the parents treated their kids, and toted them from one activity to another drove Brittany insane. When she was little her and her brother would play in their backyard for hours, and make up little games. Some of the younger kids she worked with at the studio already had cell phones.

"Well Madison's ballet teacher says she has a hard time focusing in that class, so I just want to make sure that's not the case here too," the mother with the perfectly styled and manicured look was talking to her, but Brittany was distracted with how embarrassed little Madison looked standing there.

"I assure you, Mrs. Miller, your daughter is doing just fine in class. I'll let you know if anything comes up," Brittany smiled widely at the mother before tousling Madison's hair and turning to clean up the studio a little bit.

Santana was hugging her newly found fan club goodbye at the door and turned to find Brittany smiling at her. "What?" she asked when she noticed she was being watched.

"Nothing," Brittany shrugged. "You were just super cute with them. They loved you." Santana laughed and went about putting things back into her bag.

"Psh," Santana scoffed. "You were really good with them. I mean, I like kids and all, but you were so natural with them." Brittany blushed, never knowing what to say when people who compliment her.

"Kids are fun to deal with," Brittany shrugged and finished cleaning up a little bit. "It's their parents that are annoying," she stated. Santana nodded in agreement. "These kids all come from a crazy amount of privilege, and their parents are so snobby. All these Park Ave moms who just put their kids in one after school program after the other, just drives me crazy," Brittany rambled, expressing her annoyance finally. She quickly realized she was going off on a tangent and stopped herself. "Sorry," she mumbled quickly, bending over to shove her towel in her duffle bag.

"Don't apologize," Santana said quickly. "I love it when you get all passionate about things," she joked. Brittany laughed, realizing she definitely had a strong opinion about this, and she did really enjoy the work she did with the kids.

Brittany finished her general sweep of the room and grabbed her iPod from the stereo and asked Santana if she was good to go, who quickly nodded. "I don't know how you do this every day, I'm exhausted," Santana whined as she threw her bag over her shoulder and made her way toward the door with Brittany. Brittany flicked the lights off and the pair headed to the front of the studio to leave.

"Bye ladies," Matt called after them. "You'll be in after Thanksgiving, Britt?"

"Yup," Brittany smiled back at him, noticing he looked ever so slightly shyer than he had before. "I'll see you then." He nodded and Santana waved back at him quickly, and then glanced at Brittany.

"Someone's got a crush," Santana whispered as the doors closed behind them.

"Not me," Brittany said, causing the Latina to raise her eyebrows at her.

Despite not knowing each other that long, Santana could easily tell when Brittany was lying. Mostly because Brittany was a terrible liar. Her face would blush, and she would usually hesitate, avoid eye contact, or stutter; she had all the stereotypical signs. The fact that Brittany quickly responded, and rolled her eyes at the Latina was proof enough that she did not have a crush on Matt after all. Santana did not ask any more questions regarding the matter as they linked arms and headed back to their apartment.

/

It was Thanksgiving Day in the girl's apartment and despite her fear of the holiday being comprised of stress and chaos, everything was extremely peaceful. Their plan of divvying out the tasks and dishes beforehand made everything easier and more manageable for all. Kurt had let himself in early in the morning to start the turkey, and everyone else had a lot of time before they needed to start their dishes. All five were lounging in front of the TV, spread out on couches and floors, in sweatpants, watching the parade. During all the musical performances Santana, Rachel, and Kurt would all make their own side commentary, and Brittany had to refrain from rolling her eyes at how almost all of the performers were lip-synching so there wasn't much to comment on.

"What time is Jason getting here?" Brittany asked as the parade rolled into yet another commercial break.

"Around 3. He's bringing a pie," Kurt stated as he got up to check on the turkey in the kitchen. Rachel was reading something on her phone during the commercial break, as Santana was casually watching the commercial for some movie.

Brittany looked down at her phone seeing it was a little after ten in the morning. She wondered if anyone in her house was up yet and if it would be worth it to call her house. While it was still a sensitive subject that she didn't go home, it wasn't as bad as it had happened. Her and her mom had shoved their little fight aside and Brittany would be coming home for Christmas, which was better than nothing. She kept sliding her phone screen on and off, before finally putting it back on the couch, deciding it was too early to call.

Just as the parade was starting up again, Santana's phone started ringing. She immediately looked at it and smiled. "Happy Thanksgiving Dad!" Santana answered cheerfully as she jumped off the couch and headed upstairs to talk with her family. As Brittany watched the rest of the parade she sat with Kurt and Rachel, idly chatting about the performances, commercials, and the holidays.

Every so often she would hear Santana laugh loudly. While Kurt and Rachel guided the conversation she would look up to the steps longingly. There was almost a feeling of jealousy washing over Brittany as the minutes that Santana spoke with each of her family members upstairs and discussed how each of their Thanksgiving's were going. Brittany was jealous that they were talking to Santana, she was jealous that Santana had so many people in her family, jealous that Santana could spend over a half hour going back and forth with every little detail with her family.

As she got lost in her thoughts she didn't even realize that it had been an hour since Santana had gone upstairs and the parade had already finished. "Want to help me mash some potatoes?" Rachel asked, snapping Brittany from her thoughts. Without a thought she glanced upstairs, hearing Santana's incessant laughter.

"Uhm," Brittany cleared her throat, focusing on Rachel. "Yeah, sure," she smiled and pushed all thoughts of Santana and her family aside, and stopped wondering how long they would keep talking for.

/

Another hour later and the potatoes, cranberry sauce, and casserole were all finished. Rachel and Brittany were putting the finishing touches on their assigned dishes when Santana emerged from upstairs. "God, my family wouldn't stop talking," despite faking annoyance in her voice, Brittany could tell Santana didn't really mind the extra-long phone call at all. Santana had a slight smile on her face and her annoyance was over exaggerated compared to how Santana reacts to things having to do with her family. Instead of rolling her eyes or outing Santana, Brittany just smiled at her friend. "So what did I miss?" Santana asked after quickly returning Brittany's smile.

"Everything," Rachel sighed dramatically as she garnished the casserole. Brittany and Santana locked eyes and simultaneously rolled their eyes.

"No, we were just finishing our dishes," Brittany reassured. Santana nodded and went over to the sink to wash her hands to start her dishes.

"Where's Kurt?" Santana asked as she dried her hands off.

"Out on the balcony talking to _Jason,_ " Rachel said, imitating how Kurt was fawning over Jason's name earlier. "He's giving him directions to the apartment."

"Is he bringing apple or pumpkin pie?" Brittany asked excitedly causing Santana to giggle next to her as she pulled out a mixing bowl from the cabinet.

"I don't know Britt, does it matter?" Rachel asked looking up and being met with sad blues. "I'm sure it'll be great. Gay men have great dessert taste."

"So are they dating, or what?" Santana asked changing the subject.

"I'm not sure," Rachel shrugged, still fussing over her casserole. "I suppose will find out tonight."

"I feel like it's a big deal to have someone over for a holiday. You know?" Brittany stated and the other two both nodded. "I mean, it's like serious. Right?"

"Could be. Or this guy just had no one else to spend it with," Santana suggested. Brittany frowned a little bit as she thought that would be sad if that were the case.

"Well I hope he's not like some of the other douches Kurt has dated," Brittany said.

"What douches?" Kurt said, as he strode into the kitchen. The three girls all looked between each other with relatively panicked expressions on their faces.

"Uh..." Rachel began, stuttering, and looking to Brittany and Santana for help.

"Nothing," Brittany shrugged. "We just were hoping Jason isn't a douche." Just as Kurt was about to begin Brittany cut him off, changing the subject. "I gotta go shower," Brittany stated bluntly. "Gotta put on some stretchy pants for this feast." Kurt rolled his eyes and Brittany winked at him as she headed out of the kitchen. Meanwhile, Rachel and Santana went about finishing their dishes.

/

Brittany showered quickly and threw on a pair of comfortable brown corduroy pants and a navy blue sweater. Just as she was finishing drying her hair she checked her phone and saw no one from her family had contacted her yet. She dialed her home phone number, but only got her family's voicemail. "Hey guys. I just wanted to call to wish you all a happy Thanksgiving! Hope you guys have fun and eat a lot of delicious food. Talk to you later."

Brittany looked down at her phone as she pressed the end call button and sighed softly.

She headed downstairs and heard a male voice that she didn't recognize followed by some laughter. When she walked into the kitchen she saw her two roommates leaning by the stove and Kurt, standing next to a tall, skinny man with short black hair. The pair was leaning against the counter; Kurt with his arms crossed against his chest. Brittany figured the other guy was Jason and she was immediately impressed with how good looking he was. Judging by the expressions on Rachel and Santana's faces they were to.

"Oh this must be Brittany!" Jason exclaimed, rather flamboyantly as Brittany walked into the kitchen. Jason stepped away from the counter and outstretched his hand to her. Brittany smiled and immediately shook his hand.

"And you must be Jason?" Jason nodded enthusiastically.

"I've heard so much about you!" Jason beamed at her.

"All terrible things I'm sure," she added, getting a laugh from the group. Brittany moved to stand next to Santana who smiled softly at her.

"Oh no, not at all," Jason added, grinning at Brittany.

"Jason was just telling us how he met Kurt in a gay bar," Santana explained.

"Apparently Kurt was totally embarrassing," Rachel added. Brittany looked over at Kurt who was blushing.

"Oh, no. It was absolutely adorable," Jason stated, rubbing up and down Kurt's arm. "He was just nervous." All the girls in the room "awwed" at the pair.

"Well can you blame me?" Kurt mumbled. "Look at him." Jason blushed, and Brittany couldn't help but feel really happy for Kurt. Kurt glanced down at his watch. "Oh, move!" He exclaimed waving at Rachel and Santana. "I've gotta baste the bird." Rachel and Santana jumped away from the stove, Brittany quickly following. "Go out in the living room and get more embarrassing stories from Jason," he joked. The three girls immediately headed to the living room, dragging Jason along.

Brittany and Santana took their usual seat next to each other, comfortably on the couch. Santana sat right next to Brittany leaving very little space between the pair, despite how large the couch was. Rachel took a seat on the opposite end, leaving a large gap between her and Santana.

Jason sat across from the coffee table in the reclining chair that they recently bought at the Salvation Army for $20, which looked right from the 70s. "So why aren't you home for Thanksgiving?" Brittany asked.

"Not that we don't love having you with us, of course," Rachel quickly added shooting Brittany a glare.

"Oh, I'm sure," Jason said with a wink. "No, I'm from Washington. The state not where Obama lives. It just would've been too far to go home." The three girls all nodded, understanding, to some degree, distance from home. "I met Kurt a month ago and invited me to join, thankfully."

"Where in Washington are you from?" Brittany asked, always interested in people from states and places she had never been to.

"Just outside of Seattle."

"I've heard it's really cool there," Santana added.

"Yeah it's chill. Different from here. But I came here for work in the fashion scene, so it's all good," he responded.

"Fashion? No wonder Kurt brought you," Santana joked. Brittany lightly nudged her in the side with her elbow. "What? Just saying what we all were thinking," Santana added, nudging Brittany back.

They leaned back into the couch as Rachel began to question Jason on the work he does in fashion, and if he's ever done costumes for any Broadway shows. "So how was the phone call with your family?" Brittany asked Santana quietly, leaning her head against the cushion and looking at Santana.

"Good," Santana shrugged. "Loud," she laughed a little bit.

"They miss you?"

"Yeah, a little bit," Santana added thoughtfully as she leaned back and looked at Brittany, sucking in her lips. "What about your family?" Santana whispered, almost as if she was treading delicate waters, knowing that it was a somewhat sensitive subject for the blonde.

Brittany looked down to her lap and noticed her hands were fumbling together subconsciously. "They must've been really swamped with everything," Brittany shrugged. She looked back up at Santana who had an unreadable expression on her face. She then rubbed Brittany's thigh softly, like Jason had done to Kurt before. "They'll call back," Brittany assured. Santana just lightly squeezed Brittany's thigh and nodded.

"Okay!" Kurt announced as he entered the living room. "Who's ready to eat?"

Brittany immediately jumped off the couch with more energy than she had displayed in a long time. "Yes! I am!" She stretched a hand out to Santana who was doubling over in laughter. "Let's do this!"

Brittany grabbed Santana's hand and tugged her toward the kitchen to start setting out the dishes.

/

After seconds and third helpings of delicious Thanksgiving meals, several glasses of wine, many embarrassing stories about past Thanksgivings when they were kids, Brittany unbuttoning her pants, and Kurt blushing too many times whenever Jason was charming…feast was over.

Before they ate they each went around the table and said what they were thankful for. Santana made a point to look at Brittany when she said "New friendships," with a smile, and Brittany reciprocated when she said "new and old roommates". Jason was constantly making Kurt blush, and being extremely charming and funny. Brittany was happy that Kurt had met someone like Jason, who just seemed like a genuinely nice guy.

The group helped each other clean all of the dishes and putting all of the leftovers into Tupperware. Once they were all finished they opened up another bottle of wine, while Brittany set her iPod up to play Christmas music. "It's officially Christmas season!" Brittany exclaimed happily.

They all settled into comfortable positions in the living room, sipping more wine and having small conversations. Brittany and Santana were cuddled into each other against the couch once again, making jokes about eating too much, and slipping into the question game. They asked each other questions about Christmas traditions, favorite holiday songs, and favorite Christmases from when they were little. Every now and then someone else in the room would hear part of their conversation and jump in with their own answers. Soon it became a full on heated debate about whether or not Rachel was allowed to participate in the conversation fully since she never actually celebrated Christmas.

That night, Brittany headed upstairs to check her phone and pass out from exhaustion. She saw she had two missed calls from her mother and one voicemail. She nervously pressed her voicemail button as she sat on the edge of her bed and brought the phone to her ear. "Hey it's me," there was long pause as she heard her mom breathe in the phone. "Just thought I'd talk to my daughter on Thanksgiving…" There was another pause, and Brittany rolled her eyes as she heard the slur in her mother's voice. She quickly hit delete before she heard the rest of the message and put her phone down.

She changed into sweat pants and a comfortable long sleeve shirt. She then went out into the hallway and looked towards Santana's bedroom, seeing the light on from underneath the hall. She lightly knocked on Santana's door until she heard the soft and raspy, "Come in."

Santana was sitting against the headboard of her bed with her laptop out and glasses on. When she saw Brittany step in and close the door she smiled widely. "Hey you," Santana said quietly. "What's up?"

Brittany shrugged and looked down at her feet, nervously, "Can't sleep," she then looked up slowly at Santana who was still smiling at her. "Can I stay here tonight?" Brittany sucked her lips in to her mouth and rubbed her hands against the cottons of her sweats.

"Of course," Santana happily stated. She patted the empty space next to her on the bed. Brittany's smiled beamed as she bounded toward the bed and jumped in, causing Santana to laugh. Brittany immediately cuddled up to Santana, who still had her laptop on her legs.

"Whatcha watching?"

"Just a YouTube video my friend sent me," Santana gestured to the screen. "You wanna watch?" Brittany licked her lips and nodded quickly, like a little kid getting asked if they wanted a piece of candy. Santana laughed quietly and shuffled down lower into the bed so they both could watch.

Brittany didn't remember the funny clips Santana went through as the minutes went by. She just remembered how soft Santana's chest felt as she snuggled closer and drifted asleep.

/

**December 2011**

The weeks in December rolled by quickly. The weather got colder, with small amounts of snow covering the city every so often. However, for the most part, it was a tame and mild early winter. Between shopping for Christmas presents for family and friends, work, and general excitement that comes with holidays, the weeks went by fast. Before Brittany even knew it, it was a week before Christmas.

Rachel was scheduled to leave for Ohio to have some time home for a few of the nights of Hanukkah that Wednesday night. Both Santana and Brittany were flying out that weekend. Santana leaving Saturday morning and Brittany having to leave late Sunday afternoon due to a recital she was assisting with for her students. Much to the annoyance of her mother, she wouldn't be getting into Ohio until late Sunday night, the day before Christmas Eve.

Brittany and Santana were finishing some last minute Christmas shopping as they walked into their apartment building, headed to the elevator with some bags in their hands. "God, it's really gotten cold out," Brittany commented as she pressed the elevator button.

"I know," Santana said looking at Brittany. "Your nose looks like Rudolph." She reached up and poked Brittany's nose with her gloved finger. Brittany's cheeks turned another shade of red, and then the elevator bell went off. The two stepped in and placed their bags on the floor. "Is it supposed to snow tonight?"

"I'm not sure, it kind of feels like it does," Brittany shrugged, leaning against the back of the elevator. "You know when you can smell rain?" Santana nodded. "It smells like it's going to snow."

Santana looked at Brittany with a smile on her face. "I'm not sure I've ever smelled snow before. But whatever you say, Britt," Santana winked at the blonde, and the elevator bell dinged again, once they reached their floor.

"No, I'm serious," Brittany countered as they grabbed their bags and headed toward their apartment. "Snow has a distinct feel, and smell. You just know it's going to happen."

"I'm sure," Santana said as she fumbled with her gloves and bags to reach in her pocket to get her keys. Without a word Brittany reached in with her mittened hand that was free and grabbed the keys. Santana looked up, smiled, silently thanking Brittany.

It was a rhythm of sorts that the two had gotten into over the past month or so. No words had to be said, no questions had to be asked, and things were just assumed. Brittany had never really had a friend where things were just so seamless like this before, and she enjoyed it. It was different, fun, and easy. Everything just came natural.

"I'm just saying," Santana continued as Brittany unlocked the door, letting the Latina step in first. "I have never experienced this sixth snow sense before."

Before Brittany and Santana could set their things down and take their jackets off, Rachel bounded into the front of their apartment from her bedroom. "This is a snow disaster!" She exclaimed.

"Jesus Rachel," Santana dropped her bags and grabbed her chest as her breathing sped up. "Anyone ever tell you to announce yourself first?"

"I just did!" Rachel shouted. "Now is not the time for dramatics Santana!"

Brittany and Santana locked eyes as they began to shed their layers and both rolled their eyes, silently saying "Really?" to each other.

"What's up Rach?" Brittany asked, placing her and Santana's jackets over a chair.

"My flight was cancelled because we are supposed to get a huge snow storm tonight!"

Brittany and Santana locked eyes once again, but this time with less eye roll and a lot more concern for their roommate. Rachel had been looking forward to getting home for Hanukkah to see her dad for weeks. It was the only thing that the small brunette spoke about, and it was what got her through rehearsals. Since Rachel had a performance in a few days she was only going to be home for less than a week as it was, and wanted to spend as much time as possible with her dads.

"Oh no, Rach," Brittany said sympathetically as she embraced her friend into a hug. Rachel immediately started to sob and making unpronounceable sounds.

"Can you get a flight earlier tomorrow at least?" Santana asked as she awkwardly stood next to the pair, her hands shoved in her pockets. Rachel pulled away from Brittany, wiping her nose on her sleeve, as she sniffed.

"I was on the phone with the airport and they said that flights are going out of Newark still, but I can't get there. That cab ride is going to be like over a hundred and public transit is going to be a mess," Rachel sniffed out defeated. Brittany worried her lips as she tried to think of a solution. She looked over at Santana for suggestions who looked just as lost. Just when Brittany figured all was lost there was a loud knock on the door. "That's probably Kurt, I told him I had a 911 emergency and needed comfort food," Rachel sighed as she went for the door.

Both Kurt and Jason were at the door with a bottle of wine in their hands. "What's up girl?" Kurt asked as he pulled Rachel into a hug.

Rachel retold her entire saga, while Brittany and Santana stood by helplessly, just feeling bad. "Wait," Jason interrupted, just as Rachel was about to grab one of the bottles of wine out of defeat. "I have a car here you could use. I just don't drive in the snow ever, so I'm not sure I'd be great to drive you to the airport." The four all froze and stared at him.

"Are you human?" Brittany responded, speaking for the group.

"Seriously, you're like perfect," Santana added.

"Yeah, but I can't drive in this weather," he pointed out the window and it was coming down already. "I got in an accident once, so I just don't feel comfortable. But if one of you can handle it, by all means," he pulled out his keys. "It's parked in front of my apartment like 4 blocks away."

Brittany looked at her three friends and saw all of their hesitation. She then reached for Jason's keys. "Alright, let's go to Jersey!"

Rachel looked at her excitedly, "Seriously? You'd drive me?!" Brittany just smiled and nodded. Rachel launched herself into Brittany's arms. "Thank you! Thank you!"

"Go get your shit," Brittany said as she pushed Rachel off of her. "We got a flight to catch!"

Rachel didn't even wait a minute before she took off to her bedroom. "Well," Kurt grabbed Jason's hand and headed to the door. "Glad the crisis is averted. I'm going to enjoy my last night with my man." Jason wiggled his eyebrows at Kurt and the two were headed out of the apartment.

"Wait, who's coming with me?" Brittany asked, but saw that Santana was already putting on her jacket and gloves while handing Brittany her stuff.

"Who do you think, silly?" Santana asked. "Someone's gotta play DJ, right?"

Brittany couldn't contain her smile at Santana. "Silly me," she joked.

Rachel emerged a minute later with a suitcase, and her jacket, hat, and gloves haphazardly thrown on. "Let's go to Jersey!"

"To Jersey!" Brittany and Santana exclaimed as they helped Rachel with her suitcase and rush to Jason's car blocks away.

/

_I feel a hunger; it's a hunger  
That tries to keep a man awake at night-_

"Take Me Home Tonight!" Brittany exclaimed, slamming triumphantly on the steering wheel. "Shit I always forget who sings this."

"Eddie Money, duh," Santana said, as she continued to scroll through Brittany's iPod.

They had managed to get Rachel on time for her new flight out of Newark. They were now driving on the New Jersey Turnpike heading back to New York. They had decided to play only songs that had the theme of "home" in it, since their mission was to get Rachel home, and they all were heading home soon. Plus, Brittany requested no more Christmas music since she kind of over did this year on the amount of Christmas music she listened to daily.

"That was a good one," Brittany said with a yawn.

"You getting tired?" Santana asked her voice full of concern as she looked up from the iPod.

"Not really," Brittany shook her head. "I like driving." Santana kept her eyes on Brittany, but nodded her head.

"Well let me know if you want to switch up."

"We don't have that much longer, it's all good," Brittany glanced over at Santana and smiled at her reassuring her.

Brittany turned on her signal to get off of the turnpike on to another highway that would lead to the George Washington Bridge. They were driving in comfortable silence as Santana kept searching for different songs for several minutes. Brittany was looking up the sky above her, which was clearing up. Away from the bigger skyscrapers and city life, she could actually make out stars and a lot of them at that. Maybe it was the fact that the sky had been so grey for the past few weeks, or maybe it was just the fact that she hadn't seen stars so clearly in so long, but something about the sight really caught her off guard. Thankfully the roads were dead so she could stand to be a little distracted. "Wow," she whispered out quietly as she kept leaning over the steering wheel to look up.

"What?" Santana looked over at Brittany confused.

"Look at the stars," Brittany gestured up to the sky through the windshield. Santana ducked her head to see better.

"Wow, you never see stars this clearly from Brooklyn," she said with a laugh.

"We should get a good look while we can," Brittany said suddenly, switching lanes to the right, and heading toward the shoulder.

"Wait," Santana's voice got higher in a panic. "We're just going to pull over?"

"Why not?" Brittany asked as she put the car in park. "No one's on the road. Just for a minute," she reassured the Latina. "I just want to get a good look real quick."

Santana couldn't fight the smile and started unbuckling her seatbelt. "Come on over to my side of the car though so you don't get hit or something," she said quickly as they both started to open their doors.

"Alright," Brittany rushed over to the passenger side and they both leaned against the car and looked up at the sky.

The clouds were moving quickly and the black sky was covered in a blanket of stars. Granted, it was still not as many stars one would get in the mountains or a complete isolated area, but it was still beautiful.

They stood there, in the cold, side by side, just looking up in total silence. Brittany was lost in her thoughts when she felt a small nudge on her arm. She looked to her left where Santana was staring at her. "Hey," Santana whispered.

"Hey," Brittany was just as quiet.

"Thanks," Santana was staring into Brittany's eyes. Normally eye contact after a certain amount of time was a little weird for Brittany and she would have to look away, but she was getting sucked into the Santana's brown eyes and couldn't look away.

"For what?" Brittany was whispering so quietly she wasn't sure she was even speaking out loud or just in her head.

"For stopping," Santana smiled and turned to face Brittany fully. "I don't think I've ever met anyone who would just stop to look at some stars." Brittany immediately blushed, and went to break the eye contact but a soft, cold, hand was on her cheek, holding her face still.

Suddenly, the moment lost all of its lightness and they just stared at each other. Santana's hand still on Brittany's cheek, her fingers lightly brushing a stray hair out of her eyes. Santana moved slowly in and Brittany could feel her heart beating in all of her nerve ends. She didn't know whether to close her eyes, pull away and run back into the car, lick her lips and lean into it, or throw up. She felt the hand on her cheek move gently, and that's when she closed her eyes, breathed in and prepared herself for whatever was about to happen.

The hand on her cheek was replaced with soft lips. It was not just the little pecks that she had grown accustomed to every so often from Santana, but it lasted. It lasted so long she could feel the warmth from Santana's lips course through her whole body. And just as long as it had lasted the hand was back on her cheek, rubbing it softly and then Santana had pulled away entirely with a tiny shy smile. "What was that for?" Brittany somehow found her voice to ask.

"For making me stop to see something beautiful."

Santana nodded her head toward the car and Brittany moved away so that Santana could climb back in. Before Brittany headed to her side of the car she looked back at the stars, and realized that the few stars in the sky were nothing compared to Santana's brown orbs. For the briefest of moments, Brittany allowed herself to think that maybe, just maybe, Santana was thinking the same thing about her, and that thought was enough to keep her awake and energized for the rest of the drive back into the city.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Song: A Sky Full of Stars by Coldplay


	9. Little Things

_It seems to me that this; it used to be a home_

**December, 2011**

Usually when Brittany went home over holiday breaks from school it was fueled by excitement and pure desire to be lazy and relax. This time was different.

Tension had already been building between her and her mother before she even arrived home. Her older brother, Rich, kept himself busy with work at the local grocery store and video games in the basement, and her father, Steve, was his usual quiet, disengaged, non-confrontational self. Brittany usually loved her father's quiet demeanor but something about it put her on edge this time around.

Even when Brittany wasn't trying to do it on purpose, she was picking fights with her mother left and right. It felt like every comment out of her mother's mouth was laced with judgment. A sarcastic remark from Brittany on the way to Christmas Eve mass led to a screaming match in the parking lot. Rich and her father silently went into the church while Brittany and her mother shot daggers with their identical blue eyes at each other.

Brittany wasn't even sure what the arguments the past two days were about. She just couldn't hold her frustration and anger in anymore.

That night Brittany fell asleep in her childhood bed repeating to herself that it was Christmas. _Let it go, let it go, let it go._

Her mother kept drinking downstairs that night, and Brittany heard, through the thin walls of their deteriorating house, her mom get up every now and then and refill the ice in her glass. She was drifting to sleep to the sounds of banging kitchen cabinet doors, ice clinking in a glass, and a brief thought to what Santana's Christmas Eve was like in Cincinnati. She imagined the Latina's large family having a huge Christmas Eve feast. She was sure it was loud, with a bunch of people in the house, Santana playing with all of her kitchens, helping her mom cook, and lots of laughter. Brittany imagined the warmth of Santana's house, and how Santana would roll her eyes at her parents, but still has nothing but love for them in her heart. Brittany wondered what that kind of Christmas experience would be like.

Over the years her family had gotten good at shoving things under a rug and avoiding it. Her mom's drinking; her brother's anger and depression, the trouble Brittany had gotten into in high school, her father's indifference to everything.

It was all ignored.

Every so often things would boil over, only to quickly be covered up again.

That's exactly how this Christmas played out this year. There was laughter, happiness, and love while the four opened their present. The actions and words that occurred the previous night were completely ignored, but not entirely forgotten.

Brittany had gotten some books she had been wanting, gift cards, and a nice sweater. She and Rich got her parents a gift certificate to a fancy Italian restaurant in town, and she had also gotten her mom a nice silver necklace. She got her father a new wallet, and her brother some books and a movie he had asked for.

"Well, I'd say this was a success," her mom said as she helped Brittany pick up some wrapping paper.

"Yeah definitely," Brittany held out the trash bag for her mother.

A natural silence fell between the two, as Brittany awkwardly bent down and picked up the last bit of wrapping paper. In other families, Brittany supposed, this would be an ideal time for someone to apologize. But "I'm sorry's" didn't get thrown around a whole lot in the Pierce household. One time, when Brittany was little her dad yelled at her for something silly. She ran up to her bedroom and cried. Her dad came up a few minutes later and said sorry, and then he took her out for ice cream. That was the only time anyone in her family ever apologized for anything.

The apology was assumed, as things got buried further under the rug.

So no apology was given to her from her mother, and she didn't apologize to her mother for anything. It was just assumed in the silence. "So, is Uncle John going to ask the same 20 questions about my love life as per usual?" Brittany asked, breaking the silence, and changing topics, showing how fine and moved on from all of the arguing she was.

"Oh, I'm sure," her mom laughed.

And just like that, things were buried and fine, as the four cleaned up and got the house ready for John, Brittany's uncle and her mother's twin brother, and his wife Patty, to arrive.

/

Mary Pierce was not a bad person, and she was far from a bad mother. She had had a lot of hardships over her lifetime. She lost both of her parents, and the majority of her extended family was deceased. She married late, and had children even later. She loved her daughter and son, with every fiber of her being, and sacrificed a lot for them. Her marriage was a complicated one. She was a devout Catholic. She was flawed.

Brittany was reminded of this as she watched her mom, Mary, interact with her twin brother John and his wife. It was like her mother was putting on some type of show to prove to them that her life was good, and she was in control. She bragged about Rich's accomplishments at the grocery store, and how Brittany was living a "fun, exciting, life" in New York City. It was the complete opposite of how she acted when they weren't around. She was scrambling, and a total shell of the confident in control woman that Brittany was usually used to dealing with. A part of Brittany found the change almost refreshing, but she knew how hard this was for her mother. This was one of the few times that they saw Uncle John and Aunt Patty, and every year her mother became an anxious wreck; constantly on edge until their arrival.

Several points during dinner Brittany had to restrain herself from rolling her eyes at her mother. However, as she watched her mother get defensive, or interrupted by her Uncle John, she also couldn't help but feeling really bad for her. Her mom kept pouring more and more glasses of wine, and getting sloppier and sloppier. At the rate she was going she was on her way to seriously embarrassing herself. "Hey," Brittany suddenly announced getting everyone at the table's attention. "How about we have dessert now?" She hoped that the coffee and some more food in the stomach might help her mom out. Her dad smiled at her, appreciating the small intervention.

"That sounds great, sweetheart," Uncle John said, as he patted his stomach. "I saved some room for some pie." He winked at Brittany as she stood up to start clearing the dishes. Her mom stood up as well, but her brother gently his hand on her arm and shook his head.

"Me and Brittany have it, Mom. Relax," Rich shot her a curt smile and helped Brittany with the dishes, following her into the kitchen.

"Thanks," Brittany said as she put her dishes in the sink and grabbed the ones that Rich was holding.

"Yep," he nodded, and went to get the pie from the fridge. Brittany glanced over her shoulder and couldn't help, but smile at her brother. She and he weren't as close as they used to be. A lot of that had to do with the fact that she wasn't really home for long periods of time, but she often thought of him and wished that they could at least communicate more over the phone or internet or something. She knew he spent a lot of time working at his part time job at the grocery store after he graduated college. He was a journalism major in undergrad, and graduated right during the recession, so he struggled to get a full time job. However, he got a lot of hours at the grocery store and made decent money. He always got Brittany really nice Christmas and birthday presents. He hung out with friends from college and high school a lot of the time, but most of the time, from what she understood, he spent a lot of time at home.

For a young guy in his twenties he was really quiet and not as energetic or ambitious as Brittany. When they were kids Brittany was always the one that was speaking up for her older brother. They were three years apart in age, but Brittany never felt like she had a big brother watching out for her. In fact, the majority of the time, Brittany was the one who was extremely protective of him and looking out for him.

Rich ended up going to an all-boys Catholic high school, and that's where the two started to split and lose a lot of their similar interests or conversation topics. Nowadays when they were around each other they usually stuck to safe topics like movies, TV shows, or sports. Brittany rarely pushed personal subjects or family related things, even though she knew her brother was usually on the same page with regards to their parents or other family activities.

"Mom's been in rare form lately, hasn't she?" Brittany figured this would be a safe subject. She figured that Rich would agree, and give her some type of confirmation that she hasn't been overreacting lately to how her mom's been treating her, even if it was just a stiff nod of the head.

When she didn't hear an immediate "yup" she looked over her shoulder from the sink, and saw Rich was still fumbling through the fridge. "Hello?"

Rich immediately stood up with the pie, set in on the counter and slammed the fridge door close. "Woah, what's your problem?" Brittany asked in a hushed tone, to not alert her family in the next room. She shut the faucet off, dried her hands and turned to face her brother.

"You don't get to do that," he stated, as he reached above him to grab some dessert plates and cups.

"Do what?"

She heard Rich take a deep sigh and then he turned around. He looked at her, and it felt like the first time since they were kids that they were facing off like this, and actually looking at each other. He looked so much older in this moment, and tired. His face was rounder, and he had a bit of a belly since he graduated college. His recently cut dirty blonde hair was neatly styled on his head and he had the slightest bit of stubble on his chin and jaw. She had been home for days and hadn't even noticed these little changes, these little things that make up who he is. _Do I even really know him anymore?_

"Say things like that," he gestured his hands to her. "About mom or dad, or stuff going on here."

"Why not?" Brittany fired back getting defensive.

"You're not here," he said it so simply and just let it stand out there in the air. "You moved away for school, you never come home except for short breaks, and you stayed out there after you graduated. You come back every once in a while and you start all this shit with mom and make big issues out of tiny things. You do this all the time and then you leave. I'm the one that's still here and stuck with them to pick up all the pieces and deal with the fall out. Meanwhile, you get to go off and live your big city life. So you can't just come back here and make all these judgments about what's going on and make all these side comments, or roll your eyes over everything. Just keep your comments to yourself or for someone who isn't actually a part of this family, because you're not here, and you're barely in this family anymore."

It was probably the most that Brittany had heard her brother speak in years, especially geared toward her. Her first reaction was to yell at him, and tell him he was wrong and that he didn't understand. But she didn't, because in her heart of hearts she knew he was right. He was right. She was just going to leave. She could choose to not answer the phone and not come home. Her brother lived here 24/7, and he couldn't escape it even if he wanted to.

They stood staring at each other for a few more seconds, before Brittany turned around to finish the dishes. She could still feel his eyes boring into the back of her head as she replayed his tangent in her head.

"You know," Rich said quietly and a lot softer. "They just really miss you."

Brittany stilled her hands as she heard him picking up the dishes, pie, and head back into the dining room.

He didn't apologize for his tangent, because they don't operate like that in this family. But even if they did, Brittany was pretty sure that he wouldn't, because that was the most honest anyone in her family had ever been with her about anything.

/

Brittany and her mom were sitting next to each on a couch in the family's basement with a blanket tossed over their legs. It was the night before Brittany's flight back to New York City. She was getting in the night before New Year's Eve so she could spend it with her roommates and friends. Ever since Christmas dinner, and her conversation with her brother, Brittany had been acting better with her family. She didn't roll her eyes, or snap at her mother's comments. She was playing nice, but also really enjoying the lack of tension between her and her family. It was a nice change.

Her mom had gotten a special edition of her favorite movie, _The Sound of Music_ , from Rich and the three of them were watching in the basement, while her father was upstairs reading a book. Despite how many times she watched this movie with her mom and brother, Brittany loved this movie. Every so often she would pull her phone out of her pocket and pull open her recent texts. Most of them were from Rachel, who had been alone in their apartment for the past few days.

Brittany had really resisted texting Santana. She figured the Latina would be busy with her family and friends. They both were scheduled to arrive back in New York for New Year's, so Brittany knew she shouldn't be overly clingy and bug Santana. However, the last time they had texted was briefly after Christmas where they both told each other what they got and what they were up to. The next day Brittany woke up to a text from Santana saying that she missed Brittany. This made Brittany ecstatic and she texted back overly excited, "I miss you more!"

That was the last she had heard from or texted the Latina, and Brittany didn't want to seem desperate or needy so she fought back all urges despite her strong craving to communicate with Santana in any form.

"I just love her voice," her mother sighed out as the Mother Superior sang "Climb Every Mountain". Brittany smiled at her mother and nodded. "I remember when I was a kid and saw this on Broadway. Just blew me away," Brittany had heard this story multiple times, but that is what her mother did. She told and retold the stories of the glory days of her childhood, and what things were like "back in the day". Despite how many times she heard the stories, Brittany always enjoyed how excited her mom got about little things and telling the story. Her and brother knew when to laugh and knew when to ask questions to keep her talking, and she would just go and go.

"Yeah, love that nun," Brittany joked, pulling out her phone again and glancing at the screen.

"Who are you talking to?" her mom inquired.

"Nobody," Brittany sighed and slipped her phone back in her sweat pants pocket. "Just wondering when my roommate Santana is getting back to the city." It wasn't a lie, necessarily. She was genuinely interested because Santana never gave her a specific time she was getting in. Mary just nodded and went back to the screen.

"You've been talking about this Santana girl a lot," her mother commented. Brittany was a little surprised because she didn't realize she was talking about Santana that much. "She a good roommate?"

"Yeah," Brittany nodded, and tried her best to keep her blushing at bay. "We've become really good friends."

"That's good," Brittany's mom nodded and glanced back at her. "I'm glad you're making new friends out there," her mother smiled, and Brittany immediately returned it.

"Me too," Brittany stated before turning her attention back to the movie. She glanced to the chair that her brother was sitting in and they briefly made eye contact and sharing a small smile.

/

It was a little after midnight when the movie's credits were finally rolling, "Jeez, I forgot how long this movie is," Rich stated as he got up from the chair and stretched his arms above his head. "I'm heading to bed," he said turning to go. "I'll see you before your flight tomorrow," he told Brittany and said goodnight as he climbed the steps upstairs.

Brittany reached for the remote to shut the DVD player off. "Excited to go back?" Her mother asked her as they both started to pick up things and put the blankets back on the couch.

"I guess," Brittany shrugged. "It's been nice being back here, though," she admitted honestly. Her mother smiled and folded the last blanket and turning to head up the stairs. Just as her mother turned to go, Brittany felt something boil inside of her. "Mom!" she called out causing Mary to turn around.

"Yeah?"

"I'm gonna try, you know," Brittany stated. Her mom looked at her curiously. "I know I'm kinda aimless and don't have a plan for my future or anything. But...I'm going to figure it out." She's not sure why she felt the need to explain herself, but since her lack of ambition and effort has been the cause of so many arguments in the past few months, she figured this would be a good time and place to make amends.

"I know, sweetie," her mother smiled softly at her. "You always end up on your feet," her mom had a little pride in her smile and she nodded at Brittany as she headed up the stairs. "Turn off the lights when you're done," she heard her mom call from upstairs as she headed to her bedroom.

Brittany felt relaxed and okay with how that went. _Progress_. She turned the TV off and took a seat on the chair her brother was sitting in, and pulled out her phone once again. There were no new texts or calls, but she decided to cave and text Santana, finding an appropriate excuse to contact Santana.

**Brittany (12:17am): Hey you! What time are you getting back again?**

She looked at her phone again after she hit send and waited or a response for a few seconds. She finally slipped her phone back in her pocket, turned the lights off and headed up to her bedroom. She lay down in her bed, snuggling into her pillows, letting her eyes drift close. Just as she was slipping into sleep, she felt her phone vibrate in her pocket. With lightning speed she pulled her phone out of her pocket to see the new text.

**Santana (12:20am): Hey! I completely forgot to tell you, but I changed my flight! :( I decided to spend New Year's Eve here with Quinn and some high school people. But I'm flying back New Year's Day! Hope your time home is going great! See you soon!**

Brittany stared at her phone for several moments. She thought of a list of responses to send Santana back. She felt hurt, annoyed, jealous, angry...but she didn't know why. She knew she was overreacting, but she couldn't help herself. It was like this knee jerk reaction. She and Santana never made any definitive plans, but she had assumed. Was there a reason why Santana didn't want to spend it with her in New York? What did Quinn and her high school friends have that Brittany didn't?

Brittany wanted to be petty; she wanted to make Santana feel bad for ditching her. Was she ditching her? Did Brittany even have a right to be upset? She stared at her phone for a few minutes before typing out a reply.

**Brittany (12:24am): Oh, ok. see ya.**

She held her phone in her hand, looking at the screen, waiting for a reply that never came.

/

Brittany had never liked New Year's Eve. She never believed in the cliché of kissing someone on midnight. Usually her New Year's was spent eating a lot of junk food with her family, watching Dick Clark and the ball drop, or Ryan Seacrest in recent years. After midnight Brittany, her mom, and brother, and sometimes her dad would watch a few episodes of _The Honeymooners_ marathons. For the most part it was a fairly quiet night. When her friends would be participating in crazy parties she would just be in sweats, drinking cheap champagne with her family.

The last year or two her and Kurt or her and Rachel, or all three, would spend some time together, but it was never that exciting. Even sometimes they would go off to do things with their theater friends. Something about this year had felt different. Maybe it was the addition of Santana to their apartment, or the fact that it was the first New Year's since they all were out of college, but this year she wasn't dreading the holiday as she normally was.

This was before she realized that Santana was staying in Ohio for the night, of course.

Brittany was sitting in her cab from the airport looking at her phone. She hadn't heard back from Santana since she responded last night. Deep down she wasn't expecting anything, but she still hoped that she might hear something. As she looked away from her screen and glanced out at the city as she was driven to her apartment her phone vibrated in her lap, and she immediately looked down, her heart beat picking up its speed. Once she saw it was Rachel she rolled her eyes and opened her new text.

**Rachel (3:45pm): Hey! Welcome back! You're back right? Just making sure we're still on to hang out tonight!**

Brittany quickly typed out a response before putting her phone back down.

**Brittany (3:46pm): Yeah I'm in the cab. I'll see you in a few.**

**Rachel (3:46pm): Yay! Can't wait!**

Brittany smiled at the excitement of her friend, but had to force herself to get as excited in return.

/

"So how was it at home?" Rachel asked taking a seat next to Brittany on the couch. Brittany had gotten in a few minutes ago. She dropped her suitcase off in her bedroom, contemplated taking a nap, but decided to hang out with Rachel downstairs instead of being anti-social.

"It was good," Brittany nodded, bringing the mug of tea that Rachel had made for her up to her mouth.

"How was the fam?" Rachel asked sincerely. She knew a little about Brittany's family, but not enough for a cause for concern. Rachel knew that Brittany had some issues with them, but that was it.

"They were good," Brittany took a sip of the mint tea, letting the warm liquid heat up her insides. "All in all it was a relaxing trip home. How are the dads?"

"Great," Rachel immediately smiled and tucked her feet under her on the couch. "They're going to visit in March probably." Rachel's dads always made numerous trips out to New York, so Brittany wasn't surprised. She also loved Rachel's dads, finding them both to be extremely kind, and hilarious.

"Can't wait to see them, as per usual," Brittany said with a smile. "Where's Kurt?"

"He won't be back until the 2nd. He's spending time with his dad," Rachel explained and Brittany nodded, rubbing the mug between her hands. Kurt's dad had some health issues over the past few years and she knew Kurt liked to spend as much time as possible with him.

"So then, what's the game plan for tonight?" Brittany asked, setting her mug down. Rachel simply stared at Brittany and shrugged. "There's some type of plan, isn't there?" Brittany asked slowly.

"I don't know, I thought you had something in mind."

"Who do you think I am, Rachel?" Brittany's eyebrows lifted. "My social life consists of whatever you, Kurt, and Santana drag me into."

"Well…" Rachel started, crossing her arms in front of her chest and looking off to the side in thought. "Don't your dance people friends have parties all the time?"

"Dance people? Really, Rachel? What's wrong with you?" Brittany looked at her with an eye roll. "Dancers."

"Whatever," Rachel uncrossed her arms and sat up straighter. "Don't they always invite you to stuff on Facebook?"

"Yeah...Matt does, usually," Brittany started, already wanting to back out of wherever Rachel's thought process was heading.

"So did he invite you to anything for tonight?"

Brittany picked up her phone and opened up her Facebook app, quickly looking at her recent event invites, which she usually ignored. "Yeah, he's having a party at his apartment," she mumbled.

"Great, let's go to that then," Rachel settled back into the couch comfortably and decidedly.

"I never told him I was going," Brittany rushed out. "We can't just show up uninvited."

"That's what the Facebook invite is for, Brittany," Rachel rolled her eyes. "What's wrong with you?" Rachel mocked. Brittany sat up and playfully slapped Rachel's arm, causing a small yell to escape the brunette's lips.

"Fine," Brittany huffed. "But don't call them 'dancer people'," she added air quotes. "And the second you start embarrassing me we are leaving."

Rachel smiled triumphantly and outstretched her hand for Brittany to shake.

/

A few hours later the two were dressed in similar black dresses, and were standing at Matt's apartment door in the Chelsea neighborhood of New York. "Why are you all jumpy?" Rachel asked as they waited for someone to open the door. "Aren't you friends with these people?"

"I'm not jumpy," Brittany defended. "I am friends with them; I just don't normally hang out with them at parties and stuff. Maybe we should've done a shot before we left."

Before Rachel could respond the door swung open revealing Matt. "B! You came!" He exclaimed, quickly pulling her into a hug. When he pulled back his eyes roamed over her body. "Dang, you look amazing." Brittany immediately blushed, while Rachel cleared her throat and stuck her hand out.

"Rachel Berry, thank you for having us," Rachel stated formally.

"I've met you before Rachel," Matt said with a laugh, opening the door to the party inside. "Welcome to our little New Year's Eve gathering," he said to the two, ushering them towards the nearby kitchen where the keg was located.

"Do you guys want some punch or beer?" Matt asked.

"Punch," Rachel and Brittany said at the same time. He grabbed two black cups that had had "Happy New Year's" written in gold on them and handed them to the girls. Brittany sipped her drink quickly, noting how strong it was as she swallowed hard. She looked around the apartment, seeing how crowded it was. Most of the people she didn't recognize.

"Is everyone here your friend?" she asked.

"Nah," Matt shook his head. "Most of them are friends with my roommate or I've met them through him."

Brittany nodded and kept looking around at the people. Everyone was dressed up, and it seemed like they were already drunk or at least tipsy. She took a deep sip from her cup in an attempt to catch up with everyone else. The music was blasting and she could see through to the living room a television was on with Ryan Seacrest on mute, while people danced around, or gathered in small groups laughing. Rachel and Matt were making small talk next to her, but she wasn't really paying attention.

This time of the year conversations always revolved around recapping everyone's holidays, and sharing little family stories. As Brittany took another sip from her cup she had a flash to her brother staring her down in their kitchen. The look on his face filled with a mix of disappointment, frustration, exhaustion, and anger. _Did I do this? Is it my fault he's stuck there? Is it my fault my mom is so bitter and drinks?_

She took another deep sip and realized she had finished her drink already. While Matt and Rachel kept talking, she poured herself another drink. A guy she had never seen before flashed a wink at her and the tipsy feeling she was feeling already from barely eating before, and drinking so quickly was setting in. She shot him a shy smile and kept drinking. She could feel the weight of her cell phone in her clutch purse and wanted to take it out to see if maybe Santana had texted her. _Stupid._ Brittany took a deep sip as she tapped her fingers against the cup and idly looked as if she was paying attention to what Matt and Rachel were discussing. A bitter feeling was resting in her stomach as she imagined Santana laughing and drinking with her perfect friends in Cincinnati

Lima and Cincinnati were only two hours away from each other and there were a few times over the course of her time at home that she thought of reaching out to Santana to meet up for dinner or lunch, or anything. She talked to Santana through text, and was constantly resisting urges to talk to the Latina. Right after her brother had confronted her she went to the bathroom and pulled her phone out. She wanted to text Santana and tell her everything that was said. But after thinking about it she decided that Santana didn't know the whole context of everything that goes on within her family. She decided that when Santana came back to New York she'd fill her in on everything. She could already imagine the scene of Santana rubbing her back as she cried and taking her into a warm embrace, making her feel so much better. Even just the image of Santana holding her made her feel warm and relaxed inside.

"Britt, you need another one?" Matt's voice and hand on her lower back shook her from her thoughts and she wasn't sure when that had happened. She looked down at her cup and realized it was empty. _When had that happened?_

"Sure," Brittany smiled and gave him a goofy grin.

When Brittany returned her attention to Rachel she saw that the brunette was talking to some tall guy leaning against the fridge. Brittany heard Rachel discussing her many productions so she decided to leave Rachel to flirt with the guy.

Brittany felt a hand on her lower back again, and it lingered as Matt placed another cup in her arms. She immediately took a deep sip, hoping to distract herself from where Matt's hand was.

When Santana would casually put her hand on her back, either soothingly or just as she was walking by, Brittany's heart would beat faster and she could feel Santana's hands on the place where they rested hours after. However, Matt's hand felt cold in comparison and instead of wondering if it would stay there for an indefinite amount of time, Brittany was wondering when it would remove itself.

Matt started asking her about her Christmas, and she made up a generic answer and asked him how his was. When he had finished telling her all about his Christmas and time with his family, Brittany had finished another two cups of the punch. As she was pouring both of them another cup, he sidled up to her side and placed his hand on her back rubbing it softly. The amount of different alcohols that were mixed into the punch, and the amount of cups she had at this point, caused her to not even feel his hand. She did feel him leaning closer and his breath against her neck, the hint of vodka on his breath. "I'm really glad you came tonight," he whispered into her ear.

The way that his breath hit her neck and shell of her ear caused Brittany to get chills and ticklish. Out of habit she brought her shoulder up to her neck and pulled away from. She handed him his cup and he smiled at her. "I'm going to go to the bathroom. Want to dance a little when I get back?" He asked politely, and almost shyly. Brittany just nodded, having lost her willpower to say no to anything at this point.

When Matt left her alone she saw Rachel was still talking to the tall guy, and he had a big goofy grin on his face. Realizing she was alone, and not wanting to bring any attention to her, Brittany pulled her phone out of her clutch purse. She saw that she had a new text message, as she quickly opened it, she could feel the smile on her face grow when she saw it was from Santana.

**Santana (11:10pm): I miss you :( Hope you're having a fun NYE!**

As Brittany quickly hit reply and thought of how to respond she briefly wondered if Santana was drunk. She decided she didn't care, and couldn't contain her excitement that Santana texted her.

**Brittany (11:15pm): I miss youuuu. I'm having fun. I'm with Rachel at Matt's party...so far it's fun. How's lame old Ohio?**

Brittany smiled smugly at herself at her response. She wanted Santana to feel jealous that she was at a party, and that she was having fun. Secretly, she hoped that Santana's New Year's was actually lame and she wasn't having fun. She wanted Santana to feel bad for not coming home sooner.

When she realized she was actually thinking these things she immediately felt guilty, but at the same time...she didn't. She was hardly ever really honest with herself, whether or not she'd ever admit these thoughts out loud. She knew they were petty thoughts to have, but she couldn't help herself. Her phone vibrating brought her from all thoughts.

**Santana (11:16pm): oh Matt's huh? Let me know how that goes. Ohio is a little lame, but I'm at a party with some friends so it's fun. No one is here to make references to The OC's New Year's episode with me though :( :(**

Brittany imagined Santana sitting on a couch by herself texting Brittany because she was bored. She started to type out a reply but another text came through.

**Santana (11:16pm): PS I told you Matt liked you!**

**Brittany (11:17pm): I don't know...I'm having fun.**

Brittany didn't know if she was trying to make Santana jealous about the party in general or something else. She just didn't want to acknowledge Santana's comment about Matt at all.

**Santana (11:17pm): Good! Me too! I'll see you tomorrow! Happy New Year's!**

Brittany frowned at her text. She wanted to keep talking to Santana. She wanted to call the Latina and talk to her until midnight. She didn't want Santana to go back to her stupid party, and she didn't want Matt to come back and have to talk to him some more.

**Brittany (11:18pm): Yeah you too. I can't wait to see you soon! I'll keep you posted on how this party goes.**

She attempted to keep the conversation going, but she didn't get the immediate response back from Santana that she was previously getting. As she stared at her phone she felt Matt wrap his arms around her waist, pulling her into him. Despite the distraction her eyes were still trained on her phone waiting. "Ready for that dance?" Matt whispered.

Brittany sighed, knowing that Santana wasn't going to respond. She imagined Quinn telling Santana to put her phone away and give Quinn all of her attention. "Uh...yeah in a minute," Brittany said as she squirmed away from Matt's arms.

She slipped her phone back onto the clutch. She double checked her messages to see if Santana happened to respond and maybe she just didn't get a notification about it. She went up to Rachel, gently waiting for the brunette to finish her sentence before she interrupted her and the tall guy's conversation. "Can you hold my purse for me?" She realized her voice sounded different than it normally did. She knew she was definitely drunk at this point, but she tried to pass it off as she was just talking over the speakers.

Rachel raised her eyes a little bit at Brittany. "Britt this is Matt's roommate, Finn," Rachel gestured to the tall guy who stuck his hand out for Brittany. She smiled and shook it.

"Hi," she said before returning her attention back to Rachel. "Here," she stuck her purse out for Rachel to take.

"Okay, okay," Rachel said as she took the clutch from Brittany. "Where are you going?" She had a hint of concern in her voice and face as she narrowed her eyes at Brittany.

"Matt wants to dance," Brittany slurred and rolled her eyes.

"Hey," Rachel whispered, gently grabbing Brittany's arm and pulling away from Finn a bit. "Remember what we said about lightening up and letting loose this year?" Rachel stated looking at Brittany in the eyes.

"Yeah," Brittany nodded, remembering the conversation she had with Rachel and Kurt at the Halloween party.

"Matt's a nice guy," Rachel stated matter of fact-ly. "Go have fun," she urged and pushed Brittany back to where Matt was waiting and smiling at her.

Brittany looked at the clutch in Rachel's hands, wondering if the cell phone inside of it was vibrating with a new message from Santana. _Let loose…_ she chanted in her head. She knew she needed to stop obsessing over what Santana was doing so she resolutely turned to face Matt and grabbed his hand. "How about that dance?" she said with as much confidence she could muster.

/

Everything with Matt seemed mechanical. Since they were both dancers they could both easily move to any beat on command. It was as if this was a well-rehearsed scene that they both knew how to act and move. His hands felt rough on her hips and nothing felt comfortable.

Despite her dizziness she was able to make out the figures of the people around her. She didn't recognize anyone and that fact alone made her uneasy. Nothing felt right. She closed her eyes and leaned further into Matt since she knew him. It was a small comfort to how uneasy she was feeling in general.

While her eyes closed, the image of her brother staring at her, with the hurt behind his eyes boring into her soul. _"You're barely in this family anymore…" "They just miss you…"_

She pushed the image out of her head and tightened her grip on her arms that were around Matt's neck, bringing him closer to her inadvertently. She felt his breath on her neck and she remembered the night outside looking at the stars with Santana. How she felt the Latina's breath as she moved in and kissed her cheek.

Matt didn't feel like Santana did.

Matt was nice though. Matt was interested. In her drunken haze Brittany tried to remember the last time someone who was nice and decent looking was actually interested in her. She could be with someone like Matt. This was someone that she should be with.

They had similar interests and he seemed like he would be a good guy to date.

The song changed to a faster pace song and Matt grinded harder into her. Brittany thought of the little things that Santana would do. How when they danced she always would end up laughing, and the small reassuring touches Santana would place on her. Brittany never felt pushed or uncomfortable. She felt at home.

The realization of this made Brittany eyes open and slow her movements with Matt, but he kept moving against her. She instinctively turned so her back was facing him and he latched his hands on to her hips.

Brittany was overwhelmed and dizzy. Why did Santana make her feel at home when her own family made her feel estranged and unwelcome? What did it mean that she wanted to come tonight to spite Santana? She was allowed to be upset that Santana wasn't here, that was normal, but why did she want to always be touching the Latina, and why did she wish it was Santana touching her ass instead of the attractive dancer, man, behind her.

She felt herself being turned back around and Matt's hands rubbing her cheek. She realized her eyes were closed and she opened them. "You're thinking too much," he mumbled with a smile.

He was right.

But he didn't even know what she was thinking about.

She didn't want to think anymore, it was making her nauseous.

In true Pierce fashion, Brittany decided to ignore anything she was feeling. She buried them deep under the rug. Her brother was right. She wasn't in Lima anymore. That was not her home. She didn't need to worry about them.

Santana had decided to change her flight to stay with people she had known forever instead of spending time with Brittany who clearly cared about her and valued their friendship.

 _Screw them_.

Brittany smiled back at Matt hesitantly and pulled him impossibly closer. She felt his hands grip her ass as he leaned in and closed his eyes. She knew exactly what was going to happen. For a second she thought of pulling away and running out of the party, but Matt was leaning in and Rachel's voice saying "Lighten up" was echoing in her head so she leaned in and crashed their lips together.

/

She was being pushed gently against a door with Matt's attached to her lips and she wasn't sure how long she was standing there or even when they had moved there. She had been kissing Matt for a while, judging by the tiredness her mouth was feeling. The music from the living room was muffled through the door. As Brittany went through the motions of running her tongue against his she wondered how close to midnight it was. She remembered she had never actually kissed anyone on midnight before and wondered if they had missed it.

His lips moved to her neck and started to suck. When she had opened her eyes she could recognize that they were in someone's bedroom. Suddenly the realization of where this was heading and what kind of state she was in hit her and she abruptly, yet softly, pushed him off of her. "Something wrong?" he asked kind of dazed, wiping off his mouth quickly.

"I- uh…" Brittany stuttered as she avoided eye contact, looking to the side trying to come up with something. "I need to pee," she quickly got out.

"Oh, sure...right down the hall," Matt smiled politely and opened the door for her. She immediately felt terrible. Matt was the definition of a gentleman. She nodded and he closed the door as she left, which she was thankful for so he wouldn't see her walk in the opposite direction of the bathroom. She weaved her way through the crowd of the living room, which seemed to grow in size since she had last noticed. She entered the kitchen and was thankful to find Rachel still talking to the tall guy.

"Hey!" Rachel exclaimed, seeming a bit more intoxicated than the last time Brittany was in here. "Saw you out on the dance floor," Rachel winked. Brittany just nodded and took her clutch from Rachel's hand.

Brittany didn't say anything else as she turned to head to the bathroom. She pulled her phone out the second she sat on the toilet seat. She saw it was in fact after midnight, and she missed the countdown and the ball dropping.

She didn't have any new text messages or any missed calls, but she opened up her texts to Santana and typed out a message.

**Brittany (12:35am): sna, i did something stupid…**

She put her head in her hands as she sat the phone in her lap and waited for a reply. She let her eyes close for a moment before a knock at the door jolted her thoughts. "You okay in there?" the voice called from the other side.

"Just a minute," Brittany called back. She stood back up and looked at her phone. She knew Santana was busy. Santana was probably drunk. She might be making out with someone. The thought made Brittany's stomach turn and before she could help herself she was turning around and heaving into the toilet.

She kept heaving until the door finally opened and she saw a blurred image of Matt walking into the bathroom. He leaned down and rubbed her back. "You okay babe?"

She knew it was a stupid little pet name, but it made her feel worse. She wanted to scream at him and push him away, but she didn't have the strength to do that. She leaned against the toilet seat the smell making her stomach turn again and she closed her eyes, the back of her neck felt sweaty from throwing up, and she could still feel Matt's hand at her back, rubbing small circles.

"I'm sorry," she mumbled.

"Nothing to be sorry about," he said calmly.

Brittany knew that wasn't true. She wanted to say _For making out with you when I don't even like you. For trying to make Santana jealous. For being a bad sister and daughter. For not noticing how I'm never home and do stupid things to annoy people. For leading you on._

But she couldn't get that out, and the urge to throw up again outweighed her ability to speak. She leaned back in and let it come up once again before leaning back against the heels and wiped her mouth. "I'm sorry," she said again.

"It's okay," he cooed at her and rubbed her back softly. She looked down and saw her phone was flashing with a new message. She opened it up and saw a new text.

**Santana (12:41am): aww Brit. I'm sure it wasn't bad. You ok? I'll hear all the details tomorrow!**

Brittany felt disappointed. She was expecting a different reaction from Santana, but she wasn't sure what it was. She put her phone back in her clutch and leaned back into Matt's arms. She felt him kiss the back of her head. The room was spinning and she didn't want him touching her anymore. "I wanna go home," she mumbled as she moved away from him rocking against the toilet to pull herself up to her feet. She felt his hands on his waist to steady her. She flushed the toilet and moved away from him, shrugging his hands off of her when he reached to grab her again.

"You okay?" he asked with concern.

She didn't want his concern. She wanted Santana's. She didn't want his little touches or his kisses, or him to help her home. She wanted Santana to call her instead of texts with fake responses.

"Yeah," she mumbled, but shook her head. "I'm fine...I just want to go to sleep."

Matt was being so kind and respectful. It felt like nails on the chalkboard to her though.

"I'm sorry," she said again, and before she could wait for a response she opened the door and ran out to the kitchen to find Rachel. She tore the brunette away from the tall guy…Phil or whatever his name was… "We need to go," she rushed out. Rachel looked at her and raised her eyebrows out of confusion. "I let loose and I had fun, ok?" Brittany defended and raised her voice a little bit. "I just want to go home."

Rachel simply nodded and said her goodbye to the tall guy before helping Brittany out of the apartment. "You okay?" Rachel asked as they got out of the apartment and waited for a cab. Rachel seemed genuinely concerned. This made Brittany sad, because she wanted Santana to care this much. Nothing felt right. She felt her throat constrict and she knew she was about to burst into sobs if she didn't get it together. She nodded her head quickly and forced a smile out.

"Yeah...I just got sick…" she paused trying to finish her thought. "I just got embarrassed."

The skeptic, worried look Rachel had was erased, "Aww Britt...it's okay." She pulled Brittany into a hug and Brittany exhaled, happy that her lie worked.

/

When they were sitting in the cab back to their apartment Brittany remembered how she promised her mom she would work on figuring out her life and her next step. She didn't know where she was going to start figuring that out, but she knew that she needed to do something about the way that Santana was affecting her every thought.

She replayed the last day in her head and everything that she did was about hurting Santana or getting a reaction from the Latina. She knew that this was not what friends did with each other. Friends do not think of their friend when they are making out with a guy. She didn't have a whole lot of experience with this, but she knew she had to start making some changes and figuring this out or she would end up making a whole lot more stupid decisions like tonight. What made everything worse was that everything this whole time apart proved that Santana was not having the same inner conflict going on. That thought alone made Brittany want to roll the window and start heaving again.

"Can't believe you and Matt finally hooked up," Rachel stated, breaking Brittany from her Santana-thoughts. She simply nodded, still looking out the window. "How was it?"

She imagined her and Santana outside looking at the stars, and the way her heart raced with anticipation when Santana leaned in. She wanted to tell Rachel that that was perfect, but she couldn't, so she shrugged. "It was okay," she said quietly, and didn't elaborate, letting Rachel know by her shortness that she didn't want to talk about.

The rest of the cab ride was silent as Brittany thought of what she was going to tell Santana, and pushed her feelings of disappointment in herself aside. Just as they pulled up to her apartment she felt her phone vibrate in her clutch. She slowly pulled it out expecting a worried text from Matt, but saw something else instead.

**Santana (1:06am): you didn't say anything so I'm a little worried. I hope youre okay. Let me know if you need anything.**

It was everything Brittany wanted to hear all day. She knew she shouldn't feel as relieved and happy as she did. She knew she had just promised herself to figure this out and make some changes. She knew this whole situation is what put her into her mini tailspin tonight.

It was such a little gesture, but it shifted her entire demeanor instantaneously.

Brittany knew that that was not a good thing. She knew she shouldn't be completely powerless to Santana. But she was so happy that Santana actually cared and was worried all along. She smiled, pushed her thoughts, nerves, fears, and worries to the side and typed out a response.

**Brittany (1:07am): i'm much better now, thanks for checking in.**

She put her phone away and let out a small laugh causing Rachel to look up at her. She felt relaxed for the first time in days, and excited to see Santana tomorrow.

Deep within in her, though, she knew that whatever was going on with how she was feeling about Santana was not just a little thing that could be easily hidden under a rug like all of her other problems.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song: Little Things by Hoyle


	10. Banana Pancakes

_We could close the curtains_

_Pretend like there's no world outside_

_And we could pretend it all the time_

**January, 2012**

Brittany was jostled awake by hearing noises from the hallway on New Year's Day. She slowly cracked her eyes open. Judging by the amount of sunlight that was streaming into her room she knew that it had to be pretty late and that she definitely slept in. The longer her eyes stayed open the more she felt the throbbing in her head. She was lying on her stomach and it was causing her back to her, but she knew if she rolled over she would be fully aware of her nausea.

She heard footsteps in the hallway and a door close. She knew it had to be Santana, unless Rachel started becoming a busy body and hanging out on the second floor of the loft, which was not the case. She wanted to get up and see Santana, but couldn't bring herself to move due to exhaustion. Her eyes moved over to the nightstand and saw her cellphone sitting upon it charging. Very slowly, she moved her hand from under her body to grab the phone.

She had a few new texts. One was from Santana very early that morning stating that she was getting on her flight and she was excited to see Brittany. There was one from Matt saying how happy she was that she came to the party and that he hoped she was feeling better. Brittany looked at that one and felt bad since Matt was being so nice despite how weird she acted at the end of the night.

The next ones were both from Santana saying she landed and was on her way home. Just as Brittany was about to roll over put her phone back on the table it went off with another new text.

**Santana (1:02pm): you home?**

Brittany could hear the floorboards creaking from the hallway and wanted to melt from Santana's cuteness. Instead she forced herself to roll over, feeling the nausea kick in to full force. She quietly groaned, rubbed her eyes, propped herself up against the headboard and called out, "I'm home," knowing that Santana could hear from the hallway.

Before Brittany could even process it happening, her door flung open and Santana bounded into her room and dove on Brittany's bed. "I'm back!" Santana exclaimed and Brittany couldn't help but laugh. Santana had dove into her lap and was hugging Brittany's legs.

"I see," Brittany laughed, attempting to awkwardly hug her back, but not succeeding. Santana sat up and crawled up to sit next to Brittany, opening up her arms for Brittany to full hug her, which the blonde immediately accepted. Santana hugged her tightly and Brittany felt all of her sleep aches, head pains, and nausea fade away. Brittany didn't want to let go, inhaling all of Santana's scent and warmth that she could before Santana eventually pulled away with a smile, but her hand still on Brittany's arm.

"Did I wake you up?" Santana asked a lot quieter than when she entered the room. "I was trying to be quiet when I brought my suitcase upstairs, but it was hard to not make any noise," Santana rushed out before Brittany could answer. "Plus, it's like 1 in the afternoon," Santana joked, nudging Brittany playfully, finally pausing to let Brittany respond.

"Yeah..." Brittany blushed and looked to her lap.

"Rough night?" Santana joked. Brittany realized she was going to have to recount her night to Santana and wasn't even sure where to begin.

_Well, I was pissed at you for no apparent reason so I made out with my co-worker..._

She wasn't even sure how she wanted Santana to respond. Did she want Santana to be happy for her? _No._ Did he want Santana to be mad at her? _No that doesn't seem right._

"Sorta," Brittany shrugged and decided to dodge the issue altogether. "How was your break and everything? Tell me everything!" Brittany rushed it out excitedly and planted a smile on her face, hoping she saved herself some time from explaining everything to Santana.

Santana seemed to catch her, and narrowed her eyes with a bit of skepticism, but smiled anyway, "It was really good." Brittany nodded, urging her to continue. "Just did all the typical family stuff for Christmas. My house was packed and a total nightmare, but it was fun to see everyone," Brittany knew Santana had a big extended family and that holidays were crazy from all the stories that Santana would tell. Brittany also knew that despite how much Santana would complain, she loved every moment of it.

"How was the food?" Brittany asked because Santana had explained in great detail all about the amount of food her family would always have at holiday events and how good it was.

"Amazing," Santana's face lit up immediately. "My abuela made some homemade tortas and corn tortillas. It was so good." Brittany couldn't imagine having that kind of food for Christmas dinner. It sounded so exotic compared to her typical ham and potatoes holiday meal at her house. "There was some drama when my tío Roberto drank too much sangria on Christmas Eve. But other than that I just played with all my little cousins."

Santana smiled and Brittany could see in her eyes that she genuinely had a great time at home. "The day after Christmas I took some of my cousins to go see that new Pixar movie. I thought about calling you to see if you wanted to come up for the day, but I figured that'd be too big of a trip and you'd be busy," Santana explained and Brittany instinctively pouted.

 _If only you had,_ she thought.

"Oh, that's too bad," Brittany said sadly. "I would've liked that."

Santana shrugged, "Next time." She paused for a second before continuing and finally moving her hand from Brittany's arm to her own lap. "Anyway, what about you? How was home?"

"Wait," Brittany tried to buy herself some more time. "What about your New Year's? You never said how that was."

Santana eyed her skeptically, but caved anyway. "It was fine. Nothing special. Just went to a party with Quinn and some of my high school friends I did cheerleading with. Remember I told you about Bree and Hannah?" Brittany nodded, recalling the names of people Santana had mentioned in passing. "They still live in Cincy and have an apartment so we just went over there...a few of us. Nothing too crazy." Brittany nodded and kept her face neutral. Santana's New Year's sounded kind of boring, but the more she focused she realized Santana hadn't really given any information about the party and it could have been worse than Brittany's. But then she remembered she was being way too crazy, and overthinking.

"Sounds fun," Brittany forced out with a smile.

"Eh," Santana shrugged. "Quinn got wasted so I mostly ended up taking care of her the whole time. Bree and Hannah had all these lame dudes they've been hanging out with there, and they were kind of super annoying…" Santana trailed off and looked down at her hands in her lap. "It was alright...I mean they're my friends and they mean well...but…" Santana paused and Brittany looked at her expectantly waiting for her to finish.

"But…" Brittany added urging Santana to continue.

"I don't know," Santana sighed, expressing frustration. "I just didn't have the same amount of patience for it that I usually do. They all just kind of got on my nerves. You know?" Brittany nodded kind of understanding where the Latina was coming from. "Just like halfway through the night I kind of wish I had come back here. But...oh well," Santana sighed out.

"It would have been cool if you did come back," Brittany said, trying to hold back all of her disappointment. Santana nodded thoughtfully, but didn't say anything response. Sensing the shift in the mood Brittany decided to reel it back. "Did you have an alright time at least?" Brittany felt guilty, wanting Santana to have at least not been miserable the whole time.

"Yeah, yeah," Santana said, distracted in thought, processing. "They just all ended up hooking with those dudes and I got stuck by myself at midnight, then had to get Quinn home." Santana let out a frustrate sigh and Brittany found herself getting angry at all of them for Santana.

"Are you serious?" she asked, outraged, but Santana just shrugged. "How are these people your friends?"

"Because," Santana raised her voice a little and sat up straighter. "They are. I've known them forever," she defended.

Brittany found herself rolling her eyes and wanting get her point across. "That doesn't make them good friends," she pointed out. "You and I have known each other for less than a year and we have a good friendship. These girls treat you like shit and it sounds like they always have," Brittany's voice raised a bit and she looked at Santana, knowing she crossed a line.

"You don't know," Santana's voice was hard and firm. "Don't act like you know everything about me and my friends just because I complain about them every once in a while to you. Everyone complains about other people. If you don't then you're not human. That doesn't mean my friends aren't good people."

Santana huffed and her eyes were narrowed at Brittany. Brittany had rarely saw Santana this mad. Usually the Latina was pretty calm and in control, or at least bottled things up pretty well. Santana was breathing hard from the outburst, and Brittany cautiously eyed her chest rising and falling. Brittany knew she should just drop and change topics, but she couldn't help herself. It was like all of her frustrations and confusion boiled over.

"Well, sorry, but all you do is bitch about them to me and tell how horrible they are to you," Brittany wove her hand in the air exaggeratedly. "I'm not saying they're the worst, but they just sound like shitty friends."

"Well they're not," Santana shot back and she looked pissed. Her usual dimpled smile was nowhere to be seen and Brittany knew she overstepped with her comments, but she decided to just keep on pushing it further.

"Just," Brittany took a breath in and her voice softened as she looked for the right words. "Can you just explain it to me? Cause right now I'm not seeing why you still hang out with them." Santana's face softened as well and she relaxed her shoulders with Brittany's question. "Please," Brittany hunched forward to find Santana's eyes.

Santana paused and took a deep breath before speaking. "I wasn't all that popular or cool in middle school. I met Quinn in 7th grade when she moved to Cincy. She took me under her wing and looked out for me. I wasn't like bullied or anything. I just didn't have many friends," Santana was looking at her hands the whole time she spoke and Brittany waited patiently for her to continue. "We got to high school and she got me to join cheerleading with her and everything changed. I was more confident and I could do whatever. I had all these new cheerleading friends. I wasn't exactly popular, but they made me feel like someone, you know?" Brittany nodded, understanding. Santana took another deep breath and finally met Brittany's eyes. "Eventually I got involved in theater and singing, stuff I actually liked. But no matter what Quinn and them, they never left my side. They do stuff I don't always agree with, but they've never not had my back." Santana looked at Brittany in the eyes as she finished and Brittany smiled softly at her.

What Santana said didn't make Brittany like Santana's friend any more than she had, but she did get it. It was like how Rachel and Kurt had always stood by her no matter what.

Loyalty.

That idea of knowing you could always depend on certain people: that was something that was hard to come by.

"Thank you for telling me all that," Brittany said quietly as she reached out to still Santana's fidgeting hands, giving them a soft squeeze. "I get it. Really." Santana squeezed her hand back and smiled before shifting on her legs and pulling her hand back.

"Anyways," Santana sighed out as she sat up straighter. "Enough of all this serious mushy crap. Tell me about your break!" Santana sat back and crossed her legs over each other and smiled at Brittany expectantly.

"Uhmm..." Brittany sighed out, unsure of where to begin. "Let me pee first," Brittany shot up from her bed and ran out to the bathroom in the hallway. She did actually have to use the bathroom, but also it gave her some time to collect her thoughts. She wasn't sure if she wanted to get into all of her family stuff or just say she had a good break, but as she peed she realized she made Santana share her things. It would only be fair to be just as open and honest as Santana had been. She finished up in the bathroom and headed back to her bedroom.

She found Santana had made herself comfortable in her bed and was wrapped in Brittany's blankets. "Oh, by all means," Brittany joked. "Make yourself at home." Santana peeked out from the blankets and stuck her tongue out.

"Don't mind if I do," Santana stated as Brittany climbed back into bed. She pulled the blanket down to show Santana's face. "I missed you bed, it's super warm."

"I think all beds are warm," Brittany said as she brought her legs up to bed and crossed them.

"No," Santana nuzzled her head into Brittany's pillows deeper. "Yours is extra warm." Brittany laughed and tugged the blanket away from Santana and crawled under so that the two were both under the comforter and looking at each other. "Hi," Santana smiled and brought the comforter to their shoulders.

"Hi," Brittany smiled back.

They both just smiled at each other and enjoyed the quiet, warm under the comforter, away from the rest of the world. "Okay so your break...go!" Santana poked Brittany in the stomach causing Brittany to giggle since she was extremely ticklish there.

"It was..." Brittany hesitated, looking for the right word. "It was alright," Brittany shrugged.

Santana narrowed her eyes, "Why just alright?"

"Just some family stuff was annoying," Brittany broke her eye contact and start to play with the hem of her long sleeve shirt.

"Like...?" Santana pressed and nudged Brittany a slightly with her leg. Brittany naturally shrugged, despite knowing that she would have to elaborate, ignoring the subject seemed so natural at this point.

"You know how I was kind of fighting with my mom a lot the past few months?" Brittany asked as she looked up at Santana. Santana nodded hesitantly.

"Sort of."

Brittany never told Santana too many details. She talked about her parents and told stories about her childhood, but she never really went into details about why they were fighting, what they fought about, and what she really thought about the situation. She had wanted to tell Santana a lot, but for the most part they were still just getting to know each other and she never wanted to dump all of her problems on Santana. She wanted to keep things light and fun, but after everything that had been going on, she knew she had to be more open and vulnerable.

"Yeah well," Brittany took a big deep breath in; similar to how Santana had done before she went into the details of her family dynamics. "We've been fighting a lot. About small things, about big things...It was like all these things we have been bottling up just opened up. Everything she said or did frustrated me and probably vice versa. But we also are super close. I can always tell her everything," She had been looking at the hem of her shirt, occasionally glancing around the room, but could feel Santana's eyes on her. "All of that sort of bubbled up over Christmas. We got in a screaming match on Christmas Eve, but then we sorta went back to business as usual the next day," she deeply exhaled and she saw Santana nod at her to keep going. "But then my brother of all people dumped all this shit on me. And we never talk about our feelings with each other or anything."

"What do you mean?"

"He just, like, accused me of abandoning the family or whatever," Brittany knew she wasn't explaining it all that well, but she didn't want to repeat everything Rich had told her.

"How so?" Santana asked, clearly confused and lost.

"Like, because I went away for school and only come back for breaks I don't have a right to complain about stuff," Brittany finally stated after thinking over the words. Once she said it out loud she realized how stupid the whole thing was. She didn't even know who she was actually mad at in her family and if she even ever had a right to those feelings. When she realized Santana had yet to respond, she looked up to find Santana thinking over everything and nodding slightly.

"I guess he has a point," Santana said softly. Brittany looked up and felt hurt that Santana wasn't on her side automatically. "I mean, he probably should have found a better way to talk about it with you, but it sounds like he's just frustrated." Santana finished her thought, which eased Brittany's mind more. Brittany nodded, but tired of thinking about her family stuff. "I'm sorry Britt," Santana reached out and took Brittany's hand in hers, rubbing the top of Brittany's hand gently in small circles. "I wished you told me things weren't going well at home."

"Yeah," Brittany sighed, enjoying the feel of Santana's soft fingers. "I guess I just didn't want to think about it." Santana nodded with understanding and then smiled at Brittany.

"Things got better after that though, right?"

Brittany immediately nodded. "Oh, yeah. The rest of my time at home was really relaxing. So it wasn't all filled with drama," she let out a small laugh.

"Good, good," Santana slid her hand away from Brittany's and Brittany immediately missed the feeling. "And last night?" Santana raised her eyes skeptically. "What is this 'stupid thing' you did that you texted me about?"

Brittany had forgotten that she texted Santana last night. _Was that before or after Matt?_ She groaned and put her hands up to her face to hide her already blushing cheeks. "It was bad," she mumbled into her hands.

"What?" Santana laughed and pulled Brittany's hands away from her face. "I can't hear you when you do that. Come on, it can't be that bad."

Brittany took yet another deep breath in and her shoulders slumped. "So we went to Matt's party," Brittany said it slowly, hoping to stall, but Santana quickly nodded, already knowing that information. "And he had this punch stuff. I'm not sure what was in it. It was bubbly and delicious though," Brittany looked up thoughtfully as she tried to remember the punch because it was pretty tasty.

"Okay, okay," Santana interrupted and snapped at her to get her attention focused again, "Doesn't matter what it was."

"Well, it was really good," Brittany stated defensively. "Anyway, I was cranky from home and I just drank a lot of it. Like, a lot. Couldn't tell you how much."

"Where was Rachel?"

"At first with Matt talking and being Rachel," they both rolled their eyes at that. "Then there was some tall guy she spnt the whole night with," Brittany narrowed her eyes in thought again. "I forget his name...I wonder if they hooked up?" Brittany asked herself, but Santana snapped her fingers at her again. "Right, sorry. But don't let me forget to ask her what happened," Santana quickly nodded.

"Keep going."

"Okay, okay," Brittany exhaled and continued. "So I was drunk. And Matt and I were dancing," Brittany was speeding up how quickly she was talking, deciding to just rip the Band-Aid off. "One thing led to another and we ended up doing stuff," she spat out.

Santana quirked an eyebrow at her, "Did stuff?" she asked.

"Yeah," Brittany rolled over so that she was on her back, not wanting to look at Santana.

Santana sat up though, leaning on her elbow and looking down at Brittany. "What does that mean?" Santana asked, her voice with a bit of playfulness, like she was teasing the blonde.

"We did stuff...I don't know. You know what I mean," Brittany sighed and turned her head to look at the wall.

"So...sex?"

"No!" Brittany sat up fully and shook her head. "We just made out, jeez."

Santana immediately laughed. "Well how am I supposed to know what 'doing stuff' means? Sounds a lot like you had sex when you say it like that."

Brittany thought for a moment, biting on her bottom lip slightly. "Yeah, I guess it could mean that," Brittany mumbled and looked back at Santana. "I just don't like saying we hooked up, because that gets misinterpreted and it makes me sound like a slut."

Santana just shrugged. "So you did stuff, is that it?" Brittany narrowed her eyes slightly. She didn't want Santana to be mad, but she also didn't want her to brush it off like it was nothing.

"Well, we made out for a while," Brittany stated, feeling a little defensive now. "I think, at least. And then I got all panicked cause it's Matt and I work with him."

"Yeah but he's cute," Santana interrupted and Brittany rolled her eyes wanting to say _that's not the point._

"Sure, but I don't like him like that," Brittany snapped back and sat up fully, hugging her knees. She felt tense, and frustrated.

"Okay, okay," Santana put her hand on Brittany's back and it reminded her of Matt last night. "I'm sorry." She rubbed small circles on Brittany's back. "At least you got some action last night though? I mean, it's more than I got or would have gotten." Santana mumbled the last part and sounded dejected.

Santana would often beat herself up in small ways for not being as experienced with relationships or hooking up with people in general. "Hey," Brittany whispered, turning her head to look at Santana, who was looking down at her the sheets. "Don't say that. It wasn't all that good. Plus, I threw up afterwards."

Santana looked up and smiled at Brittany, "Really?" Brittany just nodded, not even feeling embarrassed about it, just happy to make Santana feel better a little bit.

"Yeah, I was a total hot mess and we left right after I got sick," Brittany shook her head at the memory.

"Is it going to be weird with Matt now?" Santana asked with a concerned tone.

"Probably," Brittany sighed out, imagining how weird and awkward will be now, and not wanting to deal with it.

"He's really nice though, right?" Santana said optimistically.

Brittany nodded. "Yeah, but I don't really want to date him, I don't think."

"Because you work with him?" Santana asked quickly. For a second she thought Santana sounded hopeful, or desperate.

"Yeah," Brittany nodded and swallowed as she looked at Santana in the eyes, trying to find something that would make the feeling in her stomach go away. "Cause I work with him." She said it so slowly that she almost convinced herself that it was true.

/

Santana and Brittany spent the rest of the afternoon in Brittany's room catching up with everything that they could have possibly missed on each other's lives over the past few weeks. After two hours their stomachs began to hurt from laughter, but also from hunger so they decided to leave their little cocoon that they had created and head downstairs to the kitchen. Brittany immediately headed to their iHome and plugged in her iPod to start playing some music, while Santana looked through the fridge to find something that they could snack on. "There's literally only rabbit food in here," Santana sighed as she closed the fridge.

"Rabbit food?" Brittany asked as she picked a song by Third Eye Blind that always made her happy called "Semi-Charmed Life".

"Yeah, like veggies and shit," Santana shrugged and looked around helplessly at the kitchen. Brittany knew Santana had a tendency to get super cranky if she didn't eat frequently so she racked her brain to think of an option that wasn't just ordering a pizza. She opened up a cabinet quickly and smiled when she saw something.

"Pancakes!" She exclaimed, pulling the Bisquick out. Santana was mindlessly singing along to the chorus of the song that Brittany's voice startled her.

"You want pancakes?" Santana asked, a small smile playing on her lips. Brittany realized she was bouncing on the balls of her feet excitedly partly due to the energetic song and the other part because she really liked breakfast foods. She started nodding quickly like a little kid being dangled a piece of candy in front of them.

"Okay," Santana laughed. "Let's do this!" She quickly walked to the cabinet where all of the girls' skillets were and Brittany began to simultaneously find eggs and milk and other ingredients they might need.

/

The pair had spent the last 45 minutes making all different kinds of pancakes. They used what little random toppings (chocolate chips, peanut butter, and fruit) that they had to put into each pancake. Brittany put on a playlist of 90s music to go along with Third Eye Blind that was keeping them entertained and dancing around the kitchen. Neither was all that hungry anymore but they were having fun creating weird looking and tasting pancakes.

"We should make three little guys in a Mickey Mouse shape," Santana suggested as she started to mix up some more batter.

"Yes definitely," Brittany said as she chewed on a chocolate chip-peanut butter pancake. She was sitting on the island counter and swinging her legs happily. "This was such a good idea."

"It really was," Santana laughed as she started to pour into the skillet. "You know I just realized this might end up looking like a penis."

Brittany jumped off the counter to go over to the stove to look over Santana's shoulder. "Yeah, that's def a dick," Brittany immediately started laughing, causing Santana to laugh as well despite her embarrassed red face. "Are you sure you actually were aiming for a Mickey pancake?" Brittany joked.

"I didn't mean to make his face so…" Santana paused, trying to find the right word.

"Shafty?" Brittany suggested, holding back a laugh, but Santana turned to her and swatted her in the arm.

"Shut up! I wasn't trying to make it Dirty Disney," Santana replied as she returned her attention back to the stove.

"Dirty Disney...is that like a mix of Dirty Dancing and Beauty and the Beast?" Brittany joked and Santana rolled her eyes. Brittany couldn't resist poking Santana in the stomach causing her to jump and poke Brittany back. The two were both in hysterics as they were both grasping at each other's wrists to hold off the other.

Santana managed to push Brittany against the island counter, holding one of Brittany's hands with her own and the other was tickling Brittany's side. The close proximity of Santana's body against her own caused Brittany to lose her breath, along with inability to catch her breath from her fit of laughter. Santana looked Brittany in the eyes and had a huge smile on her face as she continued to tickle Brittany. The intensity of the eye contact caused Brittany to blush even more and not laugh quite as hard as she had been.

"What the hell are you guys burning?!" Rachel's voice yelled through the apartment, and it was then that Brittany heard the door slam over the music that had been blasting. The music that two seconds ago she forgot was even playing. Santana immediately jumped away from Brittany, releasing her from her grip and went to turn the stove off. The stove that two seconds ago Brittany forgot was still burning.

Brittany could feel the heat in her face, and her heart beat in all of her limbs and extremities. She could feel every spot on her body that Santana had touched burning. Before she could glance at Santana to see if she had any sort of facial expression or look on her face that would give her away from the intense tickle session and eye contact, Rachel was in the doorway of the kitchen. "What the hell is going on?" Rachel asked dramatically.

"Just making some pancakes," Brittany shrugged as she cleared her throat and pushed herself off the counter. She went over to the iHome and saw that Santana was scraping the burnt pancakes off of the skillet, avoiding looking at Brittany. "We made some with food coloring, want one?" Brittany extended a multi-colored pancaked toward Rachel who grimaced and shook her head.

"Gross, no."

Brittany shrugged her shoulders and took a bite out of it instead. Santana then turned slightly, and put the blackened pancake on a plate. "It's okay, Rachel," Santana said softly and locked eyes with Brittany, a playful glimmer in them, and Brittany had to hold a smile back, knowing without even needing to talk what Santana was planning. "We made one just for you anyway," Santana smiled politely.

"Oh, how sweet of you guys," Rachel clapped her hands. She turned her back to the pair, "I barely had time to eat and pancakes, without looking puke green, sound delicious." Rachel put her bag on the counter and when she turned around Brittany and Santana were standing in front of her with the plate of the burnt pancake that had officially cooked into the shape of a penis.

"Oh, for the love of God," Rachel sighed when she saw the pancake.

"What?" Brittany played dumb. "What's wrong?"

Rachel aggressively pointed at the plate. "Look at it!" Santana and Brittany both looked at the plate, then at each other, and shrugged their shoulders.

"Looks like Mickey Mouse to me," Santana said innocently, and Brittany immediately nodded.

"What did you think it was, Rach?" Brittany asked.

"You two shouldn't be allowed to be left alone anymore," Rachel sighed as she turned to leave the kitchen. "You two together are trouble."

The second Rachel left the kitchen Brittany and Santana broke out into laughter and high-fived each other. "See," Santana said, turning to put the plate back on the counter and clean up all the batter that they had mistakenly gotten all over the kitchen. "I think the two of us together make a pretty awesome team, if I do say so myself." Santana smiled at Brittany and Brittany felt warm from her fingertips to her toes all over again. Santana threw a sponge towards Brittany who immediately snatched it from the air and started to wipe down the counter as well.

"Yeah, we are pretty good together," Brittany said as she shot Santana a small smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song: Banana Pancakes by Jack Johnson


	11. Everything's Magic

_So hear this please_

_And watch as your heart speeds up endlessly_

_And look for the stars as the sun goes down_

_Each breath that you take has a thunderous sound_

_Everything, everything's magic_

_Just sit back and hold on, but hold on tight_

_Prepare for the best and the fastest ride_

_And reach out your hand, and I'll make you mine_

_Everything, everything's magic_

**January/February 2012**

The air was definitely brisk and the wind was chilling Brittany's nose and cheeks as she walked to the studio for the first time in a few weeks after the holidays. There was a snow storm right after New Year's that caused her classes to be cancelled for a week and her, Rachel, and Santana were trapped in the apartment for a few days.  
Santana and Brittany ended up making a fort in their living room and Rachel organized a pretty epic movie marathon involving several musicals, of course.

Unfortunately, they had to leave their fort eventually and Brittany was given the okay by Holly to start up her classes again. The night before, Brittany confided in Santana and Rachel how terrified she was to see Matt again.

Over the past few weeks he had texted her, making small talk and she politely responded, not wanting to be mean or rude to him. Both Rachel and Santana gave her the advice of just acting normal and not making a big deal about anything. Brittany still wasn't all that comforted though. Finally, Rachel asked the million dollar question "Why is it that you won't even consider dating a really nice, polite, good looking, dancer?

To which Brittany still did not have an answer.

Santana didn't seem to have a strong opinion about it, which didn't really help matters. Santana's opinion really mattered to Brittany and she just wanted a straight answer, but wasn't really given any clues.

Matt was a really good dancer and he has become an amazing friend. Kissing him wasn't all that bad. She has definitely had worse experiences, which she reminded herself multiple times over the past few weeks. She was snapped from her thoughts when she realized she was at the studio door. She took a deep breath and opened the door.

/

Her classes were running smoothly and she was happy to be back in the swing of things and to see her students again, after a break. However, she noticed that the weeks off and not working out had caught up with her and she was a bit off her game. It also didn't help that she still hadn't run into Matt and so she was on edge when anyone walked down the hallway past her door, and the possibility of him walking into her room at any moment.

"Jeez B. Forget to take you Wheaties this morning?" Lexie called from the back of the room when Brittany missed a step on the routine again.

"Sorry guys," Brittany sighed, running her fingers through her hair. "Little distracted today." Brittany walked over to the stereo and cut the music.

"No shit," Lexie commented.

Brittany rolled her eyes at Lexie and exhaled heavily. "Jackie?" She called to one of the girls in the front. "You want to take over for a few while I go get some water?" Jackie nodded happily and took Brittany's place in the front, while Brittany headed out to the hallway completely frustrated.

Out in the hallway Brittany leaned against the wall and wiped some sweat off of her brow. Brittany did nothing but pride herself on being a professional and good at her job. So the fact that she was currently messing up one of her classes was beyond frustrating to her. After a few moments of peace and quiet and resting her shoulders she took her water bottle over to the fountain to fill it up. She filled it up halfway before taking a large swig from it, and then put it under the spout, patiently waiting for it to fill.

"Hey there stranger," she heard a voice from next to her say, and she immediately knew who it is.

"Hey Matt," she said as she quickly glanced in his direction. "What's up?"

"Oh, nothing," he casually leaned himself against the wall and smiled at her. "Just waiting for my students to get here. You? Don't you have a class?"

Brittany nodded, but kept staring at the water filling up her bottle. "Yeah, just stepped out to get a refill."

She could feel his eyes on her, and she knew she should try harder to be friendly, but was really struggling on what to do and how to act.

"I can't believe how much it snowed the past few days. Do anything fun with your snow days?" Matt asked, oozing nothing but friendliness and kindness. Brittany tried not to be suspicious of his casual chat about the weather despite knowing that he was just a friendly guy.

"Just hung out with the roomies," Brittany shrugged and tried to mask her nerves with casualness. "Nothing special."

Matt nodded, still smiling. He pushed himself off the wall. "I better get set up," He patted Brittany gently on the shoulder with his hand as he started to walk passed her. "See you around." He smiled as he headed off and Brittan exhaled deeply. After a moment she furrowed her brows. _See you around?_

Brittany ended up confusing herself with her thoughts as she tried to decipher the subtext in Matt's behavior before the thought crossed her mind. _Maybe he didn't really care._ Brittany didn't know if that feeling pressing down on her chest was relief or disappointment at this realization.

/

After Brittany struggled to get through the remainder of her class her thoughts were a mix of being happy Matt didn't make things awkward and trying to figure out if he really didn't care.

Brittany thought Matt was a super nice guy; the definition of a gentleman. She could see herself dating him. Rachel was right: he was the person that Brittany should be ending up with. But she didn't know if she really wanted to go down that road. She wasn't sure if she should act like nothing happened too and just play it cool. She was beyond confused and it was making her slightly nauseous and giving her a headache.

All she wanted was someone to tell her what to do.

The idea of dating Matt terrified Brittany, but the idea of him not being interested in her made her self-conscious.

Brittany hurried through the snow and trudged to the elevator as she attempted to shake off her boots of snow so she didn't make a mess in the apartment. She was exhausted from class; she felt her headache build and get stronger the more she stood in the elevator. All she wanted was to take some ibuprofen and cuddle up into bed with a movie.

Unfortunately when the elevator dropped her off at her floor and she approached her door she could hear music and laughter coming from the apartment, and she knew her plan of relaxation and quiet would not exactly happen.

She fished her keys from her deep winter coat pockets and slowly turned the keys, not knowing what to expect on the other side, but braced herself for her head to keep pounding.

"Britt!" Rachel exclaimed from the living room as she jumped up from the couch. The brunette had a large smile plastered on her face and Santana looked up as well. Santana's cheeks were all red, like they usually got when she laughs for a while consecutively. "We are in the middle of a super intense dance party. You have to join!"

Brittany forced a smile as she pulled her jacket, hat, scarf, and gloves off and placed them on a chair by their door. She could feel the muscles in her arms and back ache from work and the idea of dancing right now was the last thing she wanted.

"We have wine!" Santana cheered as she rose up a bottle of red wine and an empty glass that they must have brought out for her.

"Sounds good," Brittany smiled weakly and nodded. "Let me just go put comfy clothes on."

Brittany knew she wasn't being energetic and her roommates nodded at her and went back to their chatter and silliness. She slowly moved up the stairs, felt her head pound, and couldn't help but be slightly annoyed with her roommates, even though she knew they didn't do anything.

Brittany had a long history of headaches and she knew that Rachel knew that the blonde got extremely cranky when she got a headache. Santana had only experienced Brittany with a headache a few times, and each time Brittany did a good job at covering up her crankiness with fake cheer. Usually, Brittany just needed to take a few pills and her headache would go away shortly. So despite her desire to close her door and go to bed at 8 o'clock at night, Brittany changed into sweat pants and socks and a big hoodie, shook out three ibuprofen (just to be safe) from her bottle and took them with a glass a water.

When Brittany got half way down the steps she saw her two roommates twirling around with glasses of wine dancing to Robyn's "Call Your Girlfriend". The remnants of their fort, all blankets and pillows, were scattered all over the floors and couch. Brittany plopped herself down on the couch, tucked her feet under her legs and pulled a blanket over her legs. Rachel and Santana were giggling like little kids over something Brittany had missed; they swayed to the beat of the music. Brittany eyed their glasses to make sure neither of them spilled the red wine on their carpet, knowing full well that she would be the one to clean up. "Get up and dance, Britt!" Santana called as she took a large sip from her glass.

"I will in a minute," Brittany mumbled as she rubbed her temple again.

"Want some wine?" Santana asked as she picked up the bottle of red to pour into her own glass.

"I'm good right now," Brittany shook her head. Santana shrugged and put the bottle down. She sat herself down next to Brittany on the couch, their arms touching through their respective sweatshirts.

"How was work?" Santana asked. Brittany shrugged, not knowing how to answer.

"It was alright," Brittany answered and watched Rachel giggle along to the next song. She could feel Santana looking at her, but didn't really have the energy to look back. "How was your day?" She could feel Santana shrug next to her in reply.

"Nothing special," Santana looked down at her glass, and swirled the wine a little bit. "Talked to my dad. Just hung out with this one," Santana gestured toward Rachel. Brittany smiled and caught a glance to the side at Santana.

Her hair was in a messy bun and she was wearing an old hoodie from her Cincinnati high school. She didn't have any make up on and she looked completely natural, relaxed and carefree. The laughter and silliness with Rachel had left a little glow on her cheeks.

Santana looked up from her glass and turned her head toward Brittany.

"What?" Santana furrowed her eyebrows at Brittany as caught her staring.

"Nothing," Brittany shrugged and diverted her gaze back to Rachel. "You just look happy." Santana nudged Brittany in the side, causing the blonde to look back.

"Because I am happy," Santana stated with a small smile. They held each other's gazes for a few more moments, both content and not uncomfortable with the eye contact.

Rachel's loud groan interrupted their eye contact and the brunette fell onto the end of the couch next to Santana dramatically. "You guys are being lame," Rachel said as she leaned forward and placed her now empty wine glass down on the coffee table.

"Sorry Rach," Brittany said sympathetically and leaned forward to look past Santana at the other brunette. "Not in a dance party kind of mood."

"What's up?" Rachel asked and rested her head on her hand on the arm of the chair. "Bad class?"

Brittany felt both pairs of eyes on her expectantly and she took a deep breath in. "Sort of."

"Matt?" Santana asked.

"Sort of."

Brittany noticed both of her roommates make eye contact with each other, and she knew she was being difficult. She was just exhausted and confused, and unsure.

"I was like out of shape for class so I basically kept messing up the routines which my students kept making fun of me for," Brittany began.

"Annoying," Santana commented.

"Yeah," Brittany agreed. "Plus I was already on edge because I was hoping to run into Matt before my classes, but that didn't happen. So basically I was a hot mess." Brittany sighed and rested her head against the armrest.

"Did you see ever see Matt though?" Rachel asked curiously.

"Yeah, I went to get a drink of water and he was out in the hall," Brittany began.

"Stalker," Santana commented again.

"He wasn't stalking, he just was waiting for his class," Brittany rolled her eyes at Santana, even though she knew the Latina was just being supportive. "Anyway, he sees me and asked me about the snow, and that was it."

"The snow?!" Rachel and Santana exclaimed at the same time.

"Right? So it's weird to you guys too that that was all he talked about?" Brittany asked, sitting up a little straighter off the couch to look at her friends. Unfortunately, both brunettes chuckled a bit and shrugged.

"I mean..." Rachel started.

"It's not that weird," Santana finished.

"Annoying and a little awkward, for sure," Rachel added when she saw Brittany look a little defeated.

"But you didn't want him to bring it up, right?" Santana asked.

"I don't know," Brittany sighed frustrated. "No, I guess. But I didn't think it meant absolutely nothing to him either. I guess, if he brought it up at least I wouldn't have to think about it and we could have gotten that conversation out of the way. Now...he could bring it up at any moment still. You know? I just don't want it to be crazy awkward all the time."

Both the brunettes nodded and Santana put her hand on Brittany's thigh and gave it a small squeeze. "I'm sorry Britt. It's a sucky situation," the Latina offered sympathetically. Brittany offered her a small smile in return before she leaned back into the couch and sighed.

"Well, maybe February magic with bring something, right Britt?" Rachel suggested quirking an eyebrow at Brittany while Santana looked confused. "February begins next week after all."

"February magic?" the Latina asked.

At the mere mention of February, and February magic, Brittany couldn't help the grin that spread across her face. Her blue eyes gave off a small sparkle, which caused Santana to look even more confused.

"This is true," Brittany said with a hint of mischievousness. "February magic has been known to do some pretty amazing things." Santana kept looking between Rachel and Brittany, confused and not understanding what the two were smiling about.

"I knew bringing up February would turn that frown upside down," Rachel replied and leaned forward to pour her some wine. She offered the bottle to Santana who shook her head and furrowed her brow.

"What the hell are you two talking about?" Santana finally questioned.

"Brittany here has a thing with February," Rachel nodded towards Brittany.

"Not just a thing," Brittany said as she put air quotes around the word "thing". "I have a deep connection to it, and proven belief about it."

"She believes it's a magical month," Rachel stated flatly.

"Once again, it's a proven fact," Brittany added.

"A magical month?" Santana asked as she looked at Brittany.

"Yup," Brittany nodded seriously. "I believe February is the most magical time of the year."

"Despite the fact that it's cold, miserable, and usually the average person hates February. Brittany loves it," Rachel added.

"People just don't see the magic as clearly as I do," Brittany commented.

"Okay, okay," Santana waved her hands in the air, ending the back and forth between Brittany and Rachel. "Why do you think February is magic?"

"It's her birthday month," Rachel rolled her eyes.

"Oh my god, Rach, stop. You are the worst at explaining this," Brittany interrupted annoyed. "It's more than the fact that it's my birthday month. But that plays a huge part in it," Brittany said seriously as she turned her whole body on the couch to face Santana. "Ever since I was in 5th grade, I have believed in what I have deemed 'Birthday Month Magic', aka 'February Magic'."

Santana had a softened expression on her face and smiled at Brittany. Much to Brittany's surprise she didn't look at the blonde like she had ten heads, the way most people do when she tries to explain this.

"Okay," Santana nodded, encouraging Brittany to go on.

"Every year, magical things happen. I got hired by Holly during February. In high school I won this dance competition during February. Last year the actress who played Topanga on _Boy Meets World_ tweeted at me. In college we had a two week long snow day situation and NYU never gives off for snow," the more Brittany talked the more excited and energetic she got. "Every year, great, happy, and magical things happen. It never fails."

"She's forgetting the time she ended up on crutches in college during that snow storm and the time her high school boyfriend dumped her," Rachel added, but Brittany shot her a death glare. "But other than that, she does have a point...it's actually kind of freaky."

"Plus," Brittany began excitedly. "Everyone always hates February because of the gross weather and being over winter, and no one ever likes Valentine's Day. But how cool is it that it's 28 days, you know? How many months have that? And sometimes it has 29, which is even cooler."

Brittany knew she was geeking out, but this always happened when she got in the February spirit. This wasn't just a joke between her and Rachel and her other friends, this was something that she truly believed in. Every February she transformed into an upbeat excited girl all over again. Every little thing excited her.

"I'm telling you, San. Just wait. You'll become a believer too. The magic doesn't just affect me. Remember you got into NYADA during birthday month, Rach?" Brittany sat up on her knees on the couch, bouncing a bit.

"This is true," Rachel nodded and took a sip of wine.

"And none of this has anything to do with your birthday being in February?" Santana asked, and Brittany immediately shook her head. "When is your birthday anyway?"

"The 28th!" Brittany exclaimed. "I celebrate all month, but I actually hate my actual birthday." Rachel nodded in agreement.

"She doesn't like the attention," Rachel added when Santana quirked an eyebrow at Brittany's statement.

"I hate when people wish me a happy birthday or sing to me...I never know what to say," Brittany commented and Santana laughed.

"I think the normal response is usually thank you?" Santana suggested, but Brittany shrugged it off.

"Oh man, I can't wait til you get to experience this! Just you wait San," Brittany said bouncing on the couch a bit. "It's so great."

Santana looked at Brittany with a wide grin. "I can't wait, Britt."

/

It was the first day of February and Brittany walked into the studio with an extra spring in her step. Over the past week things had been pretty low key. She hadn't had another run in with Matt, and even though she was nervous of what their next encounter would look like, her roommates distraction about birthday month magic made her stop thinking about it and over analyzing. Her classes were going well, and her and Santana had just finished a season of _Friday Night Lights_ after binge watching on Netflix the day before. It was also a Wednesday, meaning that she only had one of her classes, and it was the younger kids, which she loved. Once she got into the studio she shed herself of her scarf and jacket as she headed to her class since the heat was blasting in the studio. "Well look what the cat dragged in," she heard a voice call from behind her and she immediately smiled and turned around.

"Holly!" Brittany exclaimed as she ran towards her mentor and engulfed her in a hug. "You're back!"

Holly was always travelling and having adventures. Brittany tended to forget, a fair amount of times that Holly even still owned the studio. "Just thought I'd make sure you all didn't burn the place down," Holly said with a wink. "How the heck are you, sweetie?"

"I'm good," Brittany nodded happily. "Nothing too special. Just enjoying the first day of February."

"Of course, February, how could I forget?" Holly joked. "Anything exciting happen while I was gone?"

"Nope," Brittany shook her head. For a split moment she thought about talking to Holly about the Matt situation, but decided that would only end poorly. "Just the usual."

"Great," Holly pulled out her phone at the sound of an alert going off on it. "Well I have to get back to work. Someone has to pay the bills around here, unfortunately."

"Unfortunately," Brittany sighed. "See you later," Brittany waved her off before turning to go into her class. She was so distracted that she didn't even notice the light was on and Matt was sitting in the corner texting on his phone.

"Hey there," he said as he looked up, causing Brittany to jump a little bit. "Sorry, didn't mean to scare you."

"It's all good," Brittany said with a smile as she put her bag down. "What's up?" Matt stood up and headed towards Brittany. The blonde could feel her heart race and wondered how this conversation was going to go.

"Nothing, just thought I'd see how you were," Matt shrugged. "Haven't really chatted with you in a while."

"Yeah, I've been really busy getting caught up with my classes," Brittany tried to come across as polite as possible, and nowhere in the vicinity of _I've been avoiding you._

"Same," Matt smiled. "Maybe we could get coffee or something this weekend?" He offered with a glint of hope in his eyes.

Brittany hesitated, and she knew that was bad. _Coffee is okay._ _I can do coffee._ "I have a thing on Saturday," Brittany stated. It wasn't entirely a lie. She and Santana made plans, sort of.

"Sunday?" Matt suggested. The gentleness and the small smile on his face, made Brittany feel like a horrible person and she knew she couldn't say no.

"Yeah, Sunday afternoon would work," Brittany gave him a kind smile and his whole face lit up.

"Awesome. Well I'll let you get ready," He smiled at her again and headed to the door. "Thanks, Britt." He shot her one last smile as he headed out the door.

/

"So it's like a date?" Santana called from inside the dressing room on Saturday. The pair had planned on going shopping for an interview Santana had with a bar that night and had currently spent the majority of the day in Manhattan in and out of different stores. Brittany quickly realized that Santana was horrible to shop with. She could not make up her mind about anything, but either way Brittany enjoyed spending the whole day with the Latina, goofing around and playing dress up. They didn't really talk about much of significance, but when they entered Forever 21 a little while ago, Santana asked if Brittany was ready for her coffee meet-up with Matt.

"I don't know, it's just coffee," Brittany replied from outside of where Santana was getting changed into a dress that they had picked out. "He never really called it a date."

"Britt…"

"I know, I know," Brittany interrupted. "It's probably a date." Brittany fidgeted with her hands.

"No," Santana called out, and then pulled the curtain back and poked her head out. "Can you give me a hand with the zipper?"

"Oh yeah," Brittany blushed embarrassed as she stepped forward and into the dressing room. Santana had her back to Brittany as the blonde fumbled clumsily with the zipper and tugged it up a little bit. Brittany tried to cover her blush and the amount of sweat she was feeling when Santana turned around.

"How does it look?" The Latina was wearing a snug fitting strapless black dress that accentuated her ass and curves. It didn't really leave much to the imagination and Brittany swallowed hard, avoiding actually looking at Santana.

"Good," Brittany mumbled out quickly as she stared at the floor. Santana smoothed out her dress as she looked at herself in the mirror.

"I don't look too slutty, right?" Santana asked shyly.

"Nope," Brittany stated fumbling with her hands in her pockets. She chanced a look at Santana looking at herself in the mirror and for a second she saw a look of insecurity and worry. The Latina's blush at herself showed unsureness that Brittany couldn't believe. Anyone with eyes would be ogling Santana without a doubt, but Santana looked so insecure of herself. "You look great, seriously." Brittany added looking at Santana through the mirror and making eye contact with the brunette. Santana gave Brittany a shy smile and a nod.

"Thanks," Santana said as she adjusted the hem of the dress. "I just figure this bar will probably want something a little revealing. I don't want to come off like a total ho though," Santana joked as she kept looking at herself.

"You're beautiful," Brittany let out.

Santana looked up in the mirror and stared at Brittany. Brittany wasn't sure why she said it, but she couldn't stop herself. All she wanted was for Santana to see herself for what she was and not be insecure. Whenever the two talked Santana always slipped into self-deprecating humor and would never give herself enough credit.

Brittany put her hand on the small of Santana's back. "Seriously, San," she muttered, staring intently at Santana in the mirror, who never broke the eye contact.

"Okay," Santana said and finally broke eye contact as she reached behind her back for the zipper. "Can you help me out again?"

"Oh sure," Brittany awkwardly laughed as she stepped forward. She slid the zipper down and looked over Santana's smooth skinned tan back. It looked so soft and Brittany wanted to reach out and touch the back of her hand to it. Instead she gently pulled the zipper down. Santana turned her head over her shoulder.

"Thanks," Santana said shyly and Brittany could have sworn she saw a blush on the Latina's face. Brittany stood in her place and fumbled with her hands. "Uhm…" Santana mumbled while looking at Brittany and the blonde looked back confused. "I kinda gotta change here," Santana started lightly.

"Oh, yeah!" Brittany exclaimed and felt dumb as she quickly headed out of the dressing room.

Brittany stood outside awkwardly for a few moments before Santana finally stepped out. Santana was dressed back in jeans and a t-shirt, her dark hair thrown up into a messy bud. Brittany thought she looked like a completely different person. Not any less pretty, but casual and relaxed. "So are you going to get that one?" Brittany asked as they headed back to the store front.

"You think I should?" Santana asked. Brittany shrugged never really being good at making decisions for other people. When Brittany shopped for herself she would go in and grab something and if she liked it, she bought it. She never thought too much about a lot of her decisions.

"Yeah, you looked good," Brittany stated simply as she ran her hands across some silky blouses on a rack as they walked toward the register. Brittany had a flashback to the when she was a child and she used to go into stores with her mom. She would hide in the racks between the clothes and pop out at her mom to scare her.

"Hey, where'd you go?" Santana softly asked as she bumped shoulders with Brittany who was staring at the rack of shirts. Brittany was knocked out of her thoughts and smiled at Santana.

"You ever play in the racks at stores when you were a kid?"

Santana thought for a minute before responding. "I don't think so, actually. Maybe, but I don't remember it."

Brittany nodded and then nudged Santana over toward the register. Brittany patiently waited in line while Santana paid for her dress and politely interacted with the cashier. When Santana finished she and Brittany headed out of the store to the busy Manhattan streets.

"Sometimes I wish I was still a little kid, you know?" Brittany stated as Santana and she began to walk down the street. Santana looked over at Brittany, letting her know that she was listening while Brittany processed out loud like she was prone to do. "Like, I could hide in racks of clothes, consequence free. There wasn't anything else to think about. You know?" Santana nodded in response. "Kids just have it so easy. Sometimes I looked at the kids in my classes and I'm so jealous." Brittany finished her little tangent, not really knowing where her thoughts all came from, but happy that she got them out.

Santana nodded thoughtfully. "Being a kid was nice," the Latina began. "Not much to worry about. But...think of all the cool things you get to do now. And yeah, when you were a little kid you didn't make decisions. But that just means you didn't get to choose anything for yourself. Now you get to decide all that on your own. There's good and bad to both, I think." Santana finished and looked over at Brittany who digested Santana's words as she walked. Brittany then smiled at Santana brightly.

"You're right," Brittany finally stated. "You give good advice. Anyone ever tell you that?" Santana laughed loudly.

"It's not advice, just calling it how it is," Santana shrugged. "Is this all about your maybe-kind of- probably is- date?" she asked the blonde.

"Eh," Brittany mumbled. "I guess. It was just nice to think of a time when I didn't think of every little sentence out of my mouth and analyze every little interaction I have with someone," Brittany looked around the street they were walking, avoiding Santana's gaze as she realized that her words applied to more than just Matt, but also her present company.

"Easy takes all the fun out of it though," Santana playfully leaned into Brittany and winked at the blonde.

"Yeah," Brittany sighed out and put a smile on her face. "Wouldn't want that."

/

Brittany quietly let herself out of the apartment Sunday morning. Santana had work at the restaurant for the brunch shift and Rachel was up late studying her lines for an audition so Brittany didn't want to wake anyone up. She was dressed in a blue button up shirt and skinny brown corduroy pants, with her winter coat keeping her warm. There was a slight chill in the air, but for the most part it was peaceful, quiet, February morning. Brittany headed down the street deciding to take a walk to church instead of taking a bus.

Most people hated chilly mornings. Especially in February now that the snow had mostly turned brown and slushy due to the salt and cars on the roads. But Brittany loved it. There was something in the air that sparked the possibility of one last fresh snow fall, all while spring was inching its way in. While Brittany walked down the street, her hands in her pockets getting a little cold, she watched the couple in front of her walking.

It was a man and a woman, not much older than Brittany. They both had gloves on, each holding a coffee. With their free hands they were holding on to each other. Brittany had headphones in, but she could tell they weren't talking. Every so often they would silently look at each other and smile. No words had to be said. They just needed each other close and their silent glances.

 _Now that, that's what I want,_ Brittany thought.

The couple turned down a street and she smiled to herself as she watched them walk away. She tried to imagine her and Matt walking hand in hand like that. It was a nice image. It really was.

_Maybe this date won't be so bad._

Brittany decided there to muster all of her February magic optimism and put it toward thinking the best. She smiled as an old 90's boyband song came on her iPod and kept walking to church.

/

She got to the church just as mass was about to start. A few pews from the front sat Cathy. _Of course._ She quickly made her way and took her seat next to her older friend. "About time," Cathy muttered and raised her eyebrows at the blonde. Brittany simply rolled her eyes, knowing Cathy never actually could scold her.

The older woman had her large black winter coat on and Brittany knew, from experience, the older lady would start complaining about halfway through the service about how cold it was in the church. Brittany smiled at Cathy as the organ started and the congregation rose. "Why so chipper?" Cathy asked.

Brittany just shrugged her shoulders and grinned. "It's a magical day." Cathy shook her head and opened her hymnal book to start singing along.

/

The mass was ending and the priest stood up, pulling a paper from his book to read announcements. Brittany caught Cathy rolling her eyes and Brittany had to stifle a laugh. The priest read off general parish announcements, earning some snarky side commentary from Cathy about each "stupid" event.

"And finally, a woman will be in the back of the church today giving out information on AmeriCorps. She was an AmeriCorps member and taught on a Native American reservation," Brittany immediately perked up and turned her head to see a woman in a grey t-shirt that had a large logo that _AmeriCorps_ on it. The woman gave a small wave to the congregation. "For those that don't know AmeriCorps is a yearlong volunteer/service opportunity in low-income neighborhoods across the country." The priest closed his book and began to give the final blessing. Brittany kept looking back to the woman from AmeriCorps and felt Cathy's eyes on her.

"Interested?" The older woman asked. Brittany just shrugged and the closing song started as the priest processed down the aisle. "My nephew did AmeriCorps after he graduated college," Cathy started as she started to zip up her winter coat. Brittany grabbed her own coat. "It changed his life." Brittany nodded in response and began to walk out of the pew.

She didn't want to say it sounded interesting, even though that was her first thought. When the pair reached the back of the church Cathy nodded in the direction of the young woman from AmeriCorps who was standing by herself. Brittany trudged over to her, trying to seem disinterested. "Hi, I'm Emily!" the woman reached her hand out for Brittany oozed of cheer.

"Brittany," the blonde smiled politely and shook Emily's hand. Emily had short brown hair and was least a foot shorter than Brittany. Brittany picked up one of the pamphlets that Emily had and glazed over the smiling faces staring back at her.

"Does AmeriCorps sound like something you'd be interested in?" Emily asked.

Brittany shrugged her eyes boring into the pamphlet. "You were on a Native American reservation?" Brittany asked.

"Yes!" Emily squealed. "Out west. It was amazing. I loved it." Brittany nodded, getting a bit overwhelmed by Emily's energy. "It was really life changing," Emily added. "Are interested in Native stuff?" Brittany simply nodded.

"I took some classes at NYU where I learned more about their traditions, and issues they've been facing. But I've never been to one," Brittany answered.

"Well you def should consider it," Emily pulled out a business card that read _Emily Fallon- AmeriCorps Recruiter_. "We can get together and chat about it, or you could call with any questions."

Brittany took the card and smiled at Emily. "Thanks," she responded genuinely and carefully slid the card in her pocket. She turned around to go back to Cathy who was waiting for her.

"Thinking about it?" Cathy asked.

"We'll see," Brittany answered. "It'd kind of be cool to do something like that though." Cathy nodded and warmly smiled at Brittany.

"It would."

The pair headed outside, both securing their jackets to protect them from the cold. "We getting coffee?" Cathy asked.

"I wish," Brittany groaned. "I have a date. I think…"

"Well don't sound too excited about it," Cathy joked. Brittany rolled her eyes.

"No, it'll be good." Cathy looked at her questioningly. "It's just with a coworker and a friend," Brittany added. "I'm just nervous." Cathy nodded in response.

"Well, who knows? Maybe you'll be on some reservation next year so you'll have an easy out for any relationships," Cathy laughed and Brittany shook her head.

"Yeah, yeah. That's doubtful," Brittany responded before she turned to go.

"See ya next week Ms. Future AmeriCorps Member," Cathy called after her jokingly. "Have fun on your date."

Brittany laughed to herself as she headed off to the Starbucks her and Matt agreed upon.

/

Brittany nervously pushed the door to Starbucks open and stepped into the war coffee shop. Compared to the chilly city weather it almost felt humid inside. The blonde immediately felt herself warming up from all of her layers and began to shed herself of her jacket. She scanned the room and found Matt sitting at a table in the corner with two cups in front of him. He was looking at the cup in his hands intently.

Brittany had only seen him outside of the studio a few times, so she wasn't used to seeing him no in workout clothes. He had dark brown pants, a red and black flannel, and a black beanie covering his dark hair. He looked good. Brittany couldn't really deny that. His eyes shot up and he stood from his chair when Brittany approached. His whole face lit up and she couldn't help but blush at the gesture. "Hey!" He greeted excitedly as she slipped her jacket on to the chair and took a seat. "I got you a peppermint mocha."

"Oh, you didn't have to do that," Brittany responded bashfully.

"I remembered you said you liked it. No biggie." He smiled warmly at her, and Brittany felt extremely shy and flattered. She reached out to grab the cup and brought it to her lips, enjoying the taste of the chocolate and the peppermint combination. She smiled at him.

"Thank you, that's delicious," she stated and he just shook his head.

"Of course, not a problem," he took a sip of his drink as well and just as Brittany was about to ask him what he was drinking she felt her phone vibrate in her pocket. She slipped her hand down to her pocket to take a look who had just texted her without seeming rude.

**Santana (11:45am): soooo...i officially believe in birthday month/february magic**

Brittany couldn't help but smile down at her phone, but she quickly checked herself and returned to Matt. "So what are you drinking?"

"Oh, just a coffee. Nothing special," he shrugged and looked down at his cup nervously. "It's cold out there today, huh?" Brittany simply nodded.

"Yeah. Little bit. I don't think it's too bad," Brittany answered distractedly. Unsure of how to respond, and a bit distracted by wondering what happened with Santana. As Matt takes another sip of his coffee, Brittany types out a quick response to Santana asking her what happened. She then puts her phone on lap and focuses her attention back on Matt.

Brittany felt a little awkward but when she looked up and saw Matt's smiling face she felt grateful that he was such a kind guy. Despite everything that happened he was, at the core of his being, a nice guy. She took another sip of her peppermint mocha just as Matt asked, "So how was your weekend?"

Brittany politely ran through her weekend with the small details about her days. She then asked him the same question and he started to explain details about his roommate, Finn. When Brittany couldn't remember who he was Matt respectfully reminded her that he was the guy Rachel was hooking up with. "Oh…" Brittany nodded, remembering the tall guy that Rachel was all over. While Matt told a story about Finn, Brittany felt her phone vibrate in her pocket. She nodded along to Matt's story, showing that she was listening, but snuck her phone out again to see yet another text from Santana.

She felt warm with excitement and wanted to unlock her phone immediately to see what Santana said. Matt was now talking about how the hot water in their apartment went out for a few days. Brittany nodded along as she glanced down at her lap to see her new text from Santana.

**Santana (11:50am): I got a $60 tip from a customer today!**

"-and of course our landlord has been no help," Matt continued and Brittany let out a small chuckle and Matt continued.

**Brittany (11:51am): no way! that's awesome. told ya it's magic!**

"Anyway what's new with you?" Matt asked. Brittany shot her eyes back up and breathed in deeply.

"Nothing really, just been working and hanging out with my roommates," Brittany said as she sipped her drink. She felt her phone buzzed again.

"Oh yeah. How is it living with Rachel and Kurt?" Matt asked and Brittany immediately brightened up to the conversation.

"Well we actually don't live with Kurt anymore," Brittany began. "But we have a new roommate named Santana. She was away for your party or I would've brought her along." Matt nodded and Brittany enthusiastically continued. "Yeah, Rachel and Kurt knew her through NYADA and she seemed pretty cool, but we've all gotten along really well. She's really funny and different so it's been a nice change of things." Matt nodded again and smiled at her politely.

"That's fun. Glad it's working out," Matt stated and drank his coffee. He then started asking her questions about her classes at the studio, which was a topic that Brittany got animated and more talkative. They were sharing stories about their students or parents that they had talked to. Every so often Brittany's phone would vibrate in her lap and she'd flick her eyes downwards to her phone, seeing an update from Santana, causing her to hide a smile.

After finishing his drink, Matt stood up to use the restroom. Once alone Brittany pulled out her phone to respond to Santana's texts which were mostly about the Latina's day. She got an immediate response right after she hit send.

**Santana (12:20pm): wait aren't you with matt right now?**

**Brittany (12:20pm): yeah, he's in the bathroom.**

**Santana (12:21pm): oh, i'm so sorry! i'm being so annoying and distracting!**

**Brittany (12:21pm): psh, like i mind.**

**Santana (12:21pm): i'll leave you to it. have fun!**

Brittany furrowed her brow, not wanting Santana to stop texting her, but then realized that, yes, she was being a little rude to Matt.

Matt broke her thoughts as he sat back down at the table again. He grinned at her and Brittany immediately found herself blushing at the eye contact. She focused her eyes on her cup, tapping along the edges of the lid. "So uhm…" Matt nervously began and Brittany stole a glance up and saw he was still looking at her intently. "You're beautiful, you know?"

Brittany was sure her face turned cherry red at that point. She shyly tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and bit her lip. "I'm sorry," Matt blurted out. "That was out of left field, wasn't it?" Matt laughed nervously and Brittany looked back up, finally seeing how nervous and fidgety he was "It seemed so much more charming in my head in the bathroom." He was tapping his fingers against the table. Brittany instinctively reached her hand out and stilled his hand.

"No, no...It was…" she paused, not really liking the fakeness of the next word, but pressed on, "charming."

Matt beamed back at her and turned his hand around to hold Brittany's. She immediately wanted to pull her hand back to her lap and stare at her cup, but was now stuck. "Good," Matt sighed out, smiling at her, his fingers playing with the blonde's. "Cause I like you."

The words caught in her throat and she knew the pause was already too long. She smiled back at him. "I like you too." She stated it simply and quickly.

She didn't think it was a lie. It technically wasn't. She liked him as a person. But the second the words came out of her stomach that made her pull her hand away slowly.

Thankfully Matt was happy enough to keep the conversation going and low key. Unfortunately, Brittany couldn't focus anymore and wanted to end it and to go home, so she spent the remainder of time looking for an out or a lull in the conversation. Eventually the conversation died down and they exhausted their topics and Brittany looked out the window, subtly yawned and stated, "Well, I have some stuff to get done today so I should going."

Matt smiled at her and eagerly nodded. "Oh, of course. Not a problem." He quickly stood up and took her now empty cup from her to throw out. Brittany couldn't help but smile at his polite behavior and what a total gentleman he was. For a split second Brittany felt guilty. But then Matt was leading her towards the exit of the Starbucks. "So where you headed?"

"Back to Brooklyn."

"Gotcha well I'm headed towards Chelsea, so I guess this is where we part," he joked and smiled down at her. Suddenly Brittany was really aware of how close they were standing and felt her heart speed up. It wasn't the kind of heart speed up when someone is excited and nervous, but rather a pumping that happened when someone was nervous and scared and anxious and did not know what to do. She didn't know whether to step away and run out the door or go in for the hug or handshake so instead she just put her hands in her pockets and smiled up at him.

"I had a really great time, Britt," Matt said quietly. "Maybe we can do this again sometime?" He asked so nicely and he had such kindness in his eyes that Brittany just nodded.

"That'd be cool," she replied.

Right after she answered she felt him lower his head and cup her cheek, bringing her in for a kiss. She felt him on her lips before she could do anything and before she even realized it he was pulling away. He smiled down at her and held the door open for her. Her palms were sweaty and her heart wouldn't stop pounding. He waved at her as they parted ways. Nothing about the kiss felt right. Her immediate reaction when he reached down was to pull away but she just let it happen, because...Matt was everything she should want...he was this magic guy that anyone would want…

But the entire walk home she couldn't figure out why she didn't want him at all.

/

Brittany got back to her apartment an hour or so later and kicked off her boots and started to shred her layers. She immediately found Santana reading a book and drinking a cup of tea on their couch. She figured Santana must've gotten out of work early or something, because she was expecting the apartment to be empty. So instead she reveled in her surprise and delight that Santana was home and just let the words escape from her. "You're here." It almost came out as a whisper and Santana looked up at her happily.

"Short shift today," Santana shrugged and nudged her head indicating she wanted Brittany to come over to the couch. The blonde immediately obliged and bounded towards the couch and jumped on top of Santana, cuddling on top of her. "Well hello there," Santana laughed as she set her book and tea cup on the floor. Brittany nestled her face in Santana's shoulder and felt the Latina's arms wrap around her, rubbing up and down her back. "How was the birthday magic date?"

Brittany shrugged her shoulders.

"Not good?" Santana asked quietly.

Brittany's eyes were closed and she hummed as Santana kept rubbing her back. "Eh, wasn't all that magical. Just regular."

She could feel Santana make soft circles with her fingertips and they dragged down her back, and she felt her one finger stroke the tiny bit of skin on her lower back that wasn't covered by shirt. She felt her heartbeat speed up and it wasn't in the nervous and scared way, but in the way that she should've felt with Matt. The nervous, but excited way. The kind of excited when you wanted more touches and longer holds.

Brittany opened her eyes and nodded as she felt Santana press the softest of kisses to her forehead. "I'm sorry Britt...more magical stuff will happen. I promise."

"Yeah," Brittany sighed, cuddling more into Santana and closing her eyes. "Just keep holding me for a little while longer, okay?"

Santana gave Brittany a little squeeze then brought her hand down and intertwined her fingers with Brittany's holding them closely against her chest. "You okay?"

"Mmm…" Brittany nodded, feeling Santana's hand in hers and exhaled deeply. "This just feels like what I wanted all day."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song: Everything's Magic by Angels and Airwaves


	12. Kiss Me

_Settle down with me_

_And I'll be your safety_

_You'll be my lady_

_I was made to keep your body warm_

_But I'm cold as the wind blows so hold me in your arms_

**February 2012**

"So I go to order my coffee and the old guy in front of me, who was chatting me up on line, just buys me a donut! Like, how nice is that?" Brittany was explaining her magical day to Kurt and Santana while they were sipping margaritas at their table at the bar.

February/birthday month magic was in full swing for the blonde and she was constantly bubbling over with energy.

It was Valentine's Day and since all of them, with the exception of Kurt, was currently single; they decided to go out to distract themselves. Santana had gotten the job she had applied for at the bar, Brooklyn Tap House, and Brittany contributed that to February magic. Rachel was in a small local theatre show which was doing extremely well, another gift from February. Kurt, who was enjoying his relationship with Jason, was content with life and the girls loved Jason, but he always made sure to have time for his ladies.

Meanwhile, Brittany kept busy at the studio, every so often making polite, friendly conversation with Matt. In the past two weeks since their coffee date he texted her frequently. At least twice he had asked her if she was free for dinner. Conveniently enough, each time Brittany had already made plans with Santana. Over the past two weeks Brittany would find herself on her laptop looking up information on the AmeriCorps program on the Native American reservation that she had heard about from church. She still had Emily's card tucked away in her wallet and least every other day she considered contacting her, but never had the guts to do.

Kurt recommended they go to a gay bar for the evening, and all were more than on board for that suggestion. They were all having a fun time, catching up, drinking, and singing along to different songs that would come on. Rachel was finishing up her show, but was heading right over once she was out. Brittany felt good about her night. She looked around the bard, all decorated in hearts and cupids and she couldn't imagine a better way to spend her Valentine's Day.

"I have to say, Britt," Santana began. "You really have swayed me on this whole February thing. I've been having a pretty lucky few weeks. I am impressed." Brittany smiled smugly, and then shot Kurt a glare.

"See, some people believe," Brittany stated to Kurt, a notorious "non-believer" as dubbed by the blonde.

"I just am saying. My birthday was in January and I didn't monopolize a whole month to celebrate over mere coincidences and dumb luck," Kurt took a sip of his margarita. "I stepped in dog shit today where does that fall on the February magic spectrum?"

"Maybe you should believe," Brittany and Santana deadpanned at the exact same time causing the two to look at each other and burst out laughing. The two were high fiving each other when Kurt interrupted.

"You two are gross," he sighed between the two giggles coming from the girls.

"Whatever Kurt," Santana looked back at him. "Don't hate on Brittany's month," Santana narrowed her eyes at him. Brittany found being defended by the Latina exhilarating. Kurt quirked an eyebrow at her and the two engaged in a stare down until Kurt raised his hands in defense, and Santana grinned in triumph. "No one messes with Britt on my watch."

Santana winked at the blonde and Brittany immediately blushed. She embraced the warmth that engulfed her just at a simple wink, but couldn't tell what the feeling was stirring in her. "Anyway, Kurt," the Latina's comment broker her thoughts before she could dwell on them any longer. "Where's Jason?"

Kurt took another sip and shrugged. "I didn't want to do anything on Valentine's Day. Too much pressure, ya know?"

Brittany and Santana looked at each other skeptically and raised their eyebrows.

"No idea what you're talking about," Brittany said as she lifted her glass to her lips and Santana looked at her with a knowing smile. The two having a silent conversation, agreeing to tease Kurt.

"Yeah, Kurt. Sounds like you're scared," Santana stated.

"I am not!" Kurt defended.

"Then where's Jason again?" the blonde asked.

"We just started dating."

"By just you mean like three months ago, right?" Santana shot back quickly.

"Didn't you hear, San? Being in the same room on V-Day is like practically proposing," Brittany stated confidently.

"Oh no," Santana feigned shock. "So are we in like, a polygamous marriage now?"

"My mother is going to be so disappointed in me," Brittany shook her head, while catching Kurt looking at them completely unamused.

"You two are hilarious, really. You should get your own reality show."

"That's the plan," the two said together and then burst out laughing once again.

"I'm going to pee," Kurt stood up from the table, finishing the last bit of his drink. "Let you guys come up with more material."

"So considerate of you," Santana laughed as they watched Kurt walk away. "God, that was too easy." Brittany nodded along and laughed. Santana lifted her glass up and clinked it against Brittany's glass. "We make a good team," Santana winked again and Brittany smiled back widely.

The blonde wet her lips after drinking her margarita, trying to find a witty response when her phone on the table lit up with a text from Rachel.

**Rachel (12:15am): just got here and a scantily clad gay man thought i was his blind date. where are u?**

Brittany laughed out loud and showed the text to Santana who had the same reaction. Before she could type out a response the dramatic brunette appeared at the table and grabbed Brittany's drink, taking a large drink, finishing its contents. "Hey, that was mine," Brittany pouted. Rachel just glared at her in response.

"I needed it more. I had the cab ride from hell," Rachel shrugged her jacket off. "I also stepped in a puddle so now my feet are all cold. Stupid winter, stupid Feb-" Rachel was cut off by Santana pointing her finger at the other brunette.

"Don't say it," Santana stated and Rachel rolled her eyes. "I'll go get us all refills. Same kind of marg, Britt?" Brittany lost her pout and grinned, nodding. "Lime marg, Fanny?" Santana shot Rachel who looked unamused but nodded. Brittany watched Santana walk away from the table, noticing the way her red dress she donned hugged her curves and she confidently ordered drinks leaning against the bar, but was brought back to the table when Rachel kept talking about her night.

By the time Santana came back with the round of drinks, Kurt was back from the bathroom. The four all lifted their drinks to cheers.

"To the best Valentine's in the world," Rachel cheered as they all clinked their glasses together.

"To my favorite single ladies," Kurt added as they all drank from their glasses.

"Wait, Kurt," Rachel swallowed and put her drink down. "Where's Jason?" Brittany and Santana immediately raised their eyebrows and smiled mischievously at Kurt who looked as if he were going to strangle the two

"Yeah, Kurt…where is he?"

/

After several more rounds of drinks, and several more rounds of taunting Kurt, Santana and Brittany were sufficiently intoxicated. Kurt and Rachel headed over to the DJ to request more show tunes, while Brittany was sitting next to Santana with her head lying on the brunette's shoulder. "There are so many couples here," Santana mumbled from above her. Brittany did a once over of the room and only saw one or two couples, but let's Santana keep going. "I'm always going to be alone on Valentine's Day."

Brittany pulled her head from Santana's shoulder and pouted at her.

"You're not alone tonight," the blonde pointed out to her, and Santana smiled back politely.

"Not what I meant," Santana replied. Brittany bit on her bottom lip as she thought of an appropriate response or whether or not Santana just needed to vent, all while trying to mask her hurt. "You ever have a real date for Valentine's?"

"Yeah," Brittany nodded. "My high school boyfriend one year. It was kind of not that exciting because we couldn't do much. I got a flower though." Santana nodded along.

"I'm never going to have a boyfriend," Santana sighed out and rested her elbows on the elbow, putting her head in her hands.

"Hey," Brittany cooed, rubbing the Latina's back. "You will. You just haven't met someone good enough yet."

Santana smiled up at her, but not the full, dimpled grin Brittany was used to, so she pressed on. "Besides, I'd rather hang out with you today any year over some stupid guy."

Santana's eyes softened and she put her hand in the blondes. "Thanks Britt," she whispered. "I'd rather spend today with you over some stupid guy too."

Brittany squeezed Santana's hand, and intertwined their fingers. She felt engulfed in that warmth once again, and she realized she had never felt this way on this holiday before. She couldn't name the feeling, but she squeezed Santana's hand, and hoped that the simple touch could convey everything she couldn't verbalize. When Santana rested her head on her shoulder she thought that maybe it did.

/

A week later Brittany came home to find Santana, Kurt and Rachel huddled together by a computer on the couch. At first they didn't hear her come in, but then she heard them talking, "-no Kurt, she said she just wants a simple dinner. Don't get crazy planner on this," Rachel stated. She quickly realized they were in the midst of planning for her birthday so she decided to speak up before any "surprises" were ruined.

"Yeah Kurt," Brittany coughed, making her appearance known. The three shot their heads around at rapid speed, and Santana quickly shut her laptop. "Don't worry. I didn't see anything. But for serious...simple." Brittany left her boots by the door then turned to head upstairs. "I'll leave you all to it," she chuckled as she walked up the stairs and distinctly heard Santana say under her breath "I told you idiots."

Brittany spent the next few hours on her laptop in bed looking up the information on the Native American reservation. The program would allow her to teach in the school and work one on one with kids. Everything about it screamed excitement, different, and everything she had ever dreamed of. The only problem was that it was out in Washington.

Brittany had never been passed the Mississippi.

This would be a year across the country.

She went to her Facebook page and saw her brother posted pictures of him and his friends drunk at a bar. She imagined telling her mom and dad she'd be moving across the country and the thought alone almost made her laugh a little bit, and a little bit more excited about the idea. She clicked back towards the page and opened up the application. She was looking through the essay questions when her door squeaked open.

"Hey," Santana whispered to her as she stepped in. "You didn't have to hide up here all night." Santana walked over to the bed and sat down on the side of it next to Brittany. The blonde pushed her laptop off of her and smiled at Santana.

"I know, but just thought I'd let you guys do your thing," Brittany shrugged. Santana nodded and then her eyes looked over towards Brittany's laptop and furrowed her eyebrows.

"What's that?"

Brittany's eyes went to her screen and saw that she left the application up and she immediately panicked. "Oh, nothing," she spat out quickly as she reached for her laptop to close it, but Santana's hands stopped her.

"What are you hiding, Pierce?" Santana quirked an eyebrow at her, but Brittany was at a loss for words. "Okay, clearly you got some weird secret." Santana moved to get up from the bed, but Brittany grabbed her arm and pulled her down to the bed.

"It's stupid."

"I'm sure it's not," Santana softened her eyes, and urged Brittany to continue.

"At church a few weeks ago someone came to talk about this volunteer thing. Where people work in low income areas and stuff, doing all kinds of stuff," Brittany mumbled it all out quickly, but Santana nodded along. "Well there's a spot for a teaching position on this reservation in Washington, and you know how much I love Native American stuff."

Santana smiled warmly. "Yeah you geek out pretty hard when people talk about that kind of stuff."

Brittany brought her laptop closer and showed Santana the application. "I was just looking at the app. I doubt even if I applied I'd get it. I have zero teaching experience...like real teaching not dance teaching," Brittany clarified.

Santana glanced at the screen and then looked back at Brittany with an unreadable expression, but a small smile on her face. "It sounds something you'd be perfect for, Britt. You should apply," Santana then got up from the bed and ruffled Brittany's hair. "You'll never know if you don't try. Besides you have February magic on your side if you apply now," she winked at the blonde as she walked away.

Santana headed out of the room, closing the door gently behind her. Brittany looked back at the screen and exhaled deeply. She started typing her name and information into the online application.

_Maybe Santana was right._

_It won't hurt to try...right?_

/

Before Brittany was even ready for it, it was five days before her birthday. Unfortunately, because her birthday fell on a Thursday, Santana and Rachel both had work on her actual birthday. So her friends decided that they would all go out to dinner before the real big day on the Saturday before. Brittany didn't really mind, though. It was just another reason to celebrate everything a little bit earlier. Plus, her mom had announced that her whole family had decided they were going to be driving out for a few days to see her for her birthday. She was really thankful for this, but kind of dreading having to play hostess and tour guide on her birthday.

The blonde was extremely grateful that her friends had organized an extremely low-key evening at one of her favorite Mexican places in Brooklyn. Once they had filled her in on the plans: the three roommates, plus Kurt and Jason, she could barely contain her excitement, and she had a mini countdown going for the last few days.

Knowing she had this dinner coming up made getting through awkward run-ins with Matt, who was still chatting with her and checking in about a second date. It was also a guaranteed moment that she would get to see her favorite people, who she didn't get to see much over the past few weeks due to differing schedules. Brittany had high hopes for this to be one of her favorite birthdays ever.

The three roommates shared a cab and were meeting Kurt and Jason who were already at the restaurant waiting for them. Brittany was giddy as she walked into colorful Mexican restaurant with her two best friends on both sides of her. Santana walked up to the hostess and told him her last night. He nodded his head quickly and ushered them to the back of the building.

Sitting at the large round booth were Kurt and Jason who were chatting enthusiastically. Kurt saw them first when they approached and immediately slid out of the booth, "It's the birthday girl!" He screamed as he pulled Brittany into a tight hug.

Kurt then greeted Santana and Rachel, then ushered Brittany into the booth so that she was in the middle. Santana and Rachel were on her left, and Jason and Kurt were on her right, and Brittany was on cloud nine. "Hey birthday girl, looking good!" Jason stated as he gave her a side hug.

"It's not technically my birthday," Brittany giggled. "But thank you."

"It's close enough," Jason shrugged. "Plus 23, big year?"

"How is 23 a big year?" Santana asked then looked at Brittany sympathetically. "No offense, Britt."

"I don't know I just liked being 23, it was a good year," Jason picked up his menu right as Rachel put hers down.

"How old are you anyway?" the brunette asked. Brittany quickly shot her a look as she saw Kurt blush and mouthed _rude_.

"25, Rachel...I'm not ancient," Jason sighed and Rachel nodded, raising her hands up defensively at Brittany.

"I'm excited for this year," Brittany interrupted as she looked around at her friends. Santana was looking over her menu and looked up to wink at the blonde. "I have a feeling it's going to be the best year yet."

/

The dinner had been going pretty well. It was casual and low-key, just like Brittany had wanted. Unfortunately, Rachel had gotten a text from her director about an emergency rehearsal being needed. "Looks like I'm going to have to miss the after dinner drinks," Rachel sighed as she dropped her phone of the table. "This is so annoying." She whined. Brittany shrugged sympathetically.

"It's cool Rach, we'll all just go out and have a few extra for you," Brittany encouraged. She then looked over towards Kurt and Jason who exchanged a guilty look between themselves. "Right, guys?"

"Well…" Kurt dragged out. "We were going to have an early night too, actually. It's just Jason had work early and we had a long day today…" Jason and Kurt looked guilty as Kurt continued to rattle off excuses. Brittany felt her heart dip and looked over at Santana who was narrowing her eyes at the pair and then looked at Rachel.

"Wait, wait...what the fuck?" Santana started cutting Kurt off. "You're all bailing? That was not the plan at all."

Brittany could feel Santana next to her tensing up, so she put her hand on her thigh and patted it gently. "It's cool San," she said quietly, trying to smile and hide her disappointment. "It's not a big deal." Santana shook her head to stop Brittany, but the blonde smiled at her friends. "We'll just all head back. I'm pretty tired too." Santana shook her head but Brittany squeezed her thigh, let it go and went back to her friends. "It's all good. No worries." Jason, Kurt, and Rachel all looked guilty but Brittany fought the urge to be upset or mad at them, not wanting to be a drama queen.

Her friends all split the check, not wanting Brittany to pay for her own birthday dinner. Brittany was grateful and appreciated their gesture, but sighed when they all headed out. It was only 9pm and a weekend, yet they were all heading back home. While Brittany was usually excited to hang out in sweats and watch movies all day, she thought they would have a little more of an exciting time than that tonight. Instead, they were sharing hugs with the boys then piling into a cab to head back to their apartment.

Every so often Santana would look at her sympathetically and ask if she was sure she was okay or if she was sure she didn't want to go out with just the two of them. Brittany wouldn't mind going out with just Santana, but she also felt guilty going out without all of her friends, so she just nodded and assured Santana that she was fine.

The more she kept saying "fine", the more she realized she wasn't "fine" and she was actually really annoyed. This was supposed to be her big celebratory night and her friends were being lame. By the time they got to their apartment Brittany knew she was being noticeably frustrated. Rachel gave her arm a gentle squeeze and apology and headed to her room to go to bed. This left Santana and Brittany alone in their living room and Brittany threw her coat and bag on the floor. "You sure you're okay?" Santana asked gently as she followed Brittany over to the couch.

"No," Brittany grumbled and sat down on the couch crossing her arms against her chest. "I'm just being crabby. I wanted to have a fun night and here we are. Being lame and inside."

"Hey," Santana said quietly and rubbed Brittany's arm. "We can still have fun. Since when do you and I not have a fun time together?" Brittany looked over at her out of the corner of her and fought back a smile. "What do you say? Let's get in our sweats, I'll make us some drinks and you and I have ourselves a night to remember."

Brittany couldn't hide her smile anymore and nodded excitedly. "Sounds perfect. Let's do it!" She jumped up from the couch and bounded up the stairs to change.

/

The two were drinking rum and cokes and playing the question game, sharing funny stories from their childhoods and about their families. Brittany was in the middle of telling a story about a trip from hell her family made to Chicago one summer. "Like my dad only wanted to eat at Denny's, and my mom was pissy...it was just this total hot mess. Actually, now that I think about it, all of our trips are hot messes," Brittany giggled and reached over the table to grab her drink.

"Oh man, you think their trip out here is going to be bad?" Santana asked, sitting across from the blonde on the other end of the couch, both of them sitting with their feet tucked under their legs, sharing a blanket between them.

"I don't know," Brittany shrugged. "Probably. But at least I won't be there for the drive here and the drive back." Santana nodded along in agreement. "What about you? Any good family road trips?"

Santana leaned over to put her drink back on the coffee table. "Yeah, my family has taken a lot of road trips. They've never been too dramatic. My dad loves going to all these historical places, which is weird, but cool. For the most part they're always fun though. It's fun being all together and goofy and nerding out over stuff." Santana chuckled and Brittany smiled imagining little Santana going to different museums and such.

"That's awesome," Brittany let out with a content sigh. They both grabbed their glasses and took another sip of their drinks. They both put their drinks back on the table, falling into a comfortable silence, smiling each other. "Hey," Brittany broke the silence and scooted forward towards Santana.

"Hey," Santana smiled back. Brittany kept scooting closer and closer until their knees were touching.

"Thanks for tonight, seriously," Brittany spoke quietly.

"Of course, Britt. You deserve whatever you want today," Santana reached her hand over and rubbed Brittany's arm slowly. Brittany looked down at her hand, seeing the goosebumps form, and the contrast of their skin tones. She inhaled deeply and looked up at Santana who was looking down.

Brittany leaned forward and pulled Santana into a tight hug, holding her tightly. "Thank you," the blonde whispered. When she went to pull away, she felt Santana tighten her old on her so she kept the embrace going. After a few more seconds of the hug Brittany slowly pulled away, their cheeks brushing against one another Brittany turned her head slightly so that she could place a small kiss on Santana's cheek.

When Brittany went to completely pull away slowly, the heat rising in her face, Santana moved her head to fully face Brittany's and looked down to Brittany's lips. She moved in closer and kissed the blonde's cheek back, but then moved her head quickly and caught Brittany's lips.

Brittany pulled away quickly at the small peck on the lips and looked at Santana, "Sorry," Brittany mumbled, unsure of what just happened, and suddenly feeling the alcohol in her system. Santana shook her head, her hand still rubbing Brittany's arm.

"It's okay." They still were inches away from one another and Santana moved in closer again, "It's okay," she whispered and Santana's lips were back on Brittany's. Brittany felt the Latina move her lips slowly and she found her lips moving back, capturing Santana's lower lip with her own. She felt Santana's hand move higher to her shoulder and still there.

The blonde pulled away again, but her nerves were erased when she saw the smile on Santana's face. "Well that was different," Brittany whispered and licked her lips.

Santana blinked and sighed. "Yeah...it was…" she wet her lips as well, still staring at Brittany.

The two quietly laughed and Santana slid her hand down and held Brittany's in hers. They both looked down at their hands, intertwining their fingers. "So…" they both began and then laughed. "Want to go upstairs, cuddle sesh in bed?" Brittany asked, not really knowing where her thoughts were, but wanting to break the silence. Santana simply nodded and the blonde pulled her up and walked upstairs to Brittany's bedroom.

Brittany closed the door to her bedroom and Santana sat on the edge of the bed, Brittany quickly sitting next to her. Her thoughts were racing a mile a minute. She had no idea what just happened, and she wanted to ask, but before she could think Santana was quickly turning towards her, grabbing her facing and bring her face down for another kiss. This one was deeper, messier, and more frantic. Brittany couldn't help but smile into the kiss and pulled away just a little bit to slow things down. "Was that okay?" Santana asked quietly, her hand still on Brittany's cheek.

"Yeah, that was fine," Brittany saw how insecure Santana looked, and despite everything in her body telling her to stop and find out what was happening, she couldn't control her body as it leaned forward and captured Santana's lips again. She opened her mouth a little bit and felt Santana nervously slide her tongue in her mouth.

Brittany moved in further pushing Santana down on the bed a little bit, her eyes still closed as she pulled away "Is this okay?" she whispered against Santana's lips, and before she could get an answer Santana was pulling her down for another kiss.

This was probably a bad idea.

There was a tiny voice that was screaming in her head telling her to stop.

But the hands that were rubbing her back and pulling her closer and closer, and the tongue exploring her mouth, was telling her that this was the best birthday present she never knew she wanted.

This was February magic at work.

This was what that feeling that made her heart skip a beat every time Santana touched her meant.

This was what she's been wanting all this time.

So she pushed the voice away who kept asking _what does this mean_ and held Santana close as she let her lips move against the other girl's.

For all of these months she felt like every little glance, touch, hug, cuddle together; it all was leading somewhere. Never in her wildest dreams did she imagine it was leading to this. But Santana was pulling her closer and closer and her hands were now in blonde hair and Brittany was rubbing Santana's cheek with her thumb softly.

Brittany had high hopes for tonight.

She never once thought this was what was going to happen.

For months, Brittany was confused.

But here they were.

And Brittany never felt like anything made more sense in her whole life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kiss Me by Ed Sheeran


	13. She

_She, she came out of the sky, she broke me with the fall, how could I see it_

_Come, away from where you are, to the unknown step, into the love this is._

**February 2012**

They had somehow moved up to the top of the bed, and Brittany was on top of Santana, her lips working furiously and the hands on her back touching every inch that they could. Her heart was pounding so fast, she felt as if she had just run a sprint, but she couldn't stop. She didn't want this night to end, this feeling to stop, these lips to stop moving, the tongue that was in her mouth to stop working its magic.

She pulled away for a second to look at Santana. Under the cover of darkness, she was still beautiful. Her hair was tousled from Brittany's fingers and from the movement up to the pillows. She had a dazed and tired look in her eyes, but a peaceful smile that Brittany has never seen on her before. "Why'd you stop?" Santana pouted.

_Because this doesn't make sense._

_Because I don't know what's happening._

_Because I'm terrified._

"Just needed air," Brittany joked. She then leaned back down on her forearms and kissed Santana's cheek. In the darkness, and with her eyes closed, she could feel and hear the contented little sighs escaping the Latina's lips. She kept leaving little pecks on Santana's cheeks and neck.

Brittany was lying on top of Santana, between her legs. She wasn't sure how long they had been kissing at that point, but she couldn't stop herself. Plus the way Santana's hands were roaming her back were only urging her on even more. She would occasionally move to kiss down Santana's neck. She could feel the brunette squirm beneath her and it was making the blonde want more. When the urge for even more contact became too much to bear, Brittany swiped her tongue out to taste Santana.

Santana moaned some more, but also let out a deep and heavy breath. Brittany pulled back and locked eyes with Santana who looked very disheveled in the dark. "You okay?" Brittany whispered, and leaned up on her forearms.

Santana sucked her lips in and nodded briefly. "Yeah, that just tickled." Brittany nodded and then rolled over after her arms started to get numb. They both shifted on the bed a bit and Brittany pulled the blanket over their bodies. Santana and Brittany rolled on their sides to face each other. Brittany felt Santana's legs entangle with hers underneath the blanket. The blonde had a million questions and thoughts racing through her heads, but she stared into brown eyes: both of them had content sleepy smiles on their faces.

All of the questions and worries that were on the tip of her tongue, but escaped her when she felt Santana's find hers in the darkness and give a gentle squeeze: and that was all she needed to drift off to sleep.

/

Brittany woke up the next morning and the warmth of the body next to her from the night before is gone. She was dazed and her eyes are still heavy from sleep as she lifted her body gently up on her elbows to look around. She spotted her phone on her nightstand and reached over to find the time to see that it was just a little passed 8am, which was a lot earlier than she was planning on waking up. Plus with the lack of sleep, her body felt like dead weight.

At first she thought she had just dreamed it all. But then she felt the slight tingling on her lips and she knew that it all had happened. The panic began to then sink in about the fact that Santana was no longer in her bed, and _what the fuck did we do_ , started to chant over and over in her head. She didn't feel Santana leave this morning. Was she ashamed? Was she embarrassed? Was she scared?

Brittany's thoughts were running wild that she barely heard her door crack open and the Latina on her mind creep back into her bedroom. The two locked eyes and Brittany knew she was beaming with joy, and Santana simply smiled shyly at her. "Hey sleepyhead," Santana whispered. She walked over to Brittany's bed and slipped back in under the covers and turned on her side to look at the blonde. Brittany found herself sliding back down off of her elbows and resting her head on the pillow.

"Hey you," Brittany whispered back. They just drank each other in, neither daring to say anything. But, being Brittany, she breathed out a long winded "So..."

"So…" Santana sighed back, breaking their eye contact.

"What now?"

Santana broke the eye contact and took an unsteady breath. But she didn't pull away from Brittany. "We're just…" she began slowly. "Having fun?" Brittany could tell she wanted to sound more confident, but it came out as a question.

Brittany didn't want to push too hard, with the fear of scaring off the brunette very present, she picked her words as carefully as possible. "So you kissed me?"

"Well…" IT seemed as if Santana was choosing her words thoughtfully as well. "You kissed me too."

It was playful, but cautious and Brittany breathed easier, knowing that she didn't completely kill the moment just yet.

"True, but you started it."

"No, you did," Santana defended back with a giggle. "Whatever," Santana rolled her eyes, knowing she wasn't going to win, but softened them when they met the blue ones staring back at her. "Do you regret it?"

"No," Brittany replied immediately. "Do you?"

"No," Santana stated confidently. "It was fun. I don't have a lot of experience ya know" Brittany nodded sympathetically. "It was a nice release. That's all."

Somewhere in the words the brunette said, Brittany felt a sting. A feeling of rejection. A feeling of confliction.  
 _Is that all this was? A release?_  
But, that ever-present fear of scaring off the other girl reared its head.

So she nodded, because what else could she do.

"Yeah, it was a nice release."

Santana nodded back, smiled happily, and cuddled closer to Brittany for the rest of the morning.

Meanwhile, the blonde laid there, restlessly, remembering the feeling of Santana's lips against hers and the feel of her hands on her body.

/

"I've had some bad directors before over the past few years for sure, but this guy is just annoying," Rachel stated as she sliced up her apple to eat. Brittany and Rachel were chatting in the kitchen later in the week. Rachel was getting overly stressed because of the play she was in, and was barely around the apartment. Despite her little quirks, Brittany missed hanging out with her old friend.

The week had gone on with Santana busy at her two jobs at the restaurant and at the bar, but things had surprisingly not been weird. In fact, it was fun. Brittany and Santana would share lingering looks, winks, and touches. It was like an inside joke that they shared, that no one was being let in on. Nothing else had been done between the two. There had been no late night "cuddle sessions", with Santana getting in from work late, and Brittany finishing working on her AmeriCorps application, there wasn't a whole lot of time. But every time that the two were in the same room together, Brittany's body buzzed with electricity as she remembered the kisses and touches that the two had shared.

When Brittany wasn't daydreaming about Santana, she was stressing about her family coming to visit her that weekend. Which is why she welcomed the distraction from Rachel with open arms, despite not really understanding fully what the brunette was complaining about.

"I'm sorry, Rachel," Brittany said as she reached over and grabbed an apple slice that Rachel had cut. "That sounds awful."

"Just par for the course I suppose," Rachel sighed as she ate another slice. "One day I'll have a director who respects my opinions and insights. Hopefully."

"Are you going to be able to get some time off to spend time with the Pierces this weekend?"

"Oh shoot," Rachel stopped chewing. "I totally forgot that they were coming this weekend."

"I wish I had that luxury," Brittany joked with an eye roll.

"Oh please, you'll have fun. And I'd bet you're a lot more excited than you're letting on."

Brittany shrugged. "It'd be nice to have some backup for when Mary gets a few too many drinks in her, at least."

"Your mom's great, stop," Rachel defended, furrowing her brow at Brittany.

"Yeah, she's just a handful," Brittany stated. "But you're right. It'll be fun to have them here for a bit. Maybe they'll bring some nice birthday presents."

"There's still a little left of February magic to squeeze out," Rachel laughed back. "Always a silver lining."

Just as the pair finished the apple Brittany's head turned at the sound of the door unlocking. Santana stumbled in holding multiple bags in her arms, tripping over her black scarf as she struggled to strip off her layers.

Brittany and Rachel watched on amusedly from the kitchen, neither one helping the struggling Latina. Brittany could see Santana mumbling to herself as she dropped her bags on the ground and finally got out of her winter coat. "You alright there bag lady?" Brittany called out from her seat at the kitchen, while Rachel hid her laughter under her hand.

Santana shot her a glare and trudged over to the kitchen. "Why do you have so many bags anyways, Santana?" Rachel asked, and was met with yet another glare.

"Oookay," Brittany said as she lifted her hands up in defense. "What happened to you?" Santana leaned against the counter next to Brittany and rested her head in her hands exhaustedly.

"Some dude threw up all over the bar tonight and we were swamped because of a drink special. So I got stuck cleaning it up," Santana mumbled out, her head still covered.

"Gross," Rachel and Brittany stated at the same time. Brittany removed her hand from Santana's back with a grimace.

"I didn't get any on me, Britt," Santana mumbled and Brittany immediately put her hand back to its position.

"That sucks, people have no manners," Brittany stated as she rubbed Santana's back.

"Or reflex control," Rachel stated. "Want some chips and salsa?"

Santana's head shot up and she shook her head. "God no. I'll have some post traumatic flashbacks."

"Please spare me the details," Rachel said dramatically. Rachel grabbed herself a bowl full of chips and went to the family room area to watch TV. Santana then took her seat in the stool that Rachel was sitting in.

"Ugh," Santana groaned, rubbing her temple. "I have such a headache from tonight."

"Aww," Brittany cooed and reached over to rub Santana's arm. "Want me to kiss and make it feel better?" She whispered with a playful wink.

Santana looked up at her with a shy smile. "Now, that's a thought," Santana joked back then started laughing. "Thank you for making me feels a little better."

Brittany pulled her hand back and smiled brightly at the Latina. "Of course. That's what I'm here for, right?" Santana nodded her head and smiled back.

"Right," Santana sighed and played with her hands on the counter. "Are you ready for your family to get here in a few days?"

"No?" Brittany asked a question instead of an answer, which Santana immediately raised her eyebrows about. "Yes? I don't know. I'm not ready. I just don't want it to be stressful."

"Well I for one can't wait to meet them," Santana said with a smile. "It'll be fun."

"For you," Brittany mumbled as the pair got up to join Rachel watching some trashy television.

/

Friday afternoon, Brittany made sure to take off from work, and had another instructor covering all of her classes for the whole weekend. Her family left Ohio at 6am that morning and was on the road to New York City. Brittany had been checking her phone constantly for the last few hours to see if there had been any updates from her brother or dad. Her mother was behind the wheel, and was highly against texting or calling while driving. She knew the three of them would be insanely cranky after the long drive, and was game planning how to make sure they had enough to do that wasn't too draining for them, and would be relaxing.

Throughout the week, Brittany had become a nervous wreck and viciously planned and outlined every possible activity that she could do with her family for two and a half days. Rachel and Santana tried their best to calm her down with offering to help with restaurant suggestions, or finding free activities, or even gently reminding her that it was her birthday on Saturday, and that was a good thing. Brittany could care less though. She was a woman with a mission. She had things to do. She had to plan every possible outcome.

Mary Pierce would for sure find a minor thing to nitpick and complain about. Which would cause her brother, Rich, to roll her eyes and become quiet and withdrawn. All the while, Steve Pierce would ignore his wife and daughter and look around at the skyscrapers. This happened whenever all four were together. There would be a big argument. Things would get brushed under the rug. Life would go on. The norm would be kept.

However, Brittany was hoping against all hope that she could break that habit just once. All she wanted was one time where her family could make it out unscathed and everyone would get along. But that was something she wished for any time her family went anywhere, or any time they have come to visit her at NYU over the past few years. This is the first time though since her graduation. Brittany couldn't distract them with campus tours or talk about her classes. So now she had to map up time for every hour of the day. Now she had to come up for something to fill those gaps of time where her mother would questions what she was doing with her life, and her brother would resent her, and her father would give her sad eyes about not living in Ohio anymore. It was the same look he has given her since she graduated high school and took a picture in her cap and gown with Rachel and Kurt, all giddy about moving to the big city.

These were things that she could never explain to Santana and Rachel. These were things they'd never understand. Because to Rachel her family was always that quirky funny group they've always been. To Santana they were just stories. Stories that didn't match the Latina's carefree and fun family she was given.

These were the thoughts that raced through her mind as she paced her apartment, making sure that everything was spotless. She double checked everything and when she finally ran out of things to do she sat on her couch, looked at her phone, and patiently waited.

Finally, after what seemed like hours of staring at her phone it started to ring, and her brothers name lit up her screen. "Hey!" Brittany answered quickly.

"We're here," Rich mumbled into the phone.

She heard voices in the background, then her mother's voice. "Tell her I'm trying to find a parking spot, but there's nothing fucking open!" Mary yelled into the car. She could feel her brother's eye roll over the phone.

"Okay, well no rush. Take your time finding a place," Brittany said calmly.

Then she heard her father yell, from the passengers seat. "Just park right there, what the hell are you doing?"

She could only imagine how long they've been driving around, if her dad finally snapped. Brittany exhaled deeply. "Just call me when you park, okay?"

"Yeah," Rich stated before hanging up.

Brittany took a deep breath as she put her phone down on the coffee table. "This will be fun…"

/

The day did not go horribly. It was actually pretty fun to catch up and chat with her family. Well, mostly her and her mom were doing the talking and her father would interrupt every so often with a question or a "Did you see that commercial for the new Transformers movie?" Meanwhile, Rich was on his phone for the most part, ignoring everyone.

They went to a restaurant in Brittany's neighborhood that served standard American burgers and beers, which her family enjoyed after a long drive. For the most part, Brittany's mom and dad just traded stories about the trip out, and the various accidents they saw that caused traffic on the side of the road. It wasn't until they ended back at the hotel room that her family had gotten for the weekend that the silence and calm settled in.

Brittany had offered to take them to different museums and exhibits in the city, but her father was too exhausted and Rich didn't seem all that interested. Since it was less pressure for her, they went back to the hotel room to relax and rest. So far nothing dramatic or out of the ordinary had happened, her mom, like always did most of the talking, filling Brittany in on all of the local Lima gossip. Her dad and brother were lying on the bed watching a random basketball game on TV

"So how's that new roommate working out?" Mary asked. Brittany had spoken a lot to her mom about Santana, but like most things, her mom didn't always listen.

"Santana's great," Brittany stated happily.

"You guys close?" Her mom asked as she relaxed on the second double bed in the room.

"Yeah, we've gotten to be really good friends lately."

"That's great Britt," Mary smiled at her genuinely. "I'm glad you have such a good friend here. I mean, I love Kurt and Rachel, but I'm glad you have some different."

Brittany smiled and nodded at her mother. "Yeah, she's fun. You'd like her."

"You should have her come out to dinner with us tomorrow night. I'd love to meet her!" Mary got all excited at the thought. Brittany's mom loved any opportunity to meet new people and schmooze. A lot of Brittany's friends just loved Mary Pierce. They thought she was hilarious and this total character.

"I'll check in with her to see if she has work," Brittany pulled out her phone to send Santana a text about dinner.

"Where does she work?"

"At a restaurant in Manhattan and then a bar in Brooklyn," Brittany looked up as she put her phone down and saw her mom raise her eyebrows at her.

"We should go to that bar! That'd be fun," Mary stated. Brittany immediately shook her head.

"No. We can go some place else," Brittany laughed. Her mom laughed as well, and shrugged her shoulder.

"Just a thought."

Things were going well. Brittany was relaxed, and she thought that now might be a good time to bring up the application she was working on, for a possible job on the west coast. She had been wondering if she should even say anything, but she figured her family might be okay with it. "So I forgot to tell you…" Brittany brought up casually and quietly. "There was this girl who talked at our church about this volunteer program," Brittany knew bringing up church would legitimize it to her mother. "It'd be like a full time job at a low income place. They have positions out west on Native American reservations, or cities…" Brittany finally looked at her mom and was happy to see that she didn't seem super pissed.

"Oh yeah?" Mary asked.

"Yeah it just kind of seemed like cool experience…" Brittany sounded uneasy when she noticed her dad was looking out of the corner of his eye at her.

"It sounds like it would be," Mary nodded.

"It's just an idea too. Nothing permanent. I just thought it'd be a good thing to apply. Wouldn't hurt, right?" Brittany looked up again and her mom was smiling.

"Sounds like you have a plan," her mom nodded and Brittany felt a weight lift off of her shoulder. "You'd be out on the west coast?"

"Maybe," Brittany added quickly. "Depends where they need. But that'd be cool. I've never been. And everything would be covered. And it's just a year." Mary nodded, and Steve looked back at the TV, not adding anything to the conversation.

"It would be great experience for you," her mom said with a smile. "Oh I forgot to tell you who I saw in the store last night."

And just like that Mary went back to gossiping, and things continued, and she didn't get in trouble or cause a big scene for talking about her application.

_Maybe this could actually happen._

/

The next day was spent going to the MoMa in Manhattan for Brittany's birthday. She spent the night at the hotel with her family, falling asleep after a late night chat with her mom and the sounds of her brother and father snoring. Right at midnight she got texts from Rachel, Santana, and Kurt. She figured Rachel and Santana were together, but the text from Santana made her smile widely.

**Santana (12:01 am): Happy happy birthday you! Can't wait to see you today at some point! and then have dinner with your fam! love youuuu :)**

Brittany looked at her phone and couldn't even think of a response that would appropriately express how happy just one little message could make her. So instead she just sent a smiley face back and said "thank you!"

For the most part the day went well. They got to see priceless works of art and had a light lunch. Nothing was too crazy; it was just a pleasant time to hang out with the four of them. She definitely was excited for dinner though. As much as she loved her family, it would be a fun time with Santana, and the Latina would prove to be a nice little buffer. Rachel and Kurt both had work, but Santana managed to get off specifically for the dinner, and was texting Brittany throughout the day with questions regarding what she would wear and if she should bring money or anything.

Brittany found it all very endearing, and had to make sure all of her attention was not completely off of her family on her phone, as her mom had a tendency to ask her what she was looking at every time her phone buzzed with a new text message.

Before Brittany even knew that minutes of wandering around Manhattan with her family had turned into hours the four Pierce's were shuffling into a cab to make it to their 6 pm reservation at Sardi's. Mary Pierce was a die-hard Broadway fan and thought it would be fun to go to the legendary restaurant, and Brittany was just happy to have a nice meal for a change and not just snacking on leftovers. Meanwhile, her brother and father were probably just happy to have an excuse to get a steak and not hear the two blondes gossip for the first time all day.

Santana had mentioned that she'd been there before with her family, and kept saying multiple times that she was hoping she wouldn't intrude. Brittany repeatedly assured her that that was not the case, and was just happy to have a break from her family, and for Santana to meet them.

They pulled up to the restaurant, and as promised, Santana was waiting outside for them. She had a long coat on, heels, her hair styled lightly to the sight, and she was clutching a small little gift bag. The fact that Santana had gotten, what she assumed was, a present made Brittany blush.

When the cab stopped Brittany had to check herself to make sure she wasn't jumping out of the cab as fast as physically possible. She had a mantra of _play it cool_ going through her head. Santana was looking down the sidewalk so intently that she didn't seem to notice Brittany step out of the cab, not super gracefully. "Hey!" Brittany called out loudly, much to her mother's disapproval.

Santana's head shot forward and she met Brittany's eyes with a smile. "Birthday girl!" Santana cheered as she walked over and engulfed Brittany into a hug. The blonde's insides warmed up the second she felt wrapped in Santana's arms. Santana's head turned into Brittany's, her face covered by blonde hair, and a chill went down Brittany's spine as Santana whispered "Happy birthday," into her ear followed by a small kiss right underneath it.

Brittany's whole body warmed at the gesture and she knew she was blushing a bit from the attention. As they pulled apart and she got out a quiet "Thank you" to Santana she heard her mother's loud voice from behind her.

"Well hello there Santana!"

Brittany stepped away so that her mom could shake Santana's hand. Her father and brother stood quietly to the side and both just nodded their heads in acknowledgement at Santana. The Latina was smiling and exuberated nothing but warmth and kindness to all of the Pierce's. She led the way into Sardi's and chatted with Mary Pierce about the sights the family saw over the past two days and the trip out from Ohio. Brittany's father gave their last night to the hostess who was the utmost professional and led them to a booth in the back corner of the restaurant.

Brittany walked with her brother and they both looked at the caricature portraits of famous actresses that walled the restaurant. As they walked to the booth the siblings pointed out to each other different actors that they recognized. When they got to the booth Santana and Mary were already sitting next to each other and chatting away, about God only knows what at this point.

Steve, Rich, and Brittany all continued looking around at the portraits on the walls and tried to figure out who was who. They found Robert DeNiro, Brooke Shields, Lucille Ball, and Liza Minnelli. Every so often Brittany would try and engage in the conversation her mom and Santana were having, but figured it was a lost cause. The waiter came over and got everyone's drink orders. Mary got her standard vodka on the rocks with a twist, Brittany and Santana both got rum and cokes, Steve got a bloody mary, and Rich just stuck with a coke.

Brittany couldn't help a wave of nervousness come over as her mother ordered a vodka, hoping that the older woman wouldn't get drunk tonight in front of Santana and in a fancy restaurant.

By the time their drinks came Santana had engaged both of the quiet men at the table in small conversations about their careers and hobbies. Brittany quietly drank her rum and coke and felt a contentedness drift over her as she watched all of these people in her life interact with each other.

Unfortunately, before the waiter even came back to get their dinner orders, Mary Pierce had already finished her first vodka, and was quick to order a second one. Brittany eyed her cautiously, and looked to see if Santana had noticed, but it appeared Brittany was the only one who took note. "So Santana, what do you do here in this big city?" Mary asked twirling her drink a bit before taking a sip.

"I bartend and waitress a bit for now. Not sure what's next on my agenda, but I make great tips," Santana stated confidently with a gentle smile.

"Oh I'm sure!" Mary exclaimed, a little too loudly to Brittany and Rich's liking as they both looked around at the other patrons next to them. "I don't understand why Brittany never got a waitress job, I told her she'd make good money."

Brittany shifted uncomfortably in the seat next to Santana. "I like my job at the studio," Brittany mumbled. "And I make good money," the blonde defended.

"Yeah I could never do what Britt does, I don't have the patience," Santana joked then shot Brittany a shy smile and took a sip.

"I don't have the dance skills," her father joked. "That'd be my reason for bartending. You make strong drinks, Santana?"

"Of course, sir."

"Good," Steve nodded with a smile then went back to looking at the portraits and playing with his menu.

All five of them put their entree orders in with the waiter, and then Mary went back to talking to Santana. Brittany was busying herself with pointing out portraits to her brother and father until she heard her mother ask Santana something unexpected. "I'm sure you must have a boyfriend. A gorgeous girl like yourself?" Brittany looked to her right to see Santana smile warmly, but something in her shift ever so slightly, showing she was caught off guard or embarrassed.

"No, no...no boyfriend," Santana stated shyly.

"I don't understand you two. You should be out dating! That's what girls your age should all be doing," Mary exclaimed and kept drinking. Brittany felt herself tense and get defensive, but before she could say anything back to her mother she felt a hand on her thigh, squeeze the muscle gently.

She looked down at her lap and saw Santana's tan hand resting on her thigh.

"Well, Brittany doesn't need any help whatsoever in that department," Santana said with a small laugh. Brittany's eyes shot up from her lap and looked at the brunette, completely confused. She saw her mother raise an eyebrow at Santana's statement as well. "She's the one always teaching me how to get there. She's much better with the boys than I am."

It was not what Brittany expected Santana to say, but she couldn't help but feel grateful for Santana coming to her rescue. She smiled at Santana and her mother seemed impressed with the statement. They then all moved on to looking at the pictures on the wall, and talked about different places in Ohio and different Broadway shows/musicals. All of which were topics that Mary Pierce loved, and Santana had no problem talking with her at great lengths.

They spent their time at the restaurant hearing Steve and Mary tell stories about "back in the day". Rich and Brittany spent a majority of the time being embarrassed by their parents, and Santana just kept talking and fit right in with Brittany's quirky family.

Mary kept drinking, but the presence of Santana allowed her to reel in what would normally be a sloppy and loud mess.

All of which Brittany could not be more grateful to the fact that Santana had decided to join them for dinner.

The presence of Santana's hand finding its way back to Brittany's leg every so often, giving it a light squeeze did not hurt either.

/

The Pierce's and Santana shared desserts and drank coffee over loud laughter and stories. The check came and Mr. Pierce begrudgingly took out his wallet to pay the bill. Brittany sat with a fully belly and contented smile on her face as she looked around at the important people in her life meshing so perfectly. Even her normally quiet brother and father seemed to have stepped out of their shells. Santana looked out of the corner of her eye at Brittany and her cheeks were graced with a hint of blush.

They all slowly began to shuffle out of their chairs, and the booth, feeling the weight of the food hit them as they stood up. "Oh man, I am so stuffed," Santana remarked as she pulled her jacket over her shoulders and pushed her arms through.

"Me too, that was delicious," Brittany said, mimicking Santana's actions with her own jacket.

"Well that's good," Mary said as they pushed through the front doors. "Have to keep you skinny girls well fed. That's what parents are for, right Britt?"

Brittany nodded and released an airy laugh at her mother, happy that the older woman kept it together in front of Santana. "You're coming back to the hotel with us, right?" her father asked as he made his way out of the restaurant as well.

"Sure, I can do that," Brittany shrugged. She didn't really want to. She wanted to go back to the apartment with Santana, but she knew her family was leaving early the next morning so she didn't want to pick any fights with them tonight.

"Well I'll be heading back to our place," Santana stated. "Thank you all so much for dinner. It was such a pleasure to meet you all." Brittany looked at her roommate with awe. She was so well put together, understanding, and polite.

"Anytime sweetheart," Mary waved Santana off and pulled her into a big hug. Steve and Rich simply nodded at Santana and headed to the curb to get a cab.

When Mary finally released Santana, Brittany took her turn in hugging her.

"Thank you," Brittany whispered into the dark locks that were covering her face. She felt vibrate against her hands, a small "mmm" in acknowledgment. The two parted and grinned at each other.

"I'll see you later," Santana whispered as she pulled back. She had secret glint in her eyes, a look that Brittany hadn't seen since they kissed. Santana then switched gears as she smiled broadly and waved at Brittany's family before turning and walking away. Brittany watched her go, regaining some composure, before she turned to her family and get into the cab that her dad just flagged down.

"What a nice girl," Mary hummed once they all were in. "And so beautiful. Cannot understand how someone like that is single in this city. She must have boys drooling over her."

Brittany played with her fingers in her lap and kept her gaze fixed on the lights of Broadway as the cab pulled away.

/

Brittany woke up the next morning to the sounds of her family shuffling in the hotel room and packing up their suitcases. In order to get back to Ohio at a reasonable time they had to leave super early. It was a ten-hour trek that Brittany was more than glad she did not have to sit through. She sat up and wiped the sleep from her eyes. "You guys heading out now?" She croaked out.

"Oh you're up!" Mary turned around startled. "Jesus, you scared me." Brittany couldn't help but laugh at her mother's dramatics this early in the morning. "We're going to head out now to beat the morning rush. But we have the room until noon so feel free to relax and do whatever. Also your present is wrapped up on the desk."

"Mom," Brittany quickly protested. "You didn't need to get me anything. Just dinner and everything this weekend was fine."

"Oh hush. This one is just from me," Mary sat down on the bed and rubbed Brittany's leg through the comforter. "Let me know how that volunteer thing goes, okay?"

"I will."

Mary smiled at her daughter. "Okay, good. Well, we're off. Go back to sleep." Mary stood up and headed to the door.

"See ya, loser," Rich called from the door as he grabbed a suitcase.

"Bye asshole," Brittany called back.

Her dad then emerged from doing a final check in the bathroom. He stalled a bit at the door as Mary and Rich left. "You have everything?" Brittany asked.

"I think so," he nodded. "You good with money?" he asked discreetly.

"Yeah, Dad. I'm good."

He nodded back and found a spot on the floor to look at as he shuffled awkwardly. "Okay, well...stay out of trouble, okay?"

"Okay, Dad," she said with a small smile.

He then made his way over to her, bent over the bed and kissed her on the cheek. "Alright, we'll see you soon." He grabbed the last suitcase and headed out the door, leaving Brittany in the hotel room to catch up on sleep for the remainder of the morning. As Brittany laid back down, though, she remembered the small package that her mother left on the desk. She scrambled from the bed to get the neatly wrapped square package.

_Book. Classic mom present._

Brittany unwrapped it quickly and was surprised to see a red leather journal. Brittany always used to write in journals back in Ohio, but the busy schedule of school prevented her. Somehow the small red book reminded her of the little girl from Ohio she was, and the person that she always thought she could. The idea of writing in a journal was always so comforting. She could share all her secrets, fears, and stories. Brittany couldn't help but smile and take a mental note to express her gratitude to her mother.

Inside was a small note that just read:

_For all your adventures._

/

When Brittany finally made her way back to the apartment that afternoon she felt well rested and ready to take on the world. She unlocked the door, unsure of who would be home, but was happy to see Santana lounging on the couch watching TV. "You're back!" Santana cheered as she sat up on the couch and turned to face Brittany.

"I am!"

"The fam gone?" Brittany made her way over to the couch and Santana crossed her legs under the blanket giving Brittany more space to sit on the couch. Brittany leaned in the couch and Santana spread her legs over Brittany's lap.

"Yep, they left super early this morning."

Santana reached her hand out and laid it face up. Brittany immediately recognized the small gesture and placed her hand inside it. The two sat in silence, Santana rubbing small circles on the back of Brittany's hand. "Good birthday?"

"The best," Brittany smiled.

"Good."

Brittany looked down at their hands and felt absolutely content. Santana then pulled their hands to her lips and kissed Brittany's hand gently. Brittany felt her breath hitch in her throat as her free hand rubbed Santana's leg softly through the blanket. "Is that my birthday present?" Brittany joked.

"Oh, wait!" Santana exclaimed as she pulled away and pushed the blanket off of her. She ran up the steps to their bedrooms, and came sprinting back down in record-breaking time as she jumped back onto the couch. She then thrusted a small gift bag into Brittany's lap.

"Oh jeez, I was kidding. You didn't actually have to get me anything," Brittany sighed as she looked down at the small bag.

"Like I wouldn't get you anything?" Santana rolled her eyes and the nudged Brittany to open the present.

Brittany reached into the bag and pulled out a book _The Book of Questions_. Brittany must have had a confused look on her face as she looked over the cover because Santana immediately explained. "It's so we always have questions to ask each other for the question game. We'll never run out."

Brittany beamed and felt a lightness in her chest, similar to the one she had at dinner the night before. "It's lame, I know," Santana mumbled. Brittany dropped the book and pulled Santana into a tight hug.

"Not lame. I love it," she stated into Santana's neck. Brittany pulled away and couldn't help herself as she leaned in and placed a chaste, quick, kiss on Santana's lips. "Sorry," Brittany said as she pulled away some more, but didn't get very far before Santana was pushing her further into the couch and kissing her again, harder and deeper than Brittany did.

It was the birthday present Brittany never knew she wanted all weekend, and she could feel herself grinning into the kiss. "I like this," Brittany whispered when Santana pulled back briefly to change the position of her lips.

"Me too," Santana whispered back.

Just as Brittany was about to slide her tongue into Santana's mouth she heard the deadbolt of the door click loudly, and before Brittany could even panic herself Santana was jumping off of the couch as fast as possible and was sat crossed legged at the far end of the couch, leaving Brittany breathless as she shifted herself up into a sitting position. "Hello!" Rachel exclaimed. She quickly ran over to pull Brittany into a hug. "Did you have a good birthday? I'm so sorry I missed seeing your family. They had fun right? I've been so swamped. I haven't peed all day, but when I get out we're catching up!" Rachel spat out her monologue and then headed to her bathroom.

Brittany felt her head spinning from the flurry and change of pace of activity within 30 seconds. She looked over at Santana, who appeared completely composed and amused. "Couldn't have at least helped me get up?" Brittany shot her in fake anger.

"Nope," Santana shrugged, smugly. "This gives us some good practice of not doing that when my friends come next week for St. Patty's Day stuff." Brittany nodded at the first part of Santana's sentence, before the rest registered.

"Wait, your friends are coming next week? Which ones?"

"High school, did I forget to tell you?" Santana asked.

"Like Quinn and them?" Brittany was immediately reminded of all the stories that Santana told of Quinn and her other high school friends, in which they were not painted in the best of lights.

"Yeah, Quinn, Kitty, Kylie, and Anne," Santana listed off names that Brittany had heard all horror stories about and she had to restrain herself from rolling her eyes. "They're coming to party for St. Patty's. I said they could stay with us for the weekend. I already cleared it with Rachel. Is it cool with you?"

_No._

"Sure."

"Cool," Santana nodded as she got up from the couch, fixed her ponytail and headed to the kitchen. "Find some good questions in there for us!" She called as she walked away.

Brittany exhaled deeply and tried to imagine what a weekend with all of Santana's seemingly bitchy friends would be like, and she immediately knew nothing good could come out of it. Brittany looked over at her bag on the floor which held the red journal, and thought about all she could vent about later that night, even if it was just to some blank pages.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song: She by Silver Trees


	14. We're Not Friends

_We've been lying to ourselves_

_Acting like we're something else_

_How'd we get in this masquerade?_

_There's a secret in your eyes_

_It's the same one that's in mine_

_Aren't you tired of being this way?_

March 2012

Brittany was sitting in the office of the dance studio staring at the computer in front of her. She was reading over her AmeriCorps application to be a teacher on the Spokane Indian Reservation in Washington. Santana's words of _You'll never know if you don't try_ ringing in her ear. Her mom's smile and encouraging her to apply. The excited feeling in her stomach hearing about the opportunity to learn about a different culture, live some place rural for a year, teach kids...maybe actually make a difference? It all was right there in front of her.

As her mouse hovered over the words "Submit" she couldn't help but think, _What if I actually get the job? What if I actually have to move across the country?_  
Next to her mouse was Emily's card; the one that the AmeriCorps recruiter had given Brittany weeks ago. She took a deep breath and picked up her phone quickly, punching the numbers in before she lost her nerve.  
"Hello?"

"Hi, is this Emily?" Brittany asked nervously.

"This is she!" Emily's bubbly voice beamed from the other end and Brittany realized she might not have had enough coffee to be this enthused over the phone.

"Hi...you might not remember me, I'm Brittany Pierce, we met briefly a while ago at St. John's Parish. You were talking about AmeriCorps. I was with my friend Cathy. Well she's an older lady. We're friends though. Anyway you gave me your card." Brittany breathed out, suddenly realizing she was not great at phone calls and that she just rambled to this poor girl.

"Of course I remember you! How can I help? Are you interested in applying? Do you need help with your application?" Emily shot back as quickly as Brittany and Brittany couldn't help but be relieved for someone's energy.

"Well…" Brittany stared at her almost finished application and the submit button. "I actually am about to finish the application-"

"Oh that's so exciting! You're going to love it!" Emily squealed on the other end and Brittany had to pull her phone away from her ear a bit.

"It sounds like it," Brittany calmly stated and then just decided to get to the point. "Was it scary being someplace different and kind of on your own? I guess," Brittany sighed and breathed out. "I guess I'm just nervous. I've never done something like this before.

Brittany was expecting more squealing and excitement from Emily. Instead she heard a little chuckle and Emily calmly came out with, "Of course. I was terrified." Brittany felt her nervous stomach begin to settle, relieved she wasn't being ridiculous. "But you know, like anything, you get used to it. And you meet new people. And suddenly you're working with kids who grow to love, and every fear and worry just washes away." Brittany smiled at the passion that Emily spoke about it.

"Thanks, Emily. I guess I was a little nervous."

"For whatever it's worth. Not a day goes by that I don't regret my year I spent out in Washington," Emily assured. "Let me know if you have any more questions." Brittany thanked her and hung up.

_You'll never know if you don't try._

Moving her mouse over "Submit" and clicking it resolutely. She then grabbed her dance bag and headed out of the studio.

/

Brittany came back from the studio and for the first time in what felt like months the apartment was silent and she had it all to herself. Despite her extroverted nature when she's around her friends, she did enjoy the peace and quiet for a change. Brittany kicked off her shoes and poured herself a glass of juice. She took a deep breath and took in the quiet.

Rachel had been busy with her new play rehearsals and Santana had been working extra hours at the restaurant and the bar to make up for the time off she was taking when her friends were in town. Brittany figured that this might be her last chance for quiet in the apartment for a while and she decided to take full advantage of it.

After changing into her sweats she hopped on the couch and snuggled under a blanket. She put a Fleetwood Mac record on the player and pulled out the red journal her mom gave her for her birthday. At first she stared at the blank pages and couldn't imagine she had enough to say to fill its pages.  
 _What can I say..._ She didn't really have any adventures. She goes to the dance studio. She watches TV shows with her roommates. She cuddles with Santana. She just started kissing Santana. _Oh, there it is._

She wasn't sure how to start writing it, but she just started at the beginning.

_I kissed Santana. I kissed a girl. I've never done that before, and I liked it._

Brittany started going into details about the kisses they had, the butterflies she gets in her stomach whenever Santana touches her, the little winks Santana gives her that makes her blush. The way her stomach flips every time Santana brushes her hand across her skin or touches the small of her back as she walks by. The way she feels when she makes Santana laugh. The way she knows exactly what Santana is thinking when she rolls her eyes at a stupid comment Rachel makes.

_But Santana said we were just having fun, which we are. It's a lot of fun. But I also haven't felt like this when I was just having fun with a guy…_

Brittany started to write about how she was confused. She didn't know if this Santana thing was just a few kisses and that was it, or was it something more? She also didn't know what it meant that she liked it. Does that mean she is gay?

Brittany had never really thought about her sexuality too much. She remembered when Kurt came out in high school and how proud she was of him. She never really considered anything different for herself. She had only been with guys.  
 _Maybe I just like who I like...or maybe I finally found out why I have such a hard time sticking it out with the men in my life..._

Brittany was scribbling furiously and filling page after page. She moved on from questioning everything with Santana, to writing about her family, to what moving across the country might mean, to her dance class. All of a sudden Brittany realized the record had stopped playing and she felt her hand cramping up from all of the writing. She looked at all of the pages she filled and smiled at herself. _Guess I have more to say than I thought._

She looked at the clock flashing 5pm, knowing that Santana was starting her shift at the bar after the lunch crowd at the restaurant. Brittany puffed out her cheeks as she breathed out, realizing she didn't have anything else going on, and also realizing she never took Santana up on her offer a few weeks ago of a free birthday drink from her.

_No time like the present._

/

Brittany got off the subway, a few stops away from their apartment in Greenpoint, to get to the bar Santana worked at: Rosemary's Tavern. It was a little cash only dive bar that mostly served locals. Rachel and Brittany had only stopped by a few times while Santana was working, mostly because they both were busy, and also because one time Santana's boss (the one and only Rosemary) scolded them for distracting Santana while she was working.

For early March it was still cold out and Brittany shoved her hands in her pockets as she walked toward Rosemary's Tavern. Given that it was a Tuesday night it was pretty crowded, but the bar always seemed to get a big after work crowd from Brooklyn regulars. Despite the crowd there was space at the bar since the crowds seemed to migrate towards the larger tables in the back.

Brittany spotted Santana animatedly chatting up one of the customers. Brittany couldn't help but smirk at herself smugly since she was clearly going to be surprising the Latina. She found an empty stool at the other end of the bar and stripped herself of her coat as she hopped up to the counter. For a city bar it was very minimal: beer, whiskey, vodka and that was about it. Santana explained once that it was why she enjoyed working there. Everything was pretty straight forward and she didn't have to memorize a ridiculous fancy cocktail menu (although Brittany was partial to some of the easier to drink fruity cocktails).

Santana was a great bartender, but in their many conversations, Santana had told Brittany that she wanted to perform some more and maybe get into producing music at some point. Brittany loved it when Santana would talk about music, a dreamy look would get on her face and she would speak excitedly, waving her hands around. It was almost like she was Rachel, but Santana would hate that comparison, so Brittany just kept that to herself.

There was always something so inspiring to Brittany to see someone else talking about what they're passionate about.

Brittany patiently waited at her end of the bar while Santana poured one of the guys at the bar whiskey shots, and skillfully snapped caps off beer bottles. The Latina wiped her wet hands on the bar towel and looked into Brittany's direction, her eyes immediately lighting up with surprise and rushing over. "Well this is unexpected!" Santana exclaimed leaning across the bar to pull Brittany into an awkward reaching hug. "You should've texted me you were coming!" Santana said when they pulled apart.

"Then it wouldn't have defeated the surprise part, right?" Brittany shrugged.

"That's fair," Santana laughed a little bit. "What brings you in?"

"Well…" Brittany drew out. "I believe you had promised me a free drink at some point." Santana laughed and nodded. "But I figured since I finally finished my application…"

"You did?!" Santana's eyes widened and she smiled. "Britt that's awesome! So you submitted it? When do you find out?"

Brittany shrugged. "I don't know actually, a few weeks I think? But yeah I finished. I called that recruiter for some last questions and I submitted it."

"Britt that's great. And you're right, definitely time to celebrate!" Santana put her hand up and Brittany instinctively high fived it. "Okay, so what'll it be? Beer?"

Brittany eyed the other patrons and behind Santana. "I don't know I'm feeling a little adventurous today. How about a whiskey shot?" Brittany nodded in the direction of the guy who Santana just poured shots for. Santana narrowed her eyes at Brittany.

"Since when do you drink whiskey?"

"No time like the present!" Brittany smiled and slapped her hands against the bar. "Come on, let's do it."

Santana wasn't wrong though. Brittany rarely drank things other than beer or mixed drinks. The only shots she really did was tequila, and usually she was already drunk when those happened and the shot put her completely over the edge.

"Alright. I'll get you a beer too. On the house," Santana winked and slid over a shot glass and grabbed a bottle from behind the bar and poured the beer into the glass from the tap. Santana pushed the glasses over toward Brittany. She took a look down the rest of the bar to see if any of her other customers needed anything, but they all seemed preoccupied for the minute.

Brittany looked at the shot in front of her then up at Santana smiling at her. "You're not going to do a shot with me?" Brittany asked sweetly. Santana thought for a second, clearly trying to say no to her, but just shook her head and gave in.

"Alright, just one." Santana quickly went to work pouring herself a shot and held it up to Brittany to cheers. "Congratulations Britt. I am _so_ proud of you."

There was a sincerity in Brittany's voice that she rarely heard from anyone. Maybe her mom once or twice. But even then she couldn't even remember the context. Santana was looking at Brittany right in the eyes when she said it, and since Brittany knew Santana didn't always like eye contact she knew how much Santana really meant it. Brittany lifted her shot glass with new confidence and they both threw their shots back.

/

Santana had a few hours left on her shift, and Brittany didn't mind keeping her company. She met some of Santana's local customers, and Santana kept sliding a new beer across the counter as soon Brittany finished. Brittany tried to keep taking her wallet out, but Santana would walk away and not accept her money.

"How do I get free drinks Santana?" one of the guys sitting next to Brittany at the bar joked.

"You start giving better tips!" Santana fired back quickly, with her signature smirk, as she poured another whiskey shot for another customer. Brittany just shrugged when the guy looked at her, fake offended and went back to talking to his buddies. Brittany lifted her beer to her lips and realized she had no idea how many beers she had had at this point, but she didn't care at all.

She watched Santana talk to the customers, cash people out, a group of loud men bought her another shot that she downed quickly. Despite all of the distractions and people around them Santana always circled back to Brittany and the two would joke around or make funny faces at each other. Brittany felt like she didn't have a care in the world.

An hour later Santana's shift ended and the next bartender came in to relieve her. She grabbed her leather jacket and purse and gave Brittany a nod toward the door. "Ready to get out of here B?"

Brittany nodded and chugged the rest of her beer. "See you fellas later," Brittany said to the guys at the bar who gave her a cheers with their glasses. As Brittany slid off of her stool she realized she had had more beers than she thought and lost her balance slightly, but before she could think anything of it Santana was next to her, steadying her by the waist. Brittany didn't think of her buzz, but instead focused on Santana's arm wrapped around her waist.

"You alright there Britt?" Santana whispered into her ear and the breath on her neck felt warm and made all the hair stand.

"Yeah, totally," Brittany stuttered out while trying to get her jacket on. "The bartender gave me a little too much," she joked and stepped out of Santana's arms to put her jacket on, missing the touch on her waist. She didn't have to miss it too long because Santana quickly pulled her back in, wrapping her arm around Brittany's shoulders and guiding her out of the bar.

"Oh please, you weren't complaining earlier." Santana pushed the door open and Brittany felt the chill of the air hit her quickly. Santana must have noticed, or maybe she was cold too, because Brittany felt Santana pull her impossibly closer and Brittany's breath hitched ever so slightly. "So subway or walk?" Maybe Brittany was hearing things, or maybe her pulse thumping in her ears clouded things, but she could have sworn Santana sounded nervous or shyer than she had all night.

"Walk…" Brittany said slowly. "Yeah, walk. It's not too cold here." She grew her confidence as she grabbed Santana's hand that was around her shoulder and put her other arm around Santana's waist.

"Yeah, not cold at all."

/

The two walked a few blocks exchanging some small talk. Santana never removed her arm from Brittany and vice versa. Brittany was a little lost in her head, thinking about everything she was thinking about today when she was writing in her journal. She was trying to come up with a way to ask Santana what they were doing, with the kissing, the touching, what it all meant. She didn't want to scare off Santana, but at the same time she couldn't help this feeling in her gut that she needed to address it. As if on cue, Santana gave her hand a little squeeze. "You alright?"

"Yeah," Brittany stated as she cleared her throat a little, slowing her steps ever so slightly, Santana matching her. "I was just thinking…"

"What about?"

"Us."

Brittany tried to ignore the fact that she could feel Santana tense next to her, but then Santana quickly recovered. "What about us?" Brittany rolled her eyes slightly but inhaled deeply and stopped walking, making Santana stop as well.

"Come on, San." Brittany dropped Santana's hand and tried to catch Santana's eyes. "We...you know...did stuff." Brittany whispered the last part out as someone walked by them.

Santana sighed and rolled her eyes, taking a step toward Brittany. "I thought we talked about that Britt?"

"Sort of," Brittany mumbled. Santana quickly grabbed Brittany's hands and pulled the blonde a little closer.

"I thought we were...you know...having fun?" Santana said it slightly playfully and Brittany couldn't help but giggle a little bit.

"We are," it came out with a laugh and Brittany tried to say more, but Santana pulled her into a tight hug.

"So what's the problem then?" Santana mumbled into Brittany's neck as they hugged tightly. Brittany could feel Santana's hands pulling her into her back and she felt Santana's heart pounding in her chest. "You're having fun, I'm having fun. What's the big deal?"

Brittany knew that it was a big deal though. She could feel it in the way Santana's voice made her tremble. She knew it by the way her own heart was pounding. But Santana was right, it was fun.

Before she could respond, Santana pulled back and looked Brittany in the eyes, and for the first time in their friendship Brittany could see what almost looked like fear in the brown ones staring back at her, and Brittany wondered if her eyes showed the same thing.

"You're like my best friend Britt, you know that?"

Brittany nodded. "I feel the same way." It was more of a whisper than Brittany intended.

"What's wrong with a little kissing between best friends?" Santana asked, squeezing Brittany's hands a little bit. Santana had a little smirk on her face, but there was something more there that Brittany couldn't quite read...a desperation almost. Brittany narrowed her eyes a bit trying to figure out what Santana was feeling, and before she could ask Santana she was being pulled in a little closer again. "Come on, just for fun?"

There was a voice screaming in the back of Brittany's head _danger! Danger! Danger! Stop now!_ And as loud as the voice was she couldn't help but look into Santana's brown eyes and remember how alive she felt kissing her the other night the feeling of their lips together, their hands together, and she wanted that again. So she spoke clearly and confidently, ignoring the voice.

"You're right. Nothing wrong with a little kissing at all."

/

There was a bit of excitement and tension in the air as they made it to the apartment, arms still wrapped around each other. Brittany felt more of the alcohol kick into her system and it gave her a bit of confidence as Santana put her key into the door and Brittany started to poke her in the sides making the Latina giggle. "Cut it out Britt."

"Can't focus, San?" Brittany teased into Santana's ear, and she couldn't help but feel more emboldened as she felt Santana's breath hitch ever so slightly.

Eventually Santana opened the door and they both stumbled in, giggling. All of the lights in the loft were out, the tell tale sign that Rachel was already in bed. Brittany went back to poking Santana causing the Latina to giggle again. "Stop you're going to wake up Rachel."

Brittany rolled her eyes a bit but knew how pissy Rachel got when she woke up from her beauty sleep. "Sorry, sorry," Brittany whispered out and lifted her hands up in the air.

The two of them stood there awkwardly shifting out of their winter coats, putting them on the coat rack by the door. "So…" Brittany came out with. "You tired?"

"Not really," Santana shrugged and looked around. "We could put a movie on down here." Brittany nodded towards Rachel's bedroom door and Santana picked up on what she meant immediately. "Oh yeah, don't want to wake up sleeping beauty," Santana joked. "Are you tired?"

"No..thanks to a certain bartender I'm still a little buzzed."

Santana raised her eyebrows and took a step toward Brittany. "Oh yeah?" She put her hand on Brittany's hip a little bit, catching a little patch of skin that was exposed and rubbed gently. "Want to lie down in my room? Watch some Friday Night Lights or something?" There was a rasp in Santana's voice and the feeling of her touch was making Brittany's heart pound so hard she could feel it in her ears. All she could do was nod. "How about we change into our PJs and you can meet me in my room?" Once again, Brittany could only manage out a nod and the two headed up the steps to their respective rooms to change.

After putting on sweats and a t-shirt Brittany headed a door down to Santana's room and knocked gently, "Come on in," Santana called from the other side of the door. Santana was sitting on her bed with her hair in a messy bun and her eyeglasses on, laptop open and ready to watch Netflix. She was in sweats and a t-shirt as well. This was a usual event for the two of them, but maybe it was the alcohol wearing off or their earlier conversation, but there was a shift in the atmosphere that made this feel different. Brittany shoved that feeling down and hopped over and jumped on to the bed immediately getting a chuckle from Santana. "So we're watching FNL?"

"Clear eyes, full hearts, can't lose!" Brittany cheered and scooted to the side of the bed that she usually occupied when they hung out in Santana's room. Santana moved to her side of the bed, their arms touching and took her eyeglasses off as they got under the blankets.

Santana hit play on the episode and the two sank in a comfortable silence. As the episode went on Santana shifted on her side toward Brittany and wrapped her arm around Brittany's waist, putting her head on Brittany's shoulder. It was a regular occurrence and Brittany was engrossed in the episode that she didn't even think anything of it. Brittany moved her arm around Santana's shoulder, bringing the brunette even closer to her.

Santana started to move her hand across Brittany's stomach finding an open patch of skin and rubbing it gently. Brittany then felt Santana's breath on her neck and felt her own breath hitch. She stopped paying attention to the screen in front of her and instead focused on Santana's hand on her skin. She then felt Santana's lips on her neck, but just feathering them ever so gently. Brittany instincely craned her neck to give Santana more access, as the Latina kept giving her little pecks.

"San-"Brittany whispered, moving the laptop off of her lap, and shutting the screen. She moved the laptop to Santana's nightstand and rolled on her side to look at the girl in front of her. Santana was biting her lip and looking at Brittany shyly. She felt Santana's hand on her hip and Brittany was rubbing up and down the Latina's bare arm. Brittany's eyes glanced down to Santana's lips and she couldn't help herself from leaning down and putting her lips to Santana's chastely. "Sorry," Brittany whispered when she pulled away.

"Don't apologize," Santana shook her head. "I started it." Santana scooted closer to Brittany so their bodies were flush against each other. "I like kissing you," Santana admitted, avoiding eye contact with Brittany. "You're good at it."

Brittany couldn't help but giggle a little bit. "Why thank you. You're not so bad at it yourself. Hard to believe you don't actually have that much experience according to you."

"I don't," Santana said quickly and looked into Brittany's eyes. "I mean I've kissed people, obviously. But not much else." Santana shrugged. "No one else really wanted to do anything else with me." Santana looked down again and tucked her head into Brittany a little bit.

"Well screw those people," Brittany kissed the top of Santana's head. She then brought her hand to Santana's hcin and brought their lips together again. The kiss started out slow, just lips moving together, but after a few moments and the way that Santana was pulling Brittany's body closer, Brittany couldn't help it when her tongue slipped into Santana's and was immediately met with Santana's. The second she heard the low moan come from Santana, Brittany wanted to keep making that happen, over and over again.

The more they kissed and the more their hands explored, the doubts started to evaporate and all Brittany could focus on was the feeling of Santana's hands on her body and their lips and tongues moving together. There was a pressure building in her stomach and she wanted more of Santana so she moved her hand down Santana's back to her butt and pulled her closer. Their lips started moving faster and Brittany felt dizzy from the lack of oxygen, but still needed to be closer. She rolled herself on top of Santana and heard another little moan from Santana that only urged her on even more.

Brittany finally couldn't take the lack of oxygen and moved her lips away from Santana's, but not wanting the moment to end she immediately moved her lips to Santana's neck. Feeling Santana sharply inhale, and hands moving to the back of her head to keep her going, Brittany began to suck and nibble. Santana's skin was warm, and Brittany just wanted to taste every part of her. Brittany felt hands on her butt and lost her focus on Santana's neck and pulled away to look at Santana.

Brittany felt dizzy and drunk again, and Santana looked just as buzzed. Brittany was breathing heavily, holding herself up above Sanatana by her arms and Santana's hands were around her neck rubbing circles on Brittany's neck. Brittany took a deep breath in and licked her lips. Her thoughts started racing again, as she realized that familiar turned on feeling she has had before and she knew this wasn't just a little fun kissing between friends. But she also didn't want this to stop because Santana felt so good and her heart was pounding so hard.

As if reading her mind Santana pulled her down and their faces were closer together. "Stop thinking," Santana whispered, her lips ghosting Brittany's. "Let's just keep feeling good."

And that's what Brittany did as the two kept kissing for several more hours before falling asleep, tangled together.

/

When Brittany woke up the next day she felt like she had the best sleep of her life. She could still feel Santana's hands on her skin, and lips on her own. However, when she rolled over, Santana wasn't there and Brittany immediately sat up looking around the room. Brittany narrowed her eyes and looked at the clock on the side table seeing it was 8 in the morning and knew she had to get up anyway to get ready for one of her dance classes. She swung her legs out of the bed, stretching out her back and her arms before standing up. Brittany caught a look at herself in Santana's mirror and her hair looked tousled... _like I just had sex._ Brittany pushed the thought out of her head, because they didn't have sex. They just kissed…. _a lot._

Brittany pulled her hair up into a messy bun before quietly exiting Santana's room. Much to her relief she could hear Santana and Rachel talking downstairs in the kitchen, so she headed down to join her roommates.

"There's the sleepy head!" Rachel cheered from the kitchen, her voice immediately ringing loudly in Brittany's head.

"Ugh, coffee first Rach." Brittany groaned as she headed over to the coffee pot. Santana was sitting on the stool at the counter and gripping her own coffee mug, and Rachel was standing across from Santana eating a bowl of cereal.

"Santana was just telling me about your wild night," Rachel said suggestively, causing Brittany to turn around mid-pour and look over at both of them.

"About the bar and all of the shots we did," Santana said quickly, giving Brittany a look to breathe.

"Oh yeah," Brittany laughed, putting some milk in her coffee and taking a big sip. "That was fun."

"Was there more wild shenanigans I missed out on?" Rachel asked, looking between the two.

"No, the drinks were enough. Then we just came back and watched FNL in my room," Santana shrugged, taking a quick glance at Brittany who just swallowed thickly and nodded.

"Aw I love that show, I want to watch with you!" Rachel pouted and Brittany couldn't help but laugh considering how little watching her and Santana actually did. Santana must have known what Brittany was thinking because she smirked at the blonde over the rim of her coffee cup.

"Sure, Rach. Next time we watch down here we'll have you join. We just didn't want to wake you up last night," Santana said, seemingly picking her words wisely. "Brittany gets a little loud when we watch together." Brittany's eyebrows shot up and she opened her mouth to say something, but couldn't come up with a quick enough response.

"Loud?" Rachel asked, confused.

"I'm really into football, whatever." Brittany said quickly and shrugged, but gave Santana a playful glare who smiled back. "Clear eyes, full hearts-"

"Can't lose!" All three of them said loudly at the same time.

Rachel finished up her yogurt and threw it in the garbage quickly. "I have to get ready for a meeting. Santana, your friends are coming this weekend right? Are we all going to hang out together or are you guys just going to do your own thing?"

Brittany had completely forgotten about Santana's friends staying for St. Patrick's Day and her eyes looked over to Santana to answer Rachel's question.

"I want us all to hang out for sure," Santana nodded, taking a quick sip of her coffee. "I want them to get to know you," Santana looked directly at Brittany before adding, "Both of you guys...and Kurt!" Rachel nodded along and smiled. "I mean you already met Quinn, but some of my other friends."

Brittany had heard stories about all of Santana's friends that she grew up with. The stories were a bit all over the place, and she didn't always get the best impression of them, but Santana talked about them constantly and she wanted to give them the benefit of the doubt.

"Sounds good. Okay ladies,I will see you later," Rachel said happily as she headed out of the kitchen, leaving the two quietly drinking their coffees, stealing glances at each other.

After a few moments of quiet coffee drinking, Brittany cleared her throat. "I should start getting ready for my classes," Brittany took another big sip of her coffee before moving to rinse her mug out in the sink. As Brittany turned the water on she felt hands wrap around her waist, and Santana putting her head on Brittany's shoulder.

"Last night was fun," Santana whispered, causing Brittany to stop cleaning her mug and just try and catch her breath.

"It was," Brittany nodded and brought one of her hands down to Santana's on her stomach.

"I like watching Friday Night Lights with you," Santana pressed further into Brittany. "And how into football you get," Santana joked and started to kiss Brittany's neck softly. Brittany took a deep breath and then turned in Santana's arms, leaning against the counter.

"I am not loud," Brittany rolled her eyes and crossed her arms. Santana laughed and pulled Brittany's arms down and around her.

"I'm sorry," Santana said sweetly. "You're not. It was the best I could do." Santana shrugged playfully.

Rachel's door opened and Santana immediately jumped away from Brittany, causing Brittany to immediately notice how Santana tensed a bit. But when Rachel went into the bathroom, Santana went back a step closer to Brittany.

"Are we going to watch FNL when your other friends are here?" Brittany asked, watching Santana closely, hoping the Latina would know what Brittany was actually asking: _are we going to make out some more when your friends are here?_

"I mean you have to see if the Panthers win State," Santana said playfully. Brittany rolled her eyes and gave Santana's arm a little shove.

"You know what I mean."

"I know, I know," Santana looked down at the ground. "That's our business right? Not my friends, not Rachel's. It's our...:" Santana paused and then looked back up at Brittany and grabbed her hand. "...friendship. No one has to know, right?"

There was that feeling in the pit of Brittany's stomach all over again. There was that voice yelling _Danger!_ All over again. But then there was the way Santana pulled her closer last night and told her _Stop thinking._ The way Santana's lips felt against her own.

_Stop thinking._

So that's exactly what Brittany did as she took a deep breath and smiled back at Santana.

"You're right," Brittany nodded. "No one has to know."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song: We're Not Friends by Ingrid Andress


	15. Long Shot

_I've been lookin' for a long shot_

_I've been aimin' high_

_Guess I've always known_

_I'd be lookin' on my own_

_For a second, I thought I found it tonight_

_You said I was a long shot_

_You were probably right_

_And I don't wanna leave_

_But I got places I wanna be_

_And this heavy love, I gotta leave behind_

**March 2012**

"And 5-6-7-8," Brittany said to her class practicing a routine in front of her. They were the intermediate group and had a spring recital coming up in a few weeks. She was watching their moves closely, but her mind was elsewhere.

At some point this week she was going to be getting an email from AmeriCorps about her application she submitted last week. During her breaks from her classes, she was obsessively checking her phone. Every so often she would get a notification, but it was usually just Santana telling her funny things that were happening at work, which was a nice distraction.

The song and routine were winding down. The group looked good, but not great. Brittany knew they had been working hard and didn't want to discourage anyone. "Good job everyone," she clapped as they finished. "We're getting there. I think a few more tweaks here and there with the choreography and we'll be recital ready!." The class started heading out to the hallway to get water. Most of them thanked her for the class and Brittany gave them all a high five and smiled.

Resisting the urge to check her phone, Brittany took a breath in the empty studio and began to run through the routine, trying to find the missing pieces. Her body moved through the choreography flawlessly, like always, and she found herself lost in the music. She was so in tune with her dancing that she didn't notice the door creak open.

"That looks good Britt," a voice from behind her called, causing her to stop completely and turn to see Matt smiling as he leaned against the door.

"Oh hey, you scared me!" Brittany said lightly as she went to turn the music off.

"Sorry," Matt said as he pushed himself off the door. "I saw your class ended and thought I'd stop by."

Brittany felt a little guilty. She hadn't been purposefully avoiding Matt the last few weeks. She just got busy with work, her application, her other friends, Santana...the time just escaped her. She never meant to completely ignore Matt though. Afterall, he was a friend and someone she worked well with.

"It's fine," Brittany waved him off quickly. "I'm actually just trying to figure out this choreography for the recital. It's missing something. I can't put my finger on it."

"Want another pair of eyes?" Matt was a really good dancer and she usually would get his feedback and vice versa.

"That would be perfect," Brittany beamed and quickly went to turn on the music to go through the routine again.

They went through the routine a few times together. Matt offered some good suggestions to make the moves flow a little better. "That feels better," Brittany said as she shut off the music and wiped some sweat off her brow.

"Happy to be of service," Matt laughed, tipping an imaginary hat. "But really, I'm just happy to spend some time with you." Brittany's guilt immediately kicked back in, seeing the shy side of Matt. "I feel like you kind of disappeared and I thought I made things awkward for you...you know...because…"

"I'm sorry," Brittany interrupted, but said sincerely. "I honestly just got so busy. I didn't mean to make you think you did something wrong."

Matt quickly smiled. "Well that's good to hear. I didn't want to lose my work buddy. Plus, I still like you." He shifted awkwardly a bit and Brittany found his shy demeanor sweet. She thought quickly how she never really gave him a fair shot, and she did like him, even if it was just as a friend.

"We should hang out," Brittany thought of, hoping that would ease some of her guilt.

"What are you doing for St. Patty's Day this weekend?" Matt asked, not to waste any time at all

"My friend, Santana, is having some of her friends in from out of town and we're all going out that day," Brittany reminded herself of the upcoming plans with Santana and her friends that she had been somewhat anxious over. "You should meet up with us though!" Brittany thought that would be a good, low-stakes situation for her and Matt to be in.

"Yeah maybe. Finn and I were trying to come up with some stuff to do. I'd love to see you at some point, and I'm sure Finn would like to see Rachel again."

"Oh yeah, Finn! He and Rachel are still texting, right?"

Matt nodded. "Last I heard," grinning about it.

"Well, I think Santana and her friends were planning on hitting up the bars right around when the parade starts," she laughed while recalling how Santana explained to her that they were planning on starting to drink right at 8am.

"Oh boy, that'll be a long day," he laughed. "Sure you can squeeze me in with all that?" His tone shifted a bit more seriously. Brittany felt a blush creep up on her face. She wasn't always great at detecting flirting, but recent events with Santana made her a little more confident.

"I'll make time," she replied surely.

Matt was about to respond when her phone loudly alerted her from across the room to a new notification. "Sorry, I have to get that. I'm expecting a call." Brittany ran to her bag and pulled out her phone, holding a breath without noticing. She immediately released her breath when she saw it was Santana who sent a picture of herself covered in spaghetti sauce.

**Santana (2:45pm): Some bitch spilled their plate on me. Fuck everything.**

She started laughing and responded quickly **Brittany (2:45pm): Well i for one think you look cute. I like 'em saucy.**

She didn't even hear Matt ask her something. "B?"

"Oh, sorry. What'd you say?" Brittany asked quickly and glanced up from her phone.

"I just asked if it was who you were expecting?"

Brittany's phone beeped again with Santana's response.

**Santana (2:46pm): Well maybe I'll leave all the sauce on for when you see me after work…**

Brittany's breath caught. "Uh...yeah…" she mumbled to Matt looking at her phone.

"Well I'll let you go. See you this weekend?"

Brittany looked up, still distracted and trying to think of what to say back to Santana. "Yeah, see you then."

All thoughts of Matt and his flirting and her guilt completely erased with thoughts of Santana.

/

Brittany finished up her last class of the day and then headed out to meet up with Kurt for some drinks and an early dinner. Since Kurt moved out and he had his relationship with Jason that he was focusing on, the two friends hadn't really seen each other as frequently as they would like. So when Kurt asked her to meet up for some drinks to discuss the upcoming weekend and catch up, Brittany jumped at the opportunity.

Kurt was already waiting for her at a table when she strolled into the restaurant, Kurt and his impeccable taste, had picked out for them in the Village. It was near Brittany's dance studio and Kurt's job at a fashion house. "Kurty!" Brittany skipped over to the table where Kurt was sitting. He got up and gave her a big hug.

"Britt! I feel like it's been forever."

"I know, things have been busy. But you know I always will make time for my unicorn." Brittany took a seat across from Kurt and took a sip from the water in front of her. "Did you order yet?"

"No, I was waiting for you," Kurt shook his head. They picked up the menus and started talking about the drink options and some appetizers. Once they decided on what to order, they set their menus down and got right to the good stuff. "Okay, what's the dirt? What horrible antics have Rachel been up to?"

"Kurt that's mean," Brittany laughed. "She hasn't been too bad. Just busy with rehearsals for a show she's been working on. There is a guy she's been flirting with since New Year's."

"Ooh do tell," Kurt leaned against the table, suddenly very interested.

"He's Matt's roommate. He's tall. I think there's been some smooching going down. I have to get more details from her." Brittany explained

"Good for Rachel, she hasn't gotten any in awhile."

"Maybe it'll lighten her up a bit," Brittany nodded.

"Speaking of getting any. What's been going on with you in that department? I haven't heard anything since a brief text about Matt."

With the thought of answering the questions truthfully, Brittany thought about telling Kurt about her hooking up with Santana frequently. Afterall, if anyone could help her with confusing feelings about a member of the same sex it would be Kurt. But then there was the idea that if she said it out loud, all of this would be real, and maybe the advice would be something she didn't want to hear. Maybe she'd be forced to think about things with Santana differently and it would all be over. As confused and torn as she was, she liked the little bubble her and Santana had created for themselves.

While she was lost in her thoughts the waitress came by and they ordered their food and drink. "A cosmo, and a margarita for my beautiful friend here," Kurt ordered for the two of them smiling at the waitress. "Okay, back to where we were. You and Matt. What's the update?"

"He and I talked today actually," Brittany answered, deciding to stick to the facts on hand and not talk about Santana just yet. "I had kind of been avoiding him a bit, but he helped me with this dance I have been working on and was really nice."

"So you are into him?" Kurt asked with a quirk in his eyebrow. Brittany had last told Kurt that she wasn't sure if she was actually into him, and she knew she couldn't really pull one over him.

"Well, he's nice," Brittany shrugged. Before Brittany could hear another earful from Kurt the waitress came over with their drinks.

"To nice boys," Kurt lifted his glass up to Brittany's and they both took sips. "Britt, we've been through this before. You can't just get with a guy because they're nice. There needs to be feelings, you know?"

Brittany had a reputation for stringing along guys who paid her compliments or were kind to her, even if there was nothing else that made them all that interesting to her. Kurts words about feelings were echoing in her mind though, she did have feelings for someone. It was just Sanana, not Matt.

"I know, I know. But this is different. We do get along really well. He was a good kisser," Brittany paused thinking about their brief kissing. "From what I remember."

"Britt…" Kurt warned.

"I just feel like I owe him a bit. I've kind of ignored him for a bit," Brittany explained.

"Owe him?!" Kurt practically shrieked. "Despite some questionable decisions at times, you're not a prostitute Britt. You can't just be giving the goods away as favors."

"That's not what I mean. I just don't think I even gave him a chance, which you know I have a tendency to do." Brittany said, taking another long drink from her margarita. "God, this is good."

"You're right, you do. You close people off right at the pass without even seeing what they're like," Kurt agreed, drinking delicately from his cosmo. "So when is nice guy Matt getting his second chance with you?"

"He asked if we could hang out this weekend at some point during all of the St. Patrick's Day stuff, so we'll see," Brittany shrugged as their food was brought over.

"Oh my god, this weekend. Wait, we have to discuss!" Kurt and Brittany began to eat their food as they started to discuss the weekend plans. "So what's the tea on Santana's friends that are coming? You know them, right?"

Brittany shrugged, chewing on her food, and swallowing. "Well you know Quinn, we've met her. The others live out of town. There's Kitty, Kylie, and Anne."

"Sounds like a weird girl group."

"I know," Brittany laughed. "I've heard some stories about them all. They've been friends since high school or before then. Kind of like us."

"And?" Kurt asked, wanting more information. Brittany shrugged in return, knowing Kurt could tell she had an opinion.

"I don't know, I've told you I'm not a Quinn fan," with that Kurt nodded at her. "From what I hear the others are just like her." Brittany sighed, putting her drink down. "I guess I should probably give them a chance too. It can be the weekend of second chances," she laughed a little listlessly. "From what San's told me, they just seem to use her, and kind of make fun of her at times. I don't really get it. They just don't seem like great friends."

"Well, maybe they're not all like Quinn. I mean, you like Santana right?" Brittany choked on her drink a little bit with Kurt's question. "You're her friend, so you probably have more in common with her friends than you think."

"Yeah, I like her," Brittany nodded, clearing her throat a bit. "I guess we'll find out in a couple of days." Kurt nodded, and Brittany waved him off. "Enough about me. How are you and Jason?"

Kurts entire face lit up at the mention of his boyfriend. He began to describe all of the dates they have gone on recently and how serious they were becoming. Brittany loved seeing Kurt so happy and in love. There was a small twinge of jealousy in the pit of her stomach, as she wondered if she would ever really have that same feeling for somebody. Her mind went to the way her stomach flip flopped even just at the mention of Santana, but she pushed that feeling aside quicker than it even started. She then went back to watching Kurt smile and describe his relationship, and the two spent the next hour or so gossipping and giggling, just like old times.

/

The next morning was a Tuesday and Brittany had a late class so she was drinking her coffee in the kitchen and reading a book. Santana was still asleep, and Brittany could hear Rachel moving around in her room. Before Brittany could fully enjoy the quiet, Rachel opened her door. "Well good morning Brittany!" Rachel cheered and headed over to Brittany at the counter. "I feel like we never see each other anymore."

"We live together, Rach. We see each other at least daily," Brittany said monotonously, knowing it would annoy Rachel.

"I know, but it's like we are ships in the night passing each other by," Rachel said as she poured herself a mug of coffee and got her soy milk from the fridge. "You saw Kurt yesterday, correct?" Brittany nodded.

"He says hi by the way."

"He's going to meet up with us on Saturday?"

"Him and Jason probably."

Rachel pulled a stool over to the counter to sit across from Brittany. "I love him and Jason together."

"Me too," Brittany sighed. "They're really good together." The two settled into a comfortable quiet as they sipped their coffees before Brittany broke the silence. "Speaking of couples, what's the deal with you and Matt's roommate?" She smirked a little bit as she saw Rachel freeze her hand with the coffee in it and a little blush crept up on the brunettes cheeks.

"Oh, nothing," Rachel spit out quickly.

"Bullshit."

"I don't know, we've been talking. He's polite and respectful. We'll see."

"Good for you, Rach," Brittany smiled at her friend proudly. "Matt said he and Finn might meet up with us on Saturday at some point." Rachel smiled, but tried to hide it behind her coffee mug.

"Matt, huh?" Rachel raised an eyebrow and Brittany, who quickly rolled her eyes. "I'm just kidding around. But this weekend should be fun regardless." Brittany nodded and went back to her coffee. "Any word on that application you sent?" Brittany shook her head. "Well I'm sure you're a shoe in. Any program would be happy to have you," Rachel said optimistically. Brittany couldn't help but smile at her friend. Rachel had always encouraged and believed in Brittany, no matter what.

"We'll see. It was always a long shot, so even if I don't get it, I'm happy I at least tried," Brittany said truthfully. "Plus, if I got accepted I'd have to move and then you'd be left all alone with Santana. I don't know if I would trust you two together," she joked.

"Despite her teasing, Santana and I get along just fine. We'll survive without you, even though I don't want to," Rachel added the last part quickly. "I do want you to succeed though. No matter how it turns out." Rachel looked at the clock on the microwave. "Oh I have to get going to rehearsal." Rachel jumped off her stool. "I'm so glad we got to catch up." Rachel hurried off to her room to change. Brittany smiled at Rachel as she left, feeling grateful for all of her friends in her life.

An hour later and Rachel had left while Santana still slept. Brittany was in her room on her laptop scrolling through Twitter when she got an email notification. It was from AmeriCorps, and Brittany's heart caught in her throat. She took a deep breath before clicking the email open.

**Reminder that all applications require a peer reference before they can be submitted for final acceptance.**

_Peer reference_ , Brittany repeated the words in her head. _I didn't submit a peer reference_. Brittany read through the email again where it explained that the reference should be by a friend or colleague, someone who knew her, that could write about her character and why she would be a good fit for the program. Brittany could feel her stress levels rising as she thought of who could write a letter for her under short notice. According to the email it had to be in within 48 hours.

Brittany thought of Rachel and Kurt immediately, since they have known her for so long. _Rachel would write a glowing reference, but she's been so busy with rehearsals,_ Brittany thought. She knew Kurt would write a great letter too, _but he usually over thinks things like this. He would definitely need more than 2 days._ She sighed loudly, caught up in her own thoughts that she didn't hear Santana at her doorway.

"Good morning," Santana grumbled a little bit, clearly still sleepy. "What are you doing up this early?"

"11am is not that early San," Brittany laughed. Santana simply shrugged, crossing her arms over her chest, still in her t-shirt and sweats. "You sleep okay?" Brittany asked, knowing Santana had worked late at the bar last night.

"Eh, I got back here at like 3, I think," Santana yawned and walked into Brittany's room. Immediately sitting next to Brittany on the bed. "What are you up to?" Brittany was so focused on feeling Santana next to her that she had almost forgotten about the email in front of her, all of her stress sweeping over her once again.

"Ugh, I don't even want to talk about it," Brittany went to go shut her laptop, but Santana's hand stopped her.

"No, I saw it was something from AmeriCorps. Did you not get the position?" Santana asked, her voice laced with concern, and her other hand immediately going to rub Brittany's back.

"Apparently I need a peer reference, and I need one like now," Brittany sighed, frustrated. "I need a letter talking about how great I am by a friend within 48 hours or my application won't even get looked at."

"I'll do it." Santana said it so quickly that Brittany did a cartoonish double take look at her. "I mean, if you want me to. But I would be happy to help." Brittany felt flutters in her chest and stomach as she smiled at Santana. "I know we haven't known each other that long, and I'm sure you have a lot of people to pick from-" Brittany interrupted Santana's ramblings by embracing her in a tight hug.

"Thank you, thank you, thank you," Brittany whispered into dark hair.

"Anything for you, B," Santana whispered back.

The two pulled away from each other slowly, their faces still close. Brittany couldn't help but glance down to the lips in front of her, and without even thinking twice about it she kissed Santana softly. It was different from their other kisses. She felt like she was trying to tell Santana exactly how much the small gesture from the Latina meant to her. She brought her hand to Santana's cheek and brushed it softly with her thumb. When the kiss broke after a few more seconds she rested her forehead against Santana's. "Thank you," she whispered again. Santana removed her forehead from Brittany's and replaced it with her lips, causing Brittany to close her eyes.

"It'll be easy writing a whole letter about how amazing you are," Santana said after she pulled away to look into Brittany's eyes. The blonde couldn't help but blush, and tried to look away, but Santana grabbed her face and kept their eyes locked. "I mean it, Britt. You're amazing."

For the second time that day a friend was paying her a compliment. It wasn't like she didn't get compliments a lot from all kinds of people. But something in the sincerity of Santana's voice and the intensity of those brown eyes. It was like she only ever truly believed it once it came from Santana's lips. Brittany couldn't respond any other way than kissing Santana again, trying to encapsulate all of the feelings that were bubbling in her head into a simple kiss.

They kissed quietly like that for a few more minutes before Santana finally pulled away. "I should start getting ready for work. I have the lunch shift at the restaurant today," Santana explained and then brushed her thumb over Brittany's lips, wiping away Brittany's pout.

"Don't get spaghetti sauce spilled on yourself today," Brittany joked.

"I thought you liked me saucy?" Santana joked back as she headed to Brittany's door. "Send me what you need for the letter and I'll get it done by tomorrow."

"Will do," Brittany nodded and Santana began to head back to her room. "Hey San!" Brittany called and the Latina popped her head back in the door. "You're amazing too." She saw a faint blush appear on Santana's cheeks, and was quickly replaced with Santana' cocky smirk and shrug and she headed out again.

/

Brittany had sent Santana the email with everything the peer reference should contain. There was a separate email address that Santana could send the letter to, so Brittany wouldn't be able to read it. That didn't stop Brittany from asking Santana every 5 minutes on Wednesday if she could. "Not going to happen, Britt." Santana said as she finished typing it and Brittany tried to grab her laptop.

"How do I know you're not sabotaging me?" Brittany joked with a quirked eyebrow.

Santana just shook her head. "I'm mean, but not that mean. I think what I wrote was nice enough."

"Nice enough? That's not exactly giving me a lot of confidence here." Brittany frowned, but Santana playfully pushed her away.

"Get out of my room so I can proofread it and send it."

"You seriously won't let me read it?" Brittany frowned some more, but it didn't work on Santana who continued to shake her head.

"How about if you get accepted, then you can read it?" Santana paused as Brittany started to grin. "Maybe, we'll see how I feel."

"Whatever, it's a long shot that I'll get it anyway so I guess I'll never read it," Brittany stated grumpily.

Santana just rolled her eyes. "Shut up and let me finish."

Brittany finally caved and let Santana go back to her work. A few hours later Santana came into Brittany's room and told her the letter was finished. Brittany was grateful, but couldn't help but feel a little nervous. _Now it's officially time to wait._

The next night, Thursday, was officially Santana's turn to be the nervous wreck in the apartment. Brittany came home from her classes and was greeted with Santana vacuuming obsessively and a smell of cleaning bleach hitting the blonde like a wave. Before Brittany could even process she heard Santana yelling at her over the vacuum. "This place is a mess!"

Brittany looked around at her once seemingly organized and neat apartment, and it was now a disaster zone. "It is now," Brittany mumbled, thankful the vacuum was too loud for Santana to hear. Brittany went to go put her bag down, but noticed a bunch of cleaning supplies on the chair. Brittany looked at a clearly stressed Santana and took a deep breath. "You need help San?" Brittany called over the sound of the vacuum. Santana looked up, frazzled, but then relaxed and shut the vacuum off.

"Sorry, I just hadn't realized how messy this place was and my friends are getting in tomorrow, and I don't know how much time I'll have tomorrow after work and I didn't want to ask you and Rachel to help because they're not really your friends," Santana rushed out so quickly that Brittany only caught every other word.

"Let me just grab a shower and then I'll help you tidy up, okay?" Brittany responded calmly, which Santana immediately sighed out of relief. "Where's Rachel anyway?"

Santana rolled her eyes. "I think I scared her away a few hours ago, but she should be home soon." Brittany nodded and assured her she'd be back down to help in a few.

Once Brittany finished her shower and put on some sweats and a hoodie she came back downstairs to see Santana wiping down the counter in the kitchen.

"Alright clean freak, how can I help?" Brittany joked lightly, hoping it would ease some of the stress Santana was apparently feeling.

"Sorry, I don't know why I'm so stressed," Santana finally said, eyes still focused on the counter she was wiping.

"It's okay," Brittany said assuredly. "You just want things to be perfect for your friends, right?" Brittany understood that. She always liked to make everyone feel as comfortable as she could.

Santana simply shrugged in response. "They probably won't even care, or notice. I don't know, I just want them to have fun I guess. I haven't seen some of them in awhile."

Brittany nodded and started rearranging some of the furniture back in place that Santana had moved when vacuuming. "Well, let's make sure they do."

With that Brittany turned on the stereo and started dancing silly to make Santana laugh. Her master plan worked and the two spent the next hour fixing up the "mess" Santana made while dancing and singing along to 90s boy band music. When they were finishing up Rachel came back to the apartment and the three of them ordered a pizza, Rachel sticking with a salad. Despite all living together, they rarely have moments like this in the apartment due to all of them having different schedules. Brittany thought it was nice, and found herself hoping they could do this more often.

As she silently continued her day dream, Rachel brought her back to reality. "What time are your friends arriving, Santana?"

"Quinn and I are picking them up from the airport around 3, and then we're all coming back here," Santana stated as she swallowed her bite of pizza. "We'll probably just relax tomorrow night since we're going to get up early on Saturday for the parade." Rachel and Brittany nodded in agreement.

"Should be fun! I have a late rehearsal tomorrow, but I'm excited for Saturday!" Rachel said as she cleared her plate.

Santana quickly nudged Brittany with her foot and smirked. "Excited to hang with us or Finn?"

Rachel rolled her eyes at the pair. "I swear Brittany, is nothing sacred? Or do you tell Santana everything?" Brittany opened her mouth to defend herself forgetting she had mentioned to Santana about Finn, but Rachel cut her off quickly. "Did she tell you she also has a date with Matt on Saturday?"

Brittany glared at Rachel, while simultaneously wishing a hole would appear below her and evaporate her. She hadn't told Santana about Matt at all. She didn't think there was anything to tell. But something in the way that Santana quickly removed her foot from Brittany's told the blonde that maybe she should have said something earlier.

"It's not a date!" Brittany yelled, louder than intended.

Rachel shrugged. "I'm just saying." Brittany looked over at Santana who seemed to be focused on her pizza.

"Well if Brittany has a date with Matt then you have a date with Finn, whatever," Santana said, and if Brittany hadn't become keenly aware of Santana's voice she never would have heard the hurt that was laced in there.

"Neither of us have dates," Brittany said exasperated. "We are all hanging out together with your friends. We all will get drunk. Maybe at some point Matt and Finn will meet up with us to hang out as well. The end." Brittany got up to put her plate in the sink, and continued to glare at Rachel, who seemed to back down.

"I was just teasing Brittany, jeez." Rachel put her hands up in defense and then turned back to Santana. "Either way, I'm excited to hang out this weekend, with you guys and Finn. There, is that okay, Brittany?" Brittany rolled her eyes in response. "Well I'm heading to my room to read. See you ladies tomorrow night!"

Brittany watched Rachel head to her room and as soon as the door to Rachel's room closed she leaned her arms on the counter across from Santana. "It's not a date," She said quietly, but only received a shrug in response from Santana. "I don't know why I didn't mention him when I told you Finn was going to meet up with us. I just didn't think," Brittany continued to rush out, trying to get a glance at brown eyes, which seemed to have a laser focus on the plate in front of her. Santana just shrugged again and stood up to go to the sink and rinse her plate. "Are you mad?" Brittany asked as she turned to face Santana's back at the sink. She didn't see Santana's shoulders shrug again, and it made her nervous. "Hey, look at me," Brittany reached out and touched Santana's shoulder.

The Latina turned around and had a weak smile plastered on her face. "Why would I be mad, it's fine."

 _Fine_. Brittany hated that word.

"Fine isn't good," Brittany slipped out.

Santana shook her head, and crossed her arms defensively. "Whatever, I'm good. I'm not mad. It's fine."

_Fine._

"It's not a date," Brittany repeated. "He just said we'd meet up. I don't even like him like that. He's just my friend." Brittany wasn't sure where all of this was coming from. Just a few days ago she was telling Kurt she'd give him a chance. But suddenly, in this moment, all that mattered was how Santana felt about the situation, and making her understand.

"I don't care if it's a date, Brittany." Santana went to walk away out of the kitchen, but something about how Santana had called her her full first name made Brittany feel a hundred times worse. Brittany grabbed Santana's arm to stop her. The brunette froze, but continued to avoid eye contact with Brittany. "You can date him, it's okay." Santana said it so quietly, and like she didn't quite believe it herself.

"I don't want to date him," Brittany said it more confidently than she thought possible for herself.

 _I want to date you_.

The words were right there in her mind before she could even stop them from formulating. They didn't slip out of her mouth though, they were just right there in her brain and she couldn't put them back from wherever they came from.

"Okay," Santana whispered, still avoiding Brittany's eyes. Brittany tugged on her arm a little bit so that they were slightly closer and Santana couldn't avoid her.

"Okay?" Brittany asked, not sure what she was asking. _Were they okay? Was Santana okay?_

"Okay." Santana whispered again, looking directly in Brittany's blue eyes. Brittany wasn't sure what Santana's "okay" meant, but before she could ask, Santana reached for Brittany's hand that was already on her arm. "Let's go to my room," Brittany swallowed at the words and nodded. "We can watch something on my laptop."

Santana held Brittany's hand as they went up the stairs silently. When they got to Santana's room Brittany went right to sit on the bed as Santana shut the door and turned on her light on her nightstand. Santana sat next to Brittany on the bed and took the blonde's hands that she was nervously playing with in her lap. "Do you want to watch something?" Santana whispered, pulling Brittany's hands apart and lacing their fingers together again.

Brittany shook her head without a second thought and turned her head to meet Santana's before her thoughts caught up with her actions. Brittany's lips found Santana's quickly and her free hand went to Santana's face pulling the brunette even closer. When her mouth opened and she pushed her tongue into Santana's mouth, the moan that escaped Santana's pushed her even further. She broke away from Santana's lips and started to kiss her cheek and then down to Santana's lips, loving the way that she could feel Santana's breath quicken.

"God you're so good at that," Santana whispered.

"Good at what?" Brittany whispered out in between kissing Santana's skin, feeling hot to the touch as she moved to her throat. When she felt Santana's hand move into her hair she felt even more alive.

"All of it," Santana moaned, causing Brittany to feel the vibration of her voice in the part of her throat she was sucking on. Brittany just hummed in response and started to push Santana down by her shoulders so that she was lying down on her bed, with Brittany hovering over her. Brittany's lips continued their assault on Santana's neck, and Brittany loved feeling the Latina squirm underneath her.

She felt Santana's hands move from her neck to down her back and back up again. Brittany still had her sweatshirt on and everything felt too warm and too much. Santana's hands moved down to her waist and the next time they moved back up Brittany's back, they brought her sweatshirt with them. Brittany quickly removed the sweatshirt and threw it somewhere on the floor. She went right back to Santana's lips and pushed her tongue into Santana's mouth getting another quick moan.

Just like Brittany's lips, Santana's hands seemed to have a mind of their own as they started to creep under the blondes t-shirt. Brittany feeling Santana's hands on her skin suddenly felt even warmer than she did with her sweatshirt on. Santana's hands kept going up and down her back, and when they started to move toward her sides grazing her bra-less breasts, Brittany lost her breath and had to pull away from Santana's lips. They rested their foreheads against one another, both breathing heavily.  
Brittany was still holding herself up by her arms over Santana and the Latina's hands were still rubbing her back up and down underneath her shirt. "You okay?" Santana finally broke the silence outside of their breathing. Brittany could only nod in response. "Guess we won't be able to do that for a few days, huh?"

Brittany was broken from her trance and Santana must have noticed that she popped the imaginary bubble they were in, because she rubbed gently at the small of Brittany's back. "Sleep here tonight?" Santana asked, looking up at Brittany above her. And Brittany couldn't resist. She could never resist.

"Of course," Brittany kissed Santana's forehead and rolled off of her to lay facing the brunette. Santana's hand moved from the small of Brittany's back to her waist and traced little patterns with her fingertips against the skin there. Brittany noticed how Santana was looking down, at nothing in particular, and knew she was thinking of something by the way she was biting her bottom lip.

After a deep breath a whisper came out from Santana. "I'm going to miss cuddling with you this weekend." The way she paused at the word "cuddling" and the weight behind it was not lost on Brittany.

"We can still cuddle," Brittany said playfully, scooting closer to Santana and putting her hand on Santana's hip. Santana looked up through her long lashes and gave her a smirk that said _really?_ "Just no funny business cuddling."

"Funny business cuddling," Santana laughed. "Yeah, none of that for a few days."

"Think you can survive a whole weekend without the funny business?" Brittany asked jokingly, but she also desperately wanted to hear what Santana would say.

Santana looked back up at her, Brittany losing herself in brown eyes, wishing she could read minds so badly. She wouldn't get her answer though, she just felt Santana's leg slip through her own, tangling their legs together and causing their bodies to be flush to each. Santana leaned her head up and brought her lips to Brittany's gently.

Santana brushed the hair out Brittany's face when she pulled away, looking into Brittany's eyes.

"Shh," Santana hushed, putting her finger to Brittany's lips. "Let's just enjoy the funny business." Brittany smiled into Santana's finger and they fell asleep entangled in each other after a few more long kisses.

/

When Brittany woke up the next day, Santana had already left for work. Brittany had been so tired she hadn't even realized that Santana had left the bed this morning, but smiled when she saw a note scrawled on scrap paper on the nightstand.

_Had some errands to run before work. See you later! Xoxo S_

Brittany stretched her arms above her head and took in Santana's room for the first time in awhile. Santana had set up more pictures than the last time she looked at the room, some were from high school, others were from college, and she couldn't help but smile when she saw some of her and Santana that the two had taken over the last few months. There were a lot of Santana and Quinn, and some of what she had learned were the other friends from Ohio that were coming today.

 _Kitty, Kylie and Anne_ , she rattled the names off in her head as she looked at their smiling faces back at here. _Let's see how this goes this weekend_ , Brittany thought as she swung her legs out of the bed.

Brittany had back to back classes today until 5pm, and she unintentionally stayed up late with Santana, so her body was achey throughout the whole day. Despite all of the stretching, she felt off during her classes. It wasn't until her intermediate class started working on the new choreography that she and Matt came up with on Monday, that she started feeling like herself. "Looking great guys!" Brittany cheered as they finished up their dancing. She looked at the clock on the wall and saw it was almost time for Santana's friends to arrive and she wondered how it was going. She thought about texting Santana, but was interrupted by Matt walking in to take a peek at her class.

"They're looking a lot better, Britt," Matt said from next to her, startling her a bit.

"Jesus, you have to stop doing that," Brittany joked, grabbing her chest and then slapping his arm playfully. "They do, though. Seriously, thank you for your help."

"Happy to help," Matt shrugged. "We have a staff meeting today by the way. Holly wants to talk about the spring recital. That's why I stopped by. And to see you, of course." He winked and Brittany suddenly felt nervous as he put his hand on her shoulder.

_I don't want to date him. I want to date you._

The words echoed in her mind again. The words she said, and the ones she didn't say. The feeling of Santana feeling her skin on her back. The look she had in the kitchen last night.

"I didn't even realize Holly was here today," Brittany said, furrowing her eyebrows, trying to shake the feeling that Matt's hand felt wrong on her shoulder.

He gave it a little squeeze, "Well I'll see you at the meeting, good luck with the rest of your classes." Matt smiled at her before walking out of the room, and Brittany suddenly felt like the air went back into her lungs and she focused back on her class.

After a few more hours of teaching, Brittany was finally done for the day. She was high fiving her class and then grabbing her bag to head to her meeting. She pulled out her phone and only had a text from Kurt about he and Jason color coordinating outfits for tomorrow. She was disappointed there was nothing from Santana, but figured she was busy.

**Brittany (5:00pm): Hope your roommates appreciate how clean the loft is!**

She shot a quick text to Santana and then headed into her staff meeting. "Hey there Brittany!" Holly cheered. "Always a pleasure to see my second favorite blonde."

"I don't think it counts when you are your own first favorite blonde, Holly," Brittany joked as she went to find a seat at the conference table, Matt quickly patting the open one next to him. Brittany swallowed thickly, but sat down next to him.

"Okay let's talk recital, because just like the rest of you," Holly gestured to the small conference table of staff in front of her. "I plan to get rip roaring drunk to celebrate my Irish heritage this weekend."

The table all cheered and laughed and then they got right into game planning for the recital.

The meeting lasted longer than it should have. Holly's little tangents she liked to go on didn't help anything. As the minutes went on, Brittany was getting more and more impatient. She had worked all day and all she wanted to do was get home and start her weekend. She also wanted to make a quick getaway before Matt talked to her again, buying herself some more time. At some point in the middle of the meeting she peaked down at her phone and frowned when she realized Santana still hadn't responded.

When they had finally finished and all were getting ready to go, Matt stood at the table waiting for her.

"I was going to chat with Holly for a bit," Brittany lied, sort of, as she gestured to Holly.

"I can wait if you want?" Matt offered politely, and Brittany felt that twinge of guilt again.

"It's okay," Brittany shook her head. "I'll text you tomorrow with where we end up after the parade?"

Matt beamed back at her, "Awesome. Can't wait." He gave her hand a squeeze and headed out. When Brittany turned around she saw Holly staring at her with an eyebrow raised.

"What in the awkward fresh hell was _that_ interaction?" She asked with her arms crossed. Holly was always hard to pull one over on, and could always read Brittany like a book.

"Nothing, we're hanging out tomorrow," Brittany shrugged, looking around at the now empty conference room.

"And why do I get to play your decoy so you can avoid hanging out with him now?"

_Damn she's good._

"You're not my decoy…" Brittany paused trying to think of an excuse. "I just wanted to chat. You're always busy!"

Holly narrowed her eyes at Brittany. "You know I'm never too busy for you. Quit avoiding."

Brittany rolled her eyes and put her bag back on the table. "It's nothing, Matt likes me. We kissed. We're seeing each other this weekend. I don't know how I feel. End of story."

"Sounds like there's a bit more to the story," Holly pushed back, but saw that Brittany wasn't going to give any other details so she uncrossed her arms and looked at Brittany softly. "You know if you ever need to talk I'm here Britt?" Brittany nodded. "You always reminded me of myself. So I really do have a soft spot for you."

"I know, it's really not a big deal," Brittany assured, but for a minute she thought this was an opening where she could finally talk to someone about Santana. As she tried to form the sentences in her head, Holly interrupted.

"Have you ever heard back from that job opportunity for next year?"

"No," Brittany groaned. She looked down at her phone telling her the time: **5:25pm**. "I was supposed to hear today, so I'm guessing it didn't work out." Brittany tried to curb the disappointment in her voice and shrugged. "It was a long shot anyway. Plus if I got it I might not even take it, I mean I'd have to move and leave here and leave...people."

Holly smiled at her sympathetically. "There's still time." Brittany just shook her head and went to pick up her bag to head home. "Well let me know if I need to find a replacement for my best teacher next year, okay?" Brittany nodded and gave a small laugh.

"I'll see you next week, have a good weekend," Brittany said as she headed to the door of the conference room. "Thanks for everything, Holly."

"Britt?" Holly called as Brittany got to the door. "Sometimes those long shot chances come when you least expect it or even want it. Don't sell yourself so short." Brittany smiled at her mentor. "And here," she waved around the empty room, "Will always be waiting for you when you come back." Holly paused as she looked at Brittany sincerely. "So will all the people."

Brittany nodded once again, understanding her mentor was trying to make Brittany see the big picture, and headed out of the studio gripping her phone tightly; willing it to notify her of her acceptance or rejection, or even just a text from Santana to distract her.

/

It was another hour and half before Brittany was climbing the steps to the loft.

The subway had delays. She had to sit through a noisy ride of drunken college girls screaming at the top of their lungs, and not even the music blasting through her headphones was working to tune them out. Her body was beyond achy now and the more minutes passed that she didn't hear anything about her application or a response from Santana, the more annoyed she got. Naturally when she arrived at her building, the elevator was broken. So she trudged up the steps, feeling her muscles groan each time they walked up a step.

 _Couldn't even email to tell me I didn't get it..._ she grumbled in her head.

It wasn't until she reached the 5th floor and headed to her loft, fishing the keys out of the bottom of her bag, and hearing loud yelling from behind her apartment door that she remembered: Santana's friends had arrived.

There was music blasting, and lots of laughter, and Brittany knew she would have to put on a smile. All she wanted to do was get to her room, shower, and go to bed. She had even had a daydream about crawling under her blankets after a hot shower while she was on the subway ride from hell.

She got her keys and took a calming breath. She made a mental note to be friendly and nice, to make a good impression with Santana's friends. _Just say hi, be nice, and go to your room._ She tugged the headphones out of her ear, so she didn't seem rude, putting her iPod back in her bag and pushed the key in the door, opening the door.

Brittany saw a group of three women she didn't recognize and two she knew sitting around her living room, glasses of wine and several bottles all over the coffee table. They were all engrossed into whatever the conversation was that no one heard Brittany open the door.

"Do you remember the junior year field trip to the history museum?" one of them asked, and Quinn and Santana screeched in laughter. Aside from the obnoxiousness of the noise, it also sounded so foreign. Santana had a specific laugh, that Brittany knew well. This sounded...different.

"Oh my god, was that when we pranked Santana on the bus and she got detention?" Quinn asked, causing more uproarious laughter from the other three. Brittany, from her spot by the door could see Santana shift uncomfortably and didn't miss her subtle eye roll.

She used the moment to walk further into the loft, clearing her throat a little bit as she got closer to them.

"Britt! You're home!" Santana cheered from her spot on the floor. The three girls on the couch turned simultaneously and looked Brittany up and down. "Girl, this is one of my roommates, Brittany."

"Are you the one from NYADA?" The blonde on the couch asked, that Brittany figured out from photos Santana had shown her was Kitty.

Brittany shook her head and went to respond, but Santana beat her to it. "No that's Rachel. She's at rehearsal now. Brittany's the one from NYU, the dancer."

 _The dancer. The one from NYU_.

It seemed like the way someone would describe a total stranger. All three nodded slowly, almost all understanding something that Brittany wasn't privy to. "Britt this is Kitty, Kylie and Anne," She pointed to the blonde and the two brunettes on the couch in order and then motioned to Quinn next to her. "And you obviously know this one."

Quinn arched a perfectly sculpted brow at Brittany. "Nice to see you again," Brittany nodded in response, playing with the strap of her bag on her shoulder.

"Nice to meet all of you, finally. I've heard so much. You three have a good flight?" Brittany asked politely, trying to ignore the feeling of Quinn glaring at her.

The three on the couch nodded, but didn't turn to face Brittany. "It was fine. Shitty turbulence, but nothing exciting." Kitty said as she sipped her wine.

"You always work so late, Brittany?" Quinn asked, sounding not at all concerned for Brittany's wellbeing.

Brittany once again got interrupted by Santana. "I didn't even realize the time," the brunette looked down at her watch. "What took you so long to get home?"

"Meeting with Holly and then the subway was a mess," Brittany explained, getting a sympathetic pout from Santana.

"That sucks, want some wine?" Santana asked, lifting one of the bottles from the table.

"I'm pretty beat, thanks though," Brittany tightened her grip on her strap seeing Kylie grab a bottle and mumble a "more for the rest of us" as she poured wine into the glass. "You all have fun."

"You coming to the parade with us tomorrow?" Anne asked her politely and actually turned to face Brittany.

"Yeah, I'll see you all in the morning," Brittany gave them all a little wave, getting a grin from Santana. She then turned to go upstairs, feeling her back ache and her head start to pound.

"Who was the guy we had ask Santana out to prom? The guy with the bowl cut?" Kitty asked, immediately going back to their conversation and causing more laughter.

"God that was embarrassing," Brittany heard Santana mumble, and she rolled her eyes at the unusual lack of confidence she could hear in Santana's voice.

Brittany made it to her bedroom and shut her door, wanting to slam it, but settled for shutting it and tuning out the noise of the laughter downstairs. She put her bag down and threw her phone on the bed as she got ready for her shower.

The second she got under the steaming hot water of her shower she could feel a days worth of tension release from her shoulders and back. She let the heat soothe her body and rubbed her face deeply. Brittany wasn't sure how long she was under the stream of the water; long enough for her fingers to start to prune.

She finally finished and dried herself off. When she got into her room she put her hair into a messy bun and threw on her sweatpants and a hoodie. When she was done she could hear the group downstairs still talking loudly and laughing. Brittany took a breath in and tried not to be crabby about it, since she knew they were Santana's friends who she hadn't seen in awhile. If she was being honest with herself, she would probably realize she was feeling a little jealous that Santana seemed to be having so much fun without her...or maybe she was still annoyed about her day and not hearing back about the AmeriCorps position.

Either way, when she sat on her bed and found her phone, seeing no new notifications, she sighed dramatically. "Oh well, tomorrow's another day," Brittany said to her empty room.

After plugging her phone into the charger on her nightstand, Brittany snuggled underneath her blanket at last. For the first time all day she felt truly relaxed and no longer on edge. She didn't even care what time it was or the noise from the group downstairs. She leaned over and shut her lamp off and let herself be pulled to sleep.

Brittany wasn't sure how long she was asleep for when she felt the bed dip behind her, and the blankets lift. Just as she was waking up and a feeling of panic started sweeping over her she heard a familiar raspy voice in her ear, "Shh, it's just me," Santana hummed and wrapped her arms around Brittany's waist from behind. Brittany automatically relaxed at the touch and the familiar feeling, and leaned back into Santana, not opening her eyes still.

"Mmm what time is it?" Brittany mumbled.

"Late," Santana whispered back. "Go back to sleep." Santana gave her waist a little squeeze and nestled into Brittany's neck.

"What about your friends?" Brittany asked, waking up a little more as she found Santana's hand on her stomach and intertwined their fingers.

"They're sleeping," Santana mumbled, and Brittany could tell Santana was falling asleep too by the rasp in her voice. Santana must have been able to sense Brittany opening her mouth and about to speak though, because soft lips were quickly pressed to the back of Brittany's neck. "I wanted to be with you," Santana whispered into Brittany's neck, pressing another kiss there.

Brittany felt warm, and her stomach was full of butterflies.

 _I want to be with you_. She repeated the words in her head. Any grumpy, annoyed thought she had at all that day was erased and she just focused on the feeling of Santana's breath on her neck and arms wrapped around her body. She drifted back to sleep, perfectly content and imagining falling asleep like this every single night for as long as she possibly could. She even found herself not caring about her application, because she could just go on doing this with Santana forever and that would be fine with her.

_I want to be with you._

Brittany and Santana drifted into such a deep sleep together that neither woke up when Brittany's phone on her nightstand lightly buzzed with an email notification from AmeriCorps reading:

**Dear Brittany Pierce, we are thrilled to offer you a position with us teaching on the Spokane Reservation in Washington this coming school year! Please respond by the end of the month with your decision.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> song by Transviolet


	16. St. Patrick

_And I need a miracle to get away from you_

_I know it's chemicals_

_and I need a miracle_

_And I'm not spiritual_

_But please stay_

_'Cause I think you're a saint and I think you're an angel_

**March 2012**

Brittany noticed a few things that Saturday morning when she woke up. First thing was that Santana was not snuggled up behind her like she was the night before. Second thing was that she could still smell Santana and the bed still felt warm, which told Brittany that Santana had not left her room that much earlier. Third thing she noticed was that she had a knot in her stomach. She wasn't sure why or what it meant. It was that gut feeling that made Brittany just feel slightly off. It was like a warning or that feeling you get where you feel like you're forgetting something important, but can't quite place it.

Despite the knot in the pit of her stomach, Brittany focused on the fact that Santana snuck into her room last night, and let that warmth of that knowledge spread through her body and form a large grin on her face.

_I wanted to be with you_.

There was smugness that overcame her. It evaporated all of the obnoxiousness of Santana's friends, all of the worry about what she was going to do about Matt today. All the annoyance about never hearing back about her application.

_I wanted to be with you._

Brittany stretched out her arms, pulled the blankets off of her and sat up in her bed. She reached over to her cell phone, still in the charger and checked the time **6:45am.** Brittany had never been a morning person, so she immediately groaned at the fact that she was up so early on a weekend. She noticed she had a few email notifications, and was just about to go check them when her door flew open.

"Good morning!" Rachel cheered loudly, causing Brittany to drop her phone on the bed.

"Jesus Christ, Rachel!" Brittany yelled, grabbing her chest. "Haven't you ever heard of knocking?" Brittany rolled her eyes when she saw Rachel dressed in all green, clearly ready for the day.

"I just wanted to come and make sure you were awake. We're all making breakfast downstairs, and-"

"Okay," Brittany quickly cut her off. "I'll be down in a minute. Is Santana down there already?" She tried to sound casual, just a small amount of curious, not giving anything away with why she would ask.

"She was the first one up I think," Rachel answered and shrugged as she headed out. "See you down there!"

Brittany rubbed her face and took a deep breath as she mentally prepped herself for the day, completely forgetting about the emails she was going to check before.

/

When Brittany came downstairs, Santana's friends and Rachel were all in the kitchen eating pancakes that Santana was making. Brittany was dressed simply in jeans and a green hoodie. Santana had a tight green t-shirt on and black pants that Brittany tried to ignore how they hugged the brunette in all of the right places. "Morning everyone!" Brittany greeted as she entered the room.

"Morning sleepyhead," Santana joked from the stove.

"Happy St. Patty's!" Kylie yelled, taking a big sip from a mug. "We're making Irish coffees, want one?"

Brittany couldn't remember if she ever drank this early before and the idea of it made her already knotted stomach twist a little bit, but she knew she decided to just go with it and enjoy the day.

"We have some mimosas too, if that's more your speed?" Quinn said from the counter as she sipped her own mimosa.

"Yeah, that sounds good. Thanks, Quinn," Brittany smiled politely and headed over to Quinn who poured orange juice and champagne for her. Brittany saw Rachel sipping on a mimosa and animatedly talking to Kitty and Anne.

"Here you go," Quinn handed her the glass and smiled back. "Have you ever been to the parade since you've lived here?"

Brittany shook her head as she sipped from her glass. "No, I usually go out later in the day. The crowds always seem too intense for me."

"Same, I hate tourists and crowds," Quinn agreed and Brittany smiled at her, happy that the two finally seemed to have some common ground.

"B you want some pancakes?" Santana called from the stove. She flipped some of the pancakes on a plate and Brittany went over to her, giving Quinn a smile.

Brittany took a pancake off the plate and took a bite of it. "These are good," Brittany said with a full mouth.

Santana rolled her eyes as she went back to her pancake mixing. "How attractive. Don't you want syrup on them?"

Brittany shook her head. "I'm good, don't want to get all sticky," she shrugged and took another bite out of her pancake. "You sleep okay?" Brittany watched as Santana's eyes darted to see if any of her friends were around and then put on a smile.

"I did," Santana nodded. "Did you?" She asked as she flipped another pancake. Brittany nodded.

"Started off kind of cold in my room, and then I got really warm," Brittany teased as she casually ate her pancake, seeing a blush creep up Santana's cheeks. Santana chuckled a little bit and then took a long sip from her mug. "Is that coffee or Irish coffee?"

Santana extended the mug to Brittany. "The Irish kind, want a sip?"

Brittany took the mug and took a small sip, the taste of whiskey making her cough a little bit. "Yum," Brittany stated, but her voice was full of disdain.

"Not a whiskey fan after all?" Santana laughed as she took the mug back.

Brittany shook her head. "Maybe just not this early," Brittany turned around and saw Santana's friends and Rachel all seeming to get along. "Your friends seem to be having fun." Brittany stated and Santana nodded in response.

"Today should be fun," Santana said as she finished the pancakes.

"We should do shots!" Kitty yelled to everyone.

Everyone, including Rachel, all seemed on board. Brittany looked at the clock on the oven and saw it was still only 7:30am. There was quickly a shot glass of whiskey pushed in front of her by Kitty.

"Happy St. Patty's everyone, cheers!" Kitty said as everyone raised their shot glasses to clink together.

Brittany felt Santana's eyes on her and she looked out of the corner of her eye as everyone began to take their shots. Santana gave Brittany a quick wink, and then took the shot flawlessly.

Brittany took a breath and brought the shot to her lips.

_Here goes nothing._

/

The group left their apartment shortly after the shots; Santana and her friends all grabbing flasks full of whiskey. Brittany opted out of a flask, already feeling a small buzz despite it not even being 9am yet. Rachel on the other hand seemed to be letting loose and being that she was always a bit of a lightweight, was already at full blown drunk from the shot, whiskey, and the sips of Santana's flask she had been taking.

They stumbled out of the subway from Brooklyn ending up in Midtown. Quinn had mapped out a spot where they could watch some of the parade from the sidewalk and then head right into some bars that would be open. Right away they were met with large crowds who were all heading in the same direction. Seeing Rachel falter a bit, Brittany grabbed her by the arm; realizing she would probably be on Rachel babysitting duty for a while. The group made their way through the crowds, Quinn taking charge and leading them without any issue. A few times she caught Kitty, Kylie and Anne getting distracted and Santana having to corral them so they didn't get separated.

After walking a few blocks out of the subway they ended up in a quiet section, right on the parade route and right outside of an Irish bar called McMurphy's. In the distance Brittany could hear bagpipes, a clear indication that the parade had started.

"This spot work for everyone?" Quinn asked the group.

"Perfect!" Santana cheered, somewhat more obnoxiously than Brittany has seen her act before. "You're the best Quinn!" Santana then gave Quinn a kiss on the cheek.

"Alright, no need to get all handsy San," Quinn rolled her eyes and Santana just shrugged and took a large drink from her flask. Brittany watched the interaction carefully and tried to gauge Santana's reactions but couldn't read her. She was also distracted with Rachel hanging onto her.

"This is so fun!" Rachel yelled into Brittany's ear, causing her to wince. "Where's Kurt?"

"I have to text him what block we're on," Brittany replied, taking out her cell and texting Kurt the block and how they were outside of McMurphy's. "Calm down, Rach, the parade hasn't even come by us," Brittany grumbled a bit as Rachel's jumping up and down was jostling her arm.

"Lighten up Britt," Rachel teased and got out of Brittany's grip to go chat with Santana's friends. Brittany couldn't help but eye roll when Rachel started to drink from one of their flasks.

"You okay?" Santana whispered into Brittany's ear from behind. Brittany felt her breath catch and tried to control herself from blushing.

"Yeah, just cranky," Brittany shrugged with a pout. Santana smiled goofily and handed Brittany her flask.

"Try this," Santana offered and Brittany took a small sip, trying not to cough from the taste. She handed Santana the flask back and received a quick wink in return, immediately causing Brittany to melt. Santana then went back to her friends.

Brittany watched as Santana's friends started to talk with a group of guys that were standing near them. Kitty seemed to be shamelessly flirting, and Anne and Kylie were talking to one of the guys and were laughing at everything he said. She saw Quinn push Santana to talk to one of them, and even from a few feet away, Brittany could tell Santana was tense.

"Is Kurt coming?" Rachel yelled, jumping in front of Brittany's line of vision.

"Who are those guys?" Brittany nodded behind Rachel, ignoring the brunette's question.

"I don't know. Kitty just started talking to them," Rachel shrugged. "Hey wait!" Rachel exclaimed, "Did you text Matt yet?"

"No, did you text Finn yet?" Brittany shot back, but just received a glare from Rachel. "I will, I will." Brittany resigned.

"What about Kurt?" Rachel asked again.

Brittany looked down to her phone to see if Kurt responded and was about to reply to Rachel when she heard a loud "Ask and you shall receive!" from behind her coming from Kurt and Jason.

Kurt, as predicted, was dressed in a kilt, a green top hat, and an elaborate looking plaid jacket. Jason, thankfully was just in a simple green jacket and khakis. "Kurt!" Rachel cheered and ran into his arms. Brittany opted to give Jason a quick kiss on the cheek.

"Good to see you again, Brittany. Rachel seems to be enjoying herself," he laughed and nodded over to Rachel who was excitedly telling Kurt all about the last few hours.

"Yes, Rachel drinking before noon is quite the adventure," Brittany laughed. "And look at you Kurt. You're like a leprechaun or something." She joked while pulling him in for a hug.

"Any excuse to wear a kilt, my dear," Kurt replied. "So where is Santana's gang? Are they horrible or were you being dramatic?"

"They are the best! They have flasks!" Rachel said, while jumping up and down. Jason and Kurt just smiling and nodding at her.

"Flasks, huh? The bar is really that low?" Jason joked.

"They're okay, I guess," Brittany shrugged.

"Well where are they so I can be the judge?" Kurt raised his eyebrows at Brittany expectantly.

Brittany turned around to point them out, but was met with an entirely different group of people

"They were-" Brittany started and then began to look around. "They were just here with some guys," She turned back to see Jason and Kurt looking confused. "Rachel did you see where they went?"

"We lost the flasks?" Rachel pouted and Brittany rolled her eyes.

"They were with these random guys," Brittany mumbled as she kept turning her head to spot them in the crowds.

"They couldn't have gotten that far, I'm sure they'll turn up," Jason replied assuringly. "Plus, in these big crowds it's always impossible to stick with a large group."

Brittany nodded. "Yeah...Santana wouldn't just leave me anyway."

"Maybe her friends might," Kurt mumbled, receiving a glare from Brittany.

Brittany sent Santana a text to see if she could track them down. After pushing from Rachel and Kurt, Brittany also sent Matt a text letting him know where they were so he and Finn could meet up. Matt replied quickly that they would meet up at the bar later on after the parade crowds die down.

The parade started to go by them, and Brittany was thankful to have Jason and Kurt around because they were helping with watching Rachel as she started to get more and more sloppy. Meanwhile, she kept searching around to see any sign of Santana and her friends, obsessively checking her phone. She felt the knot in her stomach growing, and Kurt's sympathetic looks were not helping anything.

As the parade started to wind down toward the end, Brittany started to lose hope. And her anxiety over Santana vanishing faded into frustration that Santana would just leave her.

"Rach has to pee, and we were going to head into the bar before it got too crowded with tourists," Kurt said, while Jason was practically holding Rachel up.

"Sounds good," Brittany nodded. "You guys head in, I'm going to try calling Santana, see if that works." Kurt nodded and gave her a sad smile. The three headed into McMurphy's, while Brittany pulled out her phone again.

Santana's phone only rang once or twice before someone was grabbing Brittany. "Well fancy seeing you here!"

Brittany looked up and gasped, "Oh my God, Cathy!" Brittany was pulled into a big hug by the older lady.

"Long time no see, missy. You get too cool to get coffee with me on Sundays?" Cathy joked.

"Never," Brittany replied instantly. "Just busy. I can't believe you're at the parade!" Brittany laughed.

Cathy shrugged. "It's tradition. I'm Irish. Can't help myself. You here by yourself?"

Brittany shook her head, "No my friends just went into the bar. You should join us!"

"Oh no," Cathy laughed. "I'm a little too old for that."

Brittany shook her and was about to reply when she was knocked into from behind and hands wrapped around her waist. Before the person even spoke, Brittany knew it was Santana by the smell of her perfume. "Brittany I found you!" Santana slurred loudly.

Despite the relief that Santana was not dead or kidnapped, she couldn't help but still feel annoyed.

"See what I mean? I'm a little too old," Cathy laughed.

Brittany shook her head and pulled away from Santana. "San, this is my friend Cathy," Brittany introduced, hoping Santana would pull herself together.

"Well hello there!" Santana said dramatically. "I'm Brittany's roommate! I didn't know Brittany had such mature friends," Santana joked and Brittany closed her eyes frustratedly at Santana's rude comment. Cathy just laughed and reached out her hand.

"Pleasure to meet you sweetheart. Looks like you're enjoying yourself," Cathy replied while shaking Santana's hand.

"Sure am!" Santana said with a laugh. "Let's go get some drinks, Britt." Santana slurred and tried to pull Brittany toward the bar.

"Don't be rude, Santana," Brittany replied sternly, moving her hand out of Santana's.

"Oh don't worry sweetie," Cathy waved Brittany off. "Go have fun with your friends. You only live once. Enjoy your youth." Cathy winked and gave Brittany another hug.

"I'm sorry about that," Brittany told her, but Cathy just shook her head.

"Go have a drink for me. Let's catch up soon though, okay?"

Brittany nodded and Cathy headed down the street away from the crowds. Brittany watched Cathy walk away, but felt Santana grabbing her hand again. "Come on, let's go get drinks," Santana urged, pulling Brittany into the bar that Rachel, Kurt, and Jason went into.

"Haven't you had enough already?" Brittany stated harshly, causing Santana to pause and look at her.

"What's wrong? You're not having fun?" Santana pouted.

"Well you took off for a while and then were really rude to my friend just now," Brittany pointed out.

Santana rolled her eyes in response. "I was with my friends, Britt. And I wasn't rude, I didn't know she was your friend." There was a small hint of sincerity in Santana's voice, and even though Brittany wanted to stay angry, her resolve melted the more Santana's eyes pleaded with her.

"Fine, let's go find everybody," Brittany sighed, earning a loud and obnoxious cheer from Santana.

When they got into the bar the pair was greeted with a large crowd. Santana gripped Brittany's hand tugging her through sweaty guys and toward a table in a corner where Kurt and Jason were sitting talking to Quinn. They reached the bar and Santana leaned into Brittany and brought her lips to Brittany's ears, sending chills down the blondes spine immediately. "You want a drink?" Santana whispered, and all Brittany could do was nod in return.

Brittany gave Kurt and Jason a little nod, not to interrupt their conversation with Quinn, who seemed to be enamored with Kurt's fashion experiences. Brittany glanced around to find Rachel who was doing some type of dance with Kylie and Anne. Not far from that group was Kitty with the guys from earlier, one was whispering into Santana's ear at the bar. Brittany tried to see her reaction, but could only see Santana throw her head back in laughter and had to look away.

Without much of a second thought, Brittany pulled out her phone and texted Matt.

**Brittany: You on your way soon?**

She hit send without even a second to over think. Within seconds her phone was buzzing.

**Matt: We're not too far! See you soon :)**

To even Brittany's surprise, she was a little excited to see Matt at this point. Given the fact that everyone around her was ignoring her or off doing their own thing, the idea of seeing a face she knew would be excited to see her was making all of the craziness of the morning seem a little worth it.

Brittany started to scroll through her phone seeing that she has some email messages she hasn't looked at yet. Just as she was about to pull open her email a tan hand wrapped around her waist and a beer was put in front of her on the table. "Still grumpy?" Santana whispered into her ear.

Brittany couldn't help but chuckle a bit. "Not grumpy," she said as she pulled the beer up to her lips. "Thanks for the drink."

"Of course," Santana replied and put her beer on the table next to Brittany's. Brittany was about to open up her mouth when Kitty came barreling towards them grabbing Santana.

"Oh my God San those guys we were talking to loved you, you have to come back," Kitty practically screeched causing Brittany to cover her one ear.

Out of the corner of her eye Brittany looked at Santana's reaction. Brittany could tell Santana was torn, and she even could sense a little bit of nervousness. Brittany wanted to intercede. She wanted to tell Kitty to back off and leave them alone. She wanted to take Santana back to their apartment and lock themselves away from the rest of the world.

"Well I don't want to leave Britt by herself," Santana replied quietly nodding her head toward Brittany as the blonde took another sip of her beer, fighting the urge to smirk triumphantly. Before she could smirk though, Kitty's voice ruined it.

"You see Brittany all the time. Come on San, live a little. One of those guys is really into you. What are you going to be virgin forever?"

Brittany nearly choked on her beer and she turned quickly about to speak up in defense of Santana. Before she could say anything, Santana put a hand on her arm, silently telling Brittany it was okay, despite the fact that the brunette looked mortified.

"Fine," Santana sighed, and started chugging from her glass. Once she finished most of her beer she turned to face Brittany. "You want to come?"

Something in Santana's eyes looked like they were pleading with Brittany, but Brittany's own disappointment and annoyance clouded her from feeling too much sympathy.

"No, I'm good," Brittany stated coldly and brought the beer back to her lips. She could see Santana's face soften and look disappointed. "Besides, Matt's on his way."

At the mention of Matt's name a flicker of hurt flashed through Santana's eyes and if Brittany wasn't feeling so bitter herself she would have immediately taken it back. But she didn't. Instead Santana just nodded and headed in the direction of the group of guys with Kitty.

Brittany started to drink more of her beer and before she knew it her glass was empty. Within no time Rachel appeared in front of her. "There you are! Come dance with us!" Rachel was a happy drunk, and despite feeling grouchy Brittany couldn't find much fault with Rachel. Brittany let her friend pull her onto the dance floor as 90s pop started to play and they started to sing along. Before she knew it, all of the tension from her conversation with Santana had dissolved and she even started to have fun with Santana's other friends Kylie and Anne.

After dancing for a while, Kurt and Jason had found them, with more drinks and for a brief moment Brittany had found herself forgetting completely about Santana. That was until a very drunk Santana appeared next to her, wrapping tan arms around her.

"Hey you," Santana whispered sloppily, causing Brittany to pull away and earn a quirked eyebrow from Kurt.

"We're all going to another bar, let's go." Santana said and began to tug Brittany by the arm, but Brittany held her ground.

"What do you mean 'we all'?" Brittany asked, looking around and seeing the guys Santana and Kitty were with, waiting by the tables. She watched Quinn round up Kylie and Anne, who obeyed immediately.

"All of us," Santana nodded behind to the guys and Kitty "Tommy knows a bar further downtown." Brittany wanted to ask who the fuck Tommy was, but she didn't want to waste her breath.

"I can't Matt and Finn are on their way," Brittany stated, suddenly even more grateful for Matt than she thought possible.

"Who cares about Matt," Santana said with a roll of her eyes and grabbed Brittany's hand.

Brittany, however, ripped her hand out from Santana, "I do. He said he was on his way and I'm not just going to bail for some guys I don't know." Brittany snapped, and she could feel herself getting upset.

She didn't often get this frustrated, or raise her voice. She wanted to blame it on the fact that it was barely noon and she was already tipsy. Or maybe it was Santana's friends getting on her last nerve. Maybe it could have been the fact that Santana was acting like a completely different person. Or maybe all of her confused feelings for Santana and their situation started to boil over.

"What is your problem?" Santana fired back. "You've been kind of bitchy all day."

"I haven't been a bitch, you're the one who has been drunk this whole time," Brittany spat.

"It's St. Patrick's Day, Brittany. Everyone is drunk," Santana rolled her eyes again and gestured to the bar full of people.

"Whatever, I'm staying. Go with your friends," Brittany turned to go back to Kurt and her other friends, but was stopped by Santana again.

"So you're ditching me for Matt?" There was something different in Santana's voice this time. It wasn't angry. It was disappointment and hurt. Her brown eyes were pleading with Brittany, but despite the tug at her heartstrings, Brittany wouldn't budge. "You don't even like him." Santana whispered the last part, and Brittany remembered Santana's words from the night before _I wanted to be with you_.

Brittany didn't want to fight anymore, and she was also aware that they were causing a scene, and maybe the fact that they were both a little drunk (especially Santana) made this not the appropriate time to be having this conversation.

"Just go with your friends Santana. I have to stay. I told him I'd meet him," Brittany said defeatedly but Santana's eyes kept pleading. "Just go and we can meet up later wherever you end up." She conceded, but some of the hope had returned to Santana's eyes.

"You're not mad at me?" Santana asked.

_Yes. A little._

"No, it's fine," Brittany shrugged. But it wasn't really fine. Her head was racing and she wasn't even sure why she was so annoyed. But at Brittany's words Santana jumped into Brittany's arms into a hug.

"Text me when he gets here and I'll let you know what bar we end up at, okay?" Santana said into Brittany's hair.

"Okay," Brittany said as she pulled away. Santana was beaming at her, and she found it hard to be too mad much longer.

Before Brittany could say anything else someone slammed into her back, causing her phone to fall out of her pocket and onto the bar floor. She turned around and saw Kitty behind her mouthing "sorry" and the bursting out into laughter.

"Whoops," Santana said with a guilty face. Brittany rolled her eyes and bent down to retrieve her phone. By the time she stood up Santana was being pulled to the door by Kitty. The laughing and Santana waving Brittany goodbye.

Brittany felt her frustration bubbling up again and even worse so when she flipped her phone over to see the screen was shattered and completely unable to use.

"You okay there sweetie?" Kurt asked sweetly from next to her. Brittany just showed her phone to him in reply. "Ouch," he winced sympathetically. "I was actually asking about you and Santana. You two looked like an old married couple bickering," He said it jokingly but he was giving her a knowing look. Brittany wanted to tell all at that moment but instead she decided to brush it off.

"It's fine. She just gets all mean girl-y when she's around her stupid friends," Brittany said as she pushed her broken phone back in her pocket.

"Clearly," Kurt nodded. "Nothing else going on though?" He pushed again.

Brittany took a breath and felt just how tired and confused she really was. Just as she was about to tell Kurt that her and Santana were engaging in some more than friendly behavior: Matt appeared behind Kurt. "There you are!" Matt yelled causing Kurt to practically jump out of his skin.

Despite all of her confusion, she was a little relieved to see a friendly face in Matt who quickly pulled her into a hug. "I tried calling you just now to try and find you," Matt said when they pulled apart. Brittany pulled out her broken phone to show him. "Ah, that explains why it went straight to voicemail," he chuckled. "You guys okay? Looked like I interrupted a serious conversation?" He looked between Kurt and Brittany. Kurt raised his eyebrows at Brittany but she just shook her head.

"Not at all," she said quickly. "Just happy we can have some fun now that you're here." She smiled sweetly at Matt, and Kurt narrowed his eyes at her. Brittany shot him a look. "Wasn't I just saying how I was waiting for Matt to come, Kurt?"

"I must have missed that part," Kurt mumbled, earning a sharp look from Brittany.

"Where is your other roommate and her friends?" Matt asked, looking through the crowd of the bar.

"Don't know, don't care," Brittany said quickly. She then grabbed Matt by the arm and led him toward the bar. "How about we get some drinks?"

"Yeah sure," Matt said with a laugh.

Kurt just rolled his eyes, following behind them. "This should be interesting…"

/

By 4pm, when the group was stumbling into their apartment elevator, everyone was extremely drunk. Rachel was practically on top of Finn. Kurt and Jason were hysterically laughing and making out somewhat inappropriately. Meanwhile, Matt had his arm around Brittany's waist and was nuzzling his face into her neck. The stubble on his face was scratching her cheek and making her giggle, but also made her pull away. However, the alcohol in her system and the deep need to try and bury her feelings about Santana were helping her to lose herself in the moment for the time being.

They spent the afternoon drinking at the same bar they started in. With Brittany's phone broken, she couldn't hear from Santana, and it didn't really bother her that much. She let loose, drank with her friends, and danced with Matt. Everyone seemed to have a good time. Rachel flung herself at Finn, and Jason and Kurt spent most of the day making out and whispering sweet nothings to each other. They all decided to head back to their apartment after the bar got more crowded and realizing they all were a little too drunk.

All thoughts of Santana and their argument vanished from her mind: right up until they walked into the apartment. They were greeted with the sight of Santana's friends on the couch and the floor of their living room.

Brittany immediately spotted Santana in the corner of the couch, her head leaning against her hand on the arm of the couch. She looked tired, and distracted. At the sound of the commotion at the door, Santana's eyes found Brittany's right away and she was jumping up from her seat. The second Santana's focus landed on Matt, who was right behind Brittany, she paused and narrowed her eyes at Brittany. "Where have you been?" Santana asked quickly, slight annoyance evident in her voice.

"We were at the bar still, the one you guys left," Brittany stated plainly.

"That was hours ago. I've been calling and texting you for hours," Santana replied, the others in the room looking between them awkwardly.

"Britt's phone broke," Matt explained.

"Convenient," Santana rolled her eyes, the tension in the room rising. "You must be...Mark?"

"Matt," Brittany interrupted, narrowing her eyes at Santana.

"What's everyone watching?" Rachel asked loudly, causing Santana's friends to cringe from their spots on the couch and the floor.

"Quieter," Quinn groaned. "We are all experiencing a hangover." Quinn put her head back under a pillow. Rachel, Finn, Kurt and Jason found spots for themselves on the floor and caught up with the others about their day.

"What happened to those guys you were with?" Jason asked, Brittany eyeing Santana curious for her reaction.

"They were lame, we left them at the bar," Santana replied quickly.

"Plus it didn't help that Kitty threw up all over one of them," Anne laughed, nodding in the direction of Kitty who was curled up in a ball under a blanket.

Brittany and Santana were still staring each other down. "Britt can I talk to you real quick?" Santana asked, finally breaking some of the tension. Matt had his arms wrapped around Brittany's waist and he tried to lean down to kiss her on the cheek, but she broke out his grasp before he could.

"Be right back," Brittany said quietly to him, patting his arm apologetically.

Santana led them into the kitchen and the second they were out of eyesight of everyone else, she turned around and looked Brittany up and down crossing her arms. "Why did he come back with you?"

Brittany sighed, "We were all hanging out. Finn was coming back with Rachel. Why wouldn't he come back?"

"He's probably going to want to sleep with you," Santana stated shortly.

Brittany rolled her eyes, "Why do you care?" Brittany leaned against the counter, crossing her own arms.

There was a long pause as Santana tried to find the right words. "I texted you a lot," she started pulling out her phone. "I was worried you were mad at me when you didn't respond." She showed her phone to Brittany with about 20 text messages and 10 calls all to Brittany. Brittany smiled at the sight and handed Santana back her phone. "I care, you know."

"Yeah," Brittany sighed. "I know."

Santane took a step closer to Brittany and touched her arm. "I'm really sorry about earlier. I didn't mean to ditch you."

"It's okay," Brittany shrugged. "I'm sorry I was in a weird mood. I just woke up in a weird mood. And the day drinking clearly didn't help," she laughed a little bit at the last part.

"Clearly," Santana laughed back, offering Brittany a soft smile. "I missed you," she whispered and took another step closer to Brittany.

"I missed you too," Brittany said, reaching out to touch Santana's arm.

"Missed me even though you had a stupid boy with you?" Santana replied shyly, looking down at her feet.

"You had boys with you too," Brittany noted, but Santana just shook her head.

"Nothing happened with them," Santana said quickly and looked back up at Brittany. The look in Santana's eyes made Brittany's breath hitch and she found herself moving another step closer to Santana, but before she could make any other moves she was interrupted by Matt walking into the kitchen and Santana taking a large step back.

"There you are," Matt said sweetly. "Everything okay in here?" he asked looking between the two.

"Yeah, we were just catching up," Brittany replied quickly.

"Well Finn is a little too drunk and Rachel dozed off on top of Kurt, so I think I'm going to try to get him home," Matt explained.

"Oh okay," Brittany nodded, feeling Santana's eyes on her. "I'd offer you guys to crash here, but the place is already a little full," she said sympathetically.

"It's fine. I'll get him in a cab," Matt then glanced at Santana and cleared his throat. "It was nice meeting you by the way," he nodded his head and Santana just nodded back.

"Same."

"Well," he drawled out slowly back to Brittany. "I had a really good time today." Brittany nodded, and watched as he leaned down to kiss her, and at the last minute she offered her cheek to him.

"Me too," she said nervously. "Thanks for meeting me." He gave her a quick peck on the cheek, and when he stood back up Brittany could see the hint of hurt in his eyes.

"Well, have a nice night," he said awkwardly and gave a small wave back to Santana.

Brittany watched as he helped Finn up off the floor and the pair headed out of the apartment, Rachel barely noticing when Finn kissed her goodbye. When she turned around to see Santana she was met with a triumphant smirk in her direction. "Thank god he left," Santana laughed.

"Shut up," Brittany laughed.

Santana took two steps toward Brittany, closing the space between them. "What? I don't like him," she shrugged.

"You don't know him."

"Don't need to," Santana whispered, and brought her arm up to the back of Brittany's neck. Brittany felt herself getting pulled down closer to Santana's lips. "Come with me," Santana whispered before their lips could connect and started to pull Brittany out of the kitchen and toward the stairs.

They snuck past the group of their friends watching TV and napping.

Hands were entwined with hers, pulling her up the stairs. A huge smile was spread across Brittany's lips as she was frantically being pulled. Once at the top of the staircase she was turned around and pushed into the hallway wall, Santana's lips instantly connected to hers. Hands were on her waist pulling her further into Santana's body. Brittany wrapped her arms around the other girl's neck, never breaking contact.

"Mmm" Brittany managed to get out in between kisses. A tongue pushed against her lips and she immediately granted access. She is backed up down the hall and pushed into her bedroom, Santana not even bothering to close the door behind them.

"Your friends are right downstairs," Brittany managed to get out as she was seated at the edge of her bed. A smile was still plastered on her face despite the nervousness of potentially being caught running through her body.

"So?" Santana stated, now in Brittany's lap, straddling her, and their lips are back on each other's hands roaming each other's bodies. As the kiss continued, Brittany wondered if she would ever stop smiling like this.  
She never wanted this feeling to change. She never wanted this moment to end.

They kept kissing like this, Santana occasionally grinding her hips into Brittany, getting a moan out of the blonde. Just as Santana started to push Brittany's back down to the mattress a loud call from downstairs interrupted them, "Santana! We're ordering pizza!" Quinn's voice echoed in Brittany's room, and Santana quickly detached herself from Brittany.

"I'm coming!" Santana called back frustratedly. "To be continued," she winked at Brittany and climbed off of the blonde and headed to the door. "You coming with?"

"Yeah, I'll be down in a few," Brittany smiled back, still trying to catch her own breath. Santana smiled and headed out. Brittany lay back down on her and put her hand to her head, feeling like the room was spinning. She took a deep breath in, still feeling Santana's lips and hands all over her own.  
She sat back up and leaned on her hands, still breathing heavily. Out of habit she took her phone out of her pocket to look at the time, but remembered it was still broken: the screen shattered to pieces. She sighed heavily, and then leaned over to her nightstand to grab her laptop, looking for a quick distraction.

She absentmindedly pulled up her email: _junk, junk, advertisements, chain emails from her mother, AmeriCorps decision, junk_... _wait._

She read the subject carefully: Placement Decision Letter. She looked at the time it was sent: _late last night_. She remembered being tired and going to bed early. And she remembered that she didn't even check her email at all today. She took a deep breath in and clicked on her email, not really knowing what she was hoping for, her breath lodged in her throat as she read the first few sentences.

_We are thrilled…_

\

Brittany felt a little like a zombie as she walked down the steps from her bedroom. On one hand, she was so excited and pretty proud of herself. On the other hand, despite wanting it, she really never thought she would get it. She had even come to terms with the fact that she didn't get it just yesterday.

"Britt, you want pineapple on your pizza?" Kurt called from the couch as she hit the last step, still in a bit of a daze.

"What?" She asked, looking up confused.

"You okay B?" Santana asked, looking up from the menu she was looking at with Kurt worriedly.

"Uh, yeah," Brittany said slowly. "I checked my email."

"And?" Kurt asked confusedly.

Brittany looked around the room, suddenly realizing all of Santana's friends were staring at her like she was lunatic. "AmeriCorps finally emailed me," she explained, a bit of recognition flashing through Kurt and Santana's face. "I- uh...I got it," she stuttered, still in shock. "I got the job."

Before she could register anything else Kurt and Santana were jumping up to hug her. "That's amazing Britt!" Santana said, pulling her in close. "I knew you could do it!"

"What does this mean? When do you start? What even is this job?" Kurt rushed out.

Brittany took a step back from the two of them, smiling, but still a little shocked. "It means I will be moving in a few months…" she said slowly, watching the realization dawn on Santana.

"Moving? Moving where?" Kurt asked, but Brittany's eyes never really left Santana's face.

Brittany took a deep breath in, not really believing the words as they were coming out of her own mouth: "Moving across the country. To Washington. In August."

_And just like that everything changed._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song: St. Patrick by PVRIS. For Naya and the real life Santana to my Brittany...
> 
> Sorry for the delay on this, review if you feel up to it! Thanks to all who have kept reading and supporting.


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